:
You're a dick. |
I'm a realist.
|
What did Helen Keller get for christmas?
Cancer. |
Two hunters are in the woods, suddenly one of them collapses, ceases to breathe and lies perfectly still.
His friend, terrified, rings the emergency services and asks for an ambulance. When he gets a reply he shouts. "Help! My friend has collapsed and isn't breathing, i think he's dead!" The reply comes. "Calm down sir, First make sure he's dead"... There is silence, followed by a gunshot. The hunter then gets back on the phone and says... "Ok ... now what!? |
Who the fuck is Helen Keller?
Alcar... |
|
I've got a good one
Women's rights
|
What do you call rape?
A damn good time. |
:
|
You can't spell 'amusement' without 'semen'.
|
:
Your supposed to cover the whole punchline with spoiler tags otherwise there's no point. |
:
|
Oh, well i thought it was obvious.
|
No + Rohypnol = Yes
Jack Tweed walks in to a library and asks for a book on spiritualism. The librarian says; "Fuck off, you might bring her back." |
OANST once posted this eons ago, which provided years worth of lulz.
What do you get from a dead baby? An erection. |
OANST, you should be a comidian. lol
|
:
|
Lol. Have you got any other sick jokes like the 8 year-old chinese boy one and the dead baby one?
|
What's the worst thing about having a four year old girlfriend?
Getting the blood off of your clown costume. |
Okay. That one I didn't laugh at all. I vomited.
|
I ejaculated. Its alot like vomiting, except from your penis.
|
A husband and wife have an argument, which results in the wife going upstairs in a huff. The husband calms himself down, then goes upstairs in an attempt to correct things. When he enters the bedroom, his wife is completely covered in the duvet, save for her legs. "I'm sorry." he says, but she just slightly twitches her foot.
Knowing what would cheer her up, he kneels at the end of the bed and sticks his head under the blanket and gives her oral sex. After a while, he decides to wash his face before he kisses her. When he goes into the bathroom, but...his wife is sitting on the toilet. "Aaaahh!!" he screams in surprise. "Shhh!" his wife replies, "You'll wake your mother up." |
I think Mat told me this one...
A man climbs in bed with his wife, all ready for a night of rough sex. The wife says to him "Not tonight. I have a headache" The man answers... "Wonderful. I just powdered my cock with aspirin. Would you like to take it orally or as a suppository?" |
I did not tell you that one. Not my style at all.
|
Selling Bourbon Biscuits for 49p a pack?
That's ASDA Price. Selling pathetic rape claim stories to the Sun? That's Katie Price. |
Taken from Gilbert Gottfried:
A man gets "I Love You" tattued onto his penis. When he goes home and tries to get his wife to give him a blowjob, she says "stop trying to put words in my mouth." |
Good night, folks. I'll be here all week!
|
SO A MEXICAN AND A BLACK MAN WALK INTO THE BAR
THEN THEY MURDER EACH OTHER DEE DEE DEE |
What happened to the black guy who walked into a klan meeting?
He was kindly asked to leave. |
What do you call a black man flying a plane?
The Pilot |
Some one told me this joke sme time back back. But since I was too lazy to write it out so I googled certain key words 'till I found it.
One day, Little Suzy goes swimming in the lake with her grandmother. After they get out they go to shower. "Grandma" Little Suzy asks, pointing between her grandmother's legs. "What's that?" "Oh," her grandmother replies. "That's my beaver, dear." The next day Little Suzy goes swimming with her mother, and they go showering afterwards too. "Mommy, is that your beaver?" asks the girl. "Er, yes it is, Suzy. Where did you learn that?" her mother answers. "From Grandma. But I think hers is dead because its tongue was sticking out." |
WARNING THIS JOKE IS DISGUSTING
What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Lamborghini? I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage. |
why did that have a warning
not only is it a common joke but disgusted i was not >:( |
I have to agree. I was totally all like "meh".
|
I hyperventilated.
|
Okay, so this is the very worst one I know:
What is the worst part of eating out bald pussy? Putting the diaper back on. |
That joke makes absolutely no sense, Squeak. Perhaps if you said "bald" as opposed to "shaved".
|
And that's what I get for making posts as soon as I wake up. On to the edit button!
|
Give me the title of Definitive Joke Destroyer.
|
Well, at least I have something for when a 'Tell Jokes Badly' thread pops up.
On to more jokes though... _______________________________________________________________________________ :
|