i'm funny

No, you're useless.

It is impossible for a human being to be "useless". To be useless, one must put himself in a position where he has absolutely no influence to his surroundings. Where not even the floating aimless dust could collide with his person, to be useless is to never exist, to never have a presence within this reality.

What I'm saying is dicks and tits let's keep talking about sex in the sex thread, unless you want me to prove to you I'm not useless ;)

You can be useless whilst also being disruptive to the environment. Try philosophy elsewhere, kiddo.

Regardless:

Go on...

Alcar...

...and out...

Sex, right? I haven't had sex in going on three months. Dorian gained a bit of weight during the pregnancy, and she's had trouble losing it since. I still think she's beautiful, and make sure she knows this, but she has her own self image issues. Part of her problems with losing weight are my own fault, really. Due to my mixed heritage I don't exactly cook in small portions, and it's just a lot of starches and meat. Anyway, long dry spell for a married man. Losing my sympathy for her and just getting fucking irritated at this point.

I think a good way to lose weight that doesn't restrict how much you can eat is low-carb diets.... Dunno if you medical work history has anything bad to say about it...

But I dunno... THat's a good way.

Or if she likes games, have her play DDR :D


Either way... doesn't she get urges? And can't she just hm.. please you? x_x


I feel like a creep.

The thing about dieting is that you have to stick to them for a long time. Additionally, I really like food, and can't stand how bland most 'healthy' crap is. I'm not saying I'm making nothing but fried garbage, it's actually quite the opposite. It's just not a low calorie/carb menu.

As far as her 'urges', yeah, she does, but we have completely conflicting schedules. She's working full time while I'm in school full time, so she works all day while I'm on campus, and while I get home a couple of hours before she does, I spend that time being 'house bitch', which basically means tidying up, getting dinner ready, and doing whatever needs to be done. So when she gets home she's completely zonked as she works in a private orthopedic clinic that sees well over 200 patients a day, so our evenings pretty much consist of eating, cuddling, me studying/doing homework, possibly playing a video game together/netflix, then going to sleep. We're both just busy and tired.

I'm assuming that by you asking "And can't she just hm.. please you?" that you mean oral sex, which I've brought up before, but that's something that only goes on as foreplay, not, uh, from start to finish, as she says the size of my penis makes her jaw hurt. Flattering in principle, but it does little in the way of sexual gratification. As far as a handjob goes, please. I've always laughed at the idea of women trying to give me a handjob. I've been doing it myself for years, you know? I've got it down to a science. Don't bother.

^This.

Anyway yea.I was talking about oral.


Damn... I dont think Id like sex without oral. I know its sort of crazy, but I like giving more than I like receiving or performing the actual deed.



*feels even more like a creep*

Well I can get it, just not as a stand alone act. I'm not going to persist in asking her to do something that hurts her.

Aye, I know what it's like to have your jaw hurt due to oral sex. That being said, I still enjoy it :tard:

Alcar...

1 excellent blowjob is better than 100 mediocre intercourses.

Have you... quantified this?

Quite frankly I haven't experienced this jaw ache. Was I doing something wrong? :tard:

No your just lucky.

Or... unlucky?

Alcar...

I've always thought you were a boy... Jordan Boi

I feel unlucky when I get jaw ache.

Jordan is a male :p

Whoosh.

Alcar...

Unfortunately I get jaw aches too... But I don't care.

My jaw has been fucked up for years though. It started clicking when I was 14 I think... The dentist said I have a chance of developing a kind of arthritis in the jaw or something, cos my jaw is eating away at that flexible bone that makes the jaw run smoothly.

Boo!

I'm a nancy boi!

I had sex twenty-odd minutes ago.

I'm not even at home right now.

The person in question may be what I seek.







FUCK

I had sex last night. I'm not at home either.

I'm home now.

I had a power wank.

It wasn't all that satisfying.

Isn't that a kind of standard reaction after having sex with someone?

In this case, certainly not.

It's one of the rare occasions I talked to them for a long time before getting stuck in.

Invitations???

I don't remember seeing any open.

Well, I took DarkHoodness' (I think) advice and bumped uglies without a condom, all I can say is that I hate those fucking slippy willy socks, now. Oh, so does she, but still even though we hate them so there's always that last minute rush for the 'dom.

He was right, using a condom is like putting cling-film around your tongue before eating a tasty meal.

Except a meal won't give you indigestion that lasts for the rest of your life. Or costs you money. Or gives you a disease.

Not that I'm one to talk. I think I've worn maybe three condoms in my life.

Condoms are a bitch. I really hate them, it defintely feels better without but when I'm working away without, I have this worry at the back of my mind that I could end up with a disease afterwards.

Of course it's better without a condom, but in my book the risk of getting some decease or worse, getting her pregnant, do not outweigh the downsides.

Yeah, I advise using your white matter in such considerations. That grey matter is a bad influence.

We're talking about poultry now?

I know that I won't get a disease so that's one worry out the window and as I mentioned, I still use one before climaxing. Either way, I'm sure my pulling out reactions are a lot quicker than my ejaculatory ones.

But then, I don't like babies so maybe I should play it really safe, grit my teeth and slap on some rubber?

I've never 'bumped uglies' without a condom.

It's either 'you have one, or fuck off'. I'm not shooting seed in you or catching a filthy disease.

I've rarely seen so much ignorance in two sentences.

I should probably explain, so this poor kid can learn a thing or two so here it goes.

1. You can never know 100% sure you won't get a decease. Even if you trust the girl, you can't trust the 10 guys that did her before you.

2. Using a condom just when you climax is just as good as not using one at all. Your semen valves are not suddenly opened when you ejaculate, you know. There's seed in your precum as well and you wouldn't be the first idiot to get a girl pregnant that way.

3. And no, your pulling out reaction is not quicker than your ejaculation reaction. Besides, even if it is, it completely ruins the moment if you ask me.

Condescending twat.

I trust the hymen that popped whenever I put my dick in her... so I think I'm okay on that part and I'll admit, I didn't know about pre-cum or anything so there we go. Lesson learned. Once again rubbers will be used from now on.