You think about squid too much.

Karma isn't real, you're just off your game. Go find a teenage girl and make a point to ignore her, and maybe even hit her, and she'll sleep with you.

Also, different strokes. A lot of girls like nice guys. There's no totally right way to get laid, but there's plenty of wrong ways.

Not possible.

No shit I'm off my game. Why I'm pretty much waiting until uni/ my trip to America, now.

Hohum.

I had a girlfriend when I was ten! Yay!

That's it.

I'm 14 now. Not good.

I think until you're about 16, it's not officially a relationship.

A lot of American girls are dumber than bricks and will spread their legs for anyone with an accent. It helps if you're attractive too, as they're also as shallow as a puddle of piss evaporating in the sun.

Send me your picture and $10 and I'll tell you if you're a stud or a dud!

I can tell this is just going to turn into another "Romantic Failures Anonymous" meeting, except without the anonymity.

Also, for those who (disgracefully) aren't clued up about cephalapods, some squid exchange sperm by agressively firing darts into their fleeing lover.

I'm SO LONELY

There was actually a recent piece in the news about a woman in Japan who ate some raw squid and this happened to her. She said it felt like having a mouth full of nettles. Nasty.

And now I need to assure those people that that was in no way what happened to me as far as I know.