Man, I wish I could roast stuff. Maybe if I get a round over tray I'll be able to.

I'll get my mum to roast you some and I'll send them in an envelope through the post.

I had a roast dinner tonight. It was lovely :)

Wow, lots of people having Sunday Roast. I thought that was a tradition no one gave a shit about any more. I have roast whenever I feel like it. Not at the moment, obviously, I have no oven. And obviously without the meat. Shut up.

I wouldn't mind a roast.

If it was fish.

Or chicken.

But not roast chicken, I can't stand roast chicken.

So yeah.

I don't get it. You wouldn't mind a roast if it were chicken, but not if it were roast chicken? I went to bed too late to follow you.

Home-made pasta.

Mamma-mia!

The implication being I don't like roasts.

I also hate red meat.

How do you make it?

Oooh, I love home-made pasta. I've only done it a couple of times, but it was better than dry pasta even if not superb.

I ask my mum if she'll cook it.

Thanks. I'll ask her if she can make some for me.

I make home-made pasta. You mix flour and egg (though there are recipes without the latter, for special people like you), knead it for a while, flatten it with a pasta machine and then cut it with the same. It's fiddly, but not as much as you think.


My last meal was leftovers. But bloody good, mum-made leftovers. A spicy pasta vegetably dish and cabbage leaves stuffed with rice and veggies. Except I don't really like cooked cabbage, so I just cut them open and ate the stuff inside with the tomatoey sauce that had been over it.

I am eating some cookies and milk right now. These cookies have a bit of jam inside them. It doesn't say that on the box though.

You sure it's jam?

I just had some chips from the chip shop with garlic mayonnaise.

Yup, tastes like strawberry, looks exactly like jam.

Just to clarify, in England we usually refer to such things as 'biscuits', with 'cookies' being a specific kind, or arguably something else altogether.

To an Englishman the word 'cookie' usually brings to mind a knobbly crumbly affair, studded with pieces of chocolate. Which may be why Jordan was confused to hear that they had jam in them.

Oh. Sorry. Biscuits they are then.

Yeh was wondering how the fuck you got a jam maynard or something.

You don't have tea and cookies. Although I now want tea and cookies.

I've grown to hate tea. Coffee is my new tea.

You can't have coffee and biscuits! You're are a culture criminal!

An Englishman who doesn't drink tea!?

That's like an Irishman who doesn't drink alcohol.

I despise tea and always have.

I don't usually have biscuits, they go straight to my thighs. I KID. I don't have biscuits with coffee cause it's weird.

I'm secretly not English. Tea just tastes of... filthy water to me.

Because it is filthy water. I can't be fussy nowadays.

Coffee is also filthy water.

Unless you're a little girl and put milk and sugar in.

Yuck.

Wings takes it strong and black.

The punchline goes here.

I do put sugar and milk in my coffee and tea.

Milk in tea is fucking awful.