You didn't save my life! I feel so left out! :(

Oooh Max you will be saved! Don't worry!

Dear Jacob
I... I have a serious problem but I don't know how to explane it but I will give it a try. I found myself attracted to my fire Hydrant what should I do? I don't have a life and everyone thinks I am fag! what FU*K should I do?:smokin: I think I am turning into a dog. What kind demonic device is happening here?
I need some advice.

Dear Max,
Problem one...what exactly is it? If you want me to save you from the pit of dispair and agony please state the question clearly and responsibly. Problem two...DAMNIT, WHERE'S THE PROBLEM!? OR QUESTION...OR QUERIE!? *Tuts*

Dear un-named,
You have a fire hydrant? The first thing you have got to realise is that the fire hydrant is not YOURS. The fire hydrant is everybodies whom lives down your street. You should get a life and either prove to people your not a raging Homosexual who will inevitably be shunned by the great Lord and cast into the abyss with all the sinners or accept that you are a raging Homosexual and prance out of the closet throwing pansy's in the air...faggot. The whole turning into a Dog thing can be put down to two things, the great Lord punishing you for your faggot misdemeanours or you going insane. Either way, seek help from either a Priest or other Clergymen or a Shrink...

The word 'hero' springs to mind...oh yes...

Fine, I'll write out the problems again, and I'll make sure I put a nice question on the end for you.

1) Jonny's gorgeous, but having done some stupid things with Ross in the past and being a selective mute, actually talking to him about it is, I feel, especially hard. What's worse is that if people start gossiping about me, I'll slip even further down the social rung system of the school, and given my current position and struggling I can't afford that to happen. Questions: what should I do? Should I do what I did with Ross and circumnavigate the problem of speach by writing letters/notes, or should I just face it all and catch him alone sometime?

2) Being as it is that I feel for Jonny, I can't stand to see him just be in this situation. Is it my place to intervene, or should I keep my distance in this respect, since they may actually be friends beneath the surface that I see?

Dear Max,
Ahh, gorgeous people are very thooperlicious indeed...but is he gorgeous because you want to be him? Or because you want to be IN him? Hm? You must define which one he is. Some people can want somebody because they want to be them, nice arms, six pack, black hair, green eyes...Mmmmmm...yes...anyway...You say the school will gossip about you? Well, you obviously didn't have much influence before you came out (if you did come out that is, or did they just find out themselves...?). Anyway, as a fag you should be on the hierarchy of the social foodchain, however, you're not and because of such a thing it's going to be hard for you to gain exceptance and the like. It would help if you were camp and funny...since every girl wants a stereotypical camp and funny gay friend, which will automaticly give you power. However, moving on from this point since you're clearly not like that i shall answer your questions...*reads*...Hmmm, two problems. You state 'circumnavigate', by reading this i am assuming you mean 'circumcise' in which case, no, do not circumcise the problem...unless you need to for religious/medical reasons. Your empathy and judge of character should put you in good stead for the action you take. If you believe that this guy, Jonny, will take your perversion over him well...and not freak out and break your sinning little nose...then tell him. If you believe he will, then do not. I am assuming that you fell down the social totempole due to your misdemeanors with Ross...in that case, if you do not wish to fall into the mud at the bottom, i suggest you hush. However, you may feel like you're lying to yourself or hiding something you don't want to hide...in which case get over yourself, gain some power, gather some gossip about the popular people, hone your bitch skills and go for it...if you get gossiped about, retaliate with a "Well, blah-blah had 2 abortions last year" or "Well, Ross isn't the only guy i've conjoined with...". Yes. With the second problem you could just tell him as a friend, then it is off your chest and inevitably up to him what he does...beit leave Smear and the other guy...or stay with them and slowly realise they hate him and want his ass to burn on a metallic pole...either way...its his choice...

Hmmm...longness...