Higher Motives [Rettick's Third Fic]
 

okay, since i have discontinued 'Undercover Operations' [by popular demand, apparently], then my previous plan - that my third fic would be a sequel to UO - is down the drain, so i have begun this. it was totally spur-of-the-moment, so i have no idea where this is going to go or how long it'll last, but bear with me.

and PLEASE reply! i need feedback!

State of Play 1

I can barely see in the darkness. I should have stayed on the road, but then I would’ve been out in the open, and open to attack. Branches keep hitting me in the face as I run, but I can think of worse things that could be hitting me. Bullets, for example.

Shit, I can hear voices. Stop. Listen. They’re getting closer. My breaths are coming faster now, as I hasten through the trees, no longer caring about the brambles whipping at my legs. Shit, my arm hurts. I should’ve been more careful coming across the river, but it’s too late for self-recriminations now. Think in the present. That’s what I should do. Besides, the water probably disguised my scent.

I just realised, I have no idea whether my pursuers have any slogs with them or not. If they have, I’m probably dead: they can follow my scent. It’s only a matter of time. Shit, I hope they don’t. I wonder who they are…

I stumble. As I struggle to rise, I hear their voices again. They seem further away this time, and slightly to my left. Rising to my feet, I head to my right, onto firmer, clearer ground. Things are looking slightly up.

CHAPTER 1

As the birds slowly begin to reclaim the clearing, unruffling their feathers, and wondering what all the fuss was about – it was only a single mudokon on its own, nothing to be afraid of, they should have stood their ground like the tough birds they know themselves to be inside, whatever their songbird exterior – something else emerges from the surrounding vegetation, causing the birds to take flight once more. A tall, heavily built Glukkon bursts between two bushes, looking around and grunting in aggravation. As he sits on a rock at the side of the clearing, dejectedly, a second glukkon follows. After looking around for a brief second, he strides up to the first glukkon.

“Lost him?”

The tall glukkon nods. “The ground’s softer here, I can’t see which way he went.”

The other glukkon is probably about average height, but the sheer size of his companion makes him seem short, and his skinny build makes him seem almost childlike as he sits beside his companion. “Shit!” He looks up into his companion’s face. “We can’t have lost him!”

The taller glukkon gestures across the clearing with a handfoot. “Well, he ain’t here, is he?”

His smaller companion sits quietly for a moment, chewing the nails on his handfeet, before coming to a decision. Leaping to his feet, he turns to his colleague. “He can’t have gone far! He’s probably heading for that village we saw on the map; we can head him off there!”

The other glukkon looks up at him. “How’re you gonna overtake him?”

“We can just head for the road and stay on it. As long as he stays in the forest, he won’t be able to go very fast. And if he emerges onto the road, we’ll see him and catch him. He can’t outrun us on the flat.”

The other looks down at his handfeet. “I don’t like mud villages; you know that.”

The smaller glukkon pauses. “Oh, right. Well, why don’t you get the flyer, go back to the nearest city – Carthag’s nearest, I think – and hire us some mercenaries. This guy hasn’t given us much trouble yet, but they said he’d be dangerous when cornered.”

The sitting glukkon brightens, and rises to his feet. “Where shall we meet after?”

“Radio me when you’ve got someone.”

“Right.” The glukkon began to turn, then turned back. “Good luck. Let’s hope yer don’t need it.”

The smaller glukkon nods, biting his lip, and heads out into the undergrowth, towards the road. The larger glukkon turns without a second thought, and heads back the way they’d come.

[ August 31, 2001: Message edited by: Rettick ]

And so my questions
*Who is the main character
*What is this village
*What side is this story on
*Who are the Glukkons chasing
That just about wraps up my questions

what? do you want absolutely NO suspense? do i have to spell it all out for you? just read it, and you'll find out eventually. do you approach every author you read asking these questions?

Hmm... Let me think... Yeah, I think it's very good. Just one thing, you use "shit" to much. If you wan't to swear, then use different words. Anyway, a clear + from me.

thanks for the advice. i like advice. some people just say "It's Good" and go, so it's good to get some constructive criticism. ta.

Well you need a main character to have at least some suspence.

figuring out who the main character is is part of the fun *grin*

It's very good, for a start, Rettick. It created the right level of suspense, to the future chapters.

Don't you think of finish the "undercover operations"?

just a comment: long periods are really hard to follow. try to write short periods. things like "Abe, the chosen one of the mudokons, which are enslaved by the glukkon, bosses of the stupid paintless sligs who have guns just because they are paid of, don't like to ride elums when they are nearby bee hives" don't sound very understandable. Just a thought.

i'm still writing Undercover Operations, but i stopped posting it here because no-one was reading it. i know this because i said that if no-one replied i'd stop posting it, and no-one replied. so i stopped posting it. besides, i wrote 'Fragments...' while i was still writing UO, and that got a much better response than UO, so i kinda guessed that UO was a bit of a lost cause... i'm still gonna try and finish it, but i'm gonna write Higher Motives at the same time, hopefully.

are you referring to the sentence about the birds? i wasn't too happy with that one, but it wasn't important to anything, so i left it...

Ah, so you're experimenting with writing in the present tense too. I like what you've got so far. I love a story with Glukkons in it, as long as it doesn't depict them unfavourably...

i haven't really decided yet what light i'm going to show Smick and Ludd in. in fact, i have no idea where i'm gonna go with this at all...

*likes all of Rett's fics and can't think of something sufficiently constructively-critical, so just sits in her hammock and waits for the next instalment*

*wonders if anyone will constrictively criticise her fic for once...*

Damn computer.

[ September 10, 2001: Message edited by: Teal ]

I do apologise, I know I only hit "Reply" Once...

*goes off to beat her stupid smeggy computer to death*

[ September 10, 2001: Message edited by: Teal ]

i would constructively criticise your fics, but i don't really know where to begin... i read Jas and Pru, but i'd copied them to a word doc, so i wasn't online when i read them, so i couldn't constructively criticise you, sorry...

what fic should i read third, do you think?

btw, i'm sorry for getting people's hopes up like this, but i seem to have completely forgotten where this fic was going to go... i'll just stick to writing UO, in the hope that someone will tell me they're still reading...

Uhh... *scratches head*

I'm trying to get all my fics uploaded to my site, so... Umm...

Maybe I better try finishing some for once... ;)

And *waves arm in air* I'm reading UO, I'm reading it!!

[ September 12, 2001: Message edited by: Teal ]