Hitchhiking tips
 

Sure, weve all done it, or at least TRIED to do it, and after a particularly innebriating expience in such an endeavour as walking 35 miles through the other, LESS traveled road of Canada, I decided to make this.
I am Simon, and this is my Story.

It all started yesterday, Staurday, June something-or-other, an acquaintance of mine and I decided to make the lengthy trip into town from the county, this being coupled with a slight bit of wiskey, we were more or less determined to venture into the breach.

Anyway, it took us 3 hours to get into town, and when we got there, our destination was seemingly shut to the public, so we ventured back, and decided to hitch-hike.
Here are some solid tips.

-Bend your arm slightly and face the car, never smile exuberently, look particularly depressed, or appear infuriated, PEOPLE WILL AVOID YOU.

-When a car passes you without stopping,m run into the middle of the road, scream and chase them.

-Make sure that you are filled with blinding rage as each car snootily passes you by.

-Never get into a car with an old Irishman that says "you boys need a lift?"
He is automatically a serial killer/rapist/kitten huffer. no matter his past life, that sentence alone reconstructs his fate.

-Throw things at buses, as they are not allowed to stop, thus making your innebriated state worthwhile.

-If you hear a motorcycle coming, hide on the ground, and when it passes you, jump up, chase and scream and yell and wave your arms, and wait for them to stop, keep running, but go past them, and run into a gulch and hide, it is beyond hilarity.

Thats all Ive got, add your own, jerks.

Real nice. I would scream and yell and throw things, as Iam a rather angry person. But anyway, one rule DONT HITCHIKE! thats a silly thing to do. I would rather walk. Too many nutters on the goddamn roads.

Right about the nutter part. Crazy...Well,
One: Dont look shifty
Two: If that doesnt work, get a hot friend to try and hitchike.
That would work.

All you need to do is get some Jello and mash it then spread it all over yourself and the surrounding area, then lay face-down on the side of the road, with a retracting knife in the most Jello-concentrated area on your body.

As they rush up, jump up, and scream with a wild look in your eyes,

"HAY GUYZ CAN I HAVE A RIDE!?"

I like this guy, he's aware of Kitten Huffing.

*trains as apprentice Hobo*

Don't panic.

Just throw a brick at the car, and when they get out steal it. ;)

I would be more worried about the people who were giving people a lift - what if you turned out to be a killer like off that film?

:pThen they might think your a zombie and run you over....Reminds me of that scene in dead rising...

Actually, my friend and I got the idea from wanting to see the hitcher, we ended up watching it later too!

Indeed, Kitten huffer-awareness is a rarity.

I've got an even better idea. When a car pulls up, bring out an AK-47 and yell 'GET OUTTA THE CAR!'

Then you don't have to give annoying directions.

We ended up actually getting a ride with these people that had passed us, they were some hicks with a minivan and were just TORCHED on pot, they scared some Japanese fishermenbecause they had police lights and a siren, so when they passed them they were like, "YOUR UNDER RREST! LET US SEE YOUR FISHING LICENSE!"

I have no words to describe how funny that was...

From the way you post, I assume you are always drunk and/or stoned.

Eh, you could be worse.

Constant state of innebriation? ROCK, ROCK ON!
Honestly though, I am 15, sure, there are American babies addicted to crack, but this is CAN-AH-DUH!

One thing you always need is a pocket knife...*heh-heh*
If that doesn't work just take a fake gun. Just in case he/she tries anything you have something to scare him/her away. And on the first post... How the hell am I supposed NOT to look depressed!?

[offtopic]BTW... YAY! I have my own super-intelligent quote in my sig!

All you need is kind looking face. Practice looking nice and dress in good clothing, but not too good. Polos and khakis are ace for this sort of thing.
Of course, I did this in the boonies of Wisconsin, your mileage will most certainly vary if you pull this shit in a crime ridden area. And offer to pay gas, but don't go overboard, don't ever have more than 10 bucks with you.
Use an ATM if you need more.

Look plain, like, emotionless, how Abe seemingly can.

Women : Skirts and crying
Men : Don't wear a jacket made from human skin


Strangly enough, my hitchhiking tips are also my tips for when you get pulled over.

I'd generally advise people not to hitchhike unless they're in a country with a strong culture of it. The best example I can give is when I was in Israel, because all the drivers on the road used to hitchhike when they were in the army, so they pay it forward and pick up anyone on the side of the road.

And how did those japanese fishermen feel?

Low, probably.

Ugh...I am re-reading that and feel like such a dick, funny thing is, I saw one of them a few days ago, God did he look pissed.