Hey guys, I have something to say to you all who remember me.
Hello,
It's been years since I've been active on here, but that's not without reason. I've been wanting to talk about these reasons for a while, and I made a vow that I wouldn't start posting here again until I brought everything out into the sun, so to speak. Returning without doing so would make things just as uncomfortable as they were for me when I left. So I procrastinated, knowing that I have to write out a massive apology…and procrastinated…and procrastinated…things got in my way: lack of courage, lack of time, pure shame, etc. etc. But I wanted to come back this whole time. I'd think about this forum, about you guys, occasionally, and more and more I understood that I can't come back before doing a whole lot of explaining. So here goes. I'll start with the most important and glaring thing: I'm 18. I'm not 21. I was born on the 31st of August, 1993. This whole time I was pretending to be 3 years older than I really was. One of the reasons that I eventually stopped posting is because I was tired of lying and too ashamed to tell the truth. I came to this forum when I was 12, and, thinking that no one would take me seriously, said I was 15 instead; I didn't think that I'd eventually come to think of you guys as more than user accounts, and start talking to you one on one, and end up having to fudge details of my personal life to support the illusion that I'm older. For some of you this contains various unpleasant implications, and I can't describe how sorry I am to put you in this situation. I wish that I had something else to say in my defense, but that's about it: I was a coward, and, what's more, an attention whore. That's another thing I wanted to apologise for. I'm sickened even thinking back to how I acted and the things I posted at certain points. I was a budding human being who received a massive ego boost from being fawned over, but I'm older now, and I understand that some of the things I posted were entirely out of line. It's not that I hate compliments now - I just realise that there is a time and a place for them, not to mention that I have a long-term significant other that reliably dispenses them; this is a place where people come to talk about the amazing series that brought them together, and anything else should be kept in the bounds of civility. I'm deeply ashamed of how I acted at certain points here, and I intend to make up for it by being a constructive and wholesome member from here on out. Another thing, something more minor that I feel the need to clear up - Agatha Michaels isn't my real name, but was my internet alias for a long time. My own name is fairly rare and I was unwilling to reveal it online. Nonetheless I recall being asked at some points, point-blank, if Agatha is my real name, and I said yes --- I don't know why, I guess for the same reason that I didn't confess that I was lying about my age. I wanted to create the impression, rather hypocritically, that I was an honest person, and in some ways I did - everything else I said about myself that wasn't related to my name and age was true: I did indeed live in Carlsbad, California, and I was born in Russia, among other things, and those were my real photos, and so on, and so forth. But those two lies ate away at me until it pained me to support them any longer, and eventually I faded off the forum, with the full intention to come back later and confess. Well, now that I have that weight off my chest, I guess I can tell you in more detail about who I really am and what I've been doing these past 3 years or so. My real first name is Aleksandrina, but I usually go by Anissa. I left Carlsbad last year to go to college in Laguna Beach. Without my sentences degenerating into fangirl slosh let me say that I probably wouldn't be where I am now if it weren't for Oddworld. Those games opened my eyes to what a powerful medium video games were, and how profoundly they can affect someone's life if done right and sincerely. For that reason I went to LCAD - Laguna College of Art and Design - to major in game art, so that I can be a part of this growing and powerful industry, and so that one day I can help create games like Oddworld, games that inspire people and make them laugh and make them think. While there, I found that my actual strengths lay not in concept drawing and painting, but in 3D character and creature modelling, so that's where I am right now - and maybe someday I'll even become an art director. I've been incredibly lucky to be surrounded by the people at my school: I'm only a second semester freshman, and I've had professors who work at Blizzard, Turtle Rock, and Obsidian, to name a few. I'm very excited about entering this industry (I hope to work at Bethesda) and being a part of the process that I've only admired from afar. Speaking of which, guess who else I met? http://i41.tinypic.com/17g1o7.jpg http://i42.tinypic.com/30d9we0.jpg To date, Farzad has done a couple talks at my school, and I've had the honour of meeting him briefly on breaks. He was probably confused why I was treating him like some kind of celebrity, and why upon his entrance to the room my friend (whom I've shared Oddworld with for years) and I started hyperventilating, but that just brings home a good point: Artists may not be famous in the same way as actors --- no tabloids, paparazzi, constant news coverage, hordes of fans (and thank God for that) --- but they're incredibly important, often behind the scenes, to people in ways that matter: by inspiring them, giving them the gift of existing for a time in the worlds they create, and encouraging them to create worlds of their own. Anyway, sorry for rambling. Moving on : P So, what else? I live in an apartment in Laguna Beach with roommates and my pet frog. In my spare time I enjoy watching nature and history documentaries, stupid videos, doodling in Zbrush, writing, and yes, playing the occasional video game. I listen to Rotting Christ, Korpiklaani, Rhapsody of Fire, Belphegor, Terasbetoni, Finntroll to name a few. I'm not gonna lie, it feels a little weird introducing myself to you all over again, but I feel like I owe you the whole truth this time. I feel good about letting it all out, even though I fully expect ostracism about having lied in the past. All I have to say for myself is that I was an idiot and I'm sorry. Despite all my embarrassment, I'm excited to come back (though I'm probably going to spend most of my time lurking due to being very busy). And those of you who don't know me, on the off chance that you read this far for some reason, I'm looking forward to meeting you. Oddworld is very much a part of my life, and a part of my past. It's nice being in my element again. I'm anxious to read your replies! |
good to see you back, i actually do remember you. you don't need to judge yourself so harshly for telling those kinds of lies, because i think most of us have done that at some point in our online lives. i know i have. i lied about my age numerous times when i first started using chat rooms and the like, it's nothing to be ashamed of. it's a fact that some people won't take youngsters seriously, and in order to get your point across you need to slip in a white lie about your age. like i said, most people have done it.
as for the fake name, fair enough. you didn't want people to know your real name which is totally understandable. and being ashamed of your previous posts? fuck, i think everyone feels that way about their previous posts at some point, usually after they've been here for a long time. i fucking do, that's for sure. i even had a silly outburst very recently and feel stupid about that, it's just one of those things. no one goes through life without ever feeling stupid, embarrassed or just plain ashamed about something they did, said or implied. that's life. anyway, good to see you back on the forums. things have changed and some of us have gotten a little more grouchy, myself included, but as long as you don't take everything we say too seriously and have a good sense of humour, i can't see you going far wrong. it's nice to see veterans returning. |
It seems to be the same with anyone I think, I slip up everytime when posting and people think it's intentional, I try changing at least ONE pattern in how I post to make that certain formula and BAM the wrong mixture is created and then forms a gel that gets stuck in my head and pisses me off because it's so dry.
I know I hardly know how to post, I hate lurking because I don't ACTUALLY learn ANYTHING unless I experiment with actual posting and then try the next day, it's a bad way to go about it but it's better than lurking and is worth it in the end, I'm starting to get my rep up which is nice.... For now. I just wish I can be apart of this community of what it is and not me being another drop kicked banned user who clawed his way out after being shat on for being an asshole and getting worked up when I should have been more calm and thought about what I will post. In the end: I'm sorry if you hate me. I know that has nothing to do with what you are saying but it relates to it. Welcome back and please have a nice stay here, I'm a new person and I am not proud of it and I hate being that new person who gets treated like I treat the In Real Life morons of this society of today. I judge myself this way and so does almost everyone on this forum, I can't live with it but tough shit. |
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Not revealing your personal info on the 'net at a young age is perfectly understandable anyway. Now that you've told the truth, that's all that matters. It's taken a lot of courage to come back and say what you've said and I'm positive everyone on here will forgive you. Welcome back :) |
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Welcome back. The material necessary to augment this post resides in one or two of the above messages.
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I do remember your username. Welcome back to the forums!
Also, what is your frogs name? |
Hello!
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I remember you. Welcome back!
And don't be hard on yourself; nearly everyone lies about stuff like that on the Internet. At least you don't seem like an idiot. |
Aww ^^ Don't feel bad Skillya... It's in the past. And I suppose its understandable :) Ive never lied on on this forum, but I lied plenty of other places. it happens :p ..
And I'm super happy everyone is choosing to be so supportive. I hope you'll come back and post with us, Skillya :) I have to admit you crossed my mind more than once wondering "Where did she disappear to". You were a nice member. Hope to see you around! |
I'm unsure if I was around when you were active but I've definitely seen you before.
Anyway, It's awesome to see you again. Welcome back! :D |
Please, three years? I joined at 13 and entered my age as 18. I didn't want to lie to people directly so I just avoided referring to anything too age-specific. Just like you, I didn't want to be judged by my age before I'd had a chance to prove myself. When the truth finally came out when I was 16, the average estimate seemed to be 19.
So yeah, I wouldn't be surprised if you were similar. If you acted sufficently smart, you might have earned those three years in the eyes of your peers. As for the name thing, I still use a fake surname for everything apart from Facebook. Like you, my real one is extremely rare. It's just good net practice, nobody cares. Also, I think my parents Google me on occasion to see what I'm doing. Glad to hear you're achieving your ambitions. Welcome back. |
I remember you, but I think I was still fairly new when you mostly stopped posting.
I joined here when I was 12 and contemplated lying about my age, but I decided that I probably couldn't pass for any older. On the chance that I could I would have rather been seen as a smart young kid than an average teenager. Welcome back! EDIT: A profile check reveals that you were still posting early 2010, so apparently I don't remember you too well. |
i remember her when i first joined. old school, man. old school.
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I remember all of you.... it's like you're all my little people. Or newly achieved kittens and puppies :) I just want to hug you all.
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I remember you, Skillya, but honestly, I can't remember which sections of OWF you frequented. Welcome back nonetheless. |
Welcome back, can't say I remember you or your posts, but it's always good to get an oldster back amongst us. Also, don't feel upset about your old posts, it is just a forum after all.
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Hey, I remember you!
We kind of dropped off contact on MSN a couple of years ago (Or maybe a little more?) but for what it's worth I don't blame you in the slightest for lying about your name and age. Here's hoping you become a damn good poster and frequent us here at OT once in a while. |
You see this, STM? Do you see this?
Not a big deal. Most people do this at some point. |
What do I see?
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He's inferring that you're younger than you claim to be.
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I'm older than Cammy!
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Huzzah, the summoning ritual worked!
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Officially less entertaining than the Rite of AshkEnte.
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Fuuuuuuuuuuuuck.
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We can run, OANST, there's still time!
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Strike Cunt can obviously summon it wherever we go.
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I can see it... An infinite army of Cammys claw their way from the blasted earth...
It's both wonderous and terrifying. But mostly just annoying. |