Good chapter! I don't think you should criticize yourself at all -- if anything, you're getting better at it!

Ossim chaptur. The first few paragraphs were really simbolic. Nice job.

thank you all! =]




(…10…)


***

The lights flicker and switch on whirring quietly.

“What the heck?! You lied to me!” Ed shouts and aims at Nat: “What where you trying to do?!-Betray us and help one of them escape?!” He spreads his face tentacles with anger and swears something.

Suddenly Nat snatches my rifle from behind and a second later –before I even can turn around something hits me on the head very hard.

My vision blurs and I see 01 appearing behind Ed silently like a shadow.

A shot is whizzing past me.

I sink to my knees falling to the ground –unconscious.

***

As I open my eyes again I see Ed lying on the ground next to the door.

“Ed?! –Hey are you ok?” –I stand up and run towards him.

He’s still breathing so I assume he’s just knocked out.

But who knocked him out?

Suddenly the strange feeling of being watched returns. As I turn to see what it is I can’t believe my eyes. It is a young female Mudokon. Her skin is very pale and she looks at me with her big pallid eyes.

“You said you won’t let him die…” She whispers with a weak voice standing motionless like a statue.

It takes my breath away. Is she real or am I still dreaming? –Did I even wake up?

I watch her turning around calmly walking away.

My hands tremble a little. 02…02 do you know? …Do you know?

I watch her tattooed back as she disappears behind the corner –a moth with wings that go from one blade bone to the other one.

“Stop talking.” I whisper.

02 you can’t know it how should you know…

I said shut up!


***

“AAAAAHHHHHHHHHRGGGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!”

-A scream startles me. – it comes from the corridor.

“That was Tjired!” I say to myself and start running towards him.

Tjired is on his knees bleeding from his mouth shouting Sliggish insults. Suddenly he jumps up and runs past me.

“Hey what did happen?!” I yell and run after him.

****

Back in the hall he halts abruptly and turns to me after a while breathlessly pointing at the doorway, where Ed is still lying. He says something in sliggish again implying me to search that way.

He himself takes the other corridor to the left – where that strange girl disappeared a few minutes ago.

Before I can stop him he is gone leaving me standing in silence.

The whirring of the lamps gets on my nerves and so I go through the doorway peering at its far end, where I see someone’s shadow on the wall.

Someone is waiting for me.

***_{to be continued?}

perhaps... you won't like part 11 a lot... ^^; i experiment too much with this story... in the future I'll only post stories who are already finnished -like shaman does... i have to catch up on his story anyways... xD

No, I like this. It's good to experiment; that's how you learn! :D
I think that as long as you know where you're going when you start, how the story's going to end, then you're ok. It's fun to experiment with how to get there, and if you look back and don't like something, you can still edit it; just tell people you're doing it.

And another cool chapter; very mysterious. Who is that girl? :p I guess this mysterious figure at the end of the character is 01. :p

It's a good idea to try something new every now and then. What will this guy do to get the peace he needs? And there seems to be even more at work here than science and supernatural forces.

Interesting. A bit confusing, but interesting. Mysterious.

I want to read the next part :3! I am liking this a lot X3 *pokes at 11º so it comes >:3!*

like most people have already said; experimenting with this kind of work is good. and its getting very odd in the sense i want to read the next chapter, especially after reading the last paragraph. hope to see more soon.

thank you all!!! and sorry i realised that i have been quite annoying ^^;...


...well anyways the holidays are over i haven't really learnt as much as I wanted and time passed too fast... way too fast.. bah and I still have art block!!! xD but I'm in a really good mood and wrote the next chapter 8D


so i decided to return to the interet and update this thread :p


if only my art block had been gone I would have made a comic out of this chapter! (yeah I'm heavily influenced by Gintama right now haha it's really funny :'D


back to the topic! EDIT: (I'm currently writing chapter 13 and all I can say is that I'm pleased that i finally reached the point where something important will be revealed... well almost revealed but it's enough to prove that some of your theories wrong theehee)

enjoy if you want :p




(…11…)





“You hesitate?” –His scornful voice – my voice - echoes through the corridor pervaded by a slight breeze of fresh air. “You are an idiot 02…”

While my feet march forward quicker and quicker I pull out my gun.

“Why don’t you come with me… staying here is nothing but waiting for the death.”

“Aren’t you dead?” I ask him concentrating on the movements of his shadow on the grey concrete wall .

“Do you think I willingly die in this body of a shkr Mud in this frkizzing place full of your kind and full of Vykkers?!” I see his shadow folding his arms and leaning against the wall. He intentionally stands behind the corner so that I can’t see him directly. What is he planning?

“You have caused the blackout to escape.”

“Of course I did, unlike you I still have the guts to at least try something.”

“I will not let you leave!” Slowly I approach the corner and lean against the wall.

“You still think they will change everything back the way it was? –But what do I expect from a stupid mud anyway?” -He suddenly steps out into the light from behind the corner glaring at me for a second.

But then his expression changes and he starts sprinting in my direction. –I almost forgot how fast I was able to run…- Surprised about his sudden action I forget to stop him and he passes me.

But I run after him and eventually manage to grab his arm firmly. He wants to free himself but freezes as we hear Tjired behind us.

“Let go of me, before this idiot sees me.” 01 murmurs, glancing to the corner.

“No!” I whisper back.

Furiously 01 stares at me but I start walking away hastily dragging him after me.

“Stop that! I can walk on my own! Where are you going?!”

“Shut up.” Not looking back, I drag him to a smaller corridor to the side that only Scrubs use as a shortcut, it’s one of the older corridors.

The ceiling is not as high and the corridor is much narrower as usual. There are no doors here at all and the air smells as if we are the first ones that were here since at least 50 years.

Since there are no lamps the light gets fainter soon until it is almost completely dark. Without my mask I would have trouble to see something.

“Cut it out! I don’t obey your fkrzzin orders! –Mud!” 01 yells trying to free himself.

“Shut up!”

“I’m still a Slig and I won’t let me boss around by-”

“You are mad that’s what you are! –Look what you have done!” I turn around and glance at Tjired, only seeing the two red lights of his visor in the darkness. “He’s following us!”

“So what?! I don’t give a-”

“-Of course not!”

“Don’t you get it you idiot?!” 01 lowers his voice his eyes narrowing with anger. “We switched bodies! You can say goodbye to your old self!”

“If we do what they want they will return us again. And then I would like to still have all of my limbs!!” I exclaim loudly realizing suddenly that we arrived.

***


wow once it#s updated this chapter looks so tiny haha xD

next chapter will be up tomorrow if i get at least 1 reply and if i manage to write down chapter 13 before uhm... tomorrow? x3 :p

Well, half of the requiremnts have now been fulfilled, as I have replied. About the actual chapter: It seems that this slig who is now a mudokon is very cynical, whereas the mudokon who is now a slig seems quite the opposite.

very interesting chapter, and i can't wait for chapter 13! 01 seems to be incredibly bitter about no longer having the authority sligs carry, understandably.

thanks :D

Nat and White are perhaps described a little too detailed here, as the story developed they became more and more unimportant, because I really needed to concentrate on the main characters more, but since I already wrote the descriptions earlier (they are from the original plot before i changed and rewrote it all) i didn't really want to take them out of the text now.... so you get an idea of how they would be if I hadn't have deleted all their parts haha ^__^ maybe one of them will reappear in one of my future stories, well who knows... ^^

enjoy...


(…12…):p


***

We are in the hall in front of my previous cell.

It’s Nr. 78.

To the left and to the right the row of cells continues stretching out endlessly. There are two of my cellmates inside.

–I haven’t seen my brothers for such a long time –

Suddenly one of them looks up straight into my eyes.

Nat has always been very silent, stealthy observing the things that happened around him without being noticed… always wide awake, waiting for a chance to escape.

In the beginning everyone thought he was mute, that’s why Nat was one of the rare Mudokons who where more often working as a Scrub than as a test subject. Nowadays he knows a lot about the whole lab, how it’s built, where there are good places and times to escape, and there are even rumors (because he never talks about it himself) that in the times when he disappears, he is somewhere at the outside, but whether you believe the rumor or not he always returned after a short while again.

The other one of them is either asleep or unconscious, he has dark circles under his eyes and his skin is very pale, that’s why we call him White.

White spends a lot of time at the Labs and gave it up to even think of escaping, but he likes to steal things like medicine which he trades in for better food with a BigBro known as Darko. So he’s quite skilled in bargaining stealing and also has some connections to Sligs.

Nat is leaning backwards and almost disappears in the shadows still looking at me. He has a graze on his cheeck from the shot that Ed had fired.


-Seeing him reacting like that makes me once again more conscious of who I am now.

Automatically I turn to the voice lock and open the cell door letting 01 enter without saying anything more and close it again.

It’s strange to counter your best friends while being their greatest enemy. It makes you forget where you are and what you’re doing…

Sorrowful I glance to the ground taking out a cigarette realizing that I don’t even have a lighter. I sigh and put back the cigarette. –strange, I never thought I would even start smoking.

The feeling of being watched returns- but this time it feels a lot more intense so I look up but I can’t see anyone else than the four of us and some Mudokons resting in the cages further away from us.

“Hey Sabie, are you ok? –I don’t know what it is but you look weird. I haven’t seen ya for ages… what did happen to your shoulder? –Can’t you move your arm anymore?”

I twitch slightly as I hear my name. And then again as I hear that he can’t move his arm- MY ARM – anymore! But White is of course not talking to me but to the impassive 01 while Nat disappears in the shadows completely as if sensing some danger that hasn’t arrived yet.

I realize that I’m standing in front of the cage obviously listening to their talk, but I don’t really feel like going so I pretend to search a lighter in my pocket- which I know is dumb. But they probably assume that I’m just a dumb noob waiting for someone to tell me what to do.

“You cowardly Scrubs make me sick! Do you always act like that when a Slig shows up?!” 01 suddenly exclaims. “We could be free!”

Again I take out the packet of cigarettes and some other stuff that is in my pocket. "Darn..."

Suddenly Tjired leans against the cage bars. He lights his lighter eying them and then throwing a suspicious glance at me.

I almost drop the things from my hands. How could I forget about him?

“–Didn’t I tell you to mind your own fkrzzin business?! Why do you care so much if it’s one Mud less or more? You get your payment without me as well!” 01 growls and slumps down to the ground, not sharing his cellmates Slig-phobia.

“Who is this mud?” Tjired asks, it's the first time he talks to me in a language that i understand.

*** <sub>to be continued...



13 is a little short... I'll try to make it longer ^^</sub>

Nah, I think the description was good for showing that he really knew these guys and they were his friends. Another clever chapter, back amongst the mudokons... :p And yay, 01's alive! Can the situation yet be sorted out?

Sorry, but I'm completely lost. I can't remember the main chararcter's name, or his counterpart. If I could have a quick fill-in, that'd be nice as I'm generally too busy or too lazy to reread stuff. I do like the way it's written, but I've lost the plotline.

Whoa, how is 01 alive again? I thought he died...or were we only supposed to think he died?

yes you were supposed to think that... it#s only i should have done it differently it was way too obvious! xD


:lol: ahahahahaha xD

sorry about that I know I'm not a very logic person I'm very chaotic in my brain actually xD

thank you! (and thanx to the others too!) :D perhaps some others are lost too xD



here is a little summary of what happened so far...



part 1: Sabie, a Mudokon, awakes after an experiment

part 2 + 3: Sabie finds out that the Vykkers transferred him into the body of a Slig - from now on Sabie is refferred to as 02 and the Slig who is in Sabies body now is 01

part 4: 02 and 01 are on the verge of starting a fight as a random Slig guard appears and interferes - in the end the random Slig shoots 01 who falls unconscious

part 5: time jump: Ed, another Slig, shows 02 his new post he has to guard the whole area from above the main gate, Ed guards the part at the outside and 2 other Sligs (Tjired and Coffee) guard the part before the gate

part 6: 02 falls asleep and dreams about what happened at th time when 01 got shot but a strange female Mudokon appears in his dream

part 7: 02 wakes up - there is a blackout and the other Sligs panic because the Mudokons seem to be running around free (which is only what Ed says)

part 8: the 4 Sligs Tjired Coffee Ed and 02 search for an emergency power supply or what ever it#s called xD
But they soon get all seperated and in the end 02 starts following some noises - he thinks it's a Mudokon and wants to catch it to get a promotion - (02 assumes it's the only escappee because he knows that the cages for the mudokons wouldn#t open just because of a blackout...i actually forgot to mention that ^^] but as he searches for the escappee he hears creepy voices whispering to him etc...
in the end of the chapter Ed finds 02 and they continue the search together

part 9: Ed and 02 talk about the outside after 02 was remembering his previous life as a Native Mudokon
-they arrive in a small hall and manage to corner the escapee
-02 realizes that the escapee is Nat, one of his best friends as the lights suddenly go on again

part 10: 01 appears and knocks Ed out after Ed has fired a shot at Nat, who knocked 02 out, but the shot only grazed Nat.
-02 wakes up again he checks if Ed is still alive when suddenly the creepy voices talk to him and the strange female Mudokon appears again - but this time she's real or 02 still dreaming?
-Tjired is after 01 who injured him

part 11: 02 and 01 are talking, 01 plans to escape he also caused the breakdown from before etc... 02 is determined to prevent 01 from doing so Tjired appears and 01 wants to run away but 02 catches him and brings him back to ...


part 12: ...he brings him back to the hall with the mudokon cages and locks him in.
There are also Nat and White (02 friends) in the cage, they talk to 01 while 02 is listening - 02realizes that he and his friends are enemies now etc....
suddenly tjired appears he's suspicious about 02 and 01 strange behaviour



ugh i just realized how much of an experiment this story is if i ever write something again then i will do it differently for sure xD





hope you still enjoy...


(…13….)


***

...don't ever call a Slig a “Xtrzzz” because it's one of the most insulting swearwords ever... no you can't even imagine it! A Slig would kill you right away if you would insult him like that :p


***

“What… what do you mean?”

“Who the fkrzz cares about that?”

-01 and I reply at the same time.

“I mean this, exactly this…” –his accent is barely understandable it’s almost the same as sliggish- “It’s not normal… you two are not normal. Are you spies sent by the Natives?! Perhaps you just possessed him!” Tjired looks at 01 sharply and then at me. “Xtrzzz!”

“Don’t say that… EVER again or I’ll kill you with these hands.” 01 glowers at Tjired clenching one of his fists threatingly.

“Maybe he’s long dead and just controlled by your freakish tribal powers! Maybe you control more than one!” Tjireds voice suddenly rises and he turns around towards the shadows at the far end of the hall where the abandoned cages are.

We stand in silence for a moment staring motionless at the shadowy place.

That’s right the feeling of being watched was not caused by Tjired at all, now when I stare into the shadows a strange creepy feeling overcomes me even though no one is visible.

From the corner of my eye I see 01 shocked expression. He looks so deeply scared that I wonder if he experienced more than me.

02 you should kill him!

A strong feeling of nausea rises in me the same moment and my vision blurs while it starts echoing in my brain again >>01-E01415M778 –Failed.<<

>>01-E01415M778 –Failed…<< My strength is leaving my body.

I feel like a dry leaf in the wind. >>01-E01415M778 –Failed.<<

>>01-E01415M778 –Failed!!<< The voice in my head quickens along with my heartbeat.

>>01-E01415M778 –Failed!!!<<

>>01-E01415M778 –Failed!!!<<

>>01-E01415M778 –Failed!!!<<

>>01-E01415M778 –Failed!!!<<

>>01-E01415M778 –Failed!!!<<

“GYAAAAHH STOOOP!!!” –kill it! Kill it before it swallows you up!

>>01-E01415M778 –FAILED!<<

I fall to my knees clutching my head screaming. While Tjired backs off in terror aiming at me with his gun immediately.

“NO! STOP!!” I see 01 standing halfway up and stretching his hand out between the cage bars holding his uninjured arm in front of my head trying to protect me.

Tjired screams something I don’t understand to which 01 replies in sliggish.

Their talk goes on for a few seconds, words flutter through the air that I never heard before, sounds of which I can’t grasp the meaning, they argue. Becoming more urgend 01 is getting frustrated and quiets down while Tjired yells like mad. I hear desperation rising in both of their voices and suddenly it’s quiet.

The voice in my head stopped talking too and I’m able to finally relax.

With a quick glance at Tjired Nat slowly approaches and leans his head against the cage bars. He looks at me calmly, ignoring the tense atmosphere completely even though he fears Tjired so much.

I stare at his face. Has he figured it out?

Tjired still aims at me his hand is shaking violently. I hear 01 cursing under is breath.

He exchanges a short glance with Nat and suddenly says a Sliggish word, which we Sligs use to open the voice locks. Normally Mudokons are not able to pronounce it.

The next second Nat sprints out and grabs my arm pulling me to my feet, dragging me away as fast as he can, while 01 storms out in front of us.

I cringe at the shot that is fired. But luckily it missed - 01 dodged it and lungs forward. For a second it seems he wants to attack Tjired but he only pushes him aside running away.

No not running away.

My eyes widen as I see that he’s running towards the abandoned cages. I tear away from Nat screaming at him to stop.

But it’s too late.

Sabie help!

No 02 you need to kill, kill them all!



***
to be continued?





_{explaination why I can't update the next chapter so soon :}

i've chosen arts and physics to be my 4. and 5.main subjects on my own free will 2 years ago :tard:...well two years ago the world was different...:tard: i thought these subjects were more fun....:tard: i thought i was more intelligent than lazy back then...:tard: but it turns out to be vice versa... :tard:

No wonder I was confused. With a general idea of the plot, it does help make this more enjoyable.

Don't worry. We're a patient bunch. Very patient.

Patience is part of reading fanfiction! I once read a really awesome story online. Been waiting four years for that one to update... :( (Please don't make us wait four years.) :p

Aaaaaaaanyway, this chapter was like a large group of campers!
Insofar as a large group of campers is... (wait for it...) in tents!!!

Geddit? In tents, intense, geddit? :eeek:

My one criticism is that it's sometimes hard to work out who's saying what. Especially in this chapter and a few others. It can be confusing.
Man, I feel really hyper right now. Too much tea...

Okay, now everything is making more sense. Thanks for the explanation (and the chapter.) And, yeah, I concur with Splat.

very exciting chapter, and bloody hell, i haven't visited for ages.

also good luck with your subjects.

Oh dear...I have some catching up to do xD

*Sigh* it's sad to see a fanfic go down the tube...hint hint...

Oh, whoops, sorry, that sounded like a detriment...I mean, write some more.

Lord Stanley, please don't double post. Instead, use the 'edit' button in the bottom right corner of the post frame.

@ Lord Stanley:

... did i ever say i will stop this craptastic fanfiction? :p

I said I will continue it no matter what and if it's the worst crap in the universe (of course then i would never continue uploading it though)

and i told you at dA a month ago, before i left, that I have my final exams in april. xD


especially maths is going to be a problem :eek:

so i won't be writing anything for a while...


but hey thank you for remembering this fanfiction for so long! n___n

Interesting picture. And April is halfway over - yay!

I like the picture! He does look angry, but also quite protective of her, and it raises the question, how much does he want to protect her for her sake, and how much for his own? Can this girl help him? Ee hee hee...

She does look... sketchy, but that works 'cus she's quite a mysterious character.

And it's good to know you're still alive an' all.