cool! Very nice, and very evil.
I like this ending :devil: :devil: heheheheh..... I like the thought that has gone into this story, but how did Vincent get to communicate with Sujalin? Can he talk to spirits? |
here let me fix that, I forgot to put something in.
There! That should take out all the roughness of it. expect the good ending later this week. I am also planning to have Sujalins Oddysey, Ben's Oddysies (folows good and bad ending), and a prequel about Shrink. And possibly stories for Joe and Tim together (Bad and good endings.) |
Great bad ending, SFO. I like how well thought out it is.
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(2) Yes I did. Look on the first page. (3) Well, sorry that I don't go to the FC too much. It is only an online forum, after all. (4) I didn't just plainly point out the things that were wrong. I was just foolin' around with you, Al. (5) No way, homie! I post my story here in FC, and I like to read other's stories, like SFO here. (6) I know, I never said that. I know that I make many mistakes, too. (7) Naw, that's just silly... Now, Al, please don't take this post offensively. I was just trying to clear up this small issue, not offend anyone. Sorry that I did in the first place; I didn't know you'd take it like that. And SFO, can't wait for the other Oddysees! Your plan sounds very interesting. |
I am sorry too bud, I hate to have to fight about something like this I should have known you were only joking, I have always had a slight problem with taking someone's joke to serious in my everyday life. But I try and lighten up about it now a days, Im just glad to know you were kidding. I am sincerely apologetic about this small issue, I hope you can forgive me for this slight misunderstanding, though I know now if you do have a problem with me just send me and email or Pm, but if you are just kidding around Ill try and make sure I see. Thanks again.;) Continue with your great story SORFEAKING ODD, and Mac, continue your good work along with everyone else, here and throughout the forum. Sorry again.
-My Kindest Regards, Al the Vykker |
I just added more to the bad ending. I wasnt really happy with it so I added some more.
Thank you all -SORFEAKING ODD *oops* I mean sO fReAkIn oDd |
Very Odd...yet, very good also *Applauds*
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I thank all of you for your input, but now, what you have all been waiting for..............THE GOOD ENDING!
..........The switch followed the engraved lines in the steel control box, and with a "click", turned off everything in the room except the lights. Shrink walked over and put on of his mechanical arms on my shoulder. "You had to do it, it was the humane thing to do." He said in a suprisingly comforting voice. "I know, I know." I held back my urge to cry. "But lets go help the others." We bagan to walk back towards the door form which we came when suddenly, "Not so fast!" Out of the shadows emerged Vincent, he held some sort of remote control in his hand. "If you even take one step towards that door, I'll kill all of your little siblings." He readied his finger over the single red button on the remote. "Why would you do that? Their your income!" I snarled at him, I thought that I looked intimidating but I probably looked stupid. "Well my dear friend, when you have the single building block to a Queen of a species, you don't really give a damn about your 'income' as you like to put it." He held forth a very small vile, it contained a green liquid. "You are a wicked thing, you are evil in its purest form!" I yelled at him. "No my dear lad, I'm a capitalist, and you are scum." He laughed and then yelled, "Okay boys, come on in!" At that command, about 10 Interns entered, all of them armored and packing Snuzi's. "You know, I am rather proud of myself. Sure I lost the Queen Sam, but I still have what I need." He glared at the vile for awhile, and then suddenly snapped out of it. "Okay boys, let 'em have it!" He shouted. I waited fro the Snuzi bullets to pierce my flesh. When suddenly, *BOOM* "What the devil!?!" yelled Vincent. A hatch opened at the top of the cieling and an Intern came running down screaming, "MMMPH MPN MNN MHN MHHHHHHHHPH!" He yelled it over and over again. "WHAT!?! ABE!?! HERE!?! HOW?!?" Another explosion rocked the ship. "Damn! Okay boys continue your business, I'm going to the escape pods." Vincent ran out of the room as fast as his little stubs could take him. The interns raised their Snuzi's once more. "Are you ready for this?" said Shrink. I thought that he meant dying, so I responded, "Yes I am." As soon as I uttered the words he grabbed a hold of me and leaped to the cieling. When we hit the cieling he grabbed a hold of a pipe. I looked down, all the interns were lying dead on the floor. "What did you do to them." He smiled. "Before I lept up here, I shot some sedation needles into all of them, the needles were kinda made for Sam, so I guees it kinda killed them." We dropped back down to the floor, he picked up a snuzi and handed it to me, the sheer weight of it almost made me fall over. "Anyway, go catch Vincent!" And he pointed me to the direction of the door. I hurried myself over there and entered the next room.......... ............to be continued............ |
Hey that's really good SFO, when do we get the next part? Huh?
When! ............. *Kesiah stares at the screen until the next part is posted* |
I LOVE your story! Keep it up!
Aargh! Don't stop there!
Must...read...more... *collapses* |
Koolness!
Its a shame he can't save shrink too.
Even if he *could*, shrink wouldn't be able to survive in the wilderness. *shrug* Need.......to......read next....... chapter!! |
In the next room stood Vincent slamming his fists into a keyboard.
"DAMN THAT ABE! HE SABATOGED THE ESCAPE PODS!" I glared at him. "Hey Vincent, it's over. Give me the vile, I don't want to have to kill you!" I yelled. He turned and faced me. "You worthless little scrub! DAMN YOU! Damn you and all your damn brothers! Here's your precious DNA! Take it and go!" He threw the vile in the air, I reached out and caught it. I stuck it in my clothes. "Now open the door to my brother's room." He glared at me. "Why you little-" I fired above his head, he fell over in fear. "SCRUB?!? IS THAT WHAT YOU WERE GONNA CALL ME!?!" I walked over and hovered over his pathetic figure. "I've put up with all of this slave business long enough! How does it feel to be in my position for a change!?!" I heard the doors open behind me. I whirled around, it was Abe. He spoke, "We gotta get outta here! This whole place is gonna blow!" I glared down at Vincent. "What about him?" I said. "Leave him to Shrink." and Abe turned around and ran out the door. Shrink enetered, "Ben you best hurry, I'll take care of him." He pulled some drills and saws from his inventory. "How are you gonna escape then?" He turned to face me. "Don't worry, I've got my own way out." He pushed me out the door. I heard the whirr of a drill and Vincent screaming rather vigorously. I cringed and ran down a seperate hatch. The doors to the main cell-room were open. I enetered and gave the muds a wave. "Hello!" They turned and said, "Hello!" back. "Follow me!" this was then followed by, "Okay." I quickly led all 1,000 of them down the first corridor I found, I kicked open the first door I found. Inside was Munch and some baby Gabbits, he was saying something to them. "Now watch me." He strained himself until an electric bolt shot out of his head and into a machine. "Now ya see, you little baby Gabbits can't do that because you don't have this thing." he tapped a gadget on his head. "I now have the escape pods ready for all of our Mudokon friends." He turned to me. "Uhhh hello." I nervously dropped the snuzi on the ground. "Well what are you muds waitin for? Get in the pod!" A pair of doors opened behind him, they led into a miniature ship large enough for all of us. We hurried inside. "Where's Abe!?! I'm gonna go find him!" I ran out of the pod and back down a corridor, I made my way down a series of other corridors until I ran right into Abe. "Sorry Ben! Do you know where Munch got to? That little Gabbit always gets lost!" I rolled my eyes. "He's down in the big escape pod, follow me." We started sprinting back down the long corridors. After a while we heard a faint rumbling behind us, I turned. Vincent rounded the corner behind us, he was carrying a series of saws and drills. "SUPRISE!" He started to cackle laughter, coughing up blood. He ran towards us slashing at us with his deadly medical utensils. We screamed and ran down towards the escape pod. The ship shook as a ball of fire hurdled down the corridors towards us. We sprinted faster and faster, Vincent right behind us, and the inferno behind him. We turned sharply into the escape pod room. Munch frantically waved us in, hopping up and down as he did so. Abe and I dove in, Munch immediately shut the door behind us. Vincent slammed right into the door. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" The flames engulfed him as Munch posessed the pod and detached off the ship. The engines gave a blast and kicked off as we ripped through the sky. I looked through a narrow slit in the opaque glass doors. The labs rapidly exploded and disintegrated in the air. It's metal frame crashed into the ground below. "Good job Ben, It's almost over!" I passed out. ........to be continued....... |
Ooohh, more, more!! Very good!!
*Coughs-Updated Assassins-Coughs* |
Not bad at ALL!
See? TOLD ya reading the bad ending first was a great idea!
Can't wait to read more!! |
A distant voice spoke as I slept.
"Why hello Ben." I opened my eyes. A blinding white light hit me, I squinted. I was in a white room. "Where am I?" I asked. "You are inside your mind Ben, and I thought that I would pay a visit. You have done very well and I wanted to thank you in person." The voice seemed different. "Sujalin?" I asked. "Ben, you have done so much for your people and asked nothing in return. You are the greatest hero your people know, you have surpassed Abe." I was puzzled. "No, I didn't. Without Abe, I couldn't have done anything!" He laughed. "Oh Ben, you will see what I mean, you've had a long day and you should rest. But I will say this as best I can," He cleared his throat, "You have the deepest gratitude and the greatest thanks that has ever been recieved by anyone ever. But for now Ben, rest." I felt myself become tired and I drifted into a sleep. I slept for a very long time..............when in a quiet voice I hear, "Uhhh hey ya fellow chump, wake up!" I snorted and popped awake. "Abe?" I asked. He smiled at me. "Come on Ben, we can't be late." I was still half asleep. He yanked me up and dragged up and out of bed. I wasn't sleeping in the ship but instead I was sleeping in a small hut out iun the woods. Abe dragged me out of the front door of my hut and throught the woods for about a minute. After sprinting while still half asleep we reached a large wooden hut with a sign on top of it. He kicked the doors open. "HEY YA EVERYBODY!" shouted Abe, "Look who I brought!" A cheer rang out among the muds inside. A hand slapped my back and an unfamiliar voice said, "Welcome to Alf's Rehab and Tea, I'm Alf! What can I get for ya?" A very cheerful mud put his arm around my shoulder and walked me over to a table. "I guess I'll have a Tea." He laughed, he was a very perky guy. "Of course you will! That's all we serve." He laughed and poured me a bubbling hot brown cup of Mudokon Herbal Tea. I took a sip, *OUCH* It was still hot, I blew on it and then resumed drinking. I immediately perked up and smiled. I could feel the tea make me feel better as I drank. "Hey Ben!" Abe shouted from on a stage at the end of the room, "Come on up here." He waved me over. I walked on over and stood next to Abe. I gave a stare out into the mudokon crowd, it wasn't all 1,000 but there were sure a lot of muds there. Abe whispered, "Say something, they turn on ya real fast if ya don't talk." His words kinda suprised me, *SNORK* I kinda snorted and coughed at the same time. I recieved some blank stares from the crowd. I cleared my throat after the embarassing moment. "Uhhh, I'm not very good at speeches, and I don't have much to say. What I did was what anyone of you would have done for me. You are all my brothers and we all look out for each other, I would be nowhere without you. But we have just started to fight back against the Magog, I will need every single one of you to help further the effort and help save the rest of our siblings. I know that there has to be more than 1,399 mudokons on Mudos, and we gotta find em." A slow pause, a single clap, a couple claps, everyone clapping. Abe clapped and then leaned over and whispered, "You spoke just in time, I thought they were about to rush the stage in a blind rage!" I kinda had a laugh at Abe's apparent lack of understanding about moods. All of the sudden, in a mechanical clamor, Shrink rushed in and seemed to be in a big hurry. "Oh boy, what now?" I said to myself. ...........to be continued...... |
ARRRRRGGGHHH!!!
Please... No more to be continued, alright? It's rather... annoying right when you believe everythings over. Um... Better rephrase that or something. Eh... Yay! *applauds* |
Great thus far, I do in fact like the direction its taking, and I like the two different endings. Give the people including me what they want more to the story.;)
-Al the Vykker FC Mod |
Really sorry for that huge wait.......but I promise this is indeed the end of this story! So here it is...............
"Ben, it's so good to see you. I was told you made it out but I had to see it for myself!" said Shrink in a very spastic voice. I waved and rubbed my arm in an awkward silence. "Yea, I'm alive. But how did you make it out?" He smirked "Well, I was giving Vincent a taste of his own medicine, literally, when an explosion knoked me down. Vincent used that opportunity to temporarily shut me down. When I powered back up I realized that I could simply bore through the wall of the ship and jump." I took it in "But the ship was so high in the air.....how could you possibly live through that?" Shrink paused "Well, the ship was almost touching the ground when I jumped, so it wasn't all that far. I was lucky though....But it's so good to see you!" He walked over and embraced me in his mechanical arms. I shivered. It was very cold. Then it suddenly hit me. "Where's Sam?" I recieved some very sad glares from around the room. Abe spoke up, "We don't have anything to bring her back Ben. And we dont know where to find that type of thing." Only one solution came to me. "We must ask the Raisin." We treked through the woods quickly and with no delay. We slowly descended into the Raisin's cave. And at the bottom there he sat. I walked over to him and kneeled. He gazed down at me and said in a husky voice, "You are Ben, correct? And you have come seeking my council on the cloning device to bring back your Queen?" I was fairly suprised, "Yes, you're exactly correct." He seemed unsuprised, "I will tell you what you need to know," he yawned, "the device in which you seek is located in a Vykkers expirimental institute located east of Necrum, the city of the dead. You must go there quickly to bring back your Queen, but you must also go there to stop the production of an expiriment. The Glukkons have begun to make Mudokon slaves without opinions, reasoning, a mind, or a soul. These shells of lost being's have no will of their own, only the will of their master. You must stop these things before it is too late. Before their production falls the Mudokon Nation. You must........you must..... you must....." Abe interrupted. "Save us all, Ben." "Oh no. This is awful. But If I must, then I must." I held the vile to my chest and clutched it tightly. A tear rolled down my cheek. "This madness must end!" I said. The next morning I set out for Necrum with Abe, Tim, and Joe. We had little idea of what awaited. THE END! |
Very good, SFO. I hope there will be an Exoddus...
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*cough cough FEEDBACK cough cough NEED MORE FEEDBACK cough cough*
and I do have some ideas in mind, but nothing real elaborate as of right now. |
Ooh... Nice ending! All left open, nice and clean and with a fresh breeze now and then. Alright, now let's bring on the other one.
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im a shrink fan I love this fan fic vary good:love:
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I would like to thank everyone for the responses.
Thank you It means quite a lot to me. I didn't get all the feedback that I wanted but I do appreciate what I did receive. P.S. I plan to start Ben's Oddysey in a couple of days so watch for that. |
Yah, yer stories should have gotten more publicity. They are some of the best I've seen here.
PM me when u start Ben's Oddysee... |