Ridiculous.
 

come on, confess!

own up to the stupid things you have done in the past and explain them in excrutiating detail, so others can laugh at you. thats right, not with you, AT you. :fuzvamp:

you can also post amusing stories about other people you know.

i'll start you off;

when i was younger, i was on holiday in devon and ended up stuck in the middle of a tyre swing. god knows how.

i once went into the butchers and asked for some frogs legs for a relative while they pissed themselves laughing. i was young.

jesus i'm simple. i should remember some better ones later.

I had unsafe sex, terrifying chemists' waiting room is terrifying.

the waiting room always reminds me of the one in Beetlejuice.

I was carefully stepping around areas of bog when someone pointed out to me that I had wellies on. Not only did I fail to consider that they would keep my feet dry, it took me a while to realize what they were pointing out; at first I thought they were impressed. "Wil, you've got wellies!"

Oh yeah. I've got wellies. *smug*

Um.. I once crashed really hard into a pole(while walking), and started crying cos it hurt like hell. This girl I was walking with just kept staring and laughing at me, and I didn't know why, so I kept staring at her, making "what"-gestures... curse her!

I also went inside a wrong car once, returning from the bank. My sister, her Ex and I were going to my dads for some reason, but I was tired that day and of cours began getting inside this foreign car, and got extremely annoyed when I saw that some bags had been put in the backseat where I was sitting. I got annoyed cos I thought my sister and her Ex were completely inconsiderate and had moved some bags on my seat. So as stupid as I was, I of course sighed angrily and moved the bags away so I could sit down, when I heard an unfamiliar voice say: "Um.. Excuse me, don't you think you've got the wrong car?".
My heart sank that moment and all I could say was "Shit, Im sorry!". Then I slammed the door, and ran to the right car, where I found my sister and her ex laughing their ass off. Apparently they had tried everything to gain my attention but to no avail.... :-/ Then of course the whole story was told at my dads, where all his GF's family were gathered too. I think it was a confirmation actually.

Yea... Another time I did the terrible mistake of wearing a skirt, and not checking the back.. Meaning a lil part of it was tucked inside my panties, making me a bit exposed <.< This of course happened in my class, and they they didn't allow me to live it down for a while.


Oh well, that's all I can think of right now.

i was once walking through the 'wilds' of the Lake District with my school when i witnessed a classmate walk right through a bog, brag about how it was easy and we were all pansies, and take another step where he sank right up to his hip, honestly. ha, good times.

:lol: at least you didnt have tissue paper hanging out the back like i see so many elderly people do. poor sods.

Elevator pass.


'Nuff said.

On my very first date I tripped over myself in the cinema and spilt coke all over myself and the floor, then I proceeded to yell 'SHIT' at the building as a whole for five minutes to get it out my system, my girlfriend thought it hilarious.

When I was nine and going to a special school for the disabled I ignored my overly doting teachers warnings and rocked back and forward on my chair at lunchtime, this resulted in me rocking too far back, throwing my legs out to rebalance myself and having the chair catapult me forwards into the side of the table which then opened a nice cut in my forehead as I scraped down it. Permanant scars for the loss.

Once whilst I was in school I felt overly daring and decided to play my teachers off against eachother. I had a detention for two teachers and my excuse for missing it was I was at the other teachers' detention that day. They both found out (Of course) and I got a double detention from both.

I was on holiday in Devon once. And being about four i wanted to go into the play park, it had been raining so the monkey bars were wet and very slippery, i slipped whilst standing on them and got OWNED in the bollocks by the bar below me, before dropping limply onto the floor.

A person from my class walked stragiht into a pole, because she was looking at everything else.

I was mistaken for a girl once at school. Guess what happened when I walked into the bathroom. The teacher came over and said "This is the boy's bathroom." I was really confused. 'Till my friend said I was a boy. I had no idea who she was talking to. Seriously. This kind of thing has happened at least seven times.

First time I was making out with my girlfriend on a bus a couple of vapid blonde teenagers thought we were lesbians. I ignored.

Shaman reminded me of a time when i had a job at the first farm i ever worked at. one of my workmates had learning difficulties so we both cycled to work. anyway, he had been cycling for longer than i'd been alive and knew how to handle his bike, so while we were riding to the shop for dinner he jumped up a curb. sounds easy enough, and i thought i'd do it 'no problem'. i did it alright, but then smashed my bike into a brickwall and fell forwards off the seat where the bar of the bike met my bollocks harshly. my work mate couldnt stop laughing and to make it worse someone saw what i did and asked if i was alright. i replied 'Yes, but my balls hurt'. in a squeaky voice.

i also rode over a brick whilst not paying attention to the path and exactly the same thing happened. that was while i was working at the same place as well. someone up there didnt like me then.

About three years ago, after having a bit of a drink, I decided to try and stop a drill by grabbing it with my fingers. At the last minute, I realised what the problem with that idea was. I am glad that I am not that stupid when sober.

This reminded ME of something.

We used to live at a sort of farm. No animals other than two cats and dogs.

We had a LONG ASS driveway, and one day I was cycling on said driveway. I had the bright idea to shove both of my feet into the front wheel to see what could happen. I was going pretty fast, so naturally the bike flew forward and either flipped around all the way or fell over; I can't remember. I was fine, but it was damn scary.



Another time on said farm, a drill or some power tool wasn't working, so I went to the extension cord. Said extension cord was bound together by some gun-tape up around the middle. I took both sides of the cord beside the gun tape and shoved them together. Something blew up and my thumb was burned. At least I didn't die.


ALSO, the farm had a barn, and when we had relatives visiting, my cousins and I would climb up into the loft and jump onto the huge piles of hay two stories down. It was rotten, musty, and had to be coated with Pigeon and Bat shit. I loved that place.

I like that waiting room, it's got that great two-tier 50s modern coffee table in it with the pointy legs and great lowback sofa. Burton always used that weird beatnik abstract design as inspiration for his stuff.

Okay, when I was about 9 years old I used to have an old harley davidson golf cart I drove up and down out street in circles for hours on end for fun (we lived on a cul-de-sac). One day down at the far and of the street I saw a metal staff sticking out of the ground.... this staff was a marker for snow plows to know where the road bounds were; a fairly heavy post. A plow must have hit it the preceeding winter because it was bent. Without thinking I drove past it in the golf cart and grabbed it in a brainless attempt to bend it back straight.

Well, not only was I pulled out the side of the golf cart but my shoulder hurt for a couple of days after that (the post remained bent btw) and ever since that time I've been able to dislocate my left arm from the shoulder at will and wrap it completely around the back of my neck.

I was 20 meters down in the Red Sea, suddenly overcome with nitrogen narcosis and decided to see how quickly I could ascend without my BCD. Anyone who's ever been diving before will know precisely how dangerous this is. I'd hardly gotten anywhere at all before the narc dissipated and I was able to fully appreciate the non-verbal dressing down I received from my dive buddy (who was my mother).

I once snorted a line of chilly powder...

I knew someone who did that. It's still in his sinuses, causing intermittent bouts of pain and discomfort.

Wha?...Sorry i blacked out for a sec. :tard:

actually, i've just had a flashback thanks to that. i remember now (when i was working at the same farm i mentioned earlier, jesus i was accident prone) i was powerwashing the walls of the milking parlour when i noticed the back of the plug had come off, having been sellotaped together with electrical tape. thinking on my 'toes', i pulled the back off, and attempted to place the back more securely on. then i accidentally put the palm of my hand on the circuits inside and did a sort of "OHOOO" (like an opera singer), and was dazed for a few minutes afterwards.

i was laughing until you mentioned you could willingly dislocate your arm.
*shudder*

Nearly fell off the Great Wall due to not listening to the guide dude.

Were you frogged fol insuboldination?

leaving my university projects to the last minute again >_<

I think it'd be best if I didn't explain this one in excruciating detail.

Coming home from a very drunken night out a couple of years ago, I rang up a regular squeeze of mine. Ended up back at his in a threesome. Being as drunk as I was, I didn't really know what was going on.

A few days later I had to go to the sexual health clinic for drugs to clear up an STD I had caught off the third-party.

Alcar...

Ha! I remember that night. I might have told that story to my mates the morning before you met them all. ;)

Nah, just stood up straight at the edge of the steps at the point where it curves down again.

Fucking winds be strong.

@Pilot: jesus fucking christ. :sick:

HA, thats enough detail.
(also, that laugh wasnt meant to be mocking.)

i was almost run over and killed by a workmate driving the JCB telehandler, but i've already told that story here.

i've just remembered a time, years ago, when i was fishing with my grandad. he was tying the hook onto the line for me, when his rod just flew into the water. he grabbed it and had a fight with a fish, then reeling it in to discover only a scale on the hook. we worked out it must have been a big carp. he was not very happy.

At a restaurant, I thought 'Oh, I like pepper, I'm going to sniff it really close to my nose.' It went right up and spent the remainder of the day attempting to get the stuff out. As you may know, it hurts a good deal.

i've never sniffed pepper, but i once sniffed some nail polish remover and almost ended up having an hallucinagenic trip.