..the dead.

I only saw one dead person, and that’s only because the stupid nurses took down the ‘do not enter’ sign off his door about ten minutes before the morguetricians got there and I wandered in unwittingly, knocking and uttering ‘Hello?’ as we do when curtains are drawn to respect the patients’ privacy. In retrospect I wish I’d just barged in and started shouting ‘What would you like for dinner?’ as though he were merely asleep. That would teach those nurses not to be so impatient. Instead I just retreated calmly and pushed a screen across the door so no one else would make the same mistake. Then the nurse came and shoved it out the way, looking rather annoyed. Stupid nurses. Except you, DI.

What in the hospital makes me want to wank? A male staff changing room that anyone could wander in to, but won’t because my shift ends so late.

you could say that, but it was on a sunday.
was actually a Curb Your Enthusiasm reference not got

smutsmutsmutsmutsmutsmutsmutsmutsmutsmut

when everyone stopped posting, er. WB Rich! :D Care to share your wanks with us?

I'm just amused that you didn't question why Friday-night sex would be so sacred (in Judaism, at least).

Is T.G.I.F. endorsed in the Torah?

No, public drunkenness is only encouraged on Purim (when, the saying goes, it's traditional to get so shickered that you can't differentiate between good Mordechai and evil Haman).

The sex theory goes that sex is, of course, a good deed. After all, the first commandment in the torah is "Go forth and multiply". The sabbath is a holy time, so having sex on the sabbath is a doubly holy act.

Following the same train of thought, could you not triple or quadruple the holiness if you elaborate your multitasking?

What about orgies on the Sabbath?

- Rexy

So... if you make sure that the chocolate syrup is kosher and have the electric sex-toys on a timeclock to turn on and off automatically? You're on to something here!

Is that a request?

don't eat pork, not even with a fork; can't touch this!

It’s good advice.

5/5 I love my girlfriend so much. She has a obsession with socks <3

I just wish she wouldn't sleep in until 12, then come out and grab me, smelling like bed and sweat >.>

Socks?

Knee-highs, of course. She won't get in bed without them...on me. <.<

And people say I'm weird?

They do, Havoc. They do.

I like to put nylon stockings over my head.



-and then go rob a bank

This is the best thing I've read in this thread. Possibly this forum.



Ever.

Wonderful.

5/5 :)

4·7.

Last one:


NEVERRARVAR.

When I finally give my flower to a woman it will be a special and beautiful thing. There will be rose petals everywhere and our love will be a taste in the wind that is palpable to all who come near. And then I'll give her twenty dollars and leave.

..And the burning sensation when you pee, will remind you of that special day forever..

3 months without a partner... throat getting dry... pulse slowing...

Masturbation is only fun with TWO HUMANS!!!

My last few bouts of sex have left me wishing my partner could go that extra mile or at least try. I mean it's normal for a girl to not orgasm while the guy does, but the other way around?
I guess I try too hard to make sure my partner enjoys it. The past few times have left me going to the bathroom alone to get the job done. Can anyone relate? Am I doing something wrong?

Ooh harsh two previous posts. Venks, mabye slow down and don't get so eager to please? Lul

and Matt, bad luck. hold out little man!

You're obviously just shit in bed.

Ohohoho yes. Slightly different circumstances with me, of course. But, yes, I have been with one or two gents who did not possess the requisite talents nor goodwill to do what was necessary.

Me three!

But I've never had an issue with it. I was always more than content making sure my partner was taken care of.

Alcar...

I had sex tonight. Filthy sweaty "I was making you dinner but now your mouth is on my penis so ohwhatthehell let's fuck in the kitchen sex" earlier tonight.

and she did the dishes after we ate our post-coitus meal.

I sure can pick 'em.

Did you actually have dinner while you had sex, because that would be the ultimate. Now if you have a TV in the kitchen, thats a whole new dimension.

Truer words were never spoken.

8/5

Double orgasm and double ejaculation.

Just thought you’d all want to know.

xxx

I did.

-and Im proud of you my friend, so proud.

I love you, man.

*fap fap fap*

I'm going to try to use one of those Hypnotism files to do the 'hands free fap.'

Wish me luck.

Or don't, because that would be pretty gay.

Lolgay

Why don't we make a topic on fan corner?
It would be an excellent expirience for our artworkers. :P

That just falls into the 'Do not want' category. Or not.