funny jokes
 

hey guy's any of you got some wicked joke's I have a funny one

why coulden't the pirate play cards


because he was sitting on the deck LOL

Q. Why wasn't that joke funny?

A. Because it wasn't.

what do you mean it's not funny

but here's another one

why can't cats use a computer

because they keep chasing the mouse

Well, you are only 12 and these jokes are very childish. Why don't you post these jokes on a forum with other young children? I'm sure they'll enjoy them a lot more than we do.
To me, these jokes aren't even remotely funny and I don't think others will find them particularly amusing either.

well can you gimme some if not I will find some other young users on this forum

but I know one that is quite stupid and adult like

news flash a helicopter has crashed in ireland in a graveyard over 3'000 body's were found

WOW! These are hillarious...
...
...
Q. What do you call this thread?
A. A joke.

EDIT - My joke was so bad I deleted it.

ok that is stupid

sorry got rid of it thought it might be offensive to others

and soulstice why did you change you'r avatar you other one is better

Um.......because Desperate Housewives is my favourite show.

oh right sorry don't watch stuff like that I just love little britain

anyway on with the topic what do you think of that picture I said about

Ergh....I can't stand Little Britain.

my mum hates it aswell I go around the house doing impresions of andy
got any jokes my brain is empty

Desperate Housewives? Little Britain? Psht... Seinfeld for me!

joke:
Yo mama so old, someone asked her to act her age and she died.

I have some very funny jokes, but most of them are extremely offensive. I don't really know any funny mild-mannered jokes.

Post them anyway. Death to the under 13's!

Yeah post them. We don't have enough offensive jokes around here.

You guys are cool with racist jokes and stuff?

Actually, I have a sex joke that I thought was funny. But just for censcorship, I'll use italicized words in place of harsh language. (For the lil 'uns).

Ok, so a kid heard about female organs at his school and when he came home he asked his dad, "Daddy, what's a female organ look like?" His dad replied, "Well son, before sex it looks like a beautiful red flower blooming on a bright spring day." So the kid thought about that and said, "Well, what does it look like after sex?" So the father strokes his beard for a minute, thinking about how to describe it to his son. Finally he looks up and says, "Well, have you ever seen a bulldog eat mayonnaise?"

End of joke.

i've got plenty of rude jokes, i only say them becuase they are funny. are we aloud to say blond jokes? if not, don't read ahead. the joke is lame, but it's a start.
a bunch of blonds and a brunette or swinging on a rope, they see that the rope is about to break due to the load it is carrying. the brunette asks the blonds to jump off but they are silent, so the brunette sighs and annousence that she will jump off. the blonds all clap and fall off.
end of joke.

I don't get it.

This one is my all-time favourite joke:

Q: What does a mathematician do when he's constipated?
A: He works it out with a pencil.


I learnt that one from a rabbi...

That was even funnier than the joke! :goof:

Well, i really hate pedophile-jokes. They aren't funny, they are just sick.

Anyway, here's a blonde-joke. Maybe some of you might think it's dirty, but oh well...

Q: How do you brake a blondes nose?

Q: Stick a penis under a glass-table.

I did a thread exactly like this.

Q: How can you keep a blonde busy forever?

A: Put her in a circular room, and tell her there's a vibrator in the corner.



Q: A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are fed up with life. So they decide to commit suicide together. They all jump off a high building, at the same time. The blonde weighs 65 kg, the brunette weighs 60, and the redhead weighs 70. If you look at weight, and gravity, who will be splattered last?




Come on, you're not THAT bad at math, right?








A: The blonde, she has to ask the way...



Q: So, if a crocodile and a hare would have a contest who's in bed first, who would win?

A: The hare, it only needs to brush 2 teeth.

ok this is getting out of hand I tell some of these to my friends in school tomorow

heres one it's a picture with a man in a hospital bed with glasses looking shocked and a nurse it holding his testicles in her hand and the doctor says I thought I said to slowly slip off his specticles

*points to stupid shit thread with mean glance*

well have you got any jokes

I don't know how jokey this is, but I wanted to say.

Q. What did the five fingers say to face? :p

I have a joke it kind of sux though but here it is any way.

Get a jar filled with beer a jar filled with smoke a jar filled with sperm and a jar filled with soil. Put a worm in eahc of the jars. In the mornign you will see the one in the jar with smoke. Dead. The worm in the Beer.Dead. The one in the Semen. Dead. The one in the soild . ALIVE. Lesson learned is that Drinking, smokingAnd sex kills Worms. Yes i know it isn't that great.

If they ALL jump off the building at the SAME TIME then the blonde jumped with the others, therefore she would've landed at the same time as anyone else. Gravity doesn't care if you don't know which way is up or down. :nonono:

Chinese Proverbs:

Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.
Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
Crowded elevator smell different to midget and children.

Ummm... it wasn't a pedophile joke. I said I'd censor the language so as to not offend the children.

Hehe, Dino that last one was good.

Q: What does a duck and the electricity company have in common?

A: They can both stick their bills up their arses.

stranger punches skycart joe.yeah heard before

Well, i never said it was pedophile... But you kind of asked which jokes we thought were alright, so i was just warning against pedophile-jokes. They aren't funny, it's something that happens everyday. All the others are alright.

Here's one:

The brunette, the clever blonde, Santa and the easter-bunny, were walking outside together. Suddenly they saw 50 bucks on the ground. Who picked it up?

A: The Brunette... the others don't exist.

Lol, but it's kinda weird that you keep posting humour 'bout blondines...
It might be because of this:

Oh I see, I thought you were referring to my joke... my bad.

Q) What do you call a blonde who's dyed her hair brown?
A) Artificial Intelligence.

If you're going to be really nitpicky; the redhead weighed the most, which would imply she has the largest surface area. Thus she would take the longest to fall due to increased wind resistance.

And time for what is possibly the worst joke I've ever heard:

Q) What did the zero say to the eight?
A) Nice belt!






(explanation: 0 -> 8 !)

I can't believe I'm posting in this thread, but here is an awful joke some girl said at school:

Q) How does a fish get high?
A) Seaweed

To start with, any affects of wind resistance on a large person compared to a small person would be minimal if they only fell for a relatively short distance like 350 - 400 meters off of a tall skyscraper. But I'm going to disregard this and get right down to the science.

Let's replace the human with an iron cannon ball and let it fall for a distance of 100 meters, then let's assume that the ball's mass will be equal to the wind resistance, and the inertia will mostly overcome and cancel out the effects of the wind resistance, which will leave you with a minimal wind resistance that won't produce any noticeable difference in the time it takes for the cannon ball to reach the ground compared to an object of a smaller mass but equally smaller surface area.

However if you spread out the mass of the cannon ball into an object with a larger surface area but identical weight, then the wind resistance will become greater than mass, and therefore the inertia will not be able to overcome the wind resistance with as much force, causing it to fall slower. This is loosely known as the parachute effect.

In other words, the effect of wind resistance is detirmined by the surface area of the object encountering it, and not weight or mass. The mass detirmines the object's inertia. The weight is an indicator of gravity's effect on the object, which will always remain constant with the mass. The speed of the fall is determined by the objects ability to overcome wind resistance relative to the objects mass. If two objects, one big object, and one smaller object of equally smaller mass, (in other words, a fat human and a thin human) are dropped at the same time off of a tall building then they will fall at the same speed, because they both have equal ability to overcome the wind resistance.

That is the trick to the rate of fall. Inertia vs resisting forces.

Good point, I wasn't taking into account terminal velocity. Though I have to say that you could have made your point a lot clearer. And added a joke or two to remain on-topic.

Ummmm....

A) What do you do when you see a spaceman?
Q) You park your car, man!

this joke is pretty lame but still:
there's a apartment with 4 floors
on the 3rd floor there is a guy cutting with sharp knives
on the 2nd floor there is a guy pissing off the balcony
on the 1st floor there is a guy painting his the walls brown
on the ground floor a guy is cooking a BBQ
the man on the 3rd floor slips and drops one of his expensive knives, cutting off the guy on the 2nd floors ****, it lands on the 1st floors balcony and into some spilled brown paint and on off the balcony onto the BBQ. the guy on the ground floor says "mmm free suasage and meat balls!"