Wow, right at the same time. You could tweak it a little but...

Granted. You make me fail at life. Then I get my half-brother to kill you. NYA!

I wish I could blow up.

Granted. You do, but in slow-motion, so you can feel every single muscle being sucked off your bones, and every bone being shattered and splintered...

I wish I could hug an Intern.
As far as Internophiles go, Malarkey is NOTHING compared to me.

Granted. You hug an intern and it blows up. Ha!

I wish I could eat this mouth watering chocolate pie now!

It has a cherry bomb in it. It asplode. INSIIIDE OF YOOOUU.

I wish I had an oPod.

It plays the Spongebob fun song and annoys those around you. You get tazered.

I wish I could do chapter two of the intern yaoi fic right now.

Granted. You get the oPod! It plays music! And guess what its other function is? IT BLOWS UP!

I wish I had more than one BOILER! I mean burger...

EDIT: damn, to quick. EDIT EDIT!: ARG! *corrupts oPod again*

Yay, corrupting two wishes at once!
You do. But then your parents see it. They rest is history 8D

You BLOW UP! From eating too much.

I *also* wish for more Intern yaoi.
I swear I've been hanging around PV too much.

Granted. But it blows up when you read it! You get so annoyed that the whole world blows up and that makes me blow my brains out, and insert the brains of a chinese fish with no sense of humour.

I wish I was a glukkon.

Granted. You lode all your moolah in a gabbiar auction. Hey you didn't say which Glukkon.

I wish... I... was... an Intern. Lawl.

Granted. Your a test intern, one of the unfortunate ones that is being tested on. A lab breed of Intern, lets say. They (the Vykkers) inject you with something and you BLOW UP!

I wish I was a Scrab! A big scary scrab!

You get eaten 8D

I wish... that... I... uhm... I wish that I could meet my Casino Magog RPG character, Terry.

You do, but you also meet his brother, who puts cherrybombs in your cereal....It kills Patrick who stole your cereal. And that is tragic, because Patrick has a soul.

I wish Marclar would answer the RP PMs... Now Marclar.

This is to quick. Ok,

Granted, but they are rubbish and I blow up.

I wish that I could get eaten more often and blow more brains out than ever.

:p I do, but then your internet dies. Forever.

I wish Zozo would stop calling me Marclar. :p

Change your post lol, and also,

Granted, but now you are called Maclaw and everyone hates the name.

I wish I was called Doctor Chub.

You have no medical qualifications whatsoever, you name is hereby useless.

I wish in some alternative universe, Cal discovered the yaoi fic and got mad.

Granted. After many days of weeping in shock in his bedroom, his voice-inside-his-head tells him to go out and kill you, me, and Patrick. And then he, Domino, and all out other characters all die because their creator died.
AKA Don't forget that Cal has a mean ol' voice inside his head. It was born'd from the tazer 8D

I wish that my eyes didn't hurt.

Your butt hurts instead, and you can't sit down at your computer chair.

I wish I could type my fic faster.....Malarkey is coming....

You type so fast you wreck you keyboard! ...Oh dear.

I wish I could stay up aaaall night.

Your mummy gets annoyed with you and gets into a fight with Cal. He accidently tazers you.

I wish I....Uhhh...Could see into the sicks depths of Patrick's mind.

...No, no you don't. Seriously. He gets off on old people.
But, as you wish... I don't even want to go into details, so let's say you're just scarred for life and need medication.

I wish my ass didn't hurt.

Your boobies hurt now.

I wish I could jump into the tv in my house to go on the Jeremy Kyle show.

Granted, but someone flicks the channel over right when you jump in. You are now stuck in the Teletubbies land, muhahahahaha!

I wish I was a boiler.

granted but you over heat and explode causing a world wide catastroph

i wish i was able to use psycic powers

Granted, but you are so involved in your metal powers you walk into a bear pit.

I wish I had a shotgun

Granted, but Rudy Giuliani comes in while aborting babies and reading the Satanic Bible and steals your guns, while "BWAHAHA!"ing

I wish people would believe me about Islam, before it's too late.

Granted, I believe you. What a result huh?

I wish I had a pear pie.

I give you pumpkin pie!

I wish my cat was actually nice.

Granted. Your cat is now so nice and affectionate and loveable, you are utterly horribied when it is hit by a car. So horrified and grieved and depressed in fact, that you and all the people who knew that cat decides to commit suicide. ...Fun.

I wish I wasn't lonely.

Granted. Your now non-existent. Now you can't feel lonely!

I wish I had more jars of brains and the brain of a Chubfish.

You flop and are chased by gay interns and sligs. Patrick and Marvak eat your jars of brains.

I wish Marvak would answer my PMs now.....Nows.
She made a suicide joke and stole my catchphrase, I must kill her...

Granted. I answer them, but it's only in arguement to the real size of Cal's manlihood.

I wish Zozo would come back online D:

Referring to something on OddChat, 'ey?

Granted, but she wont shut up about stuff you dont want to hear. She does this so much you blow your brains out.

I wish I had more Cadbury's Giant Buttons right now...so delicious.

You get fat. And pimples. 8D

I wish I could solve any puzzle.

Granted, but I solve them all before you.

I wish I had more ice cold water. And a hot sunny day.

Granted. But it's so hot the water starts to boil, and you're roasted alive.

I wish I was a video game tester.

Granted, but your a video game tester for a pirating game company and you make illegal hacks of games and test them. You then are found out about and the cops get you.

I wish I was 1.5x happier than I am now.

Granted. You start to feel sadder because I can't do maths.

I wish for more... stuff.

Granted, but that stuff is delivered by Malarkey, who gets into an epic duel with you and ends up being obliterated by the Zionist hair rays.

I wish people would thank LUE and Conan O'Brien for ZANGG's quote.

Granted, but then ZANGG kills us all for no reason. And then I just completely destroy everything on the world and then thats the corruption.

I wish I could easily teleport without losing limbs.