Granted, but you get teleported by a special device inside one of your wisely bought things and die in the center of a nuclear reactor.

I wish Muhammad didn't exist.

Muhammad hears your wish and bashes you to a pulp for saying it.

I wish I was right when I thought Irwin was a female. It would've made a lot more sense.

Poof. He is now a she. Unfortunately for you, you can't prove it because you've never seen her (he?) in real life. This frustrates you and gives you ass cancer.

I wish I owned a camel

Granted, but the camel doesn't like you and pees on you with its reversed penis.

I wish I was a ghost.

You are forced to befriend a little blond girl and she nags and constantly refers to you as Casper.

I wish that I had a soda.

The soda is all shaken up, it explodes when you open it and spills sticky stuff all in you keyboard so that you have to delete a few letters every time you type something.

I wish I was an evil genius with an army of 100,000,000 undead to do my bidding.

You are, but it's all in your head.

I wish that Snuzi would stop wishing for my body.

Granted, but only because you turn into a hideous ugly old wrinkly man.
I wish I would hurry up and get around to making my forum sig.

You do, and it's immediately lost by a wave of soda taking out your computer.

I wish I could draw.

Granted, but you can only draw Hitler-Eva-Goerring-Himmler porn
I wish I had a black cloak.

Granted, but as you put it on, it gets tighter around your neck, and tighter and tighter untill you can't breathe and suffocate to death.
I wish that I had the power to undo my wishes.

Granted, but you unwish the wish you just made, thus not allowing you to unwish anything!

I wish chocolate could be blue and not result in death.

Granted, but eating the chocolate causes you to turn blue for the rest of your life, and in annoying mudokons to constantly ask 'what's wrong?'

I wish I wasn't hungry just now.

wish granted! your stomach shinks to something so small that when you eat dust mites it fills you up but sadly your body can't cope with the lack of food so you die.

I wish this thread made it into the classics thread

*poof* Granted! Unfortunately, people start quoting Shakespeare so much the thread becomes a playwrite spamfest.

I wish I always knew the perfect answer to every question asked of me.

Granted, but every perfect answer you give offends the person you give it to.

I wish you weren't just replying to all these just to get your post count up.

Wish granted. (Not that it applies to me ;))No one posts here anymore, and you realise how much you miss it. In a vain attempt to ressurect it you get flamed by every person seeing as you caused it's destruction in the first place.

I wish people would find out how much their lives rock in comparison to prople and stop complaining.

They do find out, but then they brag about it constantly.

I wish I had a pet Bigfoot.

You do but he accidentaly step's on you.

I wish I chould meet Abe

You meet Abe, but in a horrible fit of rage he kills you and rapes you body.

I wish I had another wish.

You wished for a magic lamp

I wish that i could donate £1,000,000,000 to those in africa

Its all in pennies, you drop it on the natives, they are crushed under the weight. You cause is in vain.

I wish I was a Ninja.

Granted, but you threaten the ninja unkowingly, and as a result, get sliced up by it.

I wish I didn't have to type up this post on this annoying laptop.

Granted! You now have to post on a crappy dail-up connection at the library.

I wish it wasn't so hot here.

Granted, but now it's Artic temperatures.

I wish I could have another wish.

Granted, but you can only use it for either having sex with the Living Tribunal or the Spectre.
I wish I wish I hadn't killed that fish.

Granted, but that fish turned out to be a rabid, flying, air-breathing catfish out for revenge.

I wish you wouldn't corrupt my wishes.

Granted, but then everyone else starts corrupting wishes in the most horrible way possible.

I wish I had a better self-esteem.

Abe has no sexual organs...

You get a better self-esteem, but them you turn into one of those popular school girl jerks.

I wish Abe had sexual organs.

Granted but they soon get so big they explode

I wish I was a glockstar