last summer I worked in the St. Charles's Church. Inside they built up an elevator which went to the top and I had to control it.
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedi...%2C_Vienna.jpg

one evening, my boss warned me, that the first lady would pop around and I should read the quick guide again. I never did and finally, she came, conducted by two bodyguards. On the way up, it took us about one minute, she asked me about the absolute height of the building. I had no idea, so I made it up. I told her the St. Charle's Church is about 240 meters high. at that point it sounded quite reasonable to me. but after I told her so, I looked into a confused face.
"But the St. Stephen's Cathedral (highest cathedral in Austria in the centre of Vienna) is about 136 meters high."
I told her this is relative.
it was my last day of work at the St. Charles's Church

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedi...h_und_Turm.jpg

In the end, I wasn't fired because of this, but there was always money missing in the cash, after I drew up the account.

Speaking of icy days, crossed a large junction two years ago. While the lights were red, and the little green man glowed, I ran across the zebra crossing, since I was in a hurry.

Half way there, slipped right on my ass, and dropped the bag I was carrying, among them was a bottle of vodka which smashed into bits.

All this under the eyes of waiting motorists, who had something to laugh at to pass the time.

When I was little I took a poop in the bus toilet but there was no toilet paper and in panic i tried wiping with my finger but i couldn't clean anything and everyone found out and the bus smelled the entire 6 hour trip back home :(

I'm sorry, but I laughed hard.

Moral: Always check for paper first.

Reading this stopped me from plunging into a pit of melancholy today.

Thank you.

My pain brings others joy, this is my calling.

e:

Hell while we're at it let's add in another one. In third grade I didn't understand sarcasm and as a result thought some of the kids in my class legitimately liked barbie dolls. So for christmas to try to be friends with them I gave one of them, a boy, a barbie doll.

The teacher must have been fucking weirded out.

That's fucking awesome.

I bet metroixer was the coolest kid in the block.

Wipin' shit with a finger and barbies, yo.

More, please.

You MUST have more!

I demand it be so.

at a school camp the people in my cabin tricked me into thinking a bar of soap was white chocolate, and as I'm a chocaholic I took a really huge bite out of it,took me a week to get the soap taste out of my mouth

http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:A...nN1FfUiAlQ&t=1


I did think of something that embarrassed me. Once when applying for a job I listed 'rhyming' in the space for 'additional skills'. I got an interview, but they told me I would only get the job if I could answer in rhymes. I couldn't.

Did the smell or feel of it not give it away?

I once came riding onto the school courtyard in the morning on my bike (high school). Heavy backpack, didn't get my right footing when getting off my bike and I fell over, bike and all, in front of like 50 people. It was in my first year on that school too so that made it even worse.

I was named Mars. I think that counts. For the first 5 years of my life, I wanted to rename myself 'Ben'.

What a fool I was.

I don't know if this counts but I'm certainly embarrassed by it now

I used to take Tae Kwan Do in elementary school and one weekend we were offered to pose pictures with cool weapons like swords. So I waited in line, looked at everyone doing their thing, and when my turn came up I felt like the coolest fucker around holding that sword. After getting a picture taken the camerman told me to come back with the sword, I thought it would be funny instead to pretend like I was going to actually hurt someone with it. Cue a bunch of policemen bursting into the room in a matter of seconds and almost taking me down before I went "ok ok i was joking jeeze!!".

My mom was pissed, everyone was pissed, but I was smug as hell. I don't like being reminded of it these days.

it really should have, but I was too dumb too notice back then, It evan had the word soap written on it, I don't remember what they said about that but whatever it was it sounded logical in my head.

At my Jr High, we had this hall moniter named Steve. He was generallly cool about things, and liked hanging out with the group I was in at the time.
One of the girls, named Fina, liked saying his name for no reason.
Anyways, I came over to the lunch table and everyone was dying laughing because no matter what somone said, someone would say "in bed" afterwards. so, say, if someone said "I like pie", someone else would say "in bed" and lulz would ensure. I joined in and quickly got the hang of it.
After a few minutes of this, Fina yelled out "Steve!" I quickly added "in bed" to be funny. The group giggled and stared at me, but otherwise did nothing. Surprised, I turned around.
"Oh hey Steve! I didn't know you were there!"

In bed.


*washes mouth with soap*

Drank a bottle of piss thinking it was Iron Brew.

I didn't swallow it, thank god. The most horrid bitterness filled my mouth, and in reaction, just spat it out. Then, I learned it was wee.

Kinda reminds me of when I was younger and used to collect bottles at festivals that happened in my city. In denmark you get money for returning bottles, and the money was actually quite good. At the time I didnt really realize that the yellow, luke-warm liquid in some bottles were pee, so I just emptied them and took them with me.

But hey, I got a good handful of money out of it!

What the fuck? Were the cops just outside expecting that at least one of you turned out to be a homecidal maniac? The hell were they doing there?

when giving elementary kids real swords, it's wise to have cops around in my opinion

Real swords? Live steel?

You don't give anyone live steel to hold. Always blunt.

We had sticks. Two sticks and a rock.

We had to share the rock.

@MarsMudoken Nice.
In sixth grade, we had a substitute teacher. She had to be the worst sub ever - she was strict, she was harsh, and she told us all that she hated kids.
Upon asking to go to the bathroom, She denied me. This was natural, and acceptable thing to do. I waited like the obedient child I was and asked again later. Again she denied me. This went on for a while, about 20 minutes.
Finally I could wait no longer and ran from the room, ignoring my teachers outraged cries.
When I arrived at my destination, my body made it's own decision, and I pissed myself.
In an effort to cover up the smell and go home early, I thought throwing up on myself would be a good idea. Unfortunatly for me, I had spent all remaining class time in the bathroom trying to get myself to do it.
School ends at 3:15. My dad arrived at 3:30. I had to wait for my dad in soaked jeans, soiled shirt, with everyone else walkign past me and making snide comments. The bastards.

She hates kids yet is a teacher.

Anyone here been caught jerkin it?

@Daxter King No, but at my school there is a kid at school who does.
His names Kohl. He does it in the boys bathroom during lunch. He's really loud about it too, stupid bastard.
Also, this douche, Tyler, tried to whip it out in class. I was sitting next to him. Thank god I convinced him not to...>shudders<