yeh, we might just have to start again from here... did i post in my stories since the 20th of August?
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I'm not sure. I knpow that Dave's lost a couple chapters on his fic, so has Shrink, also W@RF has been messed up. But anyway, here's the moment you've all been waiting for! (Or dreading, however you regard my fic.)
I'm not thrilled with this chpater, it wasn't one I wanetd t do, more one i needed to do to set the scene for some future chapters, and I thin kthat reflects in the writing. Not the best bit I've done, in fact probably the worst, it's mostly talk and rather short, but it's important in setting up chapter 8. Here you go then: Chapter 6: Planning an Escape Larry was relieved when the morning session was over, as pulling levers for a grinder was repetitive, and he had other things on his mind. He was able to traipse back to the mess hall for the mudokons’ 5 minute gruel break, where he could think properly and without interruption. He was consumed with thoughts of both Arthur’s behaviour, and of new ways to escape the factory. Ever since the night before, when he had been caught yet again, his fevered brain had been working on a method of escape that he hadn’t tried. He had thought up many outlandish ideas, and he definitely did not want to get caught again, he hardly relished the thought of having both his legs broken, so that he was confined to a wheelchair for a lengthy period. But last night, during the 1 hour of sleep that the slaves got, he came up with an idea that could work. It relied heavily on luck, and on where he was working for that afternoon. He limped over to the schedule board and checked, he was stationed by Boiler 4, and the heating units for it. Perfect, his plan could be attempted today, although it did rely on Trevor or one of the others helping him out. He hobbled back to Trevor, who had been served some of the greyish mess of the slave food, and relayed the idea of his plan: Hey, Trev, I’ve thought of a way we can escape, no joke, no dumb idea, this could actually work!” Trevor was hardly impressed “Larry, you invent hundreds of escape ideas every day, and none of those you’ve tried have worked yet. I suggest you give it a rest man, Abe, or Munch, or someone like that will come and save us eventually. Until then, all we can do is put up with this and hope.” “Hope? We have no hope unless we try. Waiting will just get us killed, through the guards, the conditions or the time.” “And escape attempts kill us quicker mate.” Trevor replied, resuming eating his gruel. “Just, let me tell you the idea.” groused Larry, getting impatient. ‘Lunch’ break would be up shortly and unless he was able to explain his thoughts to Trevor, or Max, his escape would have to wait. “Fine then.” Sighed Trevor, finishing his gruel and pushing the bowl aside. “Look, this afternoon we’re working at Boiler 4, doing cleaning, right? Well, the heaters are great big metal cylinders, and have pipes leading from tem to the factory roof, where they open theses hatches on them to ventilate too much hot air, right? You see, I’m thinking that I find some way to get into the heating tank, then climb the pipe and get out through the hatch. Whaddaya think?” Trevor shook his head. “Another harebrained scheme Larry. First off, you need to find a way to get into the heater without there being too much hot air to kill you, second, to get the hatch open the heater needs to overheat, and that’d kill you. How do you do it?” Larry grinned a nervous grin “Well, I was thinking, what we do is find a way to get the heating units to overheat, and then I climb into the tank, while it’s overheated but cooling down, the hatch will be open at this point, so I then just climb up the pipe, out the hatch, then walk along the roof, slide down the factory wall and get out!” “It could work, but its unlikely Larry, ‘cause how do you get into the heating tank anyway?” There’s an emergency manual door for when it gets really boiling in there, so that the door can be opened and it can b ventilated quicker, I get the door open, get in, and then climb up and out the pipe. I won’t get burnt ‘cause if I move quickly enough, I can’t get hurt by it, I’ll just sweat and be uncomfortable. And I needed to tell you Trevor, cause I’ll need you to shut the door after me so nobody knows it’ ever been opened, and you have to distract the guard while I reverse the heating direction on the boiler with the wheels so the heating units overheat. This factory’s boilers just distribute the warmth; it’s the heating units that actually warm the water for the boilers. Just trust me on this one.” Bu, before Trevor could give his answer, he and Larry found themselves getting marched back off to their afternoon workplaces. Larry was bursting with anticipation inwardly, regardless of Trevor’s answer, he was going for it. This could be the moment he gets out. ~~~~~~ If you actually liked that piece of rubbish I just put up, then I'm overjoyed. If not, then I don't mind, because it's more of a scene-setter than actual chapter. Read and reply please. |
Ain't nuttin wrong with a little chapter of set-up.
I'm anxious to see if Larry's plan works out. I have this gut feeling that it likely won't .... |
I liked it! There's nothing wrong with speech, action is good but dialogue can be just as good if its done well (there were maybe the odd bits that didn't quite seem right, but on the whole it was great, if a bit short, not that I can complain about that.)
"First off, you need to find a way to get into the heater without there being too much hot air to kill you, second, to get the hatch open the heater needs to overheat, and that’d kill you." Heheh, funny! |
Woah, you actually liked it! Thanks, I didn't expect anyone to like this chapter. Next one might be up tomorrow if I'm lucky, it's just I go back to school very soon and I've got some work that I should have done earlier in the holidays but forgot so I've got a fair bit of work to do in the next couple of days.
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School...*GROAN*
Yeh, I liked it too. And now I'm itching to found out what happens next! :D I'm glad your story wasn't affected by the forum going down...*mutters about hackers* Anyway, yeh, keep it up! :D
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Yeah, I don't see how anyone couldn't like it, MM. It was a good chapter. ;) I'm so aggravated because I notice that most of my comments and other peoples' comments were deleted because of the hacker incident that occured earlier. Grrrrrrr!!! Anyway, it's ok that it's a scene-setter. Those chapters can be just as interesting and important as others because they allow the reader to become familiar with the environment and understand the type of situation a character is in. ;) Oh, and I understand about school.....it can keep people very busy at times. ;)
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And now that the scene is set .... where's the scene?
Come on, MM, don't leave me hanging. I won't post anymore Dante until you've got another chapter up. That's a threat and a promise. |
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I should probably read that story some day, thhough the day before school start is probably not the best time. |
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Great, now I'll have my and Dave's readers after my blood. Well, I'll try and start writing tonight, but I am back at school, so I can't promise updates for a while. And I did say the next chapter may be due Tuesday or Wednesday, so just wait a bit longer. Oh and I'll tell you this, I'm going to be a bit mean about what you get for chapter 7, you'll get a new chapter, but probably not about what you want. :devil:
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So MM, it won't be about the escape? Hmm, I'm intrigued... |
Well, I have had this chapter idea set out ever since around about chapter 5, it's the first time a chapter focuses on a character other than Larry, I'll say that much. In fact, I may hold off the escape attempt for 2 more chapters instead of one, as there are 2 characters I want to write about and develop. Sadly I have yet to get around to writing it, what with school, homework and limited free time now, but I'll do my best to get it up before Saturday.
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Don't rush, you'll make me feel bad!
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Yeah, don't worry about rushing. ;) I'm patient, so I can wait. ;) Anyway, the next chapters sound like they're going to be interesting.
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The moment you've all clamoured for! Chapter 7! As said, this doesn't pick up from where you'd want it to, but I myself am pleased with this. It has a nice little action piece too, and sums up life for this character rather aptly. Hope you enjoy it:
Chapter 7: Barracks Life Arthur watched Larry limp off to his Zulag, supported by Max and Trevor, and then sighed, shaking his head in thought and regret before walking off to his own station, as delivery loader. A boring job, which simply required taking the packaged food up onto a factory train then radioing the Depot or factory it was to go to when he was done. ‘Just like my job at RuptureFarms, in the old days. Gee I miss ‘em. Wonder what they’re doing now.’ Arthur thought to himself, thinking of the friends he had made at his previous job. He shrugged dejectedly and continued on to his station. 2 hours later Arthur headed off back to the lunch hall after the morning session, quickly took a Paramite Pie and then began towards the Barracks. Seeing as his job relied on the trains he often had a decent amount of free time, and today he decided to spend it on three of his favourite pastimes, drinking, reading the paper, and sleeping. He saw Larry entering the mess hall out of the corner of his eye, and watched him check the work rota board. He hurried out quicker, not wanting to have to talk with them now about what occurred earlier. He entered the Barracks room and sat down on his bed. The Slig bunks were marginally better than the slave quarters, they were bigger for a start, and had no dried blood, but were just as hard and rusty. He began eating his Paramite Pie with a bottle of Brew at his side, deeply immersed in thought. That is, until the whirring of fellow Slig’s pants brought him back to reality. He looked up and gave an inward cringe. It was Lak. But not alone, he had a few buddies of his with him. “Why’d ya do that earlier freak?” He yelled at Arthur, who ignored him and continued eating. “I said, why’d ya do that earlier freak!?” He screeched louder, pushing the pie away. Arthur gave him a look of extreme annoyance, reclaimed his pie and muttered “I’d appreciate it if you’d let me eat my food in peace, sh*tstirrer.” Lak and his four cronies looked angry, but then laughed, Lak retorting “I’m sure you would mudlover, but why should we? Go off and sleep wit’ one of your dear mudokon friends.” Again, Arthur reacted to Lak’s taunts quickly, and physically, by standing and simply swinging the half-eaten pie right into Lak’s face, and following it with a left hook again to the head that floored the cocky Slig. “Well, seein’ as I can’t eat in peace, leave me be and lemme have my drink, cause if ya don’t this’ll end badly for you.” Arthur snarled, reaching for his brew. But before he could even take off the top, two of Lak’s cronies lunged at him, one striking his stomach, the other punching him in the chin. Arthur dropped a little, winded and dazed, but retaliated by driving his own fist into the first Slig’s stomach, and braining the other with his bottle, which cracked but didn’t break. It broke though when he stuck another of Lak’s pals who went for him, two of them now down with glass in their bodies and Brew all over them. The fourth and first ones however, got him down, one tackling him while the other swung at his face, catching him just below the mask. They pinned him down as he kicked, bit and struggled, scratching them and weakening their grip, but Lak had got back up, and planted the ball of his pants foot right into Arthur’ chest, then kicked him sharply in the mouth (just under his tentacles). The two bottled ones didn’t get up, but Lak hauled up Arthur and punched at him while his friends pinned Arthur’s arms back. They shoved him onto his bed, and Lak reached for his throat to pay Arthur back for earlier, but soon found Arthur’s mouth clamped tightly around his fingers. He kicked and punched, taking Lak down again, but soon was down himself after getting clouted and ganged up on by three of the Sligs, one having recovered from the bottle blow. Arthur soon had the fight knocked out of him, and Lak and his goons beat him up a bit more, other Sligs who had lunch break having wandered in to watch the fight and cheer on Lak’s gang. Arthur lay in a bruised and bloodied mess, while Lak grinned, still clutching his bitten hand, and leaned down, hissing “Don’t start what you can’t deal with mudlover.” The other Sligs, bored now that the fight was over, and merely having to squabble over winnings form bets placed on the confrontation, ambled out, leaving Arthur to drag himself wearily onto his bed, spit out a broken tooth, and slip mercifully into unconsciousness. ~~~~~~~~~~ There! Done, the first all-Arthur chapter, and I think it was a good-un! Dave you can now update your fic, seeing as you said you wuldn't update 'till I did, so now everyone's readers are happy! Read and Reply pelase. Chapter 8 hopefully up by Sunday. |
Fantastic! Poor Arthur though! The fight was very well done, not to much said and not too little. Looking forward for more!
How do you reply so fast? And when your at school??? |
heh, I'm not at school now,m I finished about three hours ago. Or do you mean in past replies? Well first off I've always finished school in weekdays when I post but at weekends I'm obviously not at school so have longer on. Also, I normally log on for 1/2 hour to an hour, browse around here, if there's anything to reply to I reply, like now, and if not, I log off and do something else. Still, glad you liked it.
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I really like your description of his thoughts and stuff like that.
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*insert general compliments here*
Glad you finally updated. I liked the chapter for what it was, but I don't like Arthur too much. Not because he's a slig, but because he's so unsliggy. I don't know. He rubs me the wrong way is all. But hey, your characters, not mine. Not bad at all. |
Nice chapter, yep, like it. Poor ol' Arthur, completely opposite to Dave :D coz I really like him, although I'm just a softie...blegh, who cares. Good chapter. :D
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Yep, I, too, liked the fight scene because it was very discriptive and well-written. I actually like Arthur because he seems to be different from the other sligs. ;) (or as Dave put it, "unsliggy" :p :lol:)
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Well, this chapter wil probably have made him more Slig-like, after all, he just got beat up badly, so he'll probably toughen up and be a little less friendly. Although he is still going to be a little 'unsliggy', as Dave puts it. New chapter hopefully up on Saturday or Sunday. Thanks for the replies. Also Dave, what happened to the links to your fics in your signature? Now how can I re-read the old ones!
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Whoops. I'll fix ...
Saturday? Sunday? Yikes. I forgot that just because college is giving me tons of free time doesn't mean everyone else has that much time to blow. |
I said Saturday or Sunday. This is Thursday, please be patient, I have school and a lot of homework to do, I can't get it up yet. If I'm lucky I may get it up tomorrow. Please bear with me guys.
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Sorry to double post, but nobody would notice if I just edited. Here you all go, the very long chapter 8. I considered splitting this into two chapters but i didn't think it'd work like that, so I left it as one, rather long, chapter. It was rather hard to write, for some reason, yet I am rather pleased with how it turned out in the end. Do enjoy, and please reply.
Chapter 8: The Plan in Action Larry was quite confident as he and Trevor hurried to their stations. Trevor kept trying to persuade him out of it, with comments like: “Larry, you mess it up you might get killed.” “Larry, this is too risky.” “Look man, I think you should take more time about planning this.” “You’ll end up hurt and in a lot of trouble Larry, don’t do it.” “Larry, just bide your time until something better comes up.” But Larry ignored it all, defiant that it would work. Trevor, seeing this, sighed, resigned that Larry was too stubborn to be swayed, and realised he would reluctantly have to go through with this. They arrived at the station, and Larry seemed to get more good luck, the Slig on duty was late. ‘Hopefully drunk or in a fight.’ Larry thought to himself. “Wait here Trev, when the guard turns up, whistle, or kick your bucket over or something to warn me, and keep him distracted as long as possible. When I overheat the boiler, get the door open as quick as you can, and try and make a lot of noise to get ‘em confused. I’ll take a deep breath, go in, and get out the vent shaft. Oh yeah, you’ll need to open that too when it overheats. ‘Kay?” Trevor nodded dejectedly “Yeah sure. I still think you shouldn’t go through with it though.” “Trev, you always were a pessimist.” Grinned Larry, and he hobbled off on his one good leg down the corridor, to find the heater wheel. Meanwhile Arthur lay unmoving on his bunk, in agony. He began to stir after a few minutes, and looked around, seeing no other Sligs in the barracks room. ‘Great, I’m late back to work and I’m going to get in trouble for fighting and slacking.’ He thought, wincing as he got up, and then vomiting instantly on the floor a mixture of blood and bile. ‘I need to get to the doc’s to get these injuries sorted out, but it’s on the other side of the factory.’He thought again. He hauled himself painfully out of the room, and began the long walk down the corridor to the medical room. Back at Boiler 4 Larry finally reached the wheel; it was currently on the hottest green setting on the meter. To get the heater to overheat, it’d need to be in the middle on the orange setting. ‘That way I can get in but it shouldn’t kill me.’ He thought to himself. He began turning the wheel, it was stiff and rusted, and hard work, but gradually it moved and the pointer began to creep into the pale yellow zone. Trevor looked up the corridor, while scrubbing the floor and at the boiler door handle, figuring the soapy floor might help make the Sligs slip, and if he could clean up the wheel, Larry might get it open easier. It’d have to overheat for the lock on the vents and door to automatically unlock. ‘And the easier Larry can get in, the better.’ Trevor realised. Larry continued turning it, the meter now on bright yellow, a few inches off orange. It was getting hard work now, the further the wheel was turned, the stiffer it got, and with only one good leg, it was difficult to put much leverage on the wheel. Trevor suddenly stopped his work at the sound of Slig pants, the guard was approaching. He quickly swung his bucket at the boiler door, the clang hopefully loud enough to get Larry’s attention. Larry heard the loud clash of metal upon metal, and realised the Slig was coming back. He’d have to work twice as fast. He began twisting the wheel quickly and forcefully, hoping he’d get it done before the Slig arrived. Trevor looked up as the guard rounded the corner, and it was apparent why he’d been late- he had obviously been I a fight. This Slig was quite burly, Trevor recognising it as one of that damn Lak’s friends. He had a nasty cut across his skull, which had been hurriedly bandaged with makeshift bandages-toilet roll and newspaper. There were also a couple of small glass shards on his face, and he was moving a little gingerly. Yet despite his injury, he had obviously heard what Trevor did, as he screeched “What did you do here mud? Try to break the boiler, ya idiot?” Trevor had been preparing himself should something like this occur, so he answered readily, yet in a convincing manner “Uh n-no sir, I slipped on the floor while cleaning the boiler, and it hit the boiler, and it all spilled on me, and I h-hurt my head.” He rubbed at his eyes, attempting to make it appear like he was holding back tears. “Good job you got hurt might make ya less clumsy. But hey, why’re there two sponges?” Trevor was thrown off “…..erm, well I have two so I can clean it quicker.” The Slig didn’t buy it “Ain’t there supposed to be two of you’s I’m watchin’?” “Er,” Was all he could say, before the Slig shoved him aside and walked up the corridor, calling out “Ohh green freak, Come out, or I’ll fill that corridor with lead.” Despite not having a gun, he figured it’d be a way to get Larry to show himself. Larry was panicking, the Slig was getting close and closer, but then, finally, he got the wheel into orange. The boiler had been gaining heat anyway due to his actions, but now it was going to blow. He waited, until- “What’s going on!?” The slig yelled as he rushed back to the boiler, hearing the warning sirens. “Oy, what you done to it?” He demanded. “Nothing, how could I have anyway?” He replied, quickly wrenching on the vent control wheel, and opening it. The Slig commanded “Open the door, get that steam outta the boiler before it blows!” Trevor turned on the wheel, just as Larry reached the corner. He waited until Trevor got it open then rushed forward as fast as he could with one good leg. He timed it until there was a thick cloud of steam, and he heard a clunk and yell of pain- Trevor had tripped the Slig. Larry’s foot brushed something, a bucket, and he reached down, waited until he heard the Slig get up and with his eyes still shut against the steam, swung it in the direction he heard the Slig. Another yell of pain, another loud thud, and then Larry nipped into the boiler itself. He kept his breath held in, cool fresh air still in his lungs but running out, and made his way blindly over to where he knew the ladder was to the manual vent controls. He began climbing it, gradually running out of breath, but he finally reached the top, where steam was billowing upwards but out of the vent. He reached his hands up to grasp the edge of the coverless vent and pull himself out, but his luck had ran out. ‘CRAP! It’s a shutter vent, not a lidded vent!’ He thought to himself, and wondered what he was to do now. He began to climb back down, hoping against hope that when the group of armed Sligs that was supposed to finish sorting out the boiler arrived, they wouldn’t notice an additional mudokon. His prayers were unheeded however, as he soon hear the sound of multiple Sligs’ pants, and one of them honking “Hey, I can see some green blobbish thing in the boiler.” ‘Why me, Odd.’ Larry begged, as he heard the two fateful words. “Kill it!” Shortly followed, by the sharp ratatatatatat of gunfire. END OF CHAPTER I'm such a bastard ain't I, leaving a cliffhanger like that? Well, Shrink hasn't updated his fic for a bit and Dave did a cliffhanger, so I decided to do one of my own to get my revenge! Nah, I wasn't criticizing either Shrink or Dave or their fics, I was just saying I don't like being left in cliffhangers, but I love writing them. hahaha. New chapter depending on how quick the aformentioned writers continue their stories. Or Wednesday. |
I like the diversity of your characters. This story is good because it doesn't approach me as trying to be deep and mysterious like most fics do. Good job :bow:! And don't worry about the double post, such laws do not exist in this realm ;).
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Howdy
I'm impressed. It's very well written, the imagery is very compelling I must say. Will wait eagerly for next installment. (Hope Larry's ok) :D
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Ah, hell. You stinky bastard.
But still, I dug this chapter. I enjoyed the toilet-paper-newspaper bandage bit, and the sweet twist on the shuttered vent. Slick. Wednesday? Hrmph. I'll wait. |
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! How could you????
GAH! Wednesday come quick, now I have 3 things to look out for! (ooh, crptic message from me!) |