Oddworld Short Stories II
Last year, I made a short stories thread that received a ton of positive feedback, so I figured I'd try again.
Necrum A dank smell slowly made it's way towards the mudokons nose. He stood stock still, faced by a creature he had never seen in all his life. It was green and pale, with a long tongue. It was quite long and appeared to have two heads. "Hello, look, I escaped, bet you never saw anything like me before? Yeh, I'm an industrialist, found this place just now, looks cool doesn't it. I think it's a temple, never heard of this place though and I can't read the information stones because they aren't written in industrialist type, you want a snack boy?" The fleech lashed it's tongue onto a branch and pulled itself up onto the ledge with the mudokon. "Hey little guy, come here then," - Short story, hopefully shows how industrialist mudokons have no idea about their ancient ties, I'll leave it up to you whether the mudokon dies or makes a new friend. |
new friend! im not really good at writing though so ill leave it up to you.
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Dies.
I get what you were doing with the story, cool idea. My one thing is you said "quite long" which doesn't really describe a fleech in my opinion, you had me confused for a second :p. |
Oh sorry, yeh my bad,
ok this is one of my best works but it's a rewrite of a previous story from Short Stories I, got a lot of good feedback last time, just until I write a new one. Lazy Day- Cark looked down focusing on the reflection of his face cast in the puddle, he touched his mouth with his gentle fingers, his mouth had been completely stitched shut, one of the few successes, he was just happy that he didn’t have his eyes stitched to, he was forgotten and no one remembered him that’s how it had been for as long as he remembered, no one used his walkway anymore anyway, not even the passing fleech, how he wished for one to come and put him out of his misery, every time he worked up the courage to move to another path he simply looked at a suppression orb and it fizzed out of him, in the half light that he had so accustomed his eyes to, he saw a figure stalk towards him, he looked eagerly at it and raised his arm to a wave dropping the soulstorm bottle that had failed to lift him. The creature had red eyes or eye from what it looked like and it glowed, it did not raise its arm back and Cark’s smile faded away like his dreams, the slig pushed its body into the dim light cast by a broken lamp, it turned from Cark and swayed his head before slipping his baton from its holster, Cark still did not no what was going to happen, he was happy for the strange creatures company, Cark tried to speak before remembering his curse of lost speech, what he did do was make a strange muffled hum, he advanced towards the slig who by now had his baton ready, he walked forward and smashed a blow across Cark’s face knocking him to the floor a sensation ripped through his body much like when he stubbed his bare toes only it was stronger, Cark winced and gripped his face, a red stream slowly trickled over his hands, he stumbled to his feet and tried to run but the slig caught him over the legs and sent him reeling, Cark landed hard and stretched his arm towards the slig, looking for sympathy, he saw no remorse, the slig yanked his arm up and continued the beating, eventually Cark grew tired and his body lazed itself of life, he dropped to the floor, the stitches had been beaten from his lips and now he finally spoke, “friend”? He asked feebly. |
thats horrible... but good. poor clark
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Both of these have been sad and almost unresolved...but interesting. We could always use more fanfiction.
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There's nothing to carry on, in story two, the mudokon dies but if you like I can do a sligs view point
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yeah ok.
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Ok I got nothin' else to do, and I don't want to do the sligs point of view so here goes something new... (OMG TRIPLE RHYME 9000!!!!!)
Fuzzle Goes splat underfoot, S P L A T ! (enjoy? Sorry I suddenly found something ot do) |
haha! good rhyme.
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Bird Portal
It drove him insane, Abe had left him behind, In the gloom and the dark and the infested, Platforms, the walls that screamed out bitterness, And he cried. Cried because the birds returned to his spot, And he knew what they where, And what they could do for him, They could save him of course, He had once even tried chanting, Of course it didn't work, It was so futile, Even trying made him feel like an idiot, So one day, he wandered over to the portal, At the edge of the ledge, And ran back, "You have to open now!" And he ran, sprinted, scrambled, And jumped. The birds did not sparkle or growl of hum, They dispersed, terrified by the green creature, And the mudokon fell four hundred floors, And landed with a splat and a thud, And in the dark, A red visor moved up and down, BS, BS, SMO'BS! |
orrr, very sad, like all of your stories, but fantastic! i love your style of bad ending as well! keep it up!
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Embodied Death
Note on canon and reference: This story uses the unconfirmed canon of the First Ten Years book, one of the cut (sub-)species in the game where mudombies, zombies that got up and began walking around due to spiritual unrest, for the purposes of this story, the zombies are mindless and dangerous therefore, it is expected that both sligs and tribals would put them down. Chapter One: The Anarchy Begins Claus and his crack team of sligs entered the coffin like walls of Necrum, a vile and desperate land, parched for water and covered in shadows. The Mudokons erected tombs here by the hundred load but the Glukkons, their oh so intelligent taskmasters had the fantastic idea that mudokon bones tasted fantastic in a new drink, Soul Storm Brew. "Why they needed a crack team to investigate bloody tombs I don't know!" Spoke Golem, a senior slig with eight years service on the trans-scrabanian frontier. "Exactly, the new Soulstorm factory has plenty of bomb jockies that could just fly over the place," moaned Gunther, a young slig who proved his worth in the assault of Mannon Reach. "Well, we're getting paid a lot to get this done so let's get in, find a spot, clear the tribals and fuck off before we get done over by a pack of horny scrabs!" Shouted Boomer, a big bro heavy weapons specialist. "Language," said Standliech, no one was sure about Standliech but apparently he was an expert sniper who single handily held off an uprising in Rupture Farms four years ago. "Everyone shut up, let's just get in!" Spoke Claus. The troops moved in, each one looking about like children, craning there necks to try and look at the intricate detail of the arches they passed through. "Sligs, always have to look forward, it's what makes them such a fantastic military force" - Unknown military advisor, Oddworld. |
wow, very good! when will there be a chapter 2?
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soon
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sound
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Chapter Two: The Janitors
*Note, you may realise now that this is set in Mudomo/ Mudanchee before Abe's existence. Rock looked up at the slits of sunlight that eroded away at the dry leaves and focused it's heated beams upon the barren dirt below, Odd shined down upon him this evening, he hated having to retreat below to the tomb entrances, they where eery, quiet, dank and no one, not even the tom keepers themselves, quite understood how best to maintain the dead any more anyway. "Hurry up Rock, let's just get down there, clean up and scrab crap left lying about and scarper before we attract attention," Golem swung down from one of the tries and landed with a thud next to Rock. "All right, don't be so eager, Odd! Right, we have to check the trip wires, clean the tombs, make sure the wierdos are resting peacefully and then get back up to the rest of the tribe." "Do we need our sling shots?" Golem asked quietly. "If it makes you feel better, but won't do much good," He tucked his into his pocket and Golem did the same. They where about to enter when a small mudokon came tearing down the corridor, "Catch your breath Tiny," Rock said, "*gasp* I *gasp* it was my *gasssspppp* turn! Sorry *gasp*," He crouched over and looked up with his chibi yellow eyes. "Well, your here now, let's go!" |
very good! when are the zombies coming into it?
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for you to find out ;)
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i will still read your story, but bye
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Will the Zombies be in Chapter 3
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Your about to find out
Chapter 3: Darkness, Infra Red sensors and a failure of equipment Gunther looked inside, squinting through his visors, time for infra red - he thought. He hated switching, it made him feel nauseas and sometimes if they went out of focus, his goggles would make him see double. He flipped the switch but, the familiar bright red light didn't blind his eyes, nothing happened. "Guys, my IR is dud, I think the batteries are dead! How goes everyone else?" Claus and Golem tried theirs, both failed, "Fuck, I new we should have checked them before we left!" Golem shouted. "Shut it, this was supposed to be a day time mission anyway, if you had lubricated your pants, we would have got here by 1300 hours, not 1700!" Claus was agitated, he new he should have checked all equipment before they began but he couldn't have anyone questioning him, something told him, this wasn't going to be any old mission. The answer then, is no! XD |
Still amazingXD:D
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ok, guess I have to write chapter four naw!
Chapter 4: Where's his leg? Yeh and where's his arm? The mudokons trailed into the tomb and sealed the sanctum door, inside, the gentle fires licked the cold stone walls and allowed the room to fall into a dim glow. "All right, clear up the weirdos tombs, I'll go sweep the floors of these leaves," Rock spoke, Golem nodded and grabbed a brush resting against one of the walls. "It sucks that this is what we spend our time doing!" Chibi moaned, grabbing a crowbar to open the tombs up. The three set about dusting the chamber in silent acceptance. Carefully, and with the right accordance, each burial was successfully cleaned and treated. Until they reached the wierdos! "What the...guys, his legs gone!" "Whatchu' talking 'bout Golem?" Rock fixated his gaze on the coffin and gasped. "Were in trouble." "Why?" Asked Chibi quietly. "Because, if a mudokon is removed from its burial site without proper care, it returns to haunt the area as a mudombie, shuffling, monstrous zombie creatures that will kill all in it's path until it finds it's resting body. Odd help us!" |
u r style somehow reminds of Harlan Ellison.
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yeah u know the ending is sad in sarcastic way.
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why thank you, i was going ot leave this as I have done with all my previous fictions but in fact, I'll keep it up since it's still getting traffic, next chapter soon and then a non-related piece I've been thinking of.
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cool, cant wait!
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