Is the water free? Fan fic
Here is the story of when secto first drained the grubbs native land. Five steef knights must travel to the top of Sekto's dam and free the water.
Chapter one: cries of fear poisoned the battle field. Wolvarks streamed into the grubb temples destroying everything in their path. Blood stained the soil. A small unarmed grubb charged across the battle field. "Alarm the knights!" He cried. The sound of screaming and gunshots overpowered the grubbs voice. "Burn the beacons and like, ring the bell!" The little grubb climbed to the very top of the grub temple where he foung a pile of thick logs and an enourmous brass bell. beside the logs there was a deadv grubb with a bullet in his chest and a burning torch in one hand. The unarmed grubb took the torch from the dead grubb's cold lifeless hands and lit the logs. He then threw down the torch and ran to the bell. The grubb noticed a thick rope hanging from the bell so he pulled it with all his might. Three spectacular chimes echoed over the hill tops. The battle field now grew silent. Everyone gazed up at the small helpless grub by the brass bell. A fierce looking wolvark pointed. "Get that grubb!" Three enormous dropships glided over the battle field. Ten heavely armed wolvarks charged to the top of the grubb temple to put out the smoke rising from the burning logs. The battle was almost lost. The small grubb was now cornered. The five wolvarks loaded their weapons and the other five atempted to but out the flames. The unarmed grubb was helpless. "Lock 'n' load boys!" One of the wolvarks comanded when all of a sudden, a shower of fuzzles attacked the wolvarks. The grubb stared up at the hiltops behing the temple where he saw a brave Steef knight. "So you called?" He said confidently. Behind the steef four other brave knights rose all with their arm mounted crossbows loaded with fuzzles, boombats and bolomites. |
Nice, but I have sort of a problem with short chapters. It makes you feel like there isn't much to see. Also, I dont suggest making two fan fics at once. Take baby steps. ;)
|
The chapter is not finished yet I had to go somwere
|
My initial impression was: shortest chapter ever. But now I see it isn't finished, so I want to see how it is complete before I give my verdict. Althuogh don't you mean Wolvarks, not Wallmarts?
|
It's the attack of the Wallmart! Sorry I couldn't resist that XD. Where did you get Wallmart from, thats hilarious XD.
Anyway, you have a pretty decent writing style and I guess this could turn out to be a decent story. But take some advice from me and finnish your chapters before you post them. Most of us rather read a nice long good worked out chapter, instead of a rushed unfinnished chapter with a lot of plot holes in it just because you wanted to have it out fast. Take your time on writing and don't let fans presure you. Thats hard sometimes, but it will boost your story's quality. |
Alright for a first chaper, but again a little short, unless you're updating it in stages. As Havoc said, this stuff with the wallmarts is hilarious. Also, as for tips, pretty much what Havoc said.
|
oops I thought wallmarts were wolvarks with big glass shields. I'll change it
|
Nooo... Wallmart is usualy a building with big glass windows...
|
lol. I dont know I heard grubbs say wallmart in gameplay.
|