Oddworld Forums - OWF - The Untold Legend 2

Meh, I just took awhile to get to this because I'm so lazy. Anyways, here's the end the of the Havoc In A Bikini side plot.

Uh, no clever intro this time, besides telling Rexy not to bite into unapproved areas. That hurt, y'know.

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Chapter 6: Swimsuit Modeling

People say that The Desert of Ignorance is endless. Generally, this is widely agreed upon. However, according to archive file #120948-G4123A, which is located in the OWF history room, a certain member was lost in it after his hover car broke down. He claims that he wandered aimlessly, catching and eating the occasional animal, and finding an oasis conveniently placed every time he fell to the ground, exhausted.

He then recounted how, when he looked up, he saw an intense light. Understandably, he believed that he had died, and was having an OBE. (Out of Body Experience) He also said he saw his mother, but the archiver thinks he had been slightly delusional at the time and imagined it. He walked toward the light, reaching out his hands, yelling out in a African-American accent,

"I'ma comin' home, momma!"

He stumbled into his mom, and went right through her, and landed onto the bright, white ground.

"What the fu-" he started to say, but then he heard an enormous bang, and blacked out.

Statikk was found the next day, passed out, on the back of a camel that was making its way toward OWF by itself.

***

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Mitsur heard the scream even from the fighter plane. His blood ran cold, and he assumed the worst. Munch snapped awake.

"That doesn't mean anything, Mitsur." Munch said, trying to reassure him.

Mitsur nodded glumly. "I know. But I just can't help but think..." he trailed off, and shivered. Munch put his hand on Mitsur's shoulder. Mitsur just pushed the throttle forward, and they went even faster toward the scream.

As they got closer, an intense white light shone right into Mitsur and Munch's eyes, and they instinctively raised their hands to shield their eyes. Which left the flying yoke free to immediately rise into the air. Instantly, the plane went into a nose dive.

"I CAN'T SEE! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!" Mitsur screamed as they fell almost vertically.

Munch thought quickly, and punched the eject button. Immediately, he exploded out of the plane, leaving Mitsur to a horrible fate.

"MUNCH, I JUST WANT TO LET YOU KNOW, BEFORE WE DIE, THAT I LOVE YOU!" Mitsur yelled to the emptiness behind him. He looked back, expecting Munch to be teary-eyed. Instead, he saw the empty leather seat. He looked at it, stunned, then glanced up, where Munch was safely parachuting to the ground.

"Oh, you bastard," Mitsur whispered, then realized he could eject himself. He quickly looked down, and to his dismay saw he was about to collide with the ground before he could even form a coherent th-

Just as death rushed to take him, the plane turned into a giant pillow, and Mitsur, while smacking his head pretty hard, was unharmed. He bounced once or twice, but then landed onto the ground on his feet.

"Wow," Munch said as he gently landed. "How'd that happen?"

"I dunno." Mitsur said. "But it sure was fun. I'd like to do that again."

Obligingly, time reversed back one minute, and Mitsur enjoyed the rush of almost dying again. He landed, once again, onto his feet, safe and sound.

"Wow," Munch said again. "How'd that happen?"

"That's not important. I think this place obeys whatever you want it to do."

"Really? Prove it to me."

"Sure. Tell me the most erotic moment of your life."

"Uh...."

"C'mon, I won't tell anyone."

"Fine....I got swarmed by female monkeys once, and I couldn't help myself."

Mitsur stood, stunned with horror and revulsion. He slowly eased away, and whispered himself thirty seconds back.

"Fine... I-"

"You had sex with monkeys." Mitsur finished.

"Oh. Shit." Munch said.

There was an awkward silence, then they both started to move toward the white light, which, Mitsur observed, seemed to begin at the very end of the the sand dunes.

"Wait, what's that up ahead?" Munch asked, pointing.

Mitsur squinted, and made out the figure of what appeared to be a circle of people surrounding two combantants.

"Grab my hand," Mitsur told Munch. Munch hesitated.

"This is not the time to be homophobic. Just grab it." Mitsur said. Munch, with much show, grasped it.

"Take me to that ring of people." Mitsur said, and the world blurred for a moment, and then they were standing behind all the people

At this distance, the light was blinding.

"Shade our eyes," Mitsur said, and the light decreased to a bearable level. Vaguely, Mitsur wondered if Munch had taken advantage of making his commands come true, and decided he didn't really want to know.

"Whoa, where'd you guys come from?" Arxryl remarked as he saw Mitsur and Munch apparently come out of thin air.

"Uh, nowhe-" Mitsur started, but Munch broke in.

"We just came back from saving the rain forest. Then we cured world hunger, followed shortly by meeting Rammstein in person."

"Cool. Havoc and Rexy are just having a mod fight. It's pretty badass, y'know. Wanna watch?"

"Uh, sure." Mitsur said, and elbowed his way through the crowd, leaving Munch behind. Then he got an idea.

"Thirty seconds back."

"Whoa, where'd you-"

"Stop time."

Time froze, leaving Arxryl in mid-sentence.

"Grease marker."

Instantly, a marker appeared in his hands.

Giggling, Mitsur strode forward, and drew a male genitalia on Arxryl's face, then drew a unibrow for good measure. He turned toward Munch, pants'd him, then tied his shoes together. He walked through the crowd of people, doing similar things, such as shoving Jordan's finger up his nose, drawing rude or naughty things all over SeaRex, and even darkening MoxCo's teeth so they were completely black.

Then Mitsur saw Max with his encyclopedia underneath his arm, and got an evil look on his face. He walked forward, and reached for Max.

He touched his arm, and an incredible snap deafened him, and Mitsur was thrown back ten feet, where he collided with Munch, which felt like hitting a concrete wall. Apparently you couldn't move their feet.

Max, by this time, had animated and was brushing himself off.

"You should have known the Impossibility Powers don't work on Mods or Admids, Mitsur." He remarked calmly.

"Then how'd I do that to Nate?" Mitsur asked, confused.

"He stepped down, remember?"

"Oh yeah. Wait, what's 'Impossibility Powers'?"

Max frowned.

"This is strange, though." he said.

"What? Besides the fact I can freeze time?" Mitsur asked sarcastically.

"No, it's just that you can do stuff only Mods and Admids can do. We call them the 'Impossibility Powers', because they defy rational thought. We don't know why we can do them, only that you get them as soon as Alcar designates you a mod or admin."

"Correct, Max." Alcar said, appearing out of nowhere. "It seems Mitsur here is an exception. Fascinating."

"Wait, wait, wait, wait.....wait. Wait. Does this have something to do with that glowy light show over there?" Mitsur asked, pointing at it. Interested, both Alcar and Max turned toward it.

"Interesting. It seems that The Desert of Ignorance does end. It looks like Statikk wasn't lying. I'll have to check that out." Alcar remarked, avoiding the question. He walked forward, and crouched down when he reached the light. He seemed to be studying it, deep in thought.

"So.....what now?" Mitsur asked. Max snapped out of his staring.

"What? Oh, I guess you should unfreeze time. I'm assuming I can't do anything to your powers either. We'll have to disable that, though." Seeing Mitsur's slight slump, Max smiled.

"You can keep them for now, though. I'm against Havoc in a bikini, too. Just know that it won't work on any mods or admins you try to use it on. Sure, they'll be frozen like everyone else, but they'll snap out of it if you touch them or influence items or events to work against them. They'll remember if you change time, too."

"What about other stuff? Like, besides time stop or travel?"

"Oh, that stuff'll work. As long as you don't try to instantly kill them or whatever. Otherwise, you can throw rocks, or something. I dunno the full extent, really."

"How do you know all this, anyways?" Mitsur asked.

"I'm a encyclopediast." He said simply. Mitsur left it at that.

"Unfreeze time." Mitsur said. Max raised his eyebrows. Around them, chaos unfolded as Munch fell, pants'd, while SeaRex poked his brain accidentally, and people fell over laughing at everyone's grease marker marks.

"Fine, fine." Mitsur said.

"Five minutes back."

"Ok, whatever. Five minutes back."

"-Shortly by meeting Rammstein in person."

"Cool. Havoc and Rexy are just having a mod fight. It's pretty badass, y'know. Wanna watch?"

Mitsur watched Max smile, and turn back to the fight.

"Uh, sure." Mitsur said, seeing Arxryl look at him.

He once again elbowed his way through the crowd. He reached the mod fight between Rexy and Havoc, and stood, stunned like everyone else.

Havoc was on one side, the motorcycle behind him. Rexy stood of the other side, waving a bikini on a coat hangar like a sword. A shimmering white, transparent dome surrounded both of them.

"C'mon Havoc, put this on!" Rexy taunted. "You know you want to."

Havoc said nothing, his face a mask of determination.

The ground shook, and rumbling roared out. Rexy dodged to the side, just as a fist made of rock plunged out of the ground and grabbed for where she had just been. Rexy retaliated with a ball made of what appeared to be bubbles and spice and everything nice. Havoc got hit in the face with it, and gave out a roar of anger and pain. Rexy lunged for him, swim suit at the ready-

-right into the trap. Havoc made the glitter dissolve just as he threw himself backwards onto the ground. Rexy flew over, just as he shot up his hands and feet. Rexy let out a grunt as she flew straight up, and collided with the shield, which shattered when she touched it. She kept going, until Havoc lunged upwards, wrapping his arms around her, and grabbed the swimsuit.

He tore it with a quick mod, and then let go of her. He landed neatly, and gave out a victory roar-

-just as Dripik lunged forward with a bikini, and grabbed Havoc by the neck. He grinned wickedly, and began to bring down a bikini.

"Freeze it."

Dripik and Havoc froze. So did everyone else.

Mitsur walked forward, and tapped Havoc. There was another bang, and he flew back again. When he came to, Havoc was standing over him.

"What the hell is going on?" He asked.

"Long story. Max can explain it better than me."

"Whatever. Let's get out of here."

"I don't think so." Alcar said, again coming out of nowhere.

"What do you mean, I don't think so?"

"Just like I said. Havoc is not getting out of here without a bikini on."

"Oh, great...." Havoc muttered.

"Why, Alcar?" Mitsur asked desperately.

"Why, because it'd be funny, that's why."

"You're throwing away a member's credibility!"

"So? He'll just act goofy for awhile and people will like him again."

"True, but still!"

Alcar sighed, covering his eyes briefly. When he looked back up, however, both Havoc and Mitsur were gone. He sighed again, snapped his fingers, and appeared right next to them.

"Is that the best you can do?"

"Actually...no." Mitsur said. Havoc smiled, and gestured for Alcar to look down. Alcar smiled, snapped his fingers again, and the bikini about to shove up from the ground turned into a pimp costume.

"Thanks for that," Alcar said.

"No problem," Mitsur said, laughing.

Then the second bikini shot down from a cloud above them, and Alcar's costume got shoved down by the bikini.

"Teleport to Rexy!" Mitsur yelled. The world blurred again, and they were back.

"Unfreeze!"

Dripik fell to the ground, the bikini gone from his hands, and Alcar appeared in the middle of the crowd, wearing nothing but a polka-dot bikini.

Utter silence reigned, then everyone collapsed, laughing. Mitsur and Havoc joined in, while Alcar stood, sheepishly smiling as well.

Rexy had joined in, and walked up to Havoc, and slung her arm around him, ignoring Havoc's twitch. She wiped tears of mirth from her eyes.

"That was hilarious. I'd better take a few pictures." She took out a video camera, and, without further ado, started recording. "Thanks, guys." She slapped Havoc on the back, and walked away.

Mitsur watched her go. She walked into the crowd, then turned again. Taking out a small button, she stifled a giggle, and pressed it.

Havoc instantly was wearing a bikini. Not just any bikini. A full-on g-string with nipple tassles for the top. Rexy's face lit up, and she went nuts. Everyone screamed in agony at the sight. Havoc freaked out. Mitsur covered his eyes, thinking of only one solution.

"Back thirty seconds!"

Rexy walked into the crowd, and, with a turn and a giggle, took out the button again.

"Freeze it."

Time froze again, and Mitsur walked to Havoc, and then checked his back.

"Perfect." Mitsur said, when he saw the small, red orb attached to Havoc's back. He plucked it off, and this time Havoc didn't unfreeze. Mitsur ambled over to Rexy, who was also frozen, and placed it on her back.

"I suppose I can make an exception this time, since you got me so good." Alcar said. "Let me ask, though. How'd you do it?"

"Nobody ever looks up." Mitsur responded. He noticed Alcar had changed back into the pimp outfit.

"One more thing," Alcar said, holding up his hand. He searched Rexy, without unfreezing her as well, and found the camera. He wiped the memory, and put it back. Mitsur shook his head, and took back the camera, and aimed it at Rexy, making sure the angle and lighting was good.

He made sure the bikini button was well-placed, and nodded, satisfied.

"Go ahead." Alcar said. Mitsur nodded again, and spoke.

"Unfreeze it."

Rexy pushed the button, and Mitsur's camera started recording. On the high-speed setting. For slow-motion playback later, of course.

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Ha, nobody wins! It's a draw!

Again, sorry for any mistakes gotten through.

No notes, but I will say one thing:

I am definately not selling that recording. :p