The Godd Beneath The Cloak
 

here is my first oddworld story, i imagine it will be long, i might not even finish it! but i'll try my hardest!
Basicly, its what would of happened if a slight change occoured in rupture farms, and abe would'nt be around to save his race, if abe did'nt peep in on his boss, if he walked past that boardroom and changed the world!
by the way they wont be long chapters, there will just be a lot of them. enjoy!

ill start the prologue now

Prologue
Meet Abe, a happy mudokon floor waxer from rupture farms, and, a would-of-been hero. He thinks he's got a great job, free scraps of leftover food once a week, lots of skinny half dead friends who can't talk, and he's employee of the year, great right?

Well, one night Abe was admiring the scrab cakes and paramite pies, he heard his boss revealing this, "new "n" tasty" meat. He began to creep up to the room and listen, "No!" he thought. "I don't want to ruin the suprise!" and so he walked on...

Chapter One - Mudokon Pops!
A few days later, sligs started to knock out mudokons one by one, and kept bringing them to the process area. a cocky mudokon named alf didnt want to be a part of this and hid himself away for a few days.

the boss of this evil corporation and head of the magog cartle, Mullok, was watching happily the slaughter of countless mudokons.
His assistant slig aproached him, nervous of the news he was about to give him. "so have we got em?" growled Mullok.
"All but one boss, we just cant find him! his name is alf, we've sent all the troops out but nothing so far sir", replied the slig.
"Damn it! I always knew that if one got away it would be that bastard Alf! He would probably cause RuptureFarms' destruction if he was left unguarded! I want him found now!" demanded Mullok.

This story is epic win so far, moar please!!

cheers, thanks for the comments, im glad its being read! im working on more at the moment, im just planning the plot.

chapter two - necrum
Meanwhile, far, far away in a land thats been silent for centuries, glukkons and sligs were digging up bones, for this was Necrum, a place where long ago the mudokons brought their dead.
But now, the huge trees and orange-burnt ground had been ruined by the mines. Those profit-crazy Glukkons would do anything for moolah, and that meant making an addictive brew, for mudokons, made from mudokons! And there was no one to stop it.

Mudokons, hanging upside down with feet shackled to electric walls, tears pouring out of their brains.

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meanwhile, back at Rupture Farms, Alf was running, running so fast
that even on the security cameras he was a blur, but he would'nt stop running...

"Hey Crimmon, get over here!" demanded Mullok to his assistant slig.
"Yes sir!" the slig stumbled over to the towering glukkon.
"Why is'nt that damn mudokon found?!" screeched Mullok.
"Sorry sir, but he's a real problem, one of our guards spotted him trying to escape! we've sent troops 4, 6, and 12 out for him but so far nothing!", said the slig, afraid of the reply.
"Our sales are already going down again! Get it found now or it'll be on your head Crimmon!" shouted his master, Crimmon replied with a simple,"Yes sir".

The reason I'm enjoying reading this is that it's in refreashing bite size chunks...and although there isn't that much material, you're making up for it by making me speculate on what's going to happen next.

thanks for the comment!by the way, i dont have alot of spare time to do this story in, but i'll try and get a chapter in every day, sometimes maybe two.
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chapter three - Escapee!

Alf managed to find his way out of the stockyards, but at a price...
He had a severed foot due to being attacked by a slog, but after beating it over the head with a plank of wood, he managed to crawl away from the free-fire zone and survive a fall down a cliff...

"Sir, that Alf guy escaped, there was nothing we could do-"
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE WAS NOTHING YOU COULD DO?!" Crimmons speech was interrupted by his boss.
"Listen to me, I want you to lead some other troops and get him found, look in the cave at the bottom of the cliff and collect some more mudokons while your there, and if it means getting him found, GO TO SCRABANIA! i'll give you 3 weeks Crimmon, that is all, GO NOW!" when Mulloks speech finally finished, without saying anything, Crimmon collected 2 troops and journeyed to the Monsaic lines...

Alf had made it there too, and with the help of an expert medical mudokon, had his foot, well, shin, bandaged up in special leaves, leaves that were blessed by the mudokons and would grow his foot back in a matter of months.

A few days later, Alf had a wooden chair made for him with stone wheels on the bottom, allowing him to move around, by this time he had made some friends, and they were helping him build a hut.

while resting, Alf decided he'd eat the kloca bean he collected earlier, when he heard a sound...
"Whats that?" he asked to his friend Ekal.
"It sounds like an industrial machine, lets go check it out!" replied Ekal.
"No! Stay here it could be dangerous!"
But Ekal ignored his warning and stepped out of the hut, and in that instant something travelling incredibly fast hit him in the stomach, he flew back... dead. The sligs were approaching.

Nice, little bitesize pieces, I'll always encourage a writer, it's how I got to be how I am today, writing wise. Well done

thanks for the comment! i like having feedback!
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Chapter 4 - Meet Munch

Vykkers Labs - a sick science lab experimenting on creatures for profit, not really a surprise considering Vykkers are industrialists.
But profit is low, and now that the Vykkers have found the last Gabbit, profit should rise...

Meet Munch - the last Gabbit, tied to a bed and waiting to have his lungs pulled out, but next to him were cages, and in those cages, were depressed little beings named fuzzles. The Vykkers left and munch was alone with the fuzzles.

"Save us!"
munch turned round to see that there was no one else about, and the fuzzles were talking to him.
"Please save us!"
"huh?"
the fuzzles continued:
"Please save us and we'll save you!"
the fuzzle repeated.
"Save us and we'll save you!"
Munch looked confused.
"Use your head!"
Munch looked up to find a device implanted in his skull.
"Use your Head you idiot!"
Munch strained, and the device in his head buzzed with electricity, but he could not free the furry beings.
"Hurry up you wuss!"
Munch strained again, but it was no use.
"Hurry up!"
he tried again, but nothing happened.
"You can do it! You can do it!"
Munch tried harder than ever and an electric bolt charged into the cage and freed one of the fuzzles.
He strained again and another cage was open.
And another, then another, and then the last one was open, and the fuzzles were free. Then they returned the favour and freed Munch.

"We've got to get out of here!" just as Munch said that, a creature with a vertical mouth that was stitched shut entered the room, it was holding a fuzzlecage that wasn't empty and banging on the side of it. Munch and the othyer fuzzles hid against the wall. just as the creature noticed them, Munch shouted:
"Get 'im!"
The fuzzles launched themselves onto the creature and mauled it, Munch then freed the trapped fuzzle.
"lets go!" squeaked a fuzzle.
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by the way, i know this part is off Munch's oddysee, but believe me, the story will pan out in a totally different direction...

by the way, if your reading this, i'd really appreciate it if you comment and tell me how i could improve this story.

Chapter Five - The Godd Beneath The Cloak

Mullok sat there, waiting impaitiently, He was anxious to get started, but the train would'nt arrive at the facility for another 5 hours, and Veluant Trains wern't first class like Feeco Trains, but FeeCo trains did'nt go to the area Mullok was headed.

The train slowed down towards a huge factory, easily twice as big as RuptureFarms, but it was in the middle of nowhere, except for the giant objects that used to be trees, and got so polluted they turned into huge brown spikes.

Finally he had arrived, and now he could get down to buisness. He was escorted to Liggon - the boss of the huge factory that was Velaunt Werkz. His plan was to buy the factory, and if he did, not only would he own RuptureFarms and Velaunt Werkz, but he'd also be in charge of soulstorm brewery and the other necrum facilities (except of course slig barracks), beneath his stupid cheesy cloak, he'd be a god, worked his way to the top and wouldn't come back down, if this happened, Oddworld would die forever.

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Meanwhile, Alf had rolled away into a bush, and the sligs walked right past him, but they had seized the peaceful Mudokon villagers and taken them to rupturefarms, they were going to be mudokon pops, and alf had to stop this.

is anyone actually reading this? if i dont get a reply i might as well close it...

right closed it, no point in writing it if no ones reading it.