Does it seem rushed? Probably because it is, but it isn't your fault. I make it up as I go along and don't pretype anything. This is basically the rough draft. I promise that when I finish I will edit and revise this story. When it is all fixed up I will probably have someone put it on their website. It will be a lot better.

So Amos is next. I think there is a picture of him somewhere on the forums that someone drew for me. I'll have to dig it up.

This story is so cool!!! I always wonderd what it was like to get rescued by Abe.*Sniff* The only thing about that chapter *Sniff* was that the Slig he blew up*Sniffle* was my cousin!! BWAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!!!AHAHAHAHAHAH WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHA!!!! Poor Lucifer,*Sniff* he was so young!

Oddling l:c l

Sorry this next part is so short but this is going to be a hard chapter to right. I am going to have to replay the scrabanian temple on the game to remember what it is like. So the rest of Amos's tale might take a while. But at least you know why.


Part Thirteen:

Amos entered the ancient temple. If that chump Abe could get through here alive so could he. Legend said that anyone who passed through Scrabanian temple would be granted the spiritual power of the Red Rings. With the power he would receive, Amos would be able to send shockwaves with his chant. Shockwaves which destroyed any mechanical devices.

With the power he knew would be granted to him after passing through the temple, Amos knew he would be able to aid the klutz Abe in his venture to shut down the Magog Cartel. All he had to do was not get eaten by a few angry scrabs.

Bravo Khanzumer! All your characters are brilliantly constructed!:fuzsmile:

Well, is that the end or what?

No that is most definitely NOT THE END. I am just trying to make sure Amos's journey through the Scrabanian Temple is accurate to the temple in the game. So it will take me a while to finish his tale. Then I have to introduce the rest of the characters. Then I have to make them meet. Then they have to go on adventures. Believe me, the end is a long ways away... especially at the rate I'm going. Sorry... just remember that patience is a virtue. :fuzconf:

All right, here is the next mini-chapter of The Marching Mudokons! Sorry to keep you waiting for so little.


Part Fourteen:

Hanging from the cave ceiling, just inside the entrance was a massive red boulder with a scrab painted on it. Amos stepped forward on the land bridge starting at the door and looked at his surroundings. In the distance he could see large stones, cliffs and travel wells. The cool of the shade made up for the bleakness of the red-purple hued rock which made up the entire temple. The smell of things forgotten lingered in the dusty air. This was a place devoted to the creatures sacred to the ancient Mudanchee tribe.

Amos walked along the stone walkway. Some of the flat rock pinnacles had holes in them; it was eerie in a way that the adventurous mudokon didn’t understand. He continued until he reached a door at the end of the walk. The door was in a large column which rose from the temple floor, far beneath Amos. He entered it and continued until he arrived at the temple hub.

In the center of the large room was a huge column with a closed door in it. The door was decorated with ornate carvings, as were the eight others in the room. Painted on the column was a large scrab, the same design as on the boulder at the entrance. Hanging from the ceiling were two other large stones.

Amos walked toward the edge of the stone ledge he was standing on and climbed down to the ledge below it. He was now facing two doors. Any would do. He needed to enter all of them and activate the flint locks. Once that was done, he could enter the door in the column and make his way further. Amos tossed a pebble in the air and let it fall. It bounced of the ground and landed to his left. All right then, left it would be.

Amos entered his first room.

Yet another excellent chapter Khanzumer! You did a great job depicting the Scrabanian Temple.:fuzwink:

This has got to be one of my most favourite stories, I think I'm addicted!
I..need..MORE!

Here it finally is! The next mini-chapter of The Marching Mudokons! I have to thank Sinjin's Oddworld Walkthrough v1.2 ( which can be found at http://gamesdomain.hol.gr/spoiler/AC....1/oddwalk.htm) for making the writing much easier. I will use it to make Amos's journey through the Scrabanian Temple much more accurate than going by memory. Thank you Sinjin! And now enjoy. Hopefully the next part will follow soon.


Part Fifteen:

Amos waited patiently for the scrab below him to move to the right of the cave pit. He had to get past it and into the small stone tunnel underneath the smooth stone platform he was standing on. Luckily the creature hadn’t noticed it yet, but Amos didn’t want to take any chances. When the beast walked a safe distance away, Amos climbed down into the pit and rolled into the small tunnel. He crawled through it until he entered a cavern with an ancient lever on the floor. If his assumption was correct the lever would activate one of the eight flint locks needed to enter the column door, into the scrab nest. He wasn’t looking forward to walking through that.

He made his way along the cavern until he reached a dead end. Against the wall was the second thing he needed to continue. A story stone. He reached out and put his hand in the stone’s paw imprint. Suddenly music filled his mind and he listened carefully. In order to leave this room he would need to memorize the Bell Song. He climbed up onto an overhead ledge and looked at the differently sized silver bells hanging from the ceiling. Floating amongst them was a small metal ball. He began to chant and felt a piece of his awareness enter the inanimate object.

Suddenly it jumped to life and Amos guided it as hit the surrounding bells. The music rang out into the caverns within this hub room. When the song was completed, Amos reentered his own body just in time to hear the comforting “thump” of a door opening.

Amos returned to the tunnel and made his way to the scrab pit. He picked up a rock and threw toward the opposite end of hollow. The scrab stopped at the noise and screeched in the direction Amos had thrown the rock. Amos scrambled out of his hiding place and ran toward the pit ledge. He jumped up and pulled himself to safety before the startled scrab realized its opportunity for prey had excaped. Amos continued to down the cavern and entered the door that returned to the hub.

*Said in stupid voice* Dude, that is like, so cool man! Like wright another dude! Cause that is like, so awsome! Really it is! It really makes you feel what it's like to be in the Scrabanian temple, very interesting. Keep up the good work, this is one opf the best stories I've ever read!

Oddling l:c l

Chapter Four: The Warrior
 

Here is the next section of my story. More thanks to Sinjin's Walkthrough.


Part Sixteen:

Amos entered the second door and continued through the ancient catacombs until he reached the next room. He was standing in a large cavern on a raised ledge in the center. Below him a scrab waltzed across the floor, its clawed legs clicking on the stone. Towering above him was a stone pinnacle with two travel wells at the top, one of which was joined to a well below him, the other going farther into the cavern. The mudokon waited for the scrab to move as far away from him as possible before jumping off of the ledge and dashing toward the well, pulling the rusty activation lever as he went. He jumped in as the ferocious animal began to charge at him. His body shot through the dark tube and flung him into the air above the tower. He landed and paused for a moment to catch his breath.

A while later, Amos exited the second room. This won’t be so hard after all, he thought smugly to himself. He walked on towards the third hub door. At this rate he should be out of this temple within the day. Running from some scrabs, lazy from their lives in the temple, was not a bad trade for the power he would receive.

Part Seventeen:

The slig looked like it had been dead for a long time. It looked like he had been unlucky enough to walk under a falling boulder. Pieces of slig flesh lay splattered and decaying amongst the red stones of the room. Amos continued onward.

Another dead slig lay amidst piles of dead slogs. What had happened here?* Amos knew that Rupture Farms sometimes used the temple to collect scrabs but he had expected a couple of live sligs. Not a bunch of dead ones. Come to think of it, he hadn’t seen any until now. Someone or something must have cleared them out. Whatever it was would be no match for Amos. If he could get past scrabs, he could get past anything.

All he needed to worry about now though was getting this rooms flint lock activated and learning the bell song so he could continue to the next room.




*Unbeknownst to Amos, what had happened was Abe making his way through the temple. Conveniently clearing the way for Amos.

Wow, I'm wipin' out this story faster than... I did before.


Part Eighteen:

Suddenly the music of the bells stopped and Amos snapped back into reality. The fourth room was no break from the orange-brown rocks that the entire realm of Scrabania seemed to be made of. He watched as the vicious bats flew erratically farther down the passage. He would have to be quick to get past those carnivores.

Running towards the bats, Amos jumped over the large crevice in the ground below where they were flying. Just as he landed he glimpsed a large scrab on a ledge above him. He recalled an old Elderling proverb, “Wise mudokons look before taking the leap” as the scrab jumped down to great him. Wicked beak open, the creature shrieked and lunged towards Amos. Amos ducked and reached for something to fend of the beast. His groping hand found something and he swung in desperation. The Scrab let out a min jarring howl and took a step back. Blood and intestines dripped from the deep laceration on its stomach. Amos leapt to his feet scrambled onto the ledge the animal had been standing on, dropping the bloody rock shard as he went. That had been way to close. He would have to be more cautious from now on.

Ew! Nasty! Good story though, I like the part about Abe allready being there, good idea. Keep it up yer doing great!

Oddling l:c l

Chapter Four: The Warrior
 

Before you read the next part of the Marching Mudokons I'd thought I'd let everyone know that this story is now featured on Alcars website www.oddworlduniverse.com . Be sure to take a look everytime I finish a chapter, since I may be revising previous chapters as well.


Part Nineteen:

Amos let go of the ledge and fell the short distance to the next one. Opposite him stood a scrab, separated by a large gap between the two ledges. Amos waved his large hands and jumped off of the ledge and onto the floor. He raced to the scrabs ledge and climbed onto it just as the scrab leaped off to get him. The creature screeched and walked to stand under Amos. He lit the flint lock that the scrab had been guarding and looked down at the beast. He would have to make a mad dash through the cavern to get to the end of the cavern.

The scrab waited, its eyeless stare conveying its primitive intelligence. It knew Amos had to run and it would be ready when he did. Amos took a deep breathe and jumped.

As soon as his feet hit the floor the mudokon began running down the cavern. Sweat rolled into his eyes as he leaped over a crack in the ground. The scrab was devilishly near and the tapping was growing closer and closer. Suddenly another scrab leaped in front of him and snapped its beak inches from his face. Amos fell down and scrambled back… into the first scrabs legs. He was doomed.

Chapter Four: The Warrior
 

It's about time something exciting happened. Who knew walking through the Scrabanian Temple could be so dull... until now. I hope.


Part Twenty:

What’s the matter, thought a petrified Amos, why aren’t the scrabs ripping me to shreds? He opened his eyes and looked up. Above him towered the two scrabs, intently considering on each other. Amos cautiously crawled away and climbed onto a nearby ledge. From his safe spot he watched as both of the sacred beasts bowed their heads and let out a scratchy call. Then they began to circle each other, occasionally letting out a screech or making a feint with their beaks. Amos’s fear melted and curiosity replaced it. He had always known scrabs as pack animals, but these two were different. They seemed incredibly territorial.

The two scrabs continued to dance around each other. It seemed like it would be a close fight to Amos, they both were about the same size. The dance was seemed strangely majestic, a paradox of the bloodshed that was about to commence.

With out warning the two scrabs let out a blood curdling scream and lunged at each other. Their muscled bodies glowed red from their rage at finding another in its territory. The two scrambled together faster than Amos could pick up what was happening. The serene temple had become a battleground.

The swirling melee ended seemingly seconds after it began. One of the scrabs had gotten the upper hand and the other was lying on the ground in a puddle of steaming blood and fat. The victor let out a howl that echoed throughout the cavern then began to tap dance across its prey. Amos looked in awe as the creature then bent delicately to consume the mulched flesh of its intruder.

Only after the scrab swallowed its first bite did Amos retch onto the stone ledge.

Chapter Four: The Warrior
 

Part 21:

Amos entered the now familiar temple hub. Darkness flowed into the vast room through the large hole in the wall and ceiling behind the center column. Only the light of stars and moons broke the dark veil which covered the red stone ledges.

The mudokon had lost track of time while wandering the ancient catacombs of Scrabania. He had had a tough time, and had fresh lacerations to prove it. He would wear his scars proudly after he got out of this place. But for now the pain was just an annoyance.

Amos looked at the intricately carved door in the column center of the hub. That was his last test. The journey through the heart of the scrab nest. When he got to the end he would finally be able to meet the legendary Big Face. Then he would receive his reward.

But first a little rest. He would need it.

Chapter Four: The Warrior
 

Okay everybody, I'm just about ready to rap up Amos's backstory so who should I write about next. Lamuel the Mudarcher, Nathaniel the Native or Chukkra the Tomahawker?


Part 22:

Amos ran faster than he knew was possible for him. Scrabs seemed to everywhere. Popping out of hiding places he couldn’t see. The pink sky outside did little to light up the dark runways of the temple. He ran and the vicious scrabs followed. Run to the right. Jump the gap. The scrab jumped in pursuit. Jump the next gap. Would he make it? Dead end. No wait, a ledge. Jump to grab the ledge. Amos hoisted himself on. No time to stop, more scrabs from the shadows. Run. Jump. Stop.

Amos stopped to take a few needed breathes. He had managed to get to a place that the scrabs couldn’t follow. They hissed at shrieked at him from the darkness. His feet wear raw from running on the rough stone. He felt like he would faint any minute from the tremendous heat. If he had to take one more step it would be the end of him. How did that chump Abe do it? Amos clutched his chest, felt it rise and fall. His heart seemed to be clawing its way out. His lungs would burst any minute.

But he couldn’t stop. He had to finish. The blood in his body began to cool, it stopped racing through his body. His lungs no longer felt starved. A few more minutes and he could continue. The scrabs wouldn’t shut up.

Amos climbed down from his safe haven and ran.

Occasional safe spots kept the mudokon on the razor edge which was his life. He pulled himself up ancient stone and rope elevators. He ran from scrabs. He jumped over crevices, barely making it over certain doom. He continued on. He wouldn’t be outdone by a Rupture Farms floor-waxer. He could do it.

Amos ran. Blood racing, desperately trying to supply his organs and tissues with the oxygen it needed to survive. Adrenaline made his head throb. He ran from the newest in a long line of scrabs and saw a door ahead of him. This was it! He had made it.

The scrab lunged forward with a final burst of predatory effort and bit off a piece of Amos’s leg. He fell to the ground and frantically scrambled toward the door. He could make it. He would make it.

He jumped over the ditch in front of the ornate door. Small stones scrabs greeted the new visitor. Amos desperately scrambled into the door. The scrab backed away. This was another one’s territory now.

I think lamuel and then chukka then nathaniel

Chapter Four: The Warrior
 

Here it is. The startling conclusion to chapter four of The Marching Mudokons. Looks like Amos has got himself a grudge. The beggining of the next chapter to come soon.


Part 23:

Amos rubbed his paw. He deserved the power. Not Abe. How could Big Face do that to him? “Only one shall wield the power.” That was unfair. All that hard work for nothing. Well maybe not nothing. His sinewy muscles still ached from the running and jumping. After his muscles stopped aching they would be a lot stronger, he reminded himself. His mind had hardened into a ball of fire and ice. Mentally he felt like he had been given a fresh slate to work on. He had faced the scrabs and survived. Nothing could break him. Not even this. Not even that chump Abe.

It didn’t matter what the prophecy said. It didn’t matter that Big Face could not bestow upon him the power he deserved. He would get his chance. He would show Abe who the real hero was.

Amos began the long trek back through the sands of the Scrabania. His mind and heart where hotter than the desert winds. He would show them.

I'd much like to see the other characters appear in this order:

Chukkra the Tomahawker, Nathaniel the Native and Lamuel the Mudarcher.

Of course that is only my opinion :)

Alcar...

I like it Khanz....i thought today i would sit down and read everyones Fanfics and yours is great. ilike the story line its nice and original:fuzsmile: keep it up:D

Chapter Five: The Archer
 

Here it is. Part one of the fith chapter of The Marching Mudokons. The first four chapters are now on Alcar's www.oddworlduniverse.com . Capter Five: The Archer introduces Lamuel. Enjoy it for now because once I get to Chukkra things won't be so pretty.


Part One:

The sun rays played on Lamuel’s long golden head feathers. The mudokon Mudarcher looked at her surroundings (authors note: As a warrior class mudokon Lamuel has no sexual organs. Most mudokons are referred to as he for the sake of convenience but in order to preserve the femininity of this character I have chosen to refer to it as a she). It was another beautiful day in the Spooceshrub Forest. A rat hopped across the ground in search of a bite to eat. The cute creature stopped to glace up at the mysterious figure on the hill. Instinct or intellect told its primitive mind that the figure was no threat and it hopped on its way through the dense underbrush.

The white figure gracefully moved down the grassy knoll towards the edge of the forest. Just being near to the trees sent her a feeling of oneness with the Spooce. She recalled old Ben the Shaman’s explanation of the spiritual energy, “The Spooce is what gives a native mudokon their power. It's an energy field created by all living things. It surrounds us, penetrates us. It’s what binds the galaxy together.”

As a child she had not cared much for religious enlightenment. Adventure was for her. That was what originally prompted her to become a Mudarcher. One of the best ever, so she had heard. But being a mudokon was more, she had learned. Any fool creature could pick up a gun and kill something. It was the ability mudokons had to draw on the Spooce that separated them, well the wild ones anyway, from the glukkons and other industrial races. They had forsaken nature and nature had forsaken them.

Lamuel stepped into the dew ferns of the forest floor. Touching them with her hands as she continued her morning walk.

Chapter Five: The Archer
 

Here is the conclusion to chapter five. Short you say? Well what would you rather read about? A peaceful trek from the Spooceshrub Forest, or the bloody adventures of a tomahawker? I thought so.


Part Two:

The world was teeming with life. Or was it the other way around? Lam watched the birds fly through the tree tops. It was such a lovely day. She sat down cross legged and closed her eyes. Spooce entered every vein in her body, enriching it, purifying it. This was the true Oddworld. The natural world. No Magog Cartel factory stood within miles.

If only the industrialists would realize the pain they were causing the planet. And all to please the selfish khanzumerz. It had to stop. Someone had to do something.

If only what was said about Abe was true. Could he really shut down the glukkons. And if rumor was correct he now had the help of a Gabbit, scores of fuzzles and the mudokons of the Monsaic Lines. She was on her way now to visit the legendary shaman, Big Face of the Monsaic mudokons. She wanted to help Abe in whatever way possible. Perhaps her skill with a spoocebow could be put to use. She rarely missed even the toughest of targets. She could help Abe reclaim what belonged to every wild creature, the natural wilderness which the glukkons had stolen.

Very good job Khanz, man I missed alot! I've been reading for about 15 minutes non stop! Can't wait for the next chap.:fuzsmile:

Keep up the good work!
 

I really like this story, and the idea about preserving the femine side of the Mudokons is very original, and interesting.
Let's hope for more!

Chapter Six: The Tomahawker
 

Here it finally is. The sixth chapter of the Marching Mudokons. Here we get to introduce the musclebound tomahawker, Chukkra. This chapter should be good.


Part One:

The forests of Necrum were quiet. Not quiet as befits a crypt of its size, not an eerie quite. This was the quiet of approaching danger.

Chukkra crouched low and made his way slowly through the thick brown-green ferns. The brown birds overhead silently watched him and his band of tomahawkers. They had been drawn to the great amount of spooce drawn to the focal point of the portal they had used to get here. They did not fly around the now invisible portal, sucking up spiritual energy, as the birds usually did. That alone was reason to be cautious. Chuk looked at the other five, white warriors. They would have to be cautious indeed.

Rumor had it that a band of sligs had been sent by their glukkons boss to reclaim the land freed by Abe. They were supposedly wandering now through the forest, making their way toward the great temples. They had brand new ghost locks to trap the souls of mudokons to an eternity of dismal darkness. That could not be allowed.

Chuk flexed his massive muscles. He gripped his two tomahawks in anticipation. Unless he was greatly mistaken, the sligs were very, very close.

Hehe, this story just keeps getting more and more interesting....oh, crap! that reminds me its time I should start working on my story again!

Chapter Six: The Tomahawker
 

Part Two:

The band of mudokon tomahawkers cautiously slinked through the dense underbrush. Miles, Rivers, Wesley and Jin all followed Chuk through toward the distant mechanical sound of slig pants. They were almost identical in appearance. Painted with identical purple stripes, dressed in identical loincloths and gloves, heads adorned with identical head feathers. Wes was made obvious by the extravagant black tattoos on his arm and they all had different scars on their bodies. But other than that they looked like any other mudokon of their class.

Chuk however, was a stand out. Many years of hard work had caused his muscles to grow massive in comparison to any other mudokon he had met. He had once killed a scrab barehanded and walked away with no permanent injuries or lasting scars. His head was bald and he had a small feather goatee. But despite his fierce appearance he usually radiated with a brotherly charm. Usually.

But sligs always rubbed him the wrong way. He was on the hunt now.