Poetry
I feel that I am an aspiring poet, and I have some pieces I would just love to share with you wonderful beings, especially one of you.
Let's start with an haiku, called "I am the Chameleon." I feel this way because of my disorder. I feel so many emotions but never feel normal. The next poem is even deeper and is about a recent love interest. Edit: I decided to call the second one "Watching" "I am the Chameleon" an emotional chameleon, ever-changing feeling all but green "Watching" Though I have only seen your photo I know your beauty so A pretty face on a forum If only I could be your chum For months, watching you Wanting you And never revealing it to you What would you say? I would hope it would be a happy day So silky you look So eloquent, you could write a book You would understand, I know it You would love me too, if I’d only show it But the way it is - the forum life Worying about forum image - the strife Could we ever be together Besides the miles seeming for forever Therefore I watch to no end Until the day you are my friend And then someday lover You could even meet my mother Take your pick which one And across the pebbled shores of France Where its famous for its romance Like ours will be A love born where all forumers can see You are to be mine If you know who you are, give me a sign Until then, I love. I watch. edit, Oh dear, I have posted in the wrong forum. Move this for me please, kind moderaters. |
Thats really good wired, I never knew you felt that way about me :D
Quote: especially one of you. |
The first was great! :)
And the second- That was...so brilliant and heart-braking! :crying: I never knew that talent of yours, Wired! (Mind you, I have only met you for about a week.) I love poems. |
Wrong forum.
*moves* |
Hmmm... I've read the one about love but which one is the cameleon one? Anyway, it's really good and heartfelt.
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Hey, I'm glad you guys like my stuff. I never let anyone look at my poetry. It's nice to know I can show people a tiny piece of what I really feel inside...and they don't run away screaming. :D
I'm kind of in a funny mood lately, so I'm currently working on two pieces. One is about love---glorious unending. The other, about what can happen if you aren't careful with love...what it can do to you. This one is a little dark about jealousy. I want to post them at the same time for effect. They're still both very rough and unfinished though so it may be a little bit before I post. |
Here I sit, broken hearted.
Tried to poop, but merely farted. *bows* Thank you, thank you. |
Watch this space, huh? In a few years wired and mystery dream girl could be in the running for "Oddworld Forums Best Couple"?
The Chameleon was great. Haiku's are brilliant, getting so much said in three lines! Really feeling for you already dude! As for the second one, it was very good as a whole. A couple of things could do with a look-over, some of the rhymes seemed a bit desperate, like you were trying to hard to get it to rhyme. But all in all, fantastic, powerful stuff, give it some more time and practice and you'll rich and famous, own a big house in the country and 2 snmall islands somewhere near Australia. As your fandom and huge reserves of cash grows, your poetry will gradualy turn from love to materialism and how you feel it is crushing your soul. You'll gve everything you own to charity and move into a small flat in Birmingham. There you'll write poetry from the depths of your heart, but find that people have lost interest, the times have moved on and you've been left behind. In a fit of depression you'll cut off your own ear until someone tries to sue you for ripping off Vincent Van Goth, you'll have to have your ear surgically reatached and cut off an arm instead. Then you'll find yourself unable to rite much of anything, you'll be kicked out onto the street where you'll beg for pennies, until you're picked up by a rich gentleman who'll remember you from your days of great success. He'll take you into his home and you;'ll spend the test of your life leeching off his hospitality while the BBC makes long boring and over-dramatic documentaries about your life and the world wonders what ever became of one of its greatest poets? On your death-bed you'll hand the kindly gentleman your final book of poems, which he will send out into the world where it will be praised and celebrated as the best poetry of all time. Your legacy will last for the rest of mankind and be used to torture Literature Students until they all go mad and curse your existence before remembering you're already dead and feeling rather stupid about the whole thing. Then they'll make a statue of you where the Birmingham flat you lived in once stood, and everyone will suddenly forget who you are. So, no worries. :fuzwink: |
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I thank you Concerning the criticism over my rhyming scheme in Watching... F*ck You Nah...just kidding. Really. I do find myself wishing sometimes there were a couple things I would've fixed before I just unleashed my poem. I think maybe I should've revised before I posted. See, I've had Watching written for a while. Of course, where you see trying too hard...I see those first thoughts of love towards someone. It only took a couple of minutes for me to write Watching because everything in there just flowed from my heart. I guess that's why I neglected to revise it. That would've stolen away what made it so special to me in the first place. Now I know I said I'd be posting my next two poems soon they seem finshed, but I feel they aren't complete. I'm just waiting for the moment of inspiration to hit me so I can finish. I only write when I'm inspired. |
Wired,
First, depending on how much you read into haiku, the 5-7-5 syllable thing isn't the only rule around them... in fact it doesn't really apply when writing in english. Full info here. As for your second poem... Okay, rhyming couplets are a very classic and obvious style (people see them and think "poem", that's why I call them obvious. It's not a bad thing). The problem with couplets is that for them to work fully you need to have lines of the same length in beats (or syllables), othewise it doesn't flow well. Also, you really should add some punctuation. While it's not vital to have in poems, it really makes it easier to read and understand. It also slows down the reader a bit, which can really help. I've got some poems on OWF (in a very old thread at this stage) if you want to read them... I might start posting more here. Anyway, there right here if you're interested. |
Don't mind if I post a few of mine?
These are from my book... Like it or hate it... That's alright... Crushing: My breath comes forth is sharp hard gasps I feel a strange clenching in my chest All around the world grows backwards into me I can feel its anger Its hate Its pain Its hunger It’s crushing my body It’s feeding on my soul It’s forcing itself into my flesh As it crawls into my brain I can feel its movement Its ideas Its drive Its inducement My head spins and my vision tunnels I feel my eyes compressing and rupturing All through me the world feeds anger I can feel its life Its vision Its reflection Its pseudoanimation It’s filling my head It’s squeezing my eyes It’s tearing its burnt flesh As it kills away my body And here is the other one... A Place To Go: When the world is cold And life can’t get any worse Is there a place to go? Is there a way to go? In a home where there is no love When fights break out and you want to hide Is there a place to go? Is there a way you know? Darkness is the only home Where safety protects you In this corner of the world Which makes me fell alright If I can’t see pain If I can’t hear the cries Maybe then this dark corner Will be my sanctioned home I need a place to go To escape the angry life I need a way to go To go away and hide I need a place to go Where I feel alright I need a way to know When I can be alive A home away from home A world away from this world A place to go A place to be A place where home Is sanctuary I need this place I got this place In my dreams My cold dead dreams |