Jeez, I was a c*nt...
 

So, I just tried to find The Glass Asylum to skulk about and see how THEY were doing, but I couldn't find it.

Typing 'The Glass Asylum, Sydney, Forums' into google, though, does bring up an old topic which I star in.

And f*cking Hell, I am a grade A douche.

It also got me thinking - what aspects of you have changed over the course of the years? Are there things you like about yourself? Dislike? Have you developed vile traits? Or are you quite content?

...that last part was totally me trying to justify a thread about myself by engaging you all, by the way.

Also, I apologise.

Over the past year I've slowly grown out of procrastinating and grown into straight up refusing to do things that I know I have no interest or intention too complete. I think it's a good thing.

This isn't strictly on-topic, but I'd love to hear your reaction on reading your old 'Jacob goes to college' threads. :p

I'm not a homophobe any more nor am I religious nor am I racist. I don't care for conventional society and compared to the angsty gobshite I was in 2008-2010, I'm far, far better off for it. I'm also no longer cripplingly socially awkward, I have lots of friends and I like meeting new people. I'd say those are some improvements I'm happy with.

things to improve upon...maybe work on my constant disenfranchisement with my fellow man and woman.

I don't think that word means what you think it means.

Wow...I mean disenchanted.

It's been a lonnng few days.

If anything i'm getting worse. What was a little awkwardness is developing into genuine social anxiety.

I used to be quite socially awkward. I used to only properly talk to people I was friends with, struggled to make new friends or even start a conversation with people I didn't know. Since Sixth Form and University, I've become a lot better, I've made some lovely friends and can have conversations with strangers. All I need to do now is improve on my presentation skills.

I used to be socially awkward, now I'm a bona fide recluse.

I like to think I've matured a great deal.

I'd like to think I'm happier. I'm not. I'm fucking miserable, and probably should be on meds of some kind, but I'd still like to think it.

I haven't really changed at all really. Despite everything, I'm still really socially awkward around...well anyone. That's isn't my fault though, it's this fucking annoying stammer.

I still also put myself down a lot -not so much now, but I still do it.

Nate - I daren't look. I'm going to, but already I can feel the claw of 'cringe' clutching at the fabric of my very being.

Regarding social anxiety, I used to get that a by the bucketload. I used to hate wandering around town on my own or shopping or what not. What I found helped was just pretending to be on my phone...and talking to myself.

Like, FULL BLOWN conversations with myself.

Then I began wearing sunglasses, which I heard form a 'psychological barrier' and that helped a lot.

Sunshine - sunglasses.
Snow - sunglasses.
Pouring rain - umbrella and sunglasses.

Recently I've noticed I don't even wear them anymore. So, yeah, that's my advice for anyone with recluse-issues or social anxiety.

I've matured a lot in my opinions and views. I've got more arrogant, but I'm also more incredibly self-aware now, so I can realise how stupid my arrogance is and laugh at it.

Another thing that helped is a friend telling me that the most embarrassing moments in my life, will always make the best stories. And that cut away any socially awkward feelings I had left.

'cos it's true.

If you can look back, laugh at yourself and the situations you've got in, awkward moments become new stories to tell people.

I think I'm going to snoop about and try and find those college threads now.

Ugh.

EDIT - yeah, I tried to read it. Take it all in. I could barely manage skimming it. I feel violated.

The irony (is it irony?) is I cannot abide people like that now. Anybody who reminds me of my old self I instantly take a disdain to. The heights of self-loathing.

I seem to have only become more incompetent and broken as time has advanced.

You mean like cheese?

I don't think I could bind any concrete distinctions between Me then and Me now since Me now and Me later will be so different it won't matter anyway.

^This.

Besides, most of you are worse than before.

What was social awkwardness has turned into social anxiety (although it's getting better). I see this as a good thing, it means I won't interact with the cunts of society, which seems to be the majority. It also means I will be inside more often, which means better music.
I'd rather have mental problems than not be ableton* make heavy-ass creamy bass.

*Did you see what I did there?

So you'll have no connections, and so no experience, and when it's time to leave school, your skills will be too limited to do much else than bang out some daft music using some primitive midi stuff because you can't afford any better recording equipment, since you have no job.

Daft?

I'll get a job. I'll have qualifications when I leave school.

People have qualifications when they get out of university and still don't get jobs. There's no way around it, you have to be more active and broaden your horizons by getting to know and regularly communicating with others, as things currently are, especially since employment is still decreasing.

You still need to be able to function in society to get a job.

E: Oddjob's a speedy old man.

Yeah, in my experience whether a potential employer likes you or not always trumps having a fuckload of qualifications.

...also, since when were we allowed to swear?!

Is that a joke? I was under the impression that this was the sleaziest, most profane dive on the web.

Also worth noting is that it's almost impossible to create music if you withdraw from people. Music is an extension of the things that happen to you. You need personal experiences in live to be a good composer.

Good thing you only want to write dubstep hurr.

Your view will change in a few years. It doesn't matter if you have awesome qualifications, a lot of what you do in life comes down to the people you interact with. Sometimes you have to deal with horrible people to get what you want.

Hobo told me off for having cunt in my signature once way back in early 2008, but he was swearing like a sailor at the time so at least since I joined.

Can anyone older give a better estimate?

I know we were talking about fleech tongue fellatio in 2008...so the Forum was in the gutter by that point at least. But I guess that's not really further back...

I can't give a precise timeline, plus I'm pretty sure Peter changed the forum settings without telling anyone. All I know is that everyone was getting around the filter by typing fuck, so it wasn't really worth keeping it.



As for the topic, the first time I read this I thought to myself 'I haven't changed much since I first joined the forums'. But then, I was 20 at the time. If I look further back... I avoid talking about things I did in my teenage years. So much awkwardness. So little mental filtering. So many embarrassing stories. There's a reason why I never had a 21st party!

I'm sure those amazing people skills of yours will put you leagues ahead of all the other qualified applicants.

I cycle through "versions" of myself so frequently that I couldn't identify one point in time where I was worse than I am now. Let's face it, I couldn't possibly get worse than I am now. Or maybe I can? Only tomorrow will tell.

I'm less reactionary. At least, I handle my reactions a little better now. And I don't vocalise my paranoia instantly.

I'm not getting forums shut down anymore so I think I've gotten better.