From the forums in the link I posted...

Kinda contradicts himself there doesn't he...

That one right there is classic. That is the zenith of bad spelling. ;)

yet again...:laugh: :crying:

What were they talking about? Was it lessie?

Lucipher, I think it's best not to inquire.

Once, a high school girl who rides my bus was talking very loudly with one of my female classmates about, well, let's say, some very mature feminine things. The kind of things that make a dude blush and try not to listen. Eventually, I turned around and asked the high schooler, "You do know the whole bus can hear you, right?" She leaned really close and really loudly, with a completely straight face, said very clearly: "Cucumbers."
I fell silent after that, while the two girls fell into hysterics. One of the most embarassing, and amusing, conversations I've ever accidentally listened to.

Actually, that was really hilarious. Nothing phases that girl. She's some kind of untouchable uber-punk. Scary, but cool.

Come to think of it, I think even the bus driver heard. I guess he was too embarassed to say anything about it. Either that, or trying too hard not to crack up. He's a total tightwad, but there are a few things he just won't touch.

Well good! I wish I was on that bus at the time listening to girls talking about how they enjoy themsleves with vegatables.

ROFL. I guess I didn't mind the conversation all that much, just the place. I mean, the bus... it just wasn't all that appropriate. I'm still laughing about that. It happened about a year ago. Heh heh heh heh heh.

Some of these stories really cracked me up...

I too find the most annoying conversations to be tarty girl ones in the bathroom. They're always the same. They are either bitching about something or going on about some guy.

"She's like such as bitch" or "Do you like think he is so cute? I think he's way hot."

That is like the most like annoying thing, you know. Like how can people talk like that? I think it is like, you know, sooo stupid. Like, seriously, why would you want to talk like that? That is so totally gross. Like, what a stupid slut. Like oh my god...

If you couldn't tell, I was taking the piss...

Funny, many years ago while on a public bus with some HS friends (and many many others) I was subject to a very similar conversation - a girl who was in our class was telling everyone quite loudly that when she babysat children, she'd route through their produce crisper and find any ole appropriate vegetable to um..pleasure herself with. She'd then put it back for them to later consume. *shudders*

Masturbating with vegetables is wrong.


We talk about "beatin' it" on the bus whenever this girl and her friends come on the bus. Surprisingly, they start it. Plus, the whole bus can hear it. It led to some inside jokes, the most famous being about telephone poles.

Ah yes...my next conversation is more disturbing rather than annoying. You see, where I used to live...I had these freaky neighbours. Anyway, they had borrowed a video and I went over to their house to retrieve it. Anyway, I knock on the door and Dave opens up. I stated my reason for coming and he's like, "Ummmm, okay. The video is in the player. You can go get it." I walk in to get the video, and it actually wasn't in the player, so I had to look for it. Anyway, while searching for the video, I hear
Dave,(The Dad)
Jason,(The Son)
and Penny(The Mom)
yelling.

Jason is 11 years old, mind you.

Penny: "Jason! Get in the F*cking shower!
Jason: "I don't wanna!"
Dave: "Come on, son. Get in the shower with your Mom and Me!"
Jason: *screams*
Penny: "Oh, shut up! It's not gonna kill you!"
Jason: *cries*

That's when I quickly found the video and ran like hell.

-oddguy :eek:

Uh, oddguy you know you can actually report them to the police right? Because incest is actually a federal offense in every single state of the USA.

Oh believe me, my family reported the parents to CPS(Child Protection Services) after that. Numerous times.

The weird thing was...nobody ever asked us to testify or take down a report. But, this UPS(United Parcel Service) man just came to the door one day and asked my family a lot of questions about Jason...then left. He didn't even have a package for us.

My family moved before we found out what happened.

-oddguy :cool:

Ah, ok. The UPS man was obviously an under cover operative who took down your statement. He was probably under cover to avoid scaring off the next door neighbours. It sounds to me like you accidentally stumbled upon some people who were on a wanted list.

Yeah, we figured that out.

Anyway...Dave and Penny were down right wierd. When we were moving in, Dave helped us and we thought he seemed like a nice guy. Anyway, He invited my Mom and Dad to a party. So they go...only to find out it was a swingers party. Not only that...Dave and Penny were selling huge amounts of pot at the party. Needless to say, we looked for a place to move after that.

-oddguy

That does not sound good.

You're lucky you stumbled on to them though, you've done your country a good service by reporting them. I suspect that many other people would've just kept quiet.

It was a hard line to walk, because they came over all the time. They just invited themselves over, so we just played dumb and acted like nothing was wrong.

-oddguy

But at the end of the day, you did what was right. No matter how many good things they do, it still doesn't excuse them from the bad things. They shower with their child, that's just wrong.

Holy crap oddguy, that is extremely disturbing. It must have been even worse to actually hear it. Jeez.

That is by far one of the most disgusting things I've ever heard, Oddguy. If there is a hell, people like that should go to it.

Fuzzles, what you described is probably just one step down on the disgusting-ness ladder, not to mention tacky.

Nads, how is masturbating with vegetables "wrong"?

Now THAT is funny.

Well thank ya very much. Actually, you can thank Douglas Adams for that, rest his soul. He's definitely in my top ten list of authors. Adams is best known for his science fiction comedy novel, The Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy, as well as its sequels--The Restaurant at the End of the Universe; Life, the Universe, and Everything; So Long, and Thanks for all the Fish; and Mostly Harmless.
Heh, talk about your funny conversations... in The Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy, there's one between man and God in which man proves to God that he doesn't exist. Basically God says that proof denies faith, which is why he refuses to prove his existence, and man brings up a point about this fish called the babelfish that lives in the ear canal and can translate any language and transmit it into the brain of its host, and says that something so bizarre could never evolve on its own, so it's irrefutable proof of God's existence, "quad erot demonstro". God says "Hmm, I never looked at it that way," and vanishes in a puff of logic. Man says "Well, that was easy," and goes on to get himself killed on the crosswalk trying to prove that black is white and vice versa.

Yes that is certainly one of the funnier bits.

The paranoid android is also pretty good. Whatever he is called. I've not read or watched the hitchhikers guide to the galaxy in ages.

7 by 9 = 42? I've always said there was something fundamentally wrong with the universe. (yes but if you'd tought the bloody cave-men that the six is upside down then nothing would've gone wrong!)

Well, leaving it for someone to put on a salad or burger is. Also, my friend read a story online about "weird hospital cases". You can imagine how many teens there were with vegtables in their vaginas.

:eek:

*thinks*

All the conversations that my granny starts are annoying... Bah!
She keeps asking me, that when will I settle down and have children.

I'm Fucking 16... :|

Marvin the paranoid android was my favorite character. And it was so hillarious the way he died...just so sudden that I laughed for ages over it. :lol:

-oddguy :happy:

It doesn't keep me up at night. It was a while back.

I'm pretty sure they're rotting in an FBI federal prison of some sort...then they can got to hell after they die!

Stupid conversation number 2:

A common conversation topic at work is one particular guy who has a reputation for being particularly [how shall I put it?] gaseous. In case that's not stupid enough, we're installing a new cold-room that can get to -30C. Now some of the guys got worried that if Paul (thats the guy) farts in the cold room, it may freeze and settle on the floor, which would not only be slippery but may explode when we heat the room back up again and all the accumulated frozen methane melts. So they forced me (yes thats right, me) to find out what the freezing temperature of methane is. So not to worry as it is -182C.

People are so fscking stupid, at some point it almost stops being funny.

Your work pals are obviously idiots.

It's a well known fact that farts are made up of Hydrogen Sulfide, and not methane. Methane is only produced in some people, and is an odorless gas. It's actually the sulphur in the Hydrogen Sulfide that you can smell.

Cows burp methane gas...

I live in a cow infested area...

Lalala

-oddguy :cool:

There is some pretty serious bullshit (no pun intended) about cow belches causing global warming. This pisses me off. It pisses me off that they consider belching cows more of a ****ing threat than the billions of cars, trains, aircraft, and factories out there.

Oh gee, I don't know, lets take a step into fairy land and consider for a minute, that maybe all these factories and cars are the problem? Cause I sure find it somewhat ****ing unbelievable that a cow fart is more lethal than shoving your face in front of a car exhaust.

Typical American excuse. "Blame it on cow farts".