You've shattered everything I held sacred about Italians, AiN.

Alcar...

I heard sex was fun?

you're not sure?

He puts a question mark at the end of everything? It can get confusing I think?

And yes, sex is very fun.

Ugh, that's enough to make anyone lose their innocence.

You lazy cunts.

Grounder is so adorable. Scratch should totally have had a German accent.

Bear in mind, dear Leto, they're both old farts. If they go on top they're liable to have a heart attack.

I think I almost did have a heart attack during sex a few months ago. We were both drunk, and I was performing well above average. About half an hour in, I felt as if my chest were going to explode. I had to stop, go into the bathroom, and sit there on the floor for about ten minutes before I felt like I might live through the night.

Sorry to hear that. :(
Are you sure it's not just because April is really good?

Yeah, that's happened to me. But drugs were a factor.

Pro tip hotshot, you were fucking a power socket.

That shit was hot.

Not as good as the pterodactyl porn, but it'll do.

No don't listen to me, please!!! I said that stupid thing because I was in a horrible moment of desperation for lack fo sex!!!

How can you know you were performing above average? That just sounds like a guy who thinks he's a perfect driver whilst drunk.

No action going on here yet, but sounds like you guys have some pretty epic sex lives.

Especially you OANST.

Had you consumed a liqueur containing hazelnut? That terrifying chest thing happened to me once - although instead of an explosion mine felt like it was caving in on itself.

It was then, that I realised I had a mild allergy to hazelnut. And I've never touched Frangelico since.

Alcar...

How often do you drink Mat?
A poor balance between blind-stinking-drunkenness and complete sobriety can be a real fuck to the system.

I don't mean to say that I was being a terrific lover, necessarily. Just that I was a bit more....mmm....active, I guess. It was half an hour of almost non-stop pneumatic pounding.

@ Alcar: I'm not sure if it had hazelnut in it, or not. It was whiskey. That seems like a good liquor to put hazelnut in, so maybe.

If your whiskey has hazelnut in it you are definitely drinking the wrong brands of whiskey.

I don't know a damn thing about what goes into alcoholic beverages. I'm not much of a drinker.

Or a lover, apparently.

You people are mean to me. I'm going home.

Good. Get on Xbox live.

It'll be a while before I'm on today. I'm taking Abbey sledding when I leave work.

Yeah, I was joking anyway. My work schedule is fixed, kinda. My off days are once again consecutive, but my thursday/fridays are now swing shifts instead of mornings. So I'm not off until 11 pm.

That's really old. You really suck.

I mean, you could have at least posted the very similar video of the turtle fucking the shoe.