I went to the petstore today, i bought budgies. Wanna know why?

Because they were going cheap...

What do you call it when a man's penis get's infected?

Pussy.

Blonde and a brunette fall off a cliff. Who hits the ground first?
The brunette. The blonde had to stop for directions.


Knock knock.
Who's there?
Boo!
Boo who?
Don't cry, it was only a joke.

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Granny.
Granny who?
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Granny.
Granny who?
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Granny.
Granny who?
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Granny.
Granny who?
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Granny.
Granny who?
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Aunt.
Aunt who?
Aunt you glad all those grannies are gone?

What's the difference between a man drinking coffee and a butcher?
One stays awake, the other weighs a steak.

what's the difference between a bell and a robber?
One peals from the steeple, the other steals from the people.

Women's football.

ARF ARF GUFFAW

More Gilbert Gottfried. Yes, he's the guy who voiced Iaggo.

Gilbert Gottfried is sex. I think I liked it most when he voiced Santa.

How many niggers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Kentucky Fried Chicken

Leto, you would make Jacob proud. *rapes*

I like this version of the Aristocrats better.

I like my coffee like I like my women:

I don't like coffee

I like my coffee how I like my women:


With a spoon......

I'm so embarrassed.

Why do men die first? This is a question that has gone unanswered for centuries, but, now we know. It requires a bit of explanation.

If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race, you're a male chauvinist.
If you stay home and do the housework, you're a pansy.
If you work too hard, there's never any time for her.
If you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing bum.
If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, this is exploitation. If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your lazy behind and find something better.
If you get a promotion ahead of her, that is favouritism. If she gets a job ahead of you, its equal opportunity.

If you mention how nice she looks, its sexual harassment. If you keep quiet, its male indifference.
If you cry, you're a wimp. If you don't, you're an insensitive bastard.
If you make a decision without consulting her, you're a chauvinist. If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman.
If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination. If SHE asks you, it's a favour.
If you appreciate the female form and sexy underwear, you're a pervert. If you don't, you're gay.

If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape, you're sexist. If you don't, you're unromantic.
If you try to keep yourself in shape, you're vain. If you don't, you're a slob.
If you buy her flowers, you're after something. If you don't, you're not thoughtful.
If you're proud of your achievements, you're full of yourself. If you don't, you're not ambitious.
If she has a headache, she's tired. If you have a headache, you don't love her anymore.
If you want it too often, you're oversexed. If you don't, there must be someone else.

Why do men die first?

Because they want to!

You should be embarrassed and ashamed that you didn't ammend the punchline to read
"With cream".

No, shaman.
If you thought of it, then there's no way in hell Mat would have done it. His whole shtick is that he zigs when you expect him to zag.

Ah, but you see i was expecting him to zig.

So there.

I like my women like I like my coffee. Steaming hot and all over my crotch.

I like my women like I like my coffee.

Serving them to other people.

I like my women like I like my coffee.


COVERED IN BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!!

Eddie Izzard is god. If I had known that's what you've been referencing this whole time, Nate, I would have given you mad props.

I like my women like I like my scarves. Hot, soft, and wrapped around my face.

I like my women how I like my men.

With big dicks.

I like my women how I like my coffee...
In a cup.

I think you mean [spoiler]In a plastic cup.[/tiny]


Two code tags, both alike in dignity,
In fair OWF, where we lay our scene,
From ancient grudge break to new mutiny,
Where html makes laptop keys unclean.
From forth the fatal loins of these two foes
A pair of star-cross'd lovers take their life;
Whole misadventured piteous overthrows
Do with their death bury their website's strife.
The fearful passage of their square-bracket'd love,
And the continuance of their vB's rage,
Which, but their code tag's end, nought could remove,
Is now the hundred more posts of our thread;
The which if you with patient eyes attend,
What here shall miss, our posts shall fail to mend. -BM

Well you might need a tiny plastic cup, Nate...

Oh dear... I should probably fix my tag fail but I shall preserve the history for everyone else's amusement.

What happens when you get a blowjob from a ferret?
You break open it's jaws and have sex with it's throat.

My favourite sexual position is the JFK.

I splatter all over her while she screams and tries to get out of the car.

don't get me wrong though , i do hate racism.