Meeps!? hah, awsome Splat!
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I knew it was Meeps! Splat didn't tell me directly, but I did tell him I got an X-box for christmas with Munch's Oddysee. Later on, he came and asked me what sound Meeps make, and I told him that they bleet. Then, in the last chapter, this sentence caught my eye:
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Glad u guys like, it's what makes the job worth while *sniff*!
And that eye thing? It's a typo! I did a lot of research on meeps before writing that chapter.. Alrite, i did get the eye thing wrong but i did honestly know about the one eye, its one of the many odd features of Oddworld that i accidentally overlooked! (Note to self, meeps have unibrow!) (And searge, no one liks a show off (especcially one that keeps calling my Splaty! At least give me double ts as well!(eg, Splatty))) |
Fine, fine, Splat. I tried with two t's, but it did look weird.
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s'alrite.
And T, i think most people here hate glukkons and vykkers! |
Coolness. Is Splat gonna have to fight them all off? Or will something else happen..
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MOM news bulliten
A slig stands balancing his microphone on the palm of his hand. suddenly he drops it and it crashes to the floor making static noises to wake the dead. The slig jumps about a metre into the air and grabs it and shoves it to mis mouth. "Magog on the march, news to give ya the blues! Splat - the awsome fanfiction writer - reports story production down? NO!" Splat: "It aint my fault! There aint no chapters anywhere! No chapters means no story! No story means no moolah! AND IT'S AL THAT BOOMIN ENGLISH TEACHERS FAULT! *CRIES*" Slig: This highly original message brought to you by laquameety! If you're beat just eat the meat!(Anyone claiming that this news reportis not highly original will be shot and then put in solitary confinement for a month)" |
*Sargentbig's face is blank. Very blank. Very, very, perhaps purposely blank. Eventualy it creates the image of a grin, somewhat strained*
Wow. What a highly original Magog on the March news report. Yes. Splat should be applauded for his originaliy. Yes. *Runs and hides before heads roll* |
Ah, searge, you always manage to brighten my mood. And so, as thanks, the freshly produced...
Chapter 34 Splat “You’re gonna die in about 15 seconds!” Said an annoying little voice in my head. Now most people who know me (which was pretty much no one right then) know I have this thing about little annoying voices (eg, Munch) and generally when I hear a little annoying voice I do the opposite to what the voice tells me to do. That is why, suddenly and totally out of the blue, I screeched the screech of angry scrabs everywhere. Battered and bloody and barely conscious, I prepared to face about 500 carnivorous meeps intent on making me lunch. Biology lesson: shred power has a record of destroying anything that isn’t harder than rock or metal. Carnivorous meeps are not harder than rock or metal. Blood and flesh and fuzz went flying everywhere. Much of the blood was my own, blood that was being flung out of my body by the force of shred power. Another biology lesson: a healthy scrab can take down most opponents without using shred power. A bloody, chewed up scrab can be taken down by most opponents as soon as shred power runs out. I found myself pinned against the door by the weight of 500 killer meeps. The solid wall they had formed meant none of them could stay still long enough to get a solid grip on me. Instead they were shaving off bits of skin and flesh as they dug in teeth and were then shoved aside. Pain surged through my dying body. Blood was sprayed everywhere, I couldn’t see. Then I felt myself falling backwards. I love irony. I hit metal ground hard and heard faintly through the blood and fluff that muffled my ears a panicked yell. I smelt sizzling flesh. The meeps covering my body had stopped moving. I tried to move but found myself to weak. I heard a voice: “Don’t move!” He was an idiot, whoever he was. I lost consciousness. My every inch of my skin stung. I could smell something… familiar… what was it? I tried to move and immediately felt my stomach heave. I quickly leant over and what felt like everything I had eaten in the last month was spewed out of my mouth onto the floor with a splatter. Weird that none of it fell over me. I forced myself to open my eyes despite a murderous headache that seemed to appear as soon as I had moved. I realised that I was lying on a metal bed inside a metal room with metal walls and floor and ceiling. Where was I? Then it came to me: the corridor, the meeps, the door opening behind me and then… a voice? I looked around the room again but saw nothing else in there. I looked down at my own body: I was covered in clean white bandages that had been soaked in soaked in some liquid. I sniffed. Of course: antiseptic! It was antiseptic that I could smell and that the bandages were soaked with. I remembered the smell from the labs where I had lived for 4 years. I tested my spindles and found them covered over. I reached onto my back and felt a strip of bandage over them… or it? Whatever, I ripped the bandage away and instantly felt blood come gushing out. I quickly shot out a rope of thread and covered the bleeding patches on my back. Then I slowly and carefully ripped off the artificial bandages and replaced them with my own web. Most of the wounds were only flesh wounds; it was just that I was covered in flesh wounds so I had lost loads of blood. Whoever had saved me from the meeps had obviously replaced the blood I’d lost: there must have been a medical cupboard nearby. Anyway, flesh wounds would heal quickly with paramite healing potion stuff on them. I lay back on my metal bed and gazed up at the ceiling. I jerked awake to the noise of grinding metal. I leapt up. I couldn’t believe I had fallen asleep! I looked around the room to see where the noise was coming from; in the wall to my right a metal door was swinging noisily open from the wall. I leapt off the bed to the door and kicked whoever was coming through in the stomach. A young vykker went reeling backwards. “You can’t kill me!” He screamed loudly as I pinned him to a wall. “Give me one reason why not… and don’t bother trying to pull the poisonous vital organ thing on me!” “Cause I just spent the last 41 hours trying to cover up for the meep incident! If the other vykkers find out you’re here they’ll steal you before I can claim the reward.” “I’ve been unconscious 41 hours?” He nodded nervously. “Then why don’t you just kill me now?” “Don’t you ever watch the news?” “Not any time in the last 43 hours at least,” I answered. “Handing you in alive is worth 65,000,000 moolah while your body can only fetch 2,000,000!” (Which just goes to show how important it is to be up-to-date with the local news) “Seriously?” “Y-yeah!” “Weird.” I muttered. “So you gotta let me go!” “Oh, yeah, whatever. But tell me first, which way is it to the mudokon bunks?” He pointed a shaky finger down the corridor. “Cheers,” I answered and chucked him into the vault where he’d been keeping me, slammed to door after him, locked it (it was a combination lock, all I had to do was change the number he’d entered) and turned and headed down the corridor. Hope you guys like, sorry it took absolutely ages and ages and ages. |
Wow... Amazing chapter!!! :)
You really know your stuff. Shaky fingers and all :D |
Fear brings out the shakiness in people!! :D
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Whee! More chapters! I must reward you with a chapter of my own sometime this... um... age.
...What're you all staring at me like that for? Get back to work! |
Does that mean before or during the "second Ice-age" that the cinemas are warning us about?
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Bah! Cinemas! They don't know anything... least of all my planet-freezing device designed to bring about a second ice age! Muahaha-
oh, yeah, this is suposed to be a secret, so please don't tell anyone. -hahahahaha! |
... *twitches*... *runs off in the direction the giant neon "FBI SECRET BASE THIIS WAY" is pointing*
New chapter comindg soon (hopefully) |
Wow, so quick, fresh off the market shelves, this one!
Chapter 35 Splat R + R rooms. Sounds innocent enough: that’s until you realise that this is a vykkers version of R + R. What do you think vykkers do for fun? The passage was long and bendy, as well as having a lot more branches off than the Cute and Cuddly Labs. I wouldn’t say that’s a good thing. But the place seemed equally deserted, nothing living in site except for mould that was growing on the walls and various objects left lying around that I wouldn’t like to mention! After a rather uneventful hour I was able to strip off most of my bandages without leaving a bloodstain. I stuffed the webbing into my bag, not wanting to leave it lying around. It was it was another half an hour later when I heard a mechanical whirring up ahead and the voices of a slig and a vykker. Swiftly, I opened a conveniently placed door that I conveniently happened to be standing next to (conveniently, it wasn’t locked) and slipped in, closing the door behind me and stood against it, listening for the sound of the couple passing me and praying they wouldn’t come into this room. Conveniently, they didn’t. As soon as they passed I moved to open the door. But then I glanced back over my shoulder and gasped. Rows and rows of shelves hid the walls of the room. They were covered with tightly-packed glass jars, all the same shape, which fitted perfectly into the shelves leaving just millimetres of clearance between jars and shelves. Each jar was filled with fizzing pale yellow liquid and had some sort of organ or body part in them. Rows of jars containing mudokon arms fused together, slig lungs, intern gallbladders, hundreds of different kinds of organs, many I didn’t recognise (strange for someone who spent 2 (Oddworld) years in a lab). But that wasn’t the main thing that got my attention in the room. In the centre of the metal floor there were several enormous “surgical” machines surrounding a metal bed (And I would be lying if I said I didn’t mind being near surgical machinery). And lying on the metal table was what appeared to be a mudokon. I couldn’t see that clearly because the light in the room was dim but I didn’t need a closer look to tell me that this guy wasn’t your average mudokon. Despite every cell in my body urging me to get out of that room quick, I stepped forward for a closer look. R+R rooms. The mudokon’s body and head and legs were all perfectly normal. But where his arms should have been there were no arms. Crafted onto the sides of his body were long bluey-green tentacles, strapped to the bed and trailing down to his knees. Every angle of the surgery showed that there was no point what so ever to what had been done to that guy. The skin had been quickly sowed together and not properly fused. The tentacles were obviously very heavy, there was no way this guy would be able to carry them properly. No, this was the vykker’s form of R+R. The mudokon’s chest was heaving quickly and unevenly as if breathing was a difficulty for him, even when unconscious. I was turning to leave when he suddenly gave an extra-load rasp and his eyes fluttered open. He looked at me. Or at least he tried: he seemed unable to focus and his eyes kept rolling up into his head. Then he spoke in a rasping voice that sounded as if it had been broken, glued roughly together and then broken up again: “Wh-who are you?” I gazed down at his face, pain wreathed his face and it looked as if the effort of talking almost knocked him out. For a second I thought it had lost consciousness till he opened his mouth to speak again. I interrupted him and answered: “I’ve come to save some of the prisoners here.” Slowly an elated smile spread over his face and he actually started to cry out of either joy or pain. He tried to speak but his shattered voice box didn’t seem to want to let him so instead he raised the end of a tentacle and gently stroked my hand with it. But suddenly, the effort seemed too much for him. His eyes rolled up to his forehead and his body sank down onto the table. As he was on the edge of passing out he opened his mouth once more and said barely above a whisper, “Mudokons are the cogs that make this place work… it’s on the door…” Then he added, so quietly that I could barely hear him, even with a scrab’s ears, “you were… one of the lucky ones…” He passed out. “You were one of the lucky ones.” I remembered my own words: “0941 of the scrabaromitoken project.” 0941. That meant 940 mudokons either died, went insane or ended up like this guy. If I had been 939 I wouldn’t have been standing here. I might not have been standing at all! “One of the lucky ones”? Talk about the understatement of the millennia. This is what happened to the mudokons that were captured by the glukkons. This is what is still happening to the mudokons who are still being captured. This is what is happening to the mudokon species, my species. And this is what Abe is fighting against. As long as this goes on, mudokons will suffer like this and die. That is why they are fighting, a few mudokons and a gabbit verses 3 species bent on the destruction of the mudokon race. I left the room with a sick feeling in my gut. His scarred hand branded On moons odd face This hero may free The mudokon race With skin of blue And Spirit guides too Only He can save our bones from brew. But if he falls To glukkon yoke Mudokon nation... ...Be doomed to croak... |
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... ... Very Cool! Nice chapter! |
...........mmm.... That was a very sad chapter.......... I hope that Splat will save them all... Keep it coming!
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So is this guy gonna get saved, or be left to die?
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Thanx for all the replies, glad u all like that one. Drakan? Think about it: he's probably gonna die anyway.
I have actually thought about sticking this guy into one of the future stories in this set but so far i havent been able to fit in what i had in mind. Still, you never know... |
Is...this the end? O_O
*sniffles* I love this fic! *waves flag* Three hurrah's for Splat! |
If you mean the end of the fic, not by a long shot. Glad you like and wer u bin musy? I've been missin ya!
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okay then... So let's continue with this!! NOW!! OR I WILL EAT ALL THE CHAPTERS!!!
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STOP EATING MY CHAPTERS! THEY ARE PRIVATE PROPERTY! IF YOU DON'T STOP EATING MY CHAPTERS THEN I'LL STOP POSTING CHAPTERS AND YOU'LL NEVER KNOW HOW IT ENDS AND YOU WILL ALL DIE SAD AND MISERABLE WITH NO IDEA OF HOW THE STORY ENDS AND WHAT THE SEQUALS WERE GONNA BE ABOUT!!! *takes breath*, oh boy, long sentence. Anyway, before i faint, chapter... something!
Chapter 36 Splat The first sign that I was approaching the bunks was an increase in the number of bloodstains. And the smell. I’m yet to visit a factory, lab or mine where the mudokons quarters didn’t stink like a dead glukkon. This place was no exception and a few minutes later I was walking past a large board labelled: “Mudokon Bunks ahead, no unortherised entry.” I muttered something less-than-polite under my breath and kept walking. A few minutes later I came across a story stone and stuffed my hand into it: Due to highly paranoid security precautions, up ahead you will find 5 doors. One of these doors will lead you to the Mudokon Bunks; the other 4 will result in various forms of painful death. If you have authorisation but do not know the door, please ask the head of security for advice. If your name is Abe, please pick the wrong door. Thank you for your time. Weird. Another 10 metres along the corridor twisted sharply to the right, opening into a chamber with 5 doors leading from it; on each door was a picture. They were a hammer, a star, a scrab, a cog and a black oval. I stared at the 5 pictures on the 5 doors and one thought crossed my mind: can I ask the audience? Stay calm Splat; just think about it! I thought, 5 doors, Mudokon Bunks. Well mudokons are slaves and slaves have… hammers? No, too obvious, not even sligs are that stupid. Scrab then? Scrab means death, you want to avoid death so you wouldn’t bother to pick a scrab, right? Unless they’re using reverse-psychology; I’d come back to that one. A star then? But why a star… you’re more likely to find that on a glukkons office but if the door lead to a painful death… Odd, I hate reverse-psychology! A cog… nothing springs to mind there. I’ll come back to that one too. And the black oval. Sorta looks like a hole I guess. That does almost look like a trapdoor beneath it. Ok, cancel hole. Scrab, star or cog. I’m pretty sure the scrab is just reverse psychology. You think a scrab is to forced to be a bad thing so you pick it but that’s just what the glukkons want you to think so… ok, I’m just confusing myself now, star or cog? Nothing about those two have any message of painful death. No clue comes from what I’m seeing here. What are the odds of getting it write through complete guess? 50%. Fine then, I’ll toss a coin for it. I pulled a 1-moolah coin from my backpack and flipped it into the air. “Wings is cog,” I muttered as it flipped in mid air; I caught it in my left hand and pressed it onto the back of my right hand. Taking a deep breath, I parted my fingers a looked down at the face-up symbol on the coin. It had come up mandibles, which meant I was going to try the star door. “Oh odd, please let this be the right one,” I muttered quietly. I stepped forward and reached out for the metal door handle… METAL DOOR HANDLE!!! I shot a look around the room at all the other doors. They each had a wooden handle except this one. My hand hovered about a centimetre above the metal. Why should this one be metal when all the rest were wooden? An image of 50,000 volts of electricity (the official execution level) passing through my body entered my head; I bent down and peered at the handle. Yes, there was a spot on the very bottom of it that looked as if someone had welded a wire onto the handle. I shuddered when I thought of how close to a painful death I had come and stepped back. Which door was it then? Suddenly I found myself not trusting the cog painted onto the door. Well hurry up and choose Splat, the readers are getting bored! I thought. It was then that I remembered the words said to me by a dying mudokon only 25 minutes ago: “Mudokons are the cogs that make this place work… it’s on the door…” How could I be so stupid? I walked up to the door and reached out for the handle. Just before I touched it I felt a sting of static electricity; my arm drew back instinctively. I paused for a second. Warning of death or paranoid security system? Glukkons wouldn’t accept a trap that let people know when they were gonna die. I took a deep breath and reached out for the handle. My hand closed over the wooden handle… and I let out the breath. Nothing had happened. I twisted the handle and as I did, I felt the floor below me lurch. I quickly released the handle and stepped back, looking at the tile I was standing on. It was sliding up to become level with the rest of the floor; I reached over it and turned the handle: it lurched down but then returned to its place. “Man, these guys are paranoid,” I muttered. I stepped onto the tile again and shoved the door open, instantly there was a loud screech from the other side like a scrab’s. I ignored it and shoved the door open the rest of the way; it opened out into a narrow, empty corridor. There was a deathly silence. A stench of blood and sweat and chemicals washed over my body like water. This was definitely the bunks. I took a deep breath of the fresh air from behind me and turned to the corridor. Drawing near the end of the story, pretty soon I'll be writing the sequal! I'll finish Splat before i stop for the summer anyway. (oh, and cool banner T) |
Hooray!
... I think that's all... |
OOH!! ME? You like my banner????? WEEEEEEE ^_^ !!!! Thanx...
In return i must say that it's a cool story! :D Really humorous! |
Cheers T! :D
I'm on work experience rite now: it's basically where my school sends us all off to do some job or other for a random company: just an excuse to get the kidsout of the school for a week. I reallyshouldnt be doing this on this computer cause itsa public need-only thing! Better go soon, I'll try and post the next chapter on Sunday but i mite not manage it, the stories almost finished now anyway: about 2 more chapters and an epilogue... then a sequel! YAY, SEQUELS! See you Sunday hopefully! :fuzwink: *runs off as superviso enters the room* |
Gah, no time for message, being kicked off by parents.
Chapter 37 Splat Mudokon bunks were never kept clean but this was definitely the worse I had or have ever seen since. When I’d first entered the labs I’d decided that the stench was artificially generated to be pumped out of the smoke machines; now I decided that the air from the smoke machines was pumped directly from here. But I wasn’t gonna be stopped now: I had come here for a reason and now that I was so close to my goal after battling killer-meeps and brain-dead vykkers, nothing was gonna stop me, not even a terrified scrab in my head! The corridor I found myself in was made of smoky-black metal marked with the occasional dark bloodstain or mouldy corpse (not that that’s anything knew to me). After walking down the corridor for about 20 minutes I came to the first of the cells. An open door in the left wall of the corridor revealed a room with 9 very small and empty cells; there was a sign on the door labelled: “VACANT”. A few moments later I came to another door, also open, on the right hand side. It had the same sign and the same 9 empty cells. If anything, the cells were more disgusting than the corridor: the smell of death and sweat and blood was about 50 times as strong and the walls and floors were plain sick, especially the floors actually inside the cages. They might have been florescent yellow for all I could tell but, for all the blood and mould, I couldn’t see them at all! Every cell I walked past was empty, with the door open, a sign saying “VACANT” and 9 empty cells. It was no wonder that the 10 from Abe’s village had been sent here; they must have been getting through 100 slaves a day! There were enough cells for thousands of mudokons but not one of them with anything in them more intelligent than mould. There weren’t even ratz in this place! Once again I began to think of the thousands of mudokons killed here. It was just sick what the glukkons were doing. It was an hour later and I was starting to worry: what if the guys I was looking for were dead too? Every other cell was empty. I was really starting to worry when, thank Odd, I spotted a closed door in the corridor wall very near the corridor with a sign saying “ENGAGED” on the door. I ran to the door and pulled it open. I looked round quickly and took in a computer terminal that was switched on with a dead and half-rotten slig carcass lying over it and the same 9 cages. 9 cages, 8 of which contained a beaten up mudokon and the ninth containing 2. I felt a screech of triumph welling up inside of me from one o my animal-sides. I quickly forced it down. One of the mudokons slowly opened an eye towards me. Instantly he turned to stare at me with both eyes and then yelled in joy: “SPLAT!!!” “Shut up,” I hissed, glancing back down the corridor. All the mudokons were staring at me now: 2Odd, I can’t believe you actually found us! I thought…” he seemed to notice me looking nervous and said: “Don’t worry, no one ever comes down here, the floors of the cells open up and drop us into the room they want us. Odd, I can’t believe you actually found us!” “Splat, in about 2 minutes that’s gonna happen to us! There’s a timer over there.” I glanced over to a wall were a timer was counting down and was on 1 minute 56 seconds already. “Splat, you gotta get us out. “Where are the keys?” “It’s worked with the computer, the cell control window’s under the one open now.” I ran over to the computer: it was a WINDIES ST computer, one of the newest makes but still really annoying. I was about to close the window in front but then froze as I looked at the program it was running: mudokNfindR 7.8… and someone had logged in! It was all so… I could hardly believe it… hardly believe my luck, it was all here, this could be my only chance to get some of my life back together! But then… “Splat? What are you waiting for, open the cages!” “1 minute, 20 seconds,” Muttered another. “HOW THE HECK DO I MINIMIZE THIS FLIPPIN WINDOW?!?” “You can’t, just close it!” No way I could do that. “I’m to close,” I muttered in answer. “I can’t, not now!” “Splat, we’ve got a minute and 10 seconds till we become test subjects!” I ignored him, I was to close, I would have time. I opened the search engine and typed in the code: SITE: DHM34056 (my village) CODE: 0784555 (His prisoner code, one number below mine, he was captured just before me). I clicked enter… and waited… The mudokons behind me were all screaming something about 50 seconds… “Come on, come on!” I muttered… I swear, never let a computer know you’re in a hurry! Balgits, very rich creator of WINDIES computers, must hate everyone! He just obsesses in making computers that always slow down when you’re in a hurry! Now was no exception: “Stupid, stupid thing!” There was an edge of panic in the mudokons voice: “Splat, I don’t know what you’re doing but I think you should know that in 25 seconds the 10 of us are gonna be killed.” Come on! I slapped the monitor. “20.” Please! “15 seconds Splat.” Come on! I faced the hardest decision of my life: get some of my old life back or… give up what might be my only chance of that ever happening and take on a new life with Abe in the most famous village among slaves and captives in Mudos? But loose the last guy out there who ever really cared for me and would still care for me even as I was now? “10 seconds Splat, it’s now or never…” What will he choose? Next time its the final chapter of Splat! (Not including the Epilogue or sequels). What will he choose? :compmad: (sorry, had to put it in) |
Ohhhh... What will he choose?
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AAAAAAAAAARGH!! ONLY ONE CHAPTER LEFT???? OH nOO? Oh well..
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Sorry T, sad but true (still, theres always the sequals:fuzwink: )
I just finished writing this story (after 4 years of work) so i'll post chapter 38 on Saturday so only the epilogue will be left :crying: |
But....:crying: :crying: The sequals are never the same as the first part!!
Oh.... 4 years of work..... It has been long.... I think you should publish you story :P |
Not exactaly true. Unplanned sequals are never the same as the first part. Coming from splat, it should be just as good.
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It is planned, this story is building to it.
Havent you ever wondered about Splat's past or what the sligs were talkin about in chapter 8? Some will be revealed in the sequel... |
When is the sequel out?
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When the original's finished. Duh. :p
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I'm hoping the sequels will be as good as the original and as for when to expect them, what Searge said (and as for added accuracy, see the trailer which i will post at the end of the fic)
Ok, as the summer officially begins today, i will post the last chapter today and you can expect the epilogue on Sunday or Monday providing i have enough replies. So you all wanna hear what Splat's doing? You wanna know what he chooses NOW? Well, (and heres another one of your vague hints to the Oddworld Story searge), tough! Chapter 38 Abe When you help save a guy accused of killing a bunch of people it’s not uncommon to become hated by everyone in the village. When a mudokon hates someone they’ll hate them properly for a few days, scowling at them, sticking out a foot to trip them up, shoving them out of a tree, you get the idea (and I get the scars). Then they sort of realise they’re wasting energy in kicking you about when they could do just as good a job by simply ignoring you 24 7. And I’m not talking “hey look, a mudokon-shaped rock” ignore, I’m talking full scale, “weird, an invisible mass is blocking the door, maybe if I take a swing at it, it will evaporate” ignore. It was all right for Alf: after a week or 2 people realised that if he was invisible he couldn’t serve drinks. So Alf made a deal with em: they stop ignoring us all the time and he’d reopen his bar. Now they only ignored me some of the time. Some of the time being whenever Alf wasn’t around. So to avoid being slapped by people trying to make the invisible mass they kept (almost purposely) walking into evaporate (they were surprisingly good aims, considering they couldn’t see me), I started spending a lot more time in Alf’s. That still didn’t stop them flicking jellybeans at me when I wasn’t looking… or when I was looking for that matter. And when you’re spending all your time down the local pub and there’s a risk of being slapped till you really do evaporate if you go outside you don’t have much time left over to get ready for a voyage out of the village to some factory somewhere or other. Add to that that Munch kept disappearing for various amounts of time every so often and my life was getting boring (unless you think that getting bombarded with jellybeans everywhere you go as fun). It was a couple of months after Splat had first legged it that Munch appeared in Alf’s Rehab and Tea after not being seen for 2 weeks (his longest disappearance yet). Munch hopped into the bar quietly and said calmly, “ALF, ALF, AAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!!! ALF, I HAD THE GREATEST IDE-” Munch was cut off as he charged straight into me, throwing us both to the ground. “Whoa, sorry Abe,” he said quickly as we disentangled ourselves and sorted out which limbs belonged to who, “I didn’t see you there!” Several other drunks in the bar sniggered. Munch turned back to Alf, “Alf, I had the greatest idea of how you can drag in more customers.” “Come on Munch, I got enough customers as it is. I don’t really need any more.” “Oh, but Alf, look, it’s the same bums every night, when they die you’ll have no one else!” Alf looked worried: “You really think so?” “Definitely, but don’t worry, I got a great idea that’ll save your bar.” "I dunno Munch, this isn’t gonna be like that time you got us to interview loads of animals is it?” Yup, it’s true, Munch had the amazing idea that interviewing scrabs and fleeches would help the bar. And for some unknown reason, Alf had agreed (at least up till he realised Munch didn’t intend on using cages, course by then it was too late!) “Nah, it’s better than that, think of it Alf: the room fills, the lights go up and you walk onto stage and announce… ALF’S REHAB AND TEA’S, FIRST! ANNUAL!! TALENT SHOW!!!” “I dunno Munch, I mean, I don’t even have a stage. And-” Alf was interrupted by one of the guys in the corner, “Hey, yeah. Me and my mates here, we got a sketch that’ll bring down the house.” “Great,” Munch yelled, “Hey, come on, lets go tell everyone on the village! When you gonna hold it Alf?” “Munch, I-” “Monday? GREAT!” And so saying, Munch was out of the door and away before anyone could stop him! It had been an… interesting night. Alf had had a stage built at the back of the bar room (Munch really hadn’t left him much choice) and had finally agreed to hold the thing when Munch had said he’d sell tickets and arrange all the acts (REALLY bad idea). The bums from the pub had done a really disturbing sketch involving a lot of beer and a few dresses. A few people had tried (and failed) to sing various songs and one guy (may Odd rest his soul) had tried to interview a scrab. But now it was time for the final act (one Munch had arranged himself). The lights went dim as a massive chair was wheeled onto stage and about 10 mudokons got into slightly disturbing poses around it. The 2000 odd mudokons in the hall shut up as Munch announced the act: “And as one final treat for all you lucky guys out there (Alf was sobbing about loosing everything by this point) I give you the Regurgitation Roomies (yeah, that’s what I thought) and their song… VYKKERS LABS!!!” (To the tune of “Tragedy”, you know, the really annoying song) Lights are low so all you can see are the silhouettes of 10 mudokons in disturbing poses and the large-backed chair that seems empty. Music starts up into verse 1: (Mudokons in really high voices) Verse 1 We’ve been sent to a lost and lonely part of town, Vykkers Labs is a great big place that makes us frown! We wanna go home But we can’t do it on our own: We really wanna be legging it (bum, bum) Legging it (bum, bum) But we cant escape (bum, bum) We can’t escape-ape-ape-ape-ape-ape-ape-ape Chorus 1 VYKKERS LABS! We don’t wanna go in to this loony bin! VYKKERS LABS! We are just fuzzles in the vykkers eyes, Life’s hard to bare, Vykkers live there: so we wanna be else where! (REPEAT) Musical interlude in which mudokons on stage change position with each beat in a very disturbing way Music starts up into verse 2 Verse 2 Night and day, mudokon slaves cry out in pain They’re beaten up, then tortured and then beaten up again. Let’s get out of here, Even if it takes us a thousand years. Now soon we will be legging it (bum, bum) Legging it (bum, bum) Running away (bum, bum) Running away-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay Chorus 2 VYKKERS LABS! We will get away whatever way, VYKKERS LABS! Let’s make a stand and leave this land I declare! We’ll escape from here and we’ll go live elsewhere! (REPEAT) Music fades There was a stunned silence: none of us had ever heard anything more cheesy in all our lives! That was when the figure stood up out of the chair: we couldn’t see him properly but the silhouette was clear enough. “Splat” Alf and I groaned in unison. Every other mudokon in the hall was evidently angry. Several people screamed and I think one guy had a seizure! “Splat, you got a lot o nerve turnin up here after you ate those 10 guys!” “10 guys? What 10 guys?” “Don’t give us that,” yelled another mudokon, “just before you ran off you sneaked into the village and ate Bill, Tim, Ted, Marco, Bruce, Lea, Bruno, Frank, Polo and Reginald!” Oh yeah,” Answered Splat, “I remember now! Ok, so you’re probably gonna come after me in an angry mob now with your pitchforks and torches and so on but before you do, I wanna introduce you to my backup singers: Bill, Tim, Ted, Marco, Bruce, Lea, Bruno, Frank, Polo and Reginald! THE REGURGITATION ROOMIES!!!” The lights came on, revealing the 10 mudokons around Splat. There was a stunned silence. “So Abe,” Splat asked, “I guess these guys won’t be tryin to kill me for a while now so I ain’t got much to do… You want my help with your next mission?” So what do ya think? :stare: It all ends on Monday (in theory) so see ya then! |
Whoop! He Saved them!
...how did he get back? |
he walked... (Well if Abe and his mates can walk across a desert in a day, it won't take Splat that long will it?)
|
Fair point...
So... now for the Epilogue |