Wanna read my fic? :3
Well, I have to posted on my deviant art, but I think you guys should take a look at it. It's better good (well I think it's good).
Anyways, here's the link to the frist ctp: http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/...e+-in%3Ascraps If you have a DA, plz comment. If you don't have a DA, just comment here. Plz and thank you. XD |
Quite good. All you need is a bit more expresion and it's perfect.
I found one mistake however. :
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Thanks for reading! Yeah, I kno the wording is a little messed up. But I'm working on it. But thank you for pointing that out. Much loved and now I can go fix it. XD (I love when other ppl read my stuff and points out my mistakes. Makes me a better writer)
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Interesting. And I think you should replace most of the 'duration' words with 'direction', but beside those grammar problems, everything is fine. Keep on. :)
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Thank you for reading. ^.^'' I know, the grammer is bad, but thanks for the in put! I can now go fix it.
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You said its about her escaping from her enslavement, but she seems to be a native.
Is that the original concept which changed over time or will she become enslaved later in the story? |
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Sure, it seems pretty good so far.
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http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/...e+-in%3Ascraps |
Wow thats pretty nice.
*Spoiler warning for any who haven't read chapter two* I like how everything just clicks together. A famine makes sense with Glukkons and other industrials coming in the area, probably slaughtering wildlife and destroying the ecosystem. The Native Mudokons peaceful as always must find other means to get food, such as trading with Glukkons. Also stating that female Mudokons are rare which a lot of people seem to shrug off, the village must of been in a very desperate situation to give off a fertile mudokon female.. surely they realize in 40 years they will all be dead with no new young to carry on their traditions. Deep stuff. |
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Oh, love it....want more!
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I love it too! Very good story Mia!
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Well hurry! Im hungry for more! :hungry:
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Pics of story!
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~Rosie~ Lookie, it’s Rosie! ^.^ She doesn’t wear this for most of the fic. She’s stripped from her native clothes as soon she arrived at Vykkers Lab. Same with her tattooing, pigtails and earrings. Come to think about it. She loses everything… Kind of really sad. ~Dr. Alfred~ The mad doc that bought Rosie. He’s coming up in the next chp. He’s dream in life is to gather all the remaining female muds in Oddworld and make them lay eggs for the rest of their lives. And just wait until you see his ‘assistant’. *shivers* ~Michael~ A slave mud the Rosie befriends by accident really. She was thrown into his pen after the doctor got through with her. The dark green is toxic burn from when he was ‘accidentally’ pushed into some chemicals by a slig. He spoke up against it, but the sligs deal with him by stitching his lips together. |
nice story, like Rosie....:)
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Hehe, I love Rosie in her native gear! Nice pigtails and spear!
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