The paramite catcher
 

Hi and welcome to my fan fic! Hope it isn't too bad...

Sligs and Slogs may break you're bones but a Paramite will eat you...
This is what I thought as I stood on a crumbling ledge and below that crubling ledge were two yellow ravenous hungry Paramites just waiting to kill me. I stepped back as the rocks of the ledge started to fall down onto the ground. I was on the very last bit of the ledge with two drooling Paramites hissing at me from the bottom. Why did I make a plan? I thought. What led me into this? I suppose since it's obviously my last few moments it will be safe to tell you.
It all started in the Mudokkon temples...
I had been born into a proud colony of native Mudokkons who were living just outside the temples in a lush villiage surrounded by forests. If only we knew what was outside our peaceful world. No Mudokkon had ever ventured outside our world. As it was peaceful here. If only it had kept like that. It was when I was 19 and was chanting peacefully when suddenly I heard a strange mechanical sound, that of which I had never heard of before. When I heard gunshots and the scream of death I knew something was wrong. I fled the terrible noises and ran deeper into the temples. I ran across the stone floor watching the giant statues as if they were guiding me. But the noises came nearer and nearer and soon I simply turned and saw my fate. It was a terrible slug creature with mechanical legs. It held a gun to me. It was a slig from Aparta Meat plant. It came over to me and lifted its arm above me and started smashing me into the stone ground. Pain rushed through my body. Then the slig forced me to stand up and threatened me with a gun. That was when I saw my father who creeped up behind the Slig. When my brave father was about to use a rock to smash the slig's head open the Slig immediately span round. He shot his gun and blood came out of my father's chest and he fell dead and turned into nothing but a pile of ash. It went all downhill from there...
OK! Thats the beginning! Some comments would be nice good or bad.

I kicked and screamed but to no avail as I was dragged out of my caves and tossed into an Aparta Meat Plant transportation and shipped off to the worst place I had ever been too. It was after three hours when I saw the huge factory looming over me with barbed wire all around it. The secuirty was sharp and I saw some machines above me. I stared at it and suddenly I saw a Mudokkon in the next truck start chanting and all the sligs went wild. Then that machine opened and a reb beam stuck the Mudokkon. Pain surged through his body as he was pressed against the ground with blood coming from his back. He found out what that machine did the hard way. I looked round and suddenly the Slig behind me whacked me with his elbows and I fell to the ground. "Don't make eye contact with other dirty slimy Mudokkons you pathetic rulebreaker!" The slig said. I sat there quietely as we drove through a tunnel that led into the Meat Plant and soon the Slig chucked me out and onto a cold floor. I straightened up like all the other Mudokkons and saw a creature in front of me that had a cigar in his mouth. It was a Glukkon. "Now listen here slimy Mudokkons! You are here because you're stupid insignificant lives at you're temples don't help us! From now on you will follow orders! If not then you will be killed! Understand?" We all said 'yes' in union. One Mudokon put his hand in the air. The Glukkon came up to him. "Do you question my authority?" He hissed. "W-well I think that Mudokkons were not meant to be enslaved, sir" He said. The Glukkon's eyes narrowed. "Take him away!" He commanded two sligs as they dragged him away to a pit which had barking coming from it. There was a short scream and then silence. "Now listen up you pathetic Mudokkons!"

Good stuff here, I like the description. Keep it comin'.

yeah, its really great. Got a good beginning. Try and make your chapters a little longer though.
Don't worry if you don't get many replies, you rarely do for your first few stories.

I havent got many replies for my first 8 chapters! :fuzconf: lol. Good start, btw. So...is this Mudokon gonna go on the warpath against paramites or something?

ooh, or be hired by the Glukkons to do it?

Please - continue

Warpath against Paramites? Hired by Glukkons? You'll see.
Anyway, here is more.

Of all the jobs in this factory! OF ALL THE JOBS! I thought. I had to go and get the second most dangerous one? 314 deaths a year isn't very promising. Well at least he didn't get the first most dangerous one, but they were seperated by a very fine line, that one has 316 deaths a year. He was told all of this by a slig who enjoyed tormenting Mudokkons with little facts like these. The first worst job in the plant was Paramite/scarb control. The third was Meat saw operating with 114 deaths a year. And his job...Fleech control. Apparently, Fleeches breed in the meat areas without Glukkons knowing. They 'control' them by putting them into a room. When one escapes it is a Mudokkons job to use a stick to push them back in them pull a leaver to replace the cover of glass. He had to use a STICK! It wasn't very helpful! There were three more Mudokkons with me on the job. I stood there watching the two throw meat in every two minutes, to feed them. I froze. This was going to be very hard indeed. Suddenly, I felt the cold end of the Slig's gun being pushed into my back, "Keep it moving Mudokkon!" The slig said. I moved towards the bucket of meat and tossed one in. I gasped in horror as before it even reached the floor tounges went up into the air and grabbed the meat. The fleech that was lucky enough to get it easily swalloed it and simply let out a small burp even though it was nearly it's size. The slig chuckled at my discomfort. "Stop slacking" He shouted from a safe distance. "You better do what he says" A Mudokkon next to me said. "Or it's" He put his finger across his neck to demonstrate being killed. I gulped before throwing more meat into the air. Suddenly a brave fleech used his powerful tounge to make a crack in the glass. The slig saw this before we did and fearlessly ran away with a shout of "I need to go somewhere!" Soon the fleech had broken the glass and slithered out. I panicked but the Mudokkon next to me pulled a lever replacing the glass immediately. The next one got out his powerful stick but the fleech swalloed it whole. The fleech suddenly extended his red tougne and grabbed the Mudokkon and the Mudokkon only had time to mutter a 'hel-' before he was swalloed and digested immediately. The other Mudokkon procded to poke the Fleech and it seemed agitated enough to get back into the room. But, by this time I had ran away screaming. That Mudokkon being swalloed freaked me out I just couldn't contain myself. But soon I was greeted by two Sligs. Then everything went black.

This is very good, keep it coming.
Check what you're writing though, you kept jumping between 3rd and 1st person dialog in that, still very good though!

hahaha, sticks. ahh, losers.
That would be funny to watch...

Sorry about switching. It's a bad habit. Anyway, here's the next installment

When I awoke I didn't know where I was. Everything was black. I smelt fresh meat. What happened? Was I dead? I got up and looked around, searching for a possible exit. He decided he wasn't dead. He must of been knocked out. But where was he now? Where did the sligs take him? He walked forward and banged his head off a wall. "Ouch!" I said angrily. I turned and walked the other way when suddenly I heard it. It was a bark. A bark of a ...slog. I had been threw in the Slog pit! I heard the bark getting nearer and nearer and desperately searched for an exit. Then he heard laughs above him. He looked above and saw three sligs laughing at him. He felt angry but knew that he couldn't do anything. I went to the floor and felt around for something, anything. But all I did was feel something squashy...slog s**t. "Yuck" I said and got up. Suddenly I noticed the Slog was direcrtly in front of me and leaping at me. I quickly dodged out of the way and the Slog turned to go for me once more. I ran blindly not knowing where I was running. Soon eight slogs had picked up my scent and were running after me. I felt my legs getting tired. But I knew I needed to run as the slogs would happily eat me for lunch if I slowed down. Suddenly I dropped to the floor and felt myself falling down a chute. Then I came out safely...in the slig quaters. This must be where the sligs go if they need to feed the Slogs. I suppose most Mudokkons die before they reach the chute. When I turned I saw three sligs staring at me. Oh crap.

This is fantastic work need more need more!

btw: make sure the sligs shoot.

Thanks for the kind words. Here is more:

The sligs raised there guns and shot. Yes, that's right they shot there guns. Two bullets went into my stomach and blood started to leak out. Pain rushed through my body. The sligs started to drag me across the floor leaving a trail of blood. Then I passed out and thanked it. The pain rushing through me at that moment was unbearable, and I thanked the fact that it had stopped. When I awoke I was in a locked cage. My wound had been healed. What was going on? Why did they heal me? I looked up and saw a Glukkon with a cigar poking out of his mouth. "What do you think you were doing scumbag? Trying to escape? HUH!?" I was paralyzed with fear and couldn't speak. Suddenly another Glukkon called. "I'll deal with you after" The Glukkon walked round the corner and I tried to pick up words from the conversation. "Error?" I heard, "What? Dead? All of them?" The Mudokkon heard the Glukkon angry. "NO! Those pathetic sligs!" The Glukkon came back into the room with my cage. "Hey!" He shouted and a slig came by his side. "Open the door!" The Glukkon said. The slig shot the lock and the cage opened. I came out. "Freeze!" The slig said and I froze. "You'll listen to us or we kill you the most painful way we have!" The Glukkon said. I gulped and nodded. "Then listen. There was an...error in the system. As usual, our live stock of Paramites was being delivered. But they escaped and killed the Mudokkons in the entire factory and now they have killed all our Mudokkons and the sligs that have been sent to control them. We can deal with these but we need you to get Paramites from Paramonia so we can deliver our usual Paramite pies and Paramite burgers. We expect good results! Or..you can die trying. Or just refuse right now and be tortured! You're choice!" I had no choice. I accepted. But I had a plan. At first I would bring there stock so they trusted me. Then on the second time I would escape back to my villiage!

The slig laughed. "Like he'll make it" The slig muttered. "Shuttup!" The glukkon screamed, and the slig shut up. "Listen up, idiot! Flying sligs will escort you to Paramonia, and then you're on you're own. Bring back lots of livestock, or die trying. You can start tomorow! Now get back in the cage!" I looked towards the small cage, and hesitated. The slig shot his gun into the air, and I sprang into the cage, hitting my knee, and they slammed the cage. The glukkon walked off, the slig by him. I sobbed. I was going to die. I wasn't the hard type, and I was terrified of Paramites ever since I had saw the cave drawings when I was born. But, from the corner of my eye I saw something. The lock. When the Slig shot it, it had cracked. It was red and broken. I poked the cage. It creaked open. I couldn't help a smile. I could escape, and go to the villiage! I crawled out and listened. Then, I sneaked out. I heard gunshots, and the howl of dead paramites. Dead paramite meat is sour, that's why they need Paramites to be alive. I creeped out of the room, and saw sligs shooting springing paramites. I closed the door in terror. I swore. I had slammed the door in fear. Three sligs opened the door and looked at me. I ran. "A mudokkon! Alive!" One of the sligs said. They chased me. Oh great another chase! I thought to myself.