*reads and re-reads trying to think of constructive criticisms*

(Drag, you may want to get the Fire Extinguisher ready...)

*brain melts*

D'oh!

Aura: *stalks Malice*

*waits for impending fight-noises*

hurray! i have reached the 3-PAGE mark! unfortunately, i am less jubilant than i should be, since my computer is currently acting like a git and not letting me online for more than a few seconds before it crashes, but if you're reading this it has obviously finally worked...

CHAPTER 54

“So what do we do?”

Int sighed. “We wait, I guess.”

Crim looked down. “Do you really think they’ll be able to win this?”

Int fell silent. The two of them were sat in the main room of Int’s hut, having just put the children to bed. Outside, the night was dark. “I hope so,” he said at last, quietly.

Crim was insistent. “But do you think they will?”

Int sighed. “I honestly don’t know. You probably know better than me; you’ve been in that factory. So what do you think their chances are?”

Crim shivered. “I don’t know either. There’s miles and miles of that logging operation, and I don’t know how many people they’ll have to fight there.”

They sat in silence for a while, watching the flames dance in Int’s fireplace. It was Int who finally broke the silence once more.

“Do you think the sligs will join them against the factory?”

Crim didn’t reply for a while, seemingly absorbed in observation of the flames. When he did speak, his voice was very quiet, and he seemed very small. “I’m not sure. Some of them will, but some of them won’t. I just don’t know how many there will be on each side.”

Int decided not to press the issue, and the two of them unconsciously moved closer to the fire. They sat together for a long while, not speaking, each thinking their own thoughts.

“Int?” Int looked up at the voice coming from the stairs. Dis, the oldest of the children, was stood framed in the doorway. “Ela says she saw something in the sky outside. I couldn’t see it, but Art said Ela was making it up and she started to cry, so could you come and look, please? Ela’s pretty scared, I think she must have had a bad dream, unless there really is something there…”

Sighing, Int stood up to follow Dis back upstairs. Crim’s voice rose from the chair he was sat in. “Hey, don’t forget me!” Picking Crim up, Int followed Dis up to the bedroom. Ela was sat on the side of her bed, crying, while Art tried clumsily to comfort her. Int set Crim down on the bed and crouched before Ela.

“Okay, Ela, what was it you saw?”

Ela sniffed. “I did see it! It was in the sky!”

“I believe you, Ela, but what was it you saw?”

“I… I don’t know, it was flashing, and not really moving much.”

Art snorted. “Just a star!”

Ela began to wail, and feebly hit Art on the arm. “It wasn’t! There was something there! I promise!”

Crim’s voice came from the window. “I think she’s right.” Turning, Int saw Dis at the window, Crim in her arms. “Look!”

Int and Art followed Crim’s finger. After concentrating for a few seconds, Int saw a small dark shape apparently hovering above the horizon. As his eyes adjusted to the darkness, he saw that it had a light at each side, one red, one green. He looked down at the slig, whom he knew had better eyes than most mudokons. “Do you see what I think I see?”

“I see a Flyer. And it’s heading towards us.”

Int nodded, and bit his lip. “We’d better raise the alarm…”

[ October 11, 2001: Message edited by: Rettick ]

Better eyesight? Interesting concept. Where did the bad eyesight idea come from, anyway? I remember reading it somewhere and thinking 'yes, that makes sense' and can't remember why. *shrugs* Maybe it's because Abe can sneak behind them in the shadows... but then, the mask could be hindering sight...

*shrugs* Anyway. When we getting the next chapter, hmmm? ;)

sligs don't seem to be a very advanced species, they most likely depend on the advanced technology from the gluks and the vykers, their eye sight is probally poor in the first place. apparently, they need and air compressor in thier mask; so my theory's that the mask improves their vision if anything rather than degrading it. if there are any impairments, it's most likly that they can't see on their sides too well because the mask could un-intentionally work as blinders on a horse. but as for "natural" sligs such as Aura, their eyesight is probally almost as good if not the same as a mudokons, even though their still a slig, the adaptation could have branched off into somewhat of a stronger and more efficient sub-species since they never relied on mask or pants.
thanks for reading this udderly boring theory, & Teal, where are you from? you only seem to be on at early morning

where did you get the idea that they're not a very advanced species? everyone seems to think that, but there is nothing anywhere to back it up. and the mask's purpose is to hide their faces, because the Glukkons think that sligs are ugly [but then, they're one to talk], not to improve vision. however, if it does act as blinkers, i think that would be more likely to be intentional that unintentional... oh, and another small point of information, the industrial sligs branched off from the natives, not the other way round, so there isn't really any reason why their eyesight would have degraded since their wild days, it's not like they don't need to see any more...

new chapter next time i am online on my home computer, i have 2 more written...

Early morning for you, SM, is mid-afternoon for me - I'm British. And I know I've posted this before, but this might be of interest to you:the Slig
We roughed out the idea in the old forums, and I wrote it up. Okay, so I made some up and it's not finished, but I got positive vibes about it from some of the other mad-peeps I gas just about all day on Saturdays with in M$ IM. *shrugs*
Hm... I wonder why people think the species isn't very advanced? They were advanced enough to survive and become intelligent... Maybe it's because they do pretty much what the Glukks say when they say it, no questions asked, but then if they're scared they'll "disappear" (in Dan's words... ;) ) they probably wouldn't dar be disobedient...
*shrugs* I think the Industrials and the "Natives" are one and the same, as well - a bit like the different human civilisations, I guess. After all, we're all the same species, but some of us live in cities and some in the middle of the Amazonian Rainforest... Okay, now I'm rambling and taking over Dan's topic again. *goes to fetch the frying pan and hands it over* I'll shut up now.

*looks forward to appearance of next chapter*

[ October 11, 2001: Message edited by: Teal ]

another chapter here, my beautiful people! this one is about Grozit Jr, whom is the favourite character of a couple of people i've spoken to... i had been planning this fic ahead, but then i realised i hadn't left a place for the Grozits, so i wrote this, to open up the possibilities. most of what will happen will have been planned ahead, but anything involving these two will be totally improvised...

oh yeah, i noticed that, by accident, i referred to Int as Jal during the last few paragraphs of the last chapter... i'm quite miffed off that no-one spotted that... :(

CHAPTER 55

“Unk…” Grozit Senior sat up. “What… Where… Oh, shit, I’m in a cell, aren’t I?”

Groz nodded. “Yup.”

Grozit sagged back down again. “Oh, ****…” He lifted his handfeet to cover his face, and lay there for a while, unmoving except for the rhythmic up-and-down movement of his chest. Then he sat up, and rested his head in his hands, dejectedly. “I should never have let Snikkit take control.”

Groz rolled his eyes, and lay down. “Have you only just realised?”

“That idiot isn’t as clever as he thinks he is, you know!” Grozit stood up. “He only convinced… I mean, he only took control because I don’t have a good head for figures, but that isn’t important! I still ran the ****ing factory!”

“Yeah, of course you did, dad…”

“Not just the factory, but the whole ****ing operation, I mean, I had Supervisor Dran and the Director to look after their own sections, but I was overseeing the whole thing! Snikkit may have experience in looking after the factory, but I’d like to see how he manages MY job!” Grozit began pacing the cell. “I bet he’s screwing the whole thing up already…” Pausing, he lifted the food bowl from the floor. “Look at this! Soup!” Angrily, he threw the bowl to the ground, splashing the soup across the floor of the cell, and making Groz rise from his bunk in concern. “Who does he think he is? Who does he think I am? Soup? What kind of food is that for someone whose little toe probably has more business experience than Snikkit will ever have?” His anger spent, Grozit sat back down on his bunk. After a pause, Groz followed suit, looking at his father with concern in his eyes.

“Look, dad, you couldn’t have helped it, he had those drones programmed to obey him, what could you have done?”

Grozit didn’t answer; his gaze was directed to the floor. After a brief pause, Groz realised that his father was looking at a specific point. Following his gaze, Groz found himself looking at the fallen soup bowl, now empty, lying upside down on the carpet.

“Junior?”

“Dad?”

“How did that happen?”

“I don’t know what you mean, dad…”

“Like **** you don’t know!” Grozit stood, and walked towards the bowl. “How the **** did that soup bowl I threw end up outside the forcefield?”

“Look, I didn’t tell you because I knew you’d – Don’t do that!”

Grozit withdrew his handfoot, since a small laser blast from the drone melted the bowl the moment his hand left the forcefield.

“It’ll zap anything that goes outside where the forcefield should be!”

Grozit stared at the Drone, suspiciously. “But the forcefield isn’t there any more, right?”

Groz nodded. “Yeah, but that won’t be much use to us right now.”

Grozit crouched for a moment, thinking, then he reached over for the tray that had held the bowl of soup. Before Groz realised what he had planned, Grozit had thrown it out of the cell, in the opposite direction to the door. The Drone chased it, its laser-sight dancing over the polished wooden surface.

“What are you-”

Before Groz could get any further, Grozit was already at the doorway and accelerating down the corridor. Making a split-second decision, Groz followed his father through the door, just as the Drone vaporised the tray and turned back to watch the cell…

I can't put it off any longer... So I've written some more...

CHAPTER 56

The Mess Hall on the Crawler wasn’t designed to accommodate this many people, but there were important decisions to be made here.

“I think the Logging Operation is a greater threat.”

Jal frowned. “I agree, but the factory would an easier target first. We can close the factory, then move on to the Logging Operation before they can mobilise their troops properly.”

The tall purple warrior opposite him banged his fist on the table. “There’s no honour in attacking the weaker enemies first!”

Jal sighed. “No, Incal, there is no honour. But there is victory, and I think we need to get our priorities right here.”

Incal snorted, but said nothing more. After a pause, Bil sat forward. “Would it not be better to take out the biggest threat first? Then we’d have less to worry about…”

“No,” Jal shook his head, “In the factory there are nearly a thousand workers and guards, mostly sligs. I’m confident that at least seven hundred of them will join us, plus of course, this being a Weapons Factory, there will be lots of weapons we can take…”

Incal sneered at Jal. “We have weapons…”

“Ok then, Better Weapons.”

Bil put out a hand to restrain Incal. “If we’re talking about tactical advantage, there will be more workers down nearer the forest, with the sawmills and other processing plants, not to mention the logging itself, won’t there?”

Jal frowned, thinking. “Greeb estimated that there would be about three thousand at the logging site, maybe more, but I think they will tend to be more loyal to their employers than those at the factory. After all, the Glukks wouldn’t choose the lazy or rebellious workers to work on something that secret, would they?”

“How many do you think would defect to us from there?”

Jal shook his head again. “I wouldn’t count on half of them. I wouldn’t even place bets on getting a thousand. But the factory has practically no defences except for the guards, and nearly all of them will be sympathetic to us. It would barely be a fight, let alone a battle, and then we’d number nearly half again what we do now, not to mention being better armed.”

Incal began to nod, reluctantly. “Okay, let’s do it your way.” He rose from his chair. “But if your slig friends betray us, I will personally kill you, along with the rest of them…” Without waiting for Jal’s response, Incal strode from the room, leaving the masses of mudokons in the Mess Hall with mixed emotions…

Why did I miss this sitting here...? Maybe *cough* certain people *cough* spammed it offscreen and I didn't look down the page far enough...

Um... *scratches head* Yes. I can't think of anything to critique, so I'll just post here so you can see I read it. :) Good enough? If it's not, well... Umm... I'll just have to beat you.

this chapter was f*cking difficult to write, so you'd better appreciate it...

CHAPTER 57

“What’s the matter?”

Mildar was now shaking the device in his hands in desperation. “It doesn’t seem to be working! I can’t get a signal…”

“Why?”

“I don’t know,” he snapped at Volt, “Just shut up and let me…” He paused, his face brightening. “Of course…”

“What? You got an idea?”

“Why didn’t I think of this before, it’s so obvious…”

“Tell me your plan!” Volt tugged on Midar’s ankle, to no avail.

“Just shut up and close your eyes…”

Outside, the crowd were getting restless. The murmuring of before had begun again, and risen above and beyond its previous volume, as Rettick stood before Mebek’s hut, praying that the creature would appear through the surrounding trees at any moment. He saw Mebek trying to ask a question over the noise of the crowd, but was unable to hear him, and so just shrugged, and turned to the crowd, clearing his throat.

Behind him, Mebek’s house exploded, the roof bursting upwards, showering Rett with debris as he fell to the floor. Rolling, he saw a huge figure, nearly three times his own height, standing waist-deep in the remains of Mebek’s hut. It had four scrablike legs, and two arms which ended in palps similar to those of a paramite. Its skin was scrab-red, and in its scrablike mouth, there gleamed a sharp set of teeth.

It was, without a doubt, the scariest thing that Rettick had ever seen…

Mebek regained his voice before Rett. In fact, he regained his voice before Rett had even managed to stand up. “The Shrukull!”

How the **** did that get into that hut? he thought to himself, Unless… Mildar. Of course, it’s Mildar… He saw Volt dragging himself out of the shattered hut, and realised that he was still lying on the ground. Pulling himself up, he staggered over to Volt, and lifted him up to head height.

Only then did they realise that their ears were being assaulted by a roaring. Turning around, Rett widened his eyes at the sight laid out before him.

The crowd were simply cheering. Except it was cheering unlike anything he’d ever seen, not even on the TV. In the patches of light, he could see them leaping into the air, dancing around, and expressing their joy in every way imaginable. Even when a couple of them fell over the barrier that ran around the platform they were standing on, it did practically nothing to suppress their excitement… Only awe kept them from climbing up onto the platform on which Rett, Mebek, Volt, and ‘The Shrukull’ were standing…

Page 4. PAGE 4! You people make me sick... And after an [intended to be] exciting chapter like that, too... As punishment, I'm only giving you one short chapter. I have a couple of long ones written, but you don't get to see them until you reply to this one...

CHAPTER 58

“So they’re heading for the factory?”

Dran nodded. “ETA less than two days.”

Snikkit sat back down, brow furrowed. “We should have taken an inventory after the last attack…”

There was an awkward pause as all three of them attempted to think of a plan. Then the Director raised his head from his hands. “How many people could that Crawler hold?”

Snikkit thought for a second. “I think they’re designed to comfortably hold about eight or nine hundred troops…”

“But how many could it hold?”

“Well, if they were packed really tightly, there could be anything up to 2000 on it. Why?”

The Director smiled. “One of our sociologists once spent a year in a Mudokon tribe, studying them. At one point during his time there, they declared war on a rival tribe. Almost all of the able-bodied adults went into battle, leaving only a handful to care for the children. Only about a third of the tribe were left behind, most of which were children.” His thin smile widened. “The Mudoris Tribe, according to our reconnaissance, is about three thousand strong…”

Dran was the first to break out in a smile, and Snikkit wasn’t far behind…

Finally I read all this stuff, Dan. Actually I finished it a couple of days ago, but didn't have time to reply.

First, the complains: the story has many characters, that is not a bad thing, but not all of them are developed enough, so that you can recognize them instantly. One of them, for instance, is called Meet, and although he appears early in the first chapter, I only knew he was a gabbit in chapter 28! Maybe you knew all the time, but forgot to mention that :). A suggestion: If you're going to use a character only once, maybe it wouldn't need a name, at all.

Now, the plot: It is a very good one. You kept the suspense since the begining, though I was lost some times because of the many parallel subplots, but nothing that a carefull re-read could solve. Another suggestion: it would be better not to change between side-plots all the time. Before going from one to another, you could develop one in depth, first.

The story created some strong images in my mind. The Great Forest, as I told you in another topic, is awesome, and guess what a big coincidence, when I first read about the kilometric trees and the huge fungus in the floor, I imagined a scene where a character, maybe a villian, would fall to death in one chapter, only to be back again after being saved by the huge fungus :). I like your idea of a Mudokon King and how you gave him a very solid personality. The whole "void" God spirit is one of my favorite parts.

Overall, it is a great job. would you mind sending me the chapters you have so far? I'd realy like to read them! :D

Hey Rettick, can you tell me what the characters in the early chapters species are? I stopped reading this story because I did'nt know what the characters were.

I think I'd better explain the reason why I have so many characters... The thing is, I think it's untidy to have nameless characters, even if they only have one line. I know I am wrong, but that is the way my mind works... Anyway, so I give my background character a name, but a few chapters later, I need another background character, so I think [for example] "Why not use Neb?"... But then these two scenes together will suggest something about the character, like Youthful Exuberance, or Toughness, so next chapter I might need another mudokon background character, but I can't use Neb, because he isn't like this, so I'll make up another...

And so on... Until my character list reaches 50 [which it now has]...

Anyway, I'll post ya another chapter... And from now on, someone please reply to them...?

CHAPTER 59

The flyer began to circle the village, seemingly looking for somewhere to land. On the ground, the masses of children of varying ages and their few guardians followed the flyer as best they could. Finally, the Flyer slowed, and began to descend in the Town Square. The villagers attempted to all pile into the square without getting too close…

The children waited with baited breath as their guardians aimed their bows at the hatch, which slowly slid forward, revealing a slig face peeping out tentatively.

Int cleared his throat. “Okay, now just come out with your hands up, okay?”

Crim’s reaction, however, was much less cautious, and was not what Int had expected. “Till!”

Tillyn’s eyes narrowed to focus on the small figure in the crowd, then let out a cry of joy. “Crim!” Leaping from the Flyer’s cockpit, she ran across the square, the hulking figure of Gormanul not far behind, and lifted Crim in her arms, hugging him joyfully.

Crim wasn’t quite expecting the embrace, but returned it relievedly. “We thought you were dead!”

Tillyn set Crim on the floor again. “We weren’t too sure about that ourselves…” She turned to Gormanul, who was his usual impassive self. “Say hello, Gorm…”

Gormanul nodded slightly. “Good to see you.”

Tillyn shook her head, and turned back to Crim. “So what are you doing here?”

“Oh, these people rescued us from the factory, and brought us back here.”

“ ‘Us’? Who else is here?”

Crim hesitated. “Jal, Sill, Meet, and Greeb have all been here. We, umm, we haven’t seen Rettick, and Groz is still in the factory, probably in trouble…”

The grin fell from Tillyn’s face. “Well, at least we know where most of us are… Where are they, anyway?”

“We’ve found out about the Logging, and the others have joined the warriors of this tribe in an attack on the factory and the logging operation. Where have you been?”

“We were caught by some of the Loggers and taken to the Labs, but we managed to escape.”

Crim’s eyebrows went up. “Labs?”

“Yeah, the – wait a minute, you mean you didn’t know about the Labs?” Tillyn looked concerned.

“What Labs?” Crim frowned. “We never heard about any Labs…”

“There’s a small Labship parked on the wasteland. We saw some pretty mean-looking weapons when we were there, they didn’t look too healthy…”

A voice from behind her spoke up. “The Warriors had better be warned…”

Int looked around the reunited friends to see the third occupant of the flyer climbing down the side. He thought he recognised the voice, and when the figure turned, he recognised the face, too. “Orim!” he called, running over to his friend.

“Int?” Orim ran to meet him, and threw his arms around him. “I thought I’d never see any of you guys again!”

“Arim thought you’d been killed by the Patrols!”

“Naah, just captured. They interrogated me a lot, though, they seemed to think I was some kind of defected scientist or something… Is Arim with the Warriors?”

Int laughed. “You bet! You couldn’t keep him away!”

Orim joined him in the laughter. “Always was a bit aggressive, my brother…”

“Ahem.”

The two turned to see Tillyn shaking her head. “This isn’t really a laughing matter. Those guys have no idea what they’re up against; I think we should warn them.”

Int looked at his feet. Orim looked back at Tillyn. “You mean take the flyer?”

“It’s the best way I can think of. Besides, don’t you want to let your brother know you’re alive?”

Orim nodded, soberly. “I suppose… Alright, well, we should really set off as soon as possible…”

Tillyn nodded, but Int looked back up at Orim in surprise.

“But you’ve only just got here!”

Orim put his hand on his friend’s shoulder. “This is important. They might need us.” Putting his arms around Int, he began to back towards the flyer. “See you when we’ve won…” With that, he climbed up into the flyer without looking back.

Tillyn turned to Crim. “We wish you could come too, but-”

“I know, I know, I’d only slow you down…”

Tillyn paused, then laughed and hugged Crim again. “No, it’s not that, it’s just that the flyer won’t take the weight of four of us, sorry…” Putting his down again, she began to climb the hull of the flyer. “Like Orim said, see you when we’ve won.” Then she ducked her head down into the flyer’s interior, followed by Gormanul’s hulking form, whose only farewell was a cursory wave before he too disappeared. After a few seconds, the flyer’s hatch began to slide shut, and the flyer began to rise slowly into the sky again…

Just this? what about a big update with at least three chapters in a row?

It seems that the subplots are converging to a main event, the big war. I'll be here waiting for the bloody carnage :D

Well, that was a pretty long chapter [for me]... Besides, if I post much more, I'm going to have to start writing again... I tend to write a lot at once then none for ages, you see... And that was the last chapter of my latest writing spree... :S

Wow...... after 3 days of not much computer time ivee finaly been able to finish. really i love the story, its great. well i really hope to see more written very soon, geez ive just like been trying to sqeez in time here and there and everywhere to finish it, now i dont have much to wait and look fwd to..... really though i must admit there are quite a few main characters, but since ive been reading ive pretty much figured it all out........ i just cant help but thinking somehtins gonna happen like.............

they find a way to kill the evil god and the curse comes back completely destroying everything...

the native muds get involved in the big fight, kinda like the texas revolution where the great big bad guy force gets suprised b a smaller force but still gets the bad guys still get their butts whopped....yipee

the factory workers all join, due to the fact they are all ****ing enslaved now.... and then they get like 1000 guys whoop the drones have a base of opperations and get the whole whoopin army thing started.....

the groz's end up doin somethin, like getting together the forces of the factory and neutralizing the drone thingies.....

or somethin crazy just happens and mr dude in shrykull from goes and kills them all, lol. just keep up the good work, its great.... *drools* i hope mr Malice is very persuasive.....

Hmm, what can I say about another great story that just seems to appear and leave small tracks in your head, hmm....

Well, it's a good and living story with a interesting (and cool) plot. What more can I say? Oh yeah, it's... *reads it again* ...damn good.

c' mon retick, i really hope you get to some writing..... this is a really cool piece i would love to see finished..... ah the suspense.....