In my world you would be punished if...
 

You stare at me.

You use abbreviations such as "Lol" In real life.

You shove me.

You spit when you talk.

The list goes on and on.

So, basically a spin off of the old "What do you hate" thread. So what fucks you guys off the most?

Feminists who think that women are more equal than men. And fashion. I think people who are into fashion are some of the biggest fuckwits on the whole planet (although they seem to be of remarkable intelligence when compared with members of the Flat Earth Society).

You didn't thoroughly shave or wax your genitals.
You think Dane Cook is funny.
You aren't aware that horror movie you just saw is a remake of a much better one.
You think covering your car with non-removable pro-life stickers is a good idea.
You take pictures of yourself with your cellphone at a high angle while doing that pouty face.

I'll think of more later...

... If you get punished.

Your name is Mathew Bell
Your name is Mathew Bell
Your name is Mathew Bell
Your name is Mathew Bell
Your name is Mathew Bell

My brain exploded.

Finally!

In my world... oh fuck this everyone knows where this is heading.

If your name is Chris.

If you're a straight man or a lesbian.

Well today, it's a sudanese bloke from school. He created a Facebook group called "God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve (stop being gay it's wrong :-( )" and invited me to it. He then posted "Gay people are faggetsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss".

In my world he would get executed for this.

In my world he would be sentenced to Death By Uguu. Or until he found he liked it, whichever came first.

Got a problem, cunt?

See above.

-You text while driving/you text in the middle of a conversation. I once saw a big fat, bearded dude driving a tractor down a city road texting. That was surreal and retarded.
-You smoke in a car with other passengers present. I really dislike people who do this, to the point where I find it difficult to get along with them at all. I know how petty that is.
-You are a militant Christian/Athiest/Muslim.

But mostly militant athiests because they're insufferable smug faggots.

Goddamn, I wish you took a picture of that.

Your posts in general.

People who use this out of context will be slain.

people who use "literally" in all the wrong instances.

people who use "you're" in all the wrong instances. I WAS EVENTUALLY TAUGHT

people who moan about grammar/punctuation in all the wrong instances.

people who use the word "instances" a lot.

HYPOCRITES.

yes. secret grammar nazi.

I strongly dislike patronisation. Gets on my nerves a lot. And patriotism. Patriotism is fucking stupid.

...you use the phrase "uguu"
...get upset too easily.
...Type Like This.
...don't constantly refer to me as the Big Kahuna.

The punishment will be this...

People that say 'like' a lot.
Chavs.
Twats.

i'm a twat, you arse.

You cunt! You fucking cunt!

Yes, but you're the fun kind of twat.

I absolutely hate it when English people pronounce "Z" as "zee" (as petty as it sounds). It's fucking "zed" over here. We're not fucking American, so I don't know why we're trying to be.

Ugh, I hate that. That and how americans spell and pronounce 'Paedophile'.
Ped - Derived from the Greek word for "feet".
Paed - Derived from the Greek word for "child".
Phile - Derived from the Greek word for "lover"

Leave the foot fetish guys alone, they never did anything to you!

Zed is at the end of your abc's ? That's fucking nuts. I like it a little better, but it's nuts.

its weird. the whole thing rhymes, then on the last note you've got ZED, which fucks up the whole thing. i want it to rhyme. fuck sake.

What a coincidence, I hate grammatical prescriptivists.