The captured ones
 

Since I didn't complete my fanfic for the fanfiction writing competition I'll start posting the chapters here...:fuzblink:

the chapters are not very long and I will upload the story once or twice in a week...



-hope you guys like it :D




The captured ones


.... 1 .....


I refuse to open my eyes.
Desperately I’m clinging to the darkness that is surrounding me. I squeeze my eyelids together as tight as I can, not letting any light reach me.

Light means that I’m still alive and that all my hopes are shattered. Light means that I have survived it again, and that they will use me again.

The mere thought is sickening me.

My arms and legs are shackled so tightly that I feel all numb. Floating in an endless black nothingness –But that’s good. I don’t want to feel the pain again. I don’t want to find out what they have done to me this time.

I press my cheek against the cold operating table, trying to calm down, struggling to suppress the nausea. Cold sweat is running down my neck and I‘m shivering.

“Maybe it’s just a bad dream…. A very bad dream ….and I will wake up the next moment… I will be in my village and everything will be fine…” I whisper soundlessly to myself over and over again.

I never have been good at lying … I can’t even lie to myself…. and still …I try as hard as I can to remember my village…

But there is nothing.

…just blackness … surrounding me.

My heart throbs painfully. I can’t remember their faces anymore. I can’t remember my life as a free Mudokon anymore. The village …the forests …my friends ... Was it just a dream? … Did this part of my life ever exist? –I can’t remember and suddenly it seems to me as if I try to remember a long forgotten story someone else had told me …. Someone else’s memories - but not mine.

Tears are filling my eyes, as if they could return my memories to me. Every drop for a precious moment of my past… but I hold them back. I don’t want to open my eyes to let those tears go, I fear that nothing will be left of me.

I don’t want to die and yet it’s the thing I wish the most.

But I don’t want to die alone. Not like this. Not in this hell.

I gasp for air and open my eyes.




***

-to be continued- (if i get at least 1 reply)

a few decent fictions have been popping up recently, and this is definitely one of them. very nice work there, almost poetic.

yeah, liking this, i'll be reading.

I hate fanfiction!!!


~nice work... I should write some...
Enchilado

... I have trouble making sense of that comment Mr. Enchilado.

In other news, Scipionyx has made a very nice opening to what would have been entered in the competition, had it been finished in time. Sadly it wasn't but we can still admire it.

Aren't you contradicting yourself a little, enchilado?

Nice work Scipionyx, this has a strange rhythmn to it, like MA said, almost poetic ^_^ I look forward to reading more :)

That's really awesome! I'd love to see where it goes! (And so sad it didn't make it into the competition)

Very dark:fuzzle:... I will definitely read more.

whoa i come here and see this... I thought maybe ...if I'm lucky one person would have pity with me and reply to this... xD
http://fc07.deviantart.net/fs50/f/20...e62758350c.gifhttp://fc07.deviantart.net/fs50/f/20...e62758350c.gifThanx everyone for starting to read!http://fc07.deviantart.net/fs50/f/20...e62758350c.gifhttp://fc07.deviantart.net/fs50/f/20...e62758350c.gif

now I'm afraid to post the next 'chapter' or part (there are not really chapters in this story)





enjoy :p




(.... 2 ....)




....

Silence.

Everything remains dark, which terrifies me for a moment until I realize that someone has switched the lights off.

I relax a little. There is not as much pain as I expected. Just my skin seems to burn a little and it feels terribly itchy. The same itchiness you feel when a wound is about to heal and you are not allowed to scratch it.

I can’t move because of the shackles and the feeling is increasing, it almost makes me want to tear my skin off.

Suddenly the doors slip open and a light ray is burning my eyes.

I hear myself groaning in a disturbing unnatural way. The light was so bright that it stung my eyes.

A crooked shadow like figure is entering the room with faint short steps.

It is a Vykker, I recognize his chuckling. Interns never chuckle like that.

Oh please not again.

The doors are closing with a slight buzzing sound while panic rises in me as quickly as a darting flame. It’s dark again and I can’t see, but I sense him scurrying past the operating table searching for something.

“I see you are already awake!” He smirks and bends over me with a glinting scrutiny in his eyes, spreading his rotten breath over me. Then – to my great relief- he turns away to the machines, attaching a little device with a huge glowing display and typing in some data. “Yeah, yeah… ” He mumbles to himself excited and nods satisfied. “How do you feel? Is your head aching or something?”

I attempt to shake my head but I’m either too weak or my head has become very heavy.

“Ok, I’ll turn on the light now… it’s not intense but for an unmasked Slig it’s probably a little unpleasant.”

A second later the room is lighting up in a brilliant stinging white. My pulse is quickening but I force my eyes to stay open. I never saw an unmasked Slig before … where is he?

But all I can see are cables covering my body and the reflections from the metal table stinging painfully in my eyes.

And my skin feels itchy again. It’s even more terrible than before and I squirm in my shackles, crying inwardly for freedom.

Suddenly someone is screaming in the room to the next, followed by the ear splitting noise of metal clonking on metal. Startled I wince and glance to the door.

“WHERE IS HE?!?!” the irritated Mudokon screams so loudly that his voice becomes hoarse. After some yells and screams from a bunch of other Vykkers and Interns stumbling around, the Mudokon storms out of the room. He is swearing some words that I have never heard a Mudokon saying before. “Where-” his voice breaks and I recognize something familiar about it. Maybe he’s one of my cellmates… but I can’t remember anyone who has that voice. Yet I’m sure I know it.

He hammers against the doors but they remain shut. The Vykker grins widely glancing at me. “He’s not so happy about it… but it was either Skillya or the experiment, so he had no choice!” He chuckles again and unties me.

After he had freed me from all the cables that were connected to my body he goes away and continues to search.

I’m still lying limply on my back my body is a little numb but my heart is beating quickly, pumping blood through my veins strangely fast. I weakly roll to my side and want to stand up but there is something strange about my body. Squinting again I manage to lift myself up to my arms and look down.

But what I see there takes my breath away.

I freeze in shock just staring. My mind is blank in an instant.

Despite the tremendous noise of the door being forced open I don’t react.

Someone is glaring at me, panting heavily. I ignore it, too busy to understand what is wrong with me. I remark that I’m trembling -even my breath is trembling with shock. I see everything clearly but it doesn’t make any sense in my brain.

But he continues glaring at me not saying a word as if he understands.

I slowly look up gazing at the tall Mudokon in front of me searching for an explanation. But what I see just confuses me more.

It’s not just a Mudokon.

It’s myself. Or at least he looks exactly like I used to look like a few hours before. His facial expression is mirroring my feelings so well that it seems to be my own reflection. Being more real than the strange body I see when I look down at myself now.

I take a deep breath trying to suppress the feeling of nausea rising in me.

“Give it back.” he says with my voice. “Give me my body back!”



***



-to be continued- (...if someone replies......was it confusing?) :fuzblink:
EDIT: if something sounds weird it's because english is not my first language and perhaps i used wrong words to describe something plz tell me if that happens ^^;
_{edit: the icon is not made by me... it's from dA xD}

That has got to be one of the best "What the?" moments I've seen in a while. I would have voted for this if I had been a judge, and if this had been finished. You're a woman of many talents. Or girl if you prefer.

oh what a shock. this has started with a bang.

nice going.

Pretty good. I guessed what had happened when the guy on the table seemed confused about the maskless slig comment, but very cool.

Nice opening and second chapter :) I've never been fond of first of stories told in first person, but I quite like this.

Nice concept. While it's a matter of preference, I love stories told in the first person perspective. I love your style as well-- in MA's words, 'almost poetic'.

Looking forward to part three. :)

Dang...but this got surreal quite quickly! In any case, this is good pacing and you have me hooked. Can't wait to see what happens next...

:D crazysteef!!!!!!!! 8D *glomps*

thank you!!! ^___^ i thought you had left OWF?... xD _{the last 3 drawings i uploaded here will not be at dA (if you're interrested)}




...

and yeah I knew the last one was a little too obvious ^^; i wanted to change it but was too lazy and then i forgot about it... ^^;


ok I did not want to post the next chapter so soon [because I'm rewriting parts of this fanfiction ^^; ] but meh...

thanx to everyone for reading untill now... :happy:



I know you all know what happened in part 2 but Sabie (main character) has his problems to understand ^^; perhaps i shouldn't have split up the story that way but right now i don't have time to change it...

ugh I don't have time for anything ;__;



hope you will still enjoy


:p




(.... 3 ....)




I puke. The only thing I hear is my blood rushing through my veins. The Vykker is observing us silently holding something with both of his hands.

I shudder, getting goose bumps, breathing unsteadily.

The air is so muggy that it’s choking.

“What have you …?” My new voice is scaring me to death. The voice I hear when I talk is not my own voice, it’s deep and hoarse.

“Here…”He puts a big mirror in front of me so that I can see myself.

I hesitate but then I look up to the mirror feeling sick again.

I stare into the reflection of a young Slig. He is unmasked and without his metal legs and his skin is green with dark stripe like markings covering his whole body. His face is black and his eyes are small and scared. He is spreading his face tentacles in shock.

I slowly lift my arm and touch the place where I expect my Mudokon nose.

The Slig in the mirror hesitantly grabs his face-tentacles.

My jaw drops and I squint. The Slig in the mirror does the same.

“We finally discovered how Abe possessed Slig guards. With that knowledge we were able to transfer a Mudokons soul into a Sligs body and vice versa. This was just the first step. We want to develop a device that allows us to possess other species without exchanging the soul. For the moment you two will remain like this.” The Vykker says in a bored voice implying us with one of his four arms to leave the room.

I stare at him wide eyed not able to form my thoughts in a way I could express them. The dust in the air is glittering in the artificial light, distracting my eyes.

Could it become any worse?

I close my eyes again repeating my wish to die.

“Ok to avoid confusion I’ll call you 01…” He points at the Slig in my body. “…and you are 02. Understand?”

While he talks someone is thrusting a baton in my hand and pulls something over my face, lifting me up and stuffing me into a cold metal thing. But I don’t resist. I don’t care.




***




-to be continued- ? _{(next chapter will be better...)}


oh and the Slig with who Sabie (02) switched bodies, looks similar to this guy now (some of you already know him ...) http://www.oddworldforums.net/attach...6&d=1252531176

pretty cool. Though you want 'soul'. 'Sole' is a part of the foot, which sligs don't have :p

whoops xD lmao thank you *edits*

This makes me feel very bummed out that this didn't make it into the competition. I personally think it would have won.

Ooohhh...soul-switching ans science always makes for an interesting combination! You have a neat way of writing too; description instead of simply saying what's going on (if that makes any sense). I can't wait for the next part!!!

Naw...I just haven't had much time to hang around here or do Oddworld stuff. I really want to come back seriously though...:fuzsad:

Nice work. Sorry for my last comment, what I meant to say was that normally I hate fanfiction but this is great.


~hope to read the next chapter soon.
Enchilado

this is great. and as i have said numerous times before; i love the old fashioned slig visor, which makes me like his character more.

thanx everyone ^__^


I promised the next chapter will be better didn't I?

-well I read it again and it was good... but I thought if I rewrite it it will be even better (yeah because i wanted to add a character in it... since it isn't for the competition anymore there is no 5000 words limit...:p)


and I wrote 2 stories for the darn competition, remember?

-anyway... I want to change both stories I want to make them that way that their plots tie in with each other... but they still will be independent stories @__@

I will first finnish this story before i upload the other one...

ah well I stop explaining you'll see when I post the next chapter... but I want to keep my promise so it may take a while because I realised that i messed the chapter up and that I have writers block xD

sry about that ^^;

I didn't remember that you wrote two. Curiously however, I wrote two as well. Because I deemed the first to be irrelevant.

Sounds interesting. Just need to wait for that chapter to come along.

Ooh, it's getting ever more intense :D and is starting to make more sense now, I'm really liking this ^^

I shall look forward to it.
Also, I am dying to see that movie in (wait for it) your Avatar! :fuzgrin:

That is the oldest joke ever. I made a pic from Avatar my avatar on another forum months ago.


Still, haha Splatty, good 'un old chap!

Yeah I also can't wait for that movie ^.^ and for it's soundtrack aswell ...

after i saw the trailer it was already one of my fav's 8D this movie is going to be special kyaaaaaaaa <3



anyways a few hours ago at school i wrote my english exam and for the first time there was a true creative writing part in it :D


yeah and so when I came home I thought I could reread what i have written so far...


and I think the new character I wanted to introduce in this chapter can wait a while longer which means that I can upload the next chapter without him ...right. now.

...but with a few serious changes that i shouldn't have made...



LoL and don't mind the 'swearwords' I should have used real ones i think xD



enjoy :p

...or probably not...? _{- cuz i didn't... ah well i write too much...}









(.... 4 ....)



As I open my eyes again I see everything through red visors. But the red light comforts me somehow, it filters away the billions of colors I have seen before and I can concentrate now.

“Come on. Don’t stand there like an idiot! The Slig’s body you posses now has already learned to use metal legs so you should be able to walk around properly.” The Vykker exclaims and pushes me towards the door, shoving out the Intern who gave me my equipment as well.

The robotic legs are carrying me forward swaying and buzzing. “And take that ‘Mudokon’ with you. Bring him back to his cell.” The Vykker adds slightly irritated, glaring at 01. From the corner of my eye I see how 01 clenches his fists tightly.

“Oh yeah we implanted a chip in both of your brains, if you try to kill one of us, if you don’t obey the orders or if you leave the factory it might damage your neuronal system... in other words: it will cause you pain. This doesn’t apply for actions that only concern you two though.” –he pauses for the split of a second with an almost imperceptible smirk on his lips. “And now get out!”

The automatic doors close silently and I halt awkwardly turning around. But I find myself alone with the Slig who possesses my body.

It smells of mold. The corridor is dark and narrow with a high ceiling and dirty walls. Above us a malfunctioning light is flickering in its forlorn rhythm.

We stare at one another.

Despite of the hate and disgust, each of us feels the other ones horror and helplessness more than his own.

“If you harm my body in any way I’ll kill you.” 01 whispers.

”I just wanted to say the same.” I say through gritted teeth tightening my grip around the baton.

We stand there for a long time like frozen figures of a nightmare.

…

“Ey what are ya doin here?”

Startled we both spin around to where the voice came from.

A Slig is walking towards us, a fresh opened bottle of brew in one of his hands and a gun in the other.

“Mind your own fkrzzin business!” 01 swears back with irritation, throwing him a deadly glare.

“What?! What did the shkr Mud just say?” The Slig halts next to me.

“Oh uhm he’s a failed experiment don’t mind him sir …his brain is erhm…damaged. I better bring him back to his cell…” I reply nervously, glancing at 01, my eyes speaking a silent warning.

But I only cause him to get more irritated.

“I’m the fkrzzin Slig! Stop commanding me around as if I was one of your kind you ass-kissing mud!” He punches the wall behind him with his fist, shivering with rage. “Fkrzz stop being in my head!”

“I’m not in your head! I wasn’t saying a word!” I hiss under my breath trying to suppress his anger that flashes over.

“Look at him! Look at this shkr and tell me does he look like a Slig to you?!” 01 screams turning to the other Slig. “I mean yeah he looks like a fkrzzin Slig but at the same time he isn’t-he’s just ... I-”

“Why don’t you kill the Scrub then?” The Slig turns to me ignoring 01. “He seems to be one of the annoying dangerous types.” He empties his brew with four gulps and stares at me.

I don’t know what to reply to this but I’m glad that a mask hides my expression.

I turn to 01 knowing that there is no way I could ever stop him.

“Oh…. ya don’t have a gun. And ya don’t want to mess up the floor…”

I turn back to the other Slig as he aims at 01.

“I haven’t seen that ya don’t have a gun, my bad you must be new here …” He says impassively.

I hold my breath and tense up. One part of my mind is fighting the thought to do something and the other part is already going through the different options I would have, if I dared to snatch that gun from him.

“…”

“Yeah come on! Do it! I can’t wait f-”

A single shot is fired. It makes me wince in terror.

“See? That’s why ya should get one as soon as possible. It’s better for your own safety and the safety of all of us.” The Slig gives me a short nod and strolls down the corridor vanishing in the darkness.

It’s very silent and I hear myself breathing. I perceive the faint whirring of the flickering lamp, penetrating the darkness with its sick yellowish light.

It reminds me of the irregular heartbeat of an organism that is about to die.

While my own heart is throbbing loudly I slowly turn around to 01.

Please be alive. PLEASE BE ALIVE!


***




-to be continued- ? (I know that i broke my promise now because this chapter sucks entirely... sorry about that...:( but I think it was this chapter which causes me writers block every time i read it ...)



next update won't be so soon first of all there is some art i have to finnish and secondly I have like a billion exams till december 21. and WTF I should be learning chemistry right now!!! >:C duh

i don't know why you give yourself so much grief over that chapter, because personally, i was impressed by it. i wasn't expecting the slig to shoot either. this is my favourite style of Oddworld fictional writing.

Interesting chapter - I like how you portray them suddenly trying to act like the other. It'll be interesting to see how they acclimatise (assuming 01 survived!)

Will they/he get used to their/his new body?

it's just becasue I'm not a writer... I draw...

and whatever I write is in my head as a drawing or a movie or comic or something... and If i reread what I wrote and i can't see any of these scenes i described as a picture in my head it is as if the story is completely dead.

but that also happens when i reread it too much... so i don't really know how it is... and if I don't know that... you know i don't want to be annoying or something ...

but if you think it was good... thank you :3


Edit: yeah everyone!!!!! learning chemistry is extremely boooring -.-

While the whole idea makes for interesting possibilities, I had yet to expect this to happen. Now with an added clifhanger, it really hits the spot.:D

Very good chapter.

My favourite part by far was:

“…”

Oh yes. Totally wicked smiley there.

thanx all guys!!!!!!!!! ^__^ (merry x-mas & a happy new year!!! :D)


ah I know it was too obvious xD

*sigh* this story became a complete mess but I'd rather die trying to write than just cancle something! ...so i upload the next one now that you don't forget it all xD (i suppose you did anyways :p)


i changed the plot ..a little... well.. i have to rewrite the following chapters, but I only rewrote the next 3 parts so far... part 6 and half of 7 before christmas and part 5 and the other half of part 7 this week... (i was reading FURUBA before <3 so i couldn't write hehe and i watched avatar.. there are no words to describe it ^.^... but 3D does not make a huge difference since you don't pay attention to it after a while... but still i luv i-max cinemas (we went to cinecitta in nürnberg *3* ) i'll write some more about it when i draw some fanart x3) ...ähm back to the topic xD


lets see if it still fits together xD at least my writers block is gone now... thanks to maths... <3 it's so boring that it can cure any kind of writers or art block <3 <3 <3


uhm... remember part 4 ? -01 got shot and was about to die... (i have not forgotten about it.)


haha and don't mind those names... i couldn't think of any.

aaaaanyways




enjoy :p


(.... 5 ....)




***

I never knew what enduring true loneliness meant, not till the day I became a Slig.


***


It’s 23:30pm and I’m waiting in front of a laboratory for my first guarding shift to start.

Nervously I swing my baton and look right and left every 10 seconds.

Time doesn’t want to pass and I feel forgotten and out of place. A moth is fluttering around one of the lights. Dancing through the dust filled air, it makes me wonder where it came from and if I ever will be able to go there as well.

Going back…

I grab my baton and smash the Moth against the wall. –But that didn’t help it either, it already brought back the memories of my past. Its wings twitch slightly as I brush it off.

I slump to the ground next to it, leaning against the cold wall feeling all empty inside.

-Empty and yearning for something that I can never have again.

***

Finally a Slig turns up.

I glower at him, my thoughts too dark to hide them.

“Are you the new one?” He asks in a suspicious tone.

“Uhm.. yeah” I roll to my feet hastily.

“Follow me… tonight we have to guard the main gate because Darko and Tyrin got into trouble with the boss again…” He rolls his eyes and lights a cigarette while he walks.

“They are two Big Bro Sligs and so 4 of us have to replace them…”

“Right now it would be a good time to escape… at least better than with the two of them…” I mumble thoughtlessly while we pass by at a sign that says ‘no smoking’.

The Slig grins and looks at me: “You know what? –You talk and behave like a Mud.”

“Wha- no – No! I only… have a really bad day… bad day.” I shake my head.

“My name’s Ed.”

“I’m Sab-… I mean 02.” I gulp.

Ed chuckles and greets a passing by Slig. -Is he already used to meet strange guys like me? Or maybe he just doesn’t care at all…

As we reach the enormous main gate the other two Sligs already patrol in front of it. They give us vicious side glances but neither of them talks to us.

“Don’t mind them… they’re always like that.” Ed murmurs under his breath. “Just don’t get too close to the tired looking one.”

“Why?”

But Ed doesn’t answer or he ignores me –I’m not sure.

“Your guarding post will be up there…” He points to a catwalk in the penumbra above the gate. “…hope you’re not afraid of heights. And give me that.”

He takes the baton from my hand and gives me a sniper rifle. “See you later…”

I look at the rifle in my hands for a moment then I slowly start to climb up the ladder. In the dark I feel even more lost in my thoughts and there is nothing I have to do either. I sit down on the ground leaning at the wall behind me and staring into nothing until I fall asleep eventually.


***

hmmmm what did happen before 23:30pm ? -> part 6 will be quite bizarre O.O

to be continued... (next part next week...or so)... if at least one person replies ^^

Aw, that is so sad! You've really caught the mood there brilliantly. Just all that's been taken from him, that he can never go back to... And smashing that moth suggests he's becoming more slig-like. How long till he forgets who he used to be?

Very good.

Not a bad description of what he feels. Very dark feel too.

very nice work, and the moth getting smashed really does symbolise something very dark, very grim. i was a bit shocked when i read that part, as i wasn't expecting it.

thank you all! :D



this is one of the more bizarre and abstract things i wrote for this story... ^^;



but



see for yourselves and hopefully enjoy :p and constructive criticism is very welcome - always! 8D

(.... 6 ....)

…I started to dream – And the whole world seemed to become a dark abyss and all my life was nothing more than a fraction of a moth’s wing beat. All of the sudden I was not sure which of the things I remembered were real and which were not…

***

01 is half leaning against the wall and half lying on the ground supporting himself with his arm.

“Are you ok?” I gasp. –Why? Why?! This is not fair! No!

He’s frozen and his expression is blank. There is a lot of blood flowing out of a tiny wound below his shoulder forming a dark puddle of blood underneath silently.

I look back to the other Slig who had just shot him, but he already disappeared.

“Hey you! Are you alive?!” Why? Why a Slig and a Mudokon for their weird twisted experiments! Shit! Why did he do this? Why does this have to happen to me?!

But he still doesn’t move a muscle, by now the blood has reached my metal feet.

-Oh no please I don’t want to live the rest of my life as a Slig! I’m not you! Give me my body back! Give it back!! You have no right! No right to die! Not with this body!

“Shit.” –He’s so brainless! He wasn’t even thinking about the consequences for a second!

-“Is he dead?”

I almost jump up as I hear the faint voice.

“What the… where are you?!”

“I’m here.” She murmurs.

“You are a female…” I adapt my voice and whisper: “How old are you? You’re almost a child…”

She shrugs. Her skin is very pale and she looks so fragile that I wonder how she could ever survive in such a place. Her big pale eyes follow every of my movements.

But then she looks at 01.

“He will die.”

“No he won’t.” I look at him as well. He hadn’t moved for quite a while now.

“HE WON’T!” –But there is no sound coming out of my mouth anymore and I can’t breathe.

“Yes he dies right now… Sligs always die when they do that to them.” She whispers, her eyes widening .

I can’t breathe and I feel a sharp pain in my shoulder. As I look down there is blood everywhere. Did I return to my body?

I look up feeling the cold metal of the wall behind my back. Cold and heavy it’s leaning against my back with all its weight.

No! No no I …won’t I will not… I try to stand up but my body is not moving. I cannot move I lost … lost it.

I get dizzier … every moment. Everything… so vertiginous those walls so close and yet so far away. The room starts rotating around me -melting away.

01 is standing there, looking at me.

His empty artificial eyes do not move as he stares at me while slowly – very gently – a strange tiredness overcomes me.

I want to close my eyelids but instead I turn back to the little girl.

“I know who you are!” I say trying desperately to stay awake. “You are the...”

She looks at me calmly while my last strength leaves my body.

Suddenly I’m back in the corridor and 01 is half leaning against the wall and half lying on the ground supporting himself with his arm.

“Are you ok?” I gasp.

He’s frozen and his expression is blank. There is a lot of blood flowing out of a tiny wound below his shoulder forming a dark puddle of blood underneath silently.

“Hey you! Are you alive?!”

But he still doesn’t move a muscle, by now the blood has reached my metal feet.

For a second my vision gets black and I feel weightless.

But before I fall I hear a faint voice that holds me back.

“Shit. -Never thought… the Fkrzzer would shoot me. So fast.” -01 suddenly says calmly and starts chuckling.

I take a deep breath and open my eyes again.

“Are you mad?! Do you want us to get killed?” I shout into the silence a weird echo follows every of my words.

After a pause he answers me with a weak smile: “You mean ‘…want my body to get killed’.” He corrects me. “But it seems you don’t care for your body much anyways…”

He turns his head slightly and looks down at the blood overflown ground. “I’ll have to clean it up myself later, right?”

“Yes.” I mumble faintly and lift him up. “Have you… have you seen that girl too? ...”

He says nothing and as I look at him I see that it is not him who I carry but the strange girl. Her pallid eyes are wide open, staring into nothing and her whole body is trembling and twitching.

>>01-E01415M778 –Failed.<< -it echoes in my head over and over again becoming louder and louder…

*****

from now on it will be easier for me to rewirte the chapters (plot-wise [yay the actual plot can start now!!! ]) but i won#t have much time ; _ ;


anyways hope it was ok (now when i upload every part in a week it is not so obvious i think ...but as a whole the story lacks a lot of things) the other fanfiction is better.

it is not so dark and boring but with more suspense and more characters. and written in 3. person and past. (the book that inspired me for this was Kafka-Der Prozess (a very boring book we read at school, that i started to like at some point :p i look forward to the day when i start posting the 2. story here ^^)

ok i wanted to say a lot more but i know how annoying long 'analyzing' comments after a chapter can be so i leave it all to you! ^^ -that makes the thing more interresting after all! sooooo what do you think? 8D

Oooh, it's starting to get a little spooky :D I want to know who this little girl is and what she's doing in such a place!

It's his dream so we don#t know whether she exists or not and who she is... yet. :p thank you! :D

Very surreal... A bit confusing, but interesting to wonder how significant all that was. How much was dream-rubbish and how much actually meant something? Actually, I liked it for all that. Things don't have to be clear to be good! Daring use of confusion; good job :p

I look forward to reading more!