An Odd Poem
Thought that since im new here ill contribute with something so i wrote this :P i hope you like it :)
Have you heard about the blue one, Who walks like moving death If you ever see him near, I'd savor your last breath. He dances with the shadows, And follows quick and smart If you think that hes near by, Shout WAIT! after the fart. Then always remember to act quickly, Be the one to fire Because if you miss his fast reflexes, The consequence will be dire. He has this way to brainwash you, To take over your mind So you better hope that once hes gone, He wont be hard to find. We've placed machines so don't you worry about his evil chant Well make sure that you stay safe, Possess you not, He cant. Unless he uses bombs in which, He surely wont go wrong. Because in that that case, He wins. Your mind is surely gone. And if that happens he will laugh, Surely far and wide The problem is what happens next, You die from the inside. Imagine all your guts and bones scattered across the walls The disgusting sounds of rupture farms, echoing down the halls. He braves the Slogs, The Scrabs, The Sligs, The mighty Paramite His face is stitched and his arms are thin but he still packs quite a fright. I hope you listen loud and clear and heed my warnings so, Anywhere the green ones are, The blue ones sure to go So to all the Sligs that work right here, Inside rupture farms All that i want you to do is not let down your arms. Be cautious of the one they call the stealthy blue flash Because his goal is going to be for rupture farms to crash. He quakes the grounds of rupture farms they tremble in his fear All i hope for all you Sligs, Is the end for you's not near. -A poem wrote by the Slig in command before the destruction of rupture farms |
Interesting enough, I haven't seen much poetry here lately (then again, I've been a bit unattentive of the threads these past few weeks). If you wrote this on a whim, solely to celebrate your joining, it's not bad at all, although I couldn't help looking at it with a critical eye.
Unless the missing punctuation and lack of capital letters ("rupture farms", etc.) is supposed to be an intentional stylistic move to reflect the writing capability, or the lack thereof, of the speaker Slig, I would have went over the whole poem once more to correct them. I didn't get some of the imagery, and the phrasing/colloquialisms seem to be off here and there, that's something you could look out for in the future (e.g. "listen loud and clear"). Nonetheless, well done, I had my attempts at writing poetry, and I know how hard can it be to get the lines, the rhyming and the imagery just right. And welcome to the Forums. |
I liked it. Though I do most sincerely doubt a slig would write such a thing.
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Thank you, this was just a quick project for a little add on with me coming into the forums really, The punctuation was quite bad as i was rushing through it because i forgot i have an exam on tomorow so ill fix the punctuation right away :P
also i thought that if i wrote something with my arrival something at least slightly creative, it would show that i'm not just going to be one of those keyboard mashing trolls on the forum. But thank you for the feedback :) |
Hey this poem is great! :D
I agree with Oddey that it's quite unusual for a Slig to write poems ...but maybe this Slig is a bit different ...after all it's the Slig in Command! :p also welcome to OWF Fluff [: :) |
Thanks for the feedback guys (: if i have time (because i have exams) ill write something really creative :P
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Hey! Welcome to the forums dude! Good work with the poem, it was fun to read :D
I'm studying poetry in school now so that was really interesting. Well done and keep it up! |
Not bad, though I noticed you put two "thats" somewhere in the poem. :L
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