Cairin's Tale (rewrite)
 

Well, after saying I'd change the ending I decided to rewrite the entire thing.
So here it is. Formerly "some story of some sort", I present "Cairin's Tale" (still need a decent title, though)


Part 1

My name is Cairin. To everyone else, I'm just another Mud slave in Scrab Cake Factory #307.
That could change soon. The great rebellion began close by in Rupture Farms a few months ago. By now everyone knows about it, even the sligs talk about it. "Wanted: Abe" posters began appearing around the corridors not that long after the rumours.
Don't get me wrong, I want to be free (who doesn't) but the cost of failing is too high. I'd rather live a slave than be killed trying to be escape. Well, killed if I'm lucky.
There are 10 others I know who are trying to escape. There used to be 15, and we all know what happened to the other 5. You don't forget something like that; when a glukkon tries to make sure no onebody will follow a freedom fighters' example. They make sure you remember it, as a nightmare.


My story started when I was forced to work, over 10 years ago. I can't really remember much about that now, except pain and oppression. Still, I'll have to start somewhere.
Those five being captured seems as good a place as any, and a little before that, I was in trouble.

I knew there were condemned areas of the factory that sligs loafed off at. Everyone knew. Any mudokon's who found themselves on one of these was usually beaten. After all, sligs don't like being disturbed. The ones who didn't get beaten were either very quiet, or had the Hand of Odd protecting them not to be seen.
Anyway, I accidentally stumbled onto one of these areas as I was trying to avoid a big-bro slig who hated me (It's a long story). Ironically, it would have been better if he HAD got me. There were a group of sligs, laughing about beating one of my kind. I tried to walk by without bringing attention to myself, but they wouldn't just let me pass by without having some fun.
"What're you doing here, shit-bag?" said the biggest of them.
"N-Nothing...sir. Just going to clean the n-next hall."
"Then what'ya doing talkin' to someone worth a damn like me?"
"I... I'm sorry, sir." I was trembling. Despite the number of beatings I'd already received, which was too many to count, I knew this could turn into one of the worst. The slig looked back at his buddies, chuckled, then turned back to face me.
"Well, yer better try beggin' for mercy."

What followed wasn't pleasant. They decided to give me everything they could. Agony is all I could think of. Pleading seemed to only make them laugh, which stopped them hitting me for a while. After what seemed like hours, it ended. I collapsed into a quivering heap, unable to think from the pain.
Eventually I realised there was another voice around. I struggled to understand the words, concentrating on it in case it was talking to me.
It was the Big-Bro I was hiding from. My heart sank. He must have stopped the others so that I was all his. He hated me, why not get some revenge? I braced for another round of blows, but none came.
I risked opening my eyes. I was shocked to see that he was hitting the sligs and telling them off for slacking. He turned to me, and I cowered more.
"You tell anyone 'bout this, you'll be lookin' for your head in one of the meat vats, y'hear me, arsewipe!"
"Yes, sir", I said quickly.
"Why you still hear? GO!" As I stood up, he whacked me with his gun in my back. I almost fell, but stumbled and kept running as fast as I could, one of my legs throbbing with pain on each step.

Interesting. MORE!:pipe:

He has a link for some of the story ask him for it.

Smitz, that's about half of the first chapter.

The older version is on my site, but it's not as good as the rewrite.
You can find it here: http://www.geocities.com/adder_86/odd/cairin/c1.html

I still love your story. Keep it up, it's great.

I read it and liked it.And I think I've deciphered what happens to cairin after he is killed.if hes not actually ''dead'' I think it could be his soul possessed that big bro guy.Am I right?

Whoops. Didn't know that.:o It's still a great story!

Um... no.

While that would be a pretty good twist, it's nothing like what I thought of.

...but then again, it did eventualy spin of into Cairin becoming the evil overlord of all Mudokkons.
...I really hate the older thoughts of this. It basicaly turned into an all-out gore fest. Now I'm trying to get a plot.

Thats what I thought with the constant stabbing etc. Maybe instead of the gorefest you could make them kicking and screaming while being dragged by interns into vykkers labs.And I don't like the constant way he keeps saying arsewipe.Wouldnt he just say ass?

Yeah, I admit the old one is totaly terrible.
Unfortunitly, I can't find a way to continue the story after this point, so I might end up with a totaly different sequence of events.
Still need a title, although "Cairin's Tale" has kinda stuck on me. ALL IDEAS WELCOME

Leader of the rebellion?

Intriguing story, i'm thinking of rewriting a couple of my earlier fics too.

That's it. No more edits

I didn't get that far away before the siren went off. Once I realised what it was, I panicked. I had no idea of what to do.
HIDE!, my only thought. I ran, not knowing where to, just ran so that I wasn't here.

Got to get out of the line of fire...think
The panic make tought hard, but I had to concentrate. I stopped running
By Odd, what if it's Abe?!
No, hide. Take to the shadows. Safe and alone...
I took a turn off from the main corridor and crouched behind a dumpster. Safe... relax.
But, what if it IS Abe?

The siren ended pretty soon after I'd calmed down. It didn't take long to find who ever set it off, I guessed.
I emerged to find everything seemed the same, although the sligs were more alert.
Before I could find out what had happened, the sligs were sent on a moral-breaking run. Management don't like use acting up, so they beat the life out of us.

After a couple of hours work, I risked returning to my bunk. Luckily I didn't run into any sligs. They were all a little jumpy since the siren. I hear the occasional bullet shots far away from sligs who had an "ask questions later" policy.

After lying down and looking around for some people I knew, and not finding any, I decided to ask the nearest person to me about the alarm.
"Yo, Karnor... uh... did you hear that siren earlier?" I had no idea what to say. I knew nothing about Karnor except his name.
"Yeah, who didn't?!" He turned away from me. I was about to ask another question when he spoke.
"They got five of us... trying to escape." I saw his hands clenching in anger.
It's then I realised Karnor was part of the freedom fighters. I watched him try to control his emotion for moment.
"Oh... um... Do you know who they were?" At that, he turned and stared at me. His eyes looked as if they were trying to kill me.

"Yes I know. Wentral, Quitle, and Resbunt..." he seemed to chock. I knew he was trying his hardest not to cry, and it only added to his anger. His next words were through clenched lips, his knuckles white.
"They got Demrof as well. and some other guy who was only there cleaning. They didn't care, they took him as well."

"By Odd..." I only knew one of the names; Demrof.
It's not that he was my friend, but I thought he wasn't like the other freedom fighters. He seemed, well, smarter to me. I stared at the ceiling, trying not to think about what would happen to the 5. Eventually I shut my eyes tightly and tried to sleep.

Much less gory but the shredded face...OUCH! I really like it.Cant wait till possessing comes into the story :)

Crap, I just lost the part with the poster. Well, unless someone was saving this story, I'm gonna need to rewrite that part yet again.
...and I really liked the shreded face idea.

*sulks*

Yah but it makes you feel......''Ouch!''...sick to imagine it too lol.

I have absolutely no idea whatany of you are talking about! What have i missed? I see no shredded face!

Don't worry, it'll re-surface.
I had to edit the last section, and ended up with a plot-hole whereby a poster that Cairin sees wasn't actualy there. Don't worry, the next section will complete chapter 1 and should flow smoothly

I just finished reading it so far. It's really good. Hurry up and carry on...err, please?

Come on Adder, we need more!

Look, the next section will end Chapter One, I need to get it right.

Since I'm back in school on the 30th, I'll try to have it completely ready by then. It might be a large delay before the second chapter since I'm in the highest (and most stressful) class, and year, at school.

Okay, this is a short ending, but only because I came up with two ideas of where to go next. I've decided on this one because... well it was easier to write. So, the shreaded face has been post-poned indefinitly.


I awoke to the sound of screaming. The sheiks of terror from the muds being interrogated often reached our bunks. The glukkons seemed to have the air-vents build to amplify the sound. I can't stand noises like that; not many can. All of us tried to get out as quick as we could, but a group of sligs were by the doors, laughing as the shut and locked them.
Occasionally, I thought I could make out the sound of rending flesh. I couldn't take the noise any more. I cowered, hands over my ears trying to drown out their desperate cries, but I could still hear them.
I have to get out of here! Can't... take it!
I looked towards the door; the sligs looking in and laughing. Anger welled within me.
HAVE TO GET OUT... NOW!

The door opened.


How did..? Did I..? Oh, crap
The big-bro had returned to gather some workers. He'd ordered the sligs to open up. I think it was the first time I'd seen mudokons offer to work. Nobody wanted to stay here alone.
Nobody, except Karnor. He purposely stayed at his bunk, and was left behind. The rest of us walked as fast as we could, as far away from the area as we could. We all got a few blows laid into us on the way out, but at least we could get away from the sounds of torture.
At least for now, we could escape something.