Oddworld Forums - Johnny, Taylor and the talking shotgun

Rightio. I've written a random little story that makes no sense at all. Try to enjoy it.
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Johnny, Taylor and the talking shotgun
Johnny was walking along to the shops to buy his daily flour to bake his daily cakes on his daily cooker. That talks. Yes, Johnny has things that talk. His microwave, it talks. His washing machine, it talks. His condoms, YES THEY TALK. So anyway, he met Taylor on the way to the shops.

The two soon lost their way. Yes, it was a long way from Johnny's house to the shop. ONE ROAD in fact. So Johnny and Taylor got lost and ended up in underwater world, where they met Mr. King Neptune.
"Hey Mr. King Neptune, what are you king of?" asked Taylor.
"CRAYONS!!" replied Mr. King Neptune. The two boys gasped with unbelievability (that word doesn't exist?). Then they walked onwards.

Soon enough, Johnny and Taylor ended up in the Sahara Desert.
"How did we get here Johnny?" asked Taylor.
"Curse you! Stop asking questions! Well, we flew here," replied Johnny.
"No we didn't!" said Taylor.
"YES WE DID DON'T CORRECT ME YOU LITTLE BLASTARD!"
"What's a blastard?" asked Taylor.
"AGAIN WITH DAMN QUESTIONS!!" shouted Johnny. "Well it's a censored version of the B word."
"Ooooh, clever Johnny. Very clever." Taylor applauded Johnny.
"DON'T APPLAUD ME FOOL!!" once again shouted Johnny.

Lurking in Teh Shadows (yes, Teh Shadows is a country), one man stood over the rest with great power and intelligence that no one could stand up to. In fact, just yesterday he blew up KFC. NOW THAT'S INTELLIGENT FOR YA! So anyways, this man, he was called Gertrude. He works at Burger King. Period.

So Gertrude walked along the giant hills of Gagagooblabadoodada. Gagagooblabadoodada is a popular tourist sight for tourists. Gagagooblabadoodada. It's a great little word :D

Gertrude made his way to the Sahara Desert where Taylor and Johnny were.
"Hello there, young men. TIME TO DIE! HAHAHA!"
Johnny got into his fighting position.
"Well, Gertrude, I don't know how I knew your name, but you're going down! Kamehamehaaaaaaaaaa!!"
"Erm, Johnny, don't copy stuff of Dragonball Z. That's just... stupid," said Taylor.
"ENOUGH OF YOUR QUESTIONS, TAYLOR!!" shouted Johnny.
"But I didn't ask a---" but Johnny was interupted by Gertrude.
"SHUT UP TAYLOR! I don't know how I knew your name, but I'm going to kill you and Johnny!"
"But why?" asked Taylor.
"STOP ASKING QUESTIONS, TAYLOR BEFORE I STICK A FIREWORK UP YOUR BUTT!" shouted Johnny.
Taylor gasped. "No... not like last year..."
"IT SHALL BE WORSE THAN LAST YEAR!!"
Then Taylor ran away, scared. Then he was hit by a car. *Ahem*

"So, Johnny, it seems that you're on your own. Hahaha!" laughed Gertrude.
"Wait, before you kick the crap out of me, let me just ask something," said Johnny. "Where's the talking shotgun that's supposed to be in the story?"
Gertrude shrugged his shoulders, and leaped at Johnny. Suddenly, Johnny heard a voice.
"Use me, Johnny! Or I'll eat your beans! Your beeeeeans!"
"No not my beans!" gasped Johnny. "Wait, you're the talking shotgun! Yay!"

Johnny picked up the talking shotgun and shot Gertrude. Then Gertrude's dead body morphed into a bird and it flew off. Then it was killed by a cat. Then the cat was hit by a car. *Ahem*

"I did it! I killed Gertrude!" chanted Johnny. Johnny thanked the talking shotgun and walked off into the sunset, happily ever after. Then he was hit by a car. *Ahem*

Epilogue
"What the hell? An epilogue?" Out of the darkness stepped a talking microwave. "But everyone's dead. How can there be an epilogue?" Then the microwave was hit by a car. *Ahem*
The End