-----OOC-----
Welcome, enchilado. A rule of this RPG clearly state that you can't start being already in the factory. Of course, your character may have work here in the past but now he have to come back in the factory. Most peoples do it by FeeCo Trains. So if you could edit your first post, that would be nice :D PS: You should also read the RPG Rules Thread. It's always a good start :) EDIT : SOMEONE PLEASE, BRING DRIPIK BACK ! :D I know he is busy as hell with his studies, but it's been ages since a post something here, and some people are waiting for him to post as Arnie or #7 Slig |
OOC:
Ok... Where to begin... @enchilado: As one newbie to another. Hello I know it's splat's job to correct mistakes but he won't be here until monday. So I suppose I can help you out :) There where only two things I noticed 1. You can't just appear in Rupture Farms. Most come in through FeeCo Depot (Thats how I did :p.) However you could come through the entrance on the ground floor. (EDIT: Whoops. Jimmy got there first.) 2. Mars didn't use the lift :p he used the stairs you came from. Anyway that's the ugly stuff out of the way. When splat gets back i'm sure he will greet you with a comforting hand on the shoulder and a guide in the right direction :). My advice though would be to meet up with Guekko and Krivzee since they are close to the FeeCo station entrance. Now for my own note: Ok. I wasn't planning on using the flashback card just yet but I feel it is relevant to the situation. The flashback will include two temporary characters: Name: Flad's friend Race: Slig Name: Native Race: Mudokon There's also a slave mudokon but he doesn't do anything. Hope I'm not breaking any rules here. For this post i'm assuming Borzo is following Flad. IC: Flad and Borso are walking through the old part of Rupture Farms. Flad was feeling nervous about what will happen when they actually find the mudokon. He turned to borso as they walked and said "To tell you the truth... I'm glad your here. about two years ago I had a bad experience concerning a native Mud and I don't want to be around one on my own. There's also something else... at roughly the same time I've started feeling "different" around animals and Muds. I suppose it would make more sense if I just tell you what happened..." Flad began recounting his encounter with a native at Dago's Pies. --------Flashback------- Dago's Pies was a small meat processing factory that's business is solely determined by pies. It made all sorts of pies: Paramite, Scrab, Fuzzle... Flad had been working here for a whole year now and had become great friends with another slig who he met shortly after accepting the job. They where both sent to patrol the stockyards where there was a single Mudokon slave. The two sligs where talking: "...Aw common Flad you'll be back to beatin' Muds in no time. Look there's one there" Flad's friend approached the slave and hit him over the head with the butt of his gun "see it's easy you'll get it back. common lets see if your feeling better" Flad approached the slave and rose his Blunderbuss. He stopped his arms just wouldn't let him hit the Mudokon. He couldn't bring himself to do it, then suddenly Flad heard a voice in the distance. He looked in the direction the voice was coming from but couldn't see anything. The voice stopped. "Hey did you hear that?" Flad asked and looked at his friend. His friend looked "strange" his stance was different, His eyes seemed glazed. Flad had heard of the signs of possession but had never seen them before now. His friend slowly aimed his blunderbuss at Flad. Flad knew that Sligs never survived the possession process. There was only one thing he could do. He quickly aimed his blunderbuss and shot his friend in the chest killing him. Flad then saw the native run out from the shadows away from the factory, he looked young. Flad walked up to his friend's body lying on the ground and began to cry... -------Back at Rupture Farms ------ "...and that's what happened. I'm no leader and I have no idea how i'm gonna react to this guy. I think it would be best for you take the lead from now on." Flad waited for Borso to go on ahead. Hoping it wasn't a mistake to open himself to him. OOC: Wow what a long post EDIT 2: Oops spelt Borso, Borzo |
OOC: While having a convo with Nexy yesterday, I got convinced that I should return and sort this place out. It is necessary. (On another note, I still remember what you said about making a character and returning to W@RF, Nexy!)
I'll refrain from using some of the image macros I found recently which would be matching for summarizing my feelings about the current state of W@RF (the one Splat used two pages ago is rather fitting). I've been checking the thread regularly, even if I didn't post in the last... few weeks. What kept me from posting was the general lack of organized roleplaying and the disrespect of the RPG rules in several cases. The following paragraph was written with your general mistakes and faults from a few pages ago in mind, Mars. You'll see my current thoughts afterwards. :
On another note, if I haven't mentioned it before (probably not), MeechM, Alex, Guekko, slig #5719 (any nicknames we can use?): you're doing well, keep it up. Older members: you're doing well too, but I don't think you need me repeating that over and over again. :
------------------------------------ IC: Arnie walked back to his desk, leaving the door. He sat down, thinking about the recent proceedings. "How on Odd did Rupture Farms end up as the number one terrorist resort..." he pondered. After a few seconds of contemplation, a message appeared on screen. Arnie thought that it was about the package he order a few minutes ago, but it turned out otherwise. "MAJOR SECURITY INCIDENT IN PROGRESS...DO NOT ATTEMPT TO LEAVE THE ROOM...YOU WILL BE NOTICED AGAIN WHEN SITUATION IS UNDER CONTROL." "Oh. I will be noticed. Wonderful." thought Arnie with a sneer, in thought mocking the Vykker scientists and their faulty robot programming. After some time, another message appeared. "SITUATION SEEMS UNDER CONTROL. IMMEDIATE SURROUNDINGS ARE SAFE. YOU CAN NOW LEAVE YOUR OFFICE IF NEEDED." "Nope. Not needed." thought Arnie. Somehow, he didn't feel like leaving the Office solely because that, according to the Snoozer, the "situation seemed under control'. Shortly after this, a final note appeared. "SU-01 IS REQUESTING A PRIVATE TALK, WHENEVER YOUR SCHEDULE ALLOWS IT." "Reply, start." said Arnie to the computer. "We can have the talk if you bring the Mudokon's head along with you. Otherwise, you can tell me here, via these messages." ------------------------------------ OOC: Observe how I refrain from posting in the remains of the day. |
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OOC: Thanks Dripik. I know it took me a while to get the hang of things, but now I should be able to roleplay without being nervous or anything. I think the RPG is doing quite well at the moment, let's keep it up over Christmas!
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ooc: It's been Monday for 17 minutes!
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Just another job I get to delegate, I guess. Also, Dionysia is still waiting for #7! Though I dunno if her question is all that current any more... :
Welcome Enchilado and stuff. You seem to have things pretty sorted out now. And you don't need to read the entire thread. You seem to be doing fine. And all that's left to say is that Rupture Farms' slig-to-mudokon ratio is looking pretty grim again. 5719, if it's ok I'm gonna say they split up to try and catch the mudokon. Seems more sensible than him stopping to guard when there's more than one entrance ;) I hope that's ok. IC: Grace shook his head at Flad's plan, "I don't know if there are other entrances to this old part of the factory, and it'd be a nice little mess if the native sneaked back in and possessed the boss while I was standing about here," Stupid fool he was, he scolded himself, should have left a rear guard. "You two head in slowly. I'll try and loop around a bit, then you might be able to drive him towards me. If he can keep that speedy thing up, it might be our best chance of getting him. I've got my radio if you need to contact me." And so he left Borso and the other slig to follow the mudokon's trail of blood, while he tried to creep round the back of it. He didn't really know where it was, but if it was following the other mud, who he assumed couldn't run super-fast, the plan might just come off. Keeping his ears pulled, he entered the semi-darkness of the derelict Rupture Farms. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Anni sort of paused for a moment, trying to work out all of what he'd just said. She was at least able to grasp that he was the one who had spoken to her up in the corridor. "Um, well, Arnie is usually alright as glukkons go, but he's been a bit angry the last couple of days. And I dunno, when he saw you at his door holding a weapon he was probaly scared you were going to attack him." She stopped when he asked if she heard anything. She stopped and listened, to the background murmur of the factory's machinery, the whistling of the pipes in this derelict half of the factory... "I don't hear anything strange..." She replied. "There are animals down here, though. I'm looking for one now, actually. There's a paramite who I sort of raised..." She looked around and called again softly, "Somi?" Then she added to Mars, "You know, I think if you hid your weapons they might not recognise you, and you could probably get a job." ooc: Chronicler appears to have been eaten by moon martians. |
OOC: Damn you, moon martians! *shakes fist* (I should not have watched Bill Bailey this weekend :p) I think I'll just give Chronicler another week and if there's still no reply I'll move Ralph on, he's spent far too much time waiting for other people in this version of WARF to get stuck like that again.
Also, I just wanna say that Hembar was being very careful to stay out of sight of cameras where possible, though of course it might not have been possible for her entire route. IC: Noticing the meech still following, Hembar guessed it was going to stick around while she went through the factory. Oh well, hopefully it wouldn't cause any trouble, she might even be able to find food for it or something. She eventually found her way back to the basement entrance where they had just come out of shortly before. Walking cautiously through the basement, she thought she heard voices. Making her way quickly but stealthily (the darkness of this part of the factory made that part easy) towards the sound, she caught the word "Somi" called out by a familiar voice... (OOC: I can't remember whether Anni and Hembar actually told each their names) She looked around a corner and spotted the pink female mudokon (Anni) and another mudokon, carrying native weaponry (Mars). Bingo, she thought, it's a native alright.. "You know, I think if you hid your weapons they might not recognise you, and you could probably get a job." Anni was talking to the native mudokon. Deciding to stay put for the time being, Hembar looked behind her to see where the meech was - she better keep an eye on it, seeing as she didn't want it giving away her position or being eaten by other creatures here, since it wasn't exactly in a good condition to defend itself. |
Anyone mind if I ask... forgive me... how there's a Meech there?
~I mean, not that they're extinct (not IMOAFAIK), but still... how? Enchilado |
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:p Yea.. don't mind me.. Im just here following the storyline! |
OOC: Alright Drippy, nice to hear from you and everything and I think I should get some things straight:
1. Fine I made a mistake. I god-modded. But I did edit and change myself to something...weaker. 2. Didn't Splat say something about no IC posts per day but you could OOC 2 or more? Sorry if I'm wrong but... There. NOW; IC: Mars relaxed his hand, thinking Anni was probably right. When people were trying to kill you, you can get kinda jumpy. "Well, okay. And I'm not going to just drop the weapons. I'm going to finish what I started. In fact I was thinking...you could say you found a note from me which I would give to you, and It said that this was all a big misunderstanding. Or we could fake that you caught me or something...hmm...what do you think?" |
[-- ooc --]
Well, I could wait for Krivzee and Guekko to come inside from the station, but it's possible (probable) they'll ignore me, so... [-- IC --] Tok sniffed the air, but there was nothing out of place. Blood, flesh, ground bone; the tang of metal and the sticky fumes of gas. It smelt as it should. Now, if he was going to find this intruder, the first thing he had to consider was the floor. There were three, and it could be on any of them. However, this question was answered by the blaring alarm: "Mudokon terrorist on ground floor! All Sligs please spread out and shoot on sight!" [-- ooc -- Please tell me if there aren't any alarms like this.... --] Most of the Sligs around didn't even pay any attention, and indeed Tok didn't rush immediately into the lift. A Mudokon terrorist... This was bad! The lift was shown as already being down on the ground floor, and Tok couldn't wait for it to come back up. He raced along the corridor and down the flight of stairs to the level one grinding area. It was dark down here, with an almost solid feeling of blackness. The North wall of the grinding area was dinted and had holes in it, and through these he saw the blackened and charred remains of the factory area that had been destroyed by Abe... the Mudokon terrorist. And if this terrorist was in RuptureFarms again, where would he hide? The answer to that was obvious, even if it took some time for Tok to realise the fact. He walked over to the largest gap in the wall, and kicked it in a bit. It was so dark in there he thought that even with Infra-Red Goggles and a powerful spotlight, it was going to be difficult to see. He stepped through, and the flimsy metal of the wall sprung back up behind him. Somewhere nearby water dripped steadily. A soft echo of metal rang through the air, clear but as quiet as the fall of a feather - or so it seemed. A muffled whisper of someone talking, thought it was probably just a rat. He flicked on his spotlight. ~it's 31 degrees here... eek... though it was 34 a few weeks ago. Enchilado |
ooc: Anni and Hembar first met in W@RF 8, starting here (I believe Kix and Jim were showing Anni the pump they'd installed in her garden at the time) and going on to about page 25 (Anni runs off but meets Hembar again). Gretin, you and I are the only ones involved so you don't need to read anyone else's stuff.
Did I used to control Kix? o_O Looking back has made me think W@RF 8 wasn't as bad as it seemed at the time. It's just a shame that the good players from then all left pretty quickly, so no plots were developed. I meant to read back and then post IC: But I cleverly just pressed the post button, so I'll edit IC in soon. :banghead: And now I have to go, sorry. I've got a post planned and I'll type it out in a couple of hours. It has paramites! EDIT: Sorted. IC: Anni looked uncertain, "Um, I think if I said I'd caught you the sligs would probably just shoot you. And if I took a note or something, I'm not sure they'd believe it. You wouldn't have to throw away your stuff, just hide it." Then another question just osrt of burst out of her, "Anyway, why do you want a job here anyway?! You're a native! Shouldn't you be doing... native... things?" She turned her head suddenly when she heard a paramite hiss. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The different colonies and species of creatures living in Rupture Farms' unused parts may not have gotten on with each other, and they didn't exactly talk to strangers, but they understood and watched each other enough for a colony of paramites living back in the derelict building to know that creatures living under the factory itself had been disturbed by some frightening, stinking intruder. Then other creatures had come into their territory. One of them was an odd-smelling mudokon, similar to the one they knew they weren't supposed to attack. But the other one was strange, something none of them had smelt before, though the previous generation of their pack might have recognised the scent of a meech. What they did recognise was that neither mudokon nor animal smelt like an industrial, which were dangerous to hunt. And they were disturbed by the rumours of the towering creature that had walked through the shadows earlier that day, in a place where they did not live, but where they often hunted. And now they were hungry. Five paramites moved through the shadows behind Hembar and Crunchy, silent and invisible in their own territory. Then one of them let out a hiss and they leapt at their prey. |
IC: Crunchy could sense something behind him (OOC: Echolocation, anyone?) and it was making him uneasy. He was pretty sure he had heard hissing too. He remembered that sound... It was coming closer now. He began to urgently pull on the mudokon (Hembar)'s loincloth.
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Ic:
Not long after one of the feeCo trains rolled in, Ackro took his first step into The famous "Rupture farms". He too a moment to take in and absorb the surroundings into his mind. "Hmph, I'll have much fun here.. Granted, not as much fun as sending the Z.A.P into the crapper.. But it should make to be quite interesting". Ackro started to wander around, unsure which direction to take. Ooc: Greetings, I'm new here and would be thankful for any help on where to start out! I'm sure we'll all have a fun time, I've had an account on here before and love this role play group. |
IC:
Flad was waiting for Borso to take the lead when he heard a distant sound over the murmurs of the machinery. He quickly turned around to find the source of the noise and could see a light in the distance. "Wait here i'll go check it out." He whispered to Borso. As he approached the light's source he found it was another slig (Tok). "Hey could you turn that light out. There's a native intruder down here and we plan to catch him. He can move really fast so we don't want him to see us." Flad gestured to some blood on the floor. "He's wounded so he should be easy to catch but we don't want to take any chances. Me and another slig are gonna approach him from the front. Another guy is going around to sneak up behind him. Your welcome to help if you want." After speaking to Tok, Flad went back to where Borso was. "We better get this over with quick. I think animals lurk through here." He thought to himself. OOC: Thanks Dripik that means a lot since this is my first RPG. It's good to know i'm doing things right :). I think i'm usually just called "Hash". Hello Enchilado and Ackro. Oh and I don't believe I said Hi to you either Guekko ;). |
OOC: To Dripik: Thanks ^^ It has been some time since I got into a roleplay, I'll try my best at it.
To Enchilado: At the end of my first post, Guekko left the station platform and stepped inside, so Guekko and I assume Krivzee are inside the building. Hello there to everyone, I don't usually get to say, hi, so hello. IC: Guekko shrugged lightly, that is the usual response he would expect from a Slig...well, and pretty much everyone else asked the same question. He walked along behind Krivzee, his nails making a light sound against the floor as his eyes scanned around. He had never been to this place before, though there were some he had worked with before that knew RuptureFarms as it was before, some of the tales that they came back with...well, so far the place looked in much better condition than he had heard of, despite the fact that he seemed to have entered in the midst of a security breech. |
OOC: Hi, AckroTheSlig, just remember to post your profile here as well ;) Also, not to make assumptions or anything, but I just wanted to make sure you know that playing a violent character could be trouble. If he's not violent for no reason you shouldn't have too many problems though ;)
IC: Hembar had seen nothing but the meech when she turned to look behind her, but she could feel something wasn't quite right before the meech started tugging on her clothing, so she quickly started her silent chanting. She couldn't kill them, they were sacred creatures after all, but she wasn't about to let herself become their lunch! Small sparkles of mystical power spun around her as a paramite's hiss was heard, then she put her hands in the air facing the five paramites that were jumping towards them. Instantly the sparkles turned into five glowing blue orbs which each collided with a paramite in the middle of it's leap. The orbs seemed to shatter into dozens of much smaller balls of energy which circled around each paramite, suspending the paramites in mid-air. That'll buy us a little time, Hembar thought, but the orbs were steadily disintegrating, meaning it'd only last a few minutes before the paramites were freed again. Grabbing hold of the meech and half dragging it she ran for the two mudokons standing a short way off - she knew Anni from before and the other mudokon looked like a native so she'd be safer with them than with the paramites! "Watch out, there's paramites!" she called to them as she ran towards them. |
IC: Borso nodded to Flad. "Okay, let's move onwards then" Borso reloaded his revolver, spun the chamber and followed Flad. He was sure he could smell Paramites nearby, perhaps there were some lurking in the shadows. He was hoping that Flad knew where to find the native.
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Ic: Ackro stood there at the feeco train station, having just arrived at rupture farms.
"What the.. this place is much bigger then I could have ever anticipated". He started walking, looking around for any sign's of life around, being suddenly startled by the sound of the FeeCo train leaving, making rather loud, rattling noises. Ackro wanders around looking from his righ to his left, taking in all the sights.. still on the search for someone of assistance. ------ Ooc: Im still unsure where to go.. D: |
ooc: Enchilado, just wanted to make a couple of pointers. I was more awake when I reread your post a few moments ago than when I read it this morning :p
First, there are no random characters in the RPG, no random sligs or mudokons or anyone (except animals), only the characters players have created. I think you mentioned random sligs in your post, so I thought I'd warn you there aren't any ;) And second, there was no siren about where the mudokon was. But I'll let you off; I made that exact same mistake when I first joined. Ackro, welcome. As Gretin said, remember not to be hyper-violent and things should run as smoothly as butter on a bald monkey. Also, you don't need to align your posts yourself. It's just annoying :fuzconf: I'll wait for Mars to post before I do any IC (he's viewing the thread and quite possibly typing a post up as I speak). |
Name: Ackro von zaddler (His full name)
Race: One of a kind blue slig! (Woot, woot!) Gender: Male. Age: He's 18 years old (in slig years) Appearance: He has blue skin, with slightly darker blue finger nail, tentacle and back bone coloration's. Personality: Ackro is a very clever and sadistic slig.. and has very few fears aside from scrab's. Ackro's been known to have a sensitive side.. but it's rare to ever see it. He's also very, very, intelligent. Not to mention extremely greedy, he'd rip off your arm for pocket change. Bio: Ackro was spawn in a training facility (Z.A.P - Zaddler's Army and spawning facility) for the soul reason to go in and take prisoners from lone villages. On the day Ackro was born, just falling out of the birthing area when something happend that was completely unexpected.. a worker Mud that was cleaning the floors tripped over a capsule containing a dye that would be used as a smoke bomb. It broke open and the inner goop drained down on top of a newborn slig.. Turning it permanently blue. This slig would grow up to be Ackro, of course. After years of training, Ackro had become the best of the Z.A.P.. Seeing this, the general of the Z.A.P, Zaddler took him in as if he were his son, giving him the last name "Zaddler".. But, in time the Z.A.P fell victim to riots that started when many of the captured fugitives that had escaped, came back and freed the others (Mud's). Ackro, being the only known living soldier of the facility, set off, now unemployed and looking for a job. He set his sites on the popular "Rupturefarms". Gear/equipment: Carries a custom made shotgun, a gas mask has three slashes on each side of it. And his mechanical legs which runs on air, spiting out a smoke cloud every few minutes. But really runs like a dream, they hardly make any noise at all! |
Ic:
Ackro, currently wandering around aimless came across Tok. "Hm?.. well, well.. I guess this place isn't empty after all" Said Ackro, with a tone of sarcasm in his voice. He started to move his right hand back toward his knife.. then held his arm out in front of his self, motioning for a friendly hand shake. "Us sligs have to stick together, don't we?" He chuckled, happily. Ackro could feel it deep down inside of him that Tok would be important to him somehow. |
-----OOC-----
Whoo, major character development here :D -----IC----- SU-01 decided to stay near the boss office until he got an answer. A window appeared on his HUD. ---------- SECURED TRANSMISSION PROTOCOL ---------- INCOMING TRANSMISSION FROM "VIKKERS ALPHA-COMPLEX" SUBJECT : A new update is available. In response to your recent error report, our engineers have been working to patch the security breach. This program will add a new detection signature to your Security Orb. It should now react to it like it would with chanting. It's highly recommended to install the update ASAP, as your system will be vulnerable until then. Download ?(Y/N):_ ---------- "Wow, Vikkers engineers sure care for me..." he thought. "...or for my arm and leg costing body and weaponry." he added sarcastically. He confirmed the download, and a few seconds later, everything was done. He then received a message from the Boss. The monotonous voice of SU-01 was heard on the Executive's computer speakers shortly after that. "Apparently, a chase is already in progress, judging by the low number of guards here. Since I'm not aware of their location and tactic I would only interfere if I joined. I'll keep your office's entrance safe until everything is back to "normal". You must certainly wonder who send you a free Snoozer you didn't even ordered. I'm not allowed to tell you the name of my creator but the project I'm bound with started a few years ago, when you reopened Rupture Farms. What follows is classified information. Nothing will be stored on your computer and you should not share this informations with anyone else, for your own safety. You might be aware of it, but some (if not all) leaders of the Magog Cartel disapprove your treatment policy towards your workforce. They even plotted your dismiss. They could have send an assassin; I've got a list with 150 names, but it's still far from complete; but they wanted to make an example out of you so no one would ever treat Mudokon like you did. Molluck was known for his productive methods, and I think you know your kind pretty much to know that profit is the only thing that matters. So they decided to fire you, but not without a good reason. And what's worse for a Glukkon than to be fired at random ? Being fired for lack of productivity and failing to secure the facility he leads. They planned to send you what seemed to be normal employees looking for a job. But don't be fooled. They're expert in sabotage. And worst, they are for about every intelligent race of Mudos. Could it be Sligs, Vikkers, Glukkons, even brainwashed Mudokons...You name it. According to your actual employees records, assuming they are up-to-date, I don't think anyone of them is here now. I don't know how your productivity is going, but for the security part, I've already hunted down one Mudokon terrorist who managed to put me out of order for a quick instant. Don't worry, this little security breach is patched by now. But you know, you're not alone in thinking that a factory with happy employees is safe and productive. It's been proven in several Vikkers facilities that Mudokons Scrubs who were not beaten and fed decently were almost 30 % more efficient and the attempts of escaping came near zero. Out there, there are some Vikkers that share your point of view. That's why I've been created. I'm here to prevent your dismissal. If you can stay here long enough and have a good productivity, it will surely change the Cartel's mind, and in the end, every CEO's minds too. Instead of losing your job, you could even be rewarded for that. Now, you might ask : "Why a snoozer ?". Here is the explanation : A slig is pretty much competent in most of the security-related tasks. The problem is he can be possessed, distracted, and not eager to work. A robot in the other hand, is also very effective but only in a low range of activities and are not fully autonomous. Security Orbs zap, cameras record, snoozers patrol. Let's say I'm a mix of both with the advantages of all and the disadvantages of none. A slig's nervous system kept emotion-free and under control by a robotic body. I used to be a high ranked slig, you know. Commandos operations, Cartel's VIPs protection...I was good at everything a slig needed to be good at to succeed. Except for beating Mudokons. I always refused to do it and I got almost killed for that. Long, uninteresting story. Anyway, the last thing you should know is my deactivating procedure. I just have to hear your voice say : "SU-01, EMERGENCY SHUTDOWN". Remember that. It will works through the factory speakers too. Waiting for your orders_ |
[-- oc --]
Aah, no! Tok isn't special to anybody! Get away, creepy Slig! [-- IC --] "Hey!" Tok turned round, and flashed the light in the eyes of an approaching Slig. "Could you turn that light out? There's a native intruder down here, and we plan to catch him!" - the Slig was nevertheless taking no pains to lower his voice - "He can move really fast so we don't want him to see us." Flad gestured to some blood on the floor. "He's wounded, so he should be easy to catch, but we don't want to take any chances. Me and another Slig are gonna approach him from the front. Another guy is going around to sneak up behind him - you're welcome to help if you want." "Uh - sure," said Tok, scratching the back of his neck. "I guess so... er, front - " he tapped in front of him " - behind, er. I guess I could take him out from the side." The other Slig had already left, though, so Tok flicked of his light and snuck away into the darkness by himself. He was good at sneaking, he considered. Nobody would see him - "Hm?.. well, well.. I guess this place isn't empty after all." "Wha - " said Tok, spinning around. "Oh, poo-brain!" The Slig was holding a knife, but after a pause he slid it slowly away. "Us sligs have to stick together, don't we?" he said. "Sure thing," said Tok, shaking the Slig's hand. "Let's see, I'm gonna take this guy out from the side, so I guess you could - go - to the other side, that sounds like an idea. So - which side should I go to? The left side, or the right side? I think I prefer the right side - though if not that, the left. And... I suppose he may be right-handed - yeah, I'll take the left, and you can take the - aw, I suppose the - the - the left. Or the right. Yeah, you can take the right. This sounds like a plan! Let's go." ~BTW, I haven't managed to grasp where Mars is. Obviously Tok don't know, but...? Enchilado |
Ooc: Erm, ok if you say so Ench..
----------- Ic: Ackro took the slig Tok's hand shaking it up and down a few times, having a rather firm and unpleasant grasp while doing so. "Sure thing" said Tok, after Ackro had previously said "We sligs have to stick together, don't we?". Ackro, began to march forward when he stepped in the blood on the floor, the left leg of his mechanical pants slid out from under him. Nearly falling, he catches the floor just in time letting out a small sigh of relief. "Haha, any closer and I might have startled the fugitive.." Said Ackro, while raising himself from the ground. "Huh?.. How interesting, this blood seems vaguely familiar" Ackro said, while sniffing the scent of blood on his hand. "It's almost the exact same scent of blood from one of those that managed to escape the shooting range at the Z.A.P" Said Ackro, while he spun his knife around on his index finger. He started to make his way after Tok, following closely behind while dimming the light's on his mask and using extreme stealth so that he could be near by when the "intruder" was captured. Again, smiling while saying quietly to his self, "I'm a hunter, after all..". |
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AckroTheSlig, please don't take this in a bad way, but please listen here... I dunno, to not sound too harsh, I'd call your character maybe too ambitious. I must admit I read that character profile, and despite the good grammar I still managed to facepalm myself a bit. I really wanted to like your profile, cos you seem intelligent and creative. But honestly... It's not the fact that it's an experiment that bugs me, not even the fact that your character is rather 'special'... It's just that he's too special. It actually seems a bit obnoxious. I mean... let me get this straight: - Your character has blue skin instead of green... colorful... - Your character have up to three times the lifespan of a normal slig... - Your character has an important and mysterious pas.... too important. - Your character is violent, but I'm sure you'd explain that away with his past. - Your character is probably like super-strong or something because of the intensive training. - He has cool, special goggles AND pants. So the bottom line: There's nothing normal about your character.. not one bit. Honestly. Your character is what I'd call a 'Mary Sue'. If you don't know what that is, please look it up. Your character needs weaknesses, faults.. SOmething that doesn't always sparkle and reak of importance and presence. You have to remember there are other people in this RPG, and they want to feel just as 'important' and 'there' as you. Honestly... I think your character would be rather interesting, but I honestly really think you have to tone that stuff down a bit. Maybe make him a bit more vague... If you really just want to develop a long, and deep plot around him. Don't do it in one post, or in the profile. Drag it over several versions of w@rf. It's what I tried to do with "anni", as I really hate being all over the place and making myself be more significant than really needed. Also.. If he really was that important and 'mysterious' what is his business in rupture farms? Just... To me this sounds like you just wanted to show off, your cool, mysterious character. You could just make a drawing in FC and that instead >_< Well.. I'm sorry, I don't mean to rag on you too much, but this really needs to be said... And this goes for everyone else too. Try to keep all this in mind when creating characters.. Slow development, i think, is always more interesting than a quick "omg look at this amazing character!!". Also, one thing that needs to be emphasized: Despite you saying your character is violent, hyperviolence is really looked down upon in this RPG... If you go around smashing things and people, no one will want to RP with you, so keep that in mind, ok? Well I'm out for now :P Keep up the story people!... or else.. *shakes fist* |
Ooc: Did I EVER say he was super strong?.. Um.. no?..
Firstly, my character has a longer life span so freaking what?.. He's got marks on his mask, Big deal?.. and his skin is blue so he's different from all the other sligs. And I'm not being violent am I?.. It's just the fact he has a violent nature, but he's really toned it down or he wouldn't be at a meat factory.. Thanks, if you don't like my idea's and reasons to want to be different I'll just leave. Fyi, he's no stronger then any other slig, just simply well trained in knife fighting for he hates guns. |
Ooc: Don't bother replying. And wow, this is a racist thing now?..
Just because my skin's blue to differentiate myself from any other slig means I'm a damn show off?.. And side from being from an unknown facility from the oddworld games doesn't make me any better, now does it?.. And where in any posts or in my profile have I "I'm super powerful" or anything remotely close to that?.. For your information, I'm simply violent because of the hostile nature and wildlife of the planet, everyone has to fight for their life here.. Like I said before, if you don't like my character foe being blue and carrying knifes for protection and hunting food, I'll just leave the oddworld forms forms for good. |
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But the fact still stand that your slig suddenly have all these advantages over everyone else. It simply may seem as you outshining people here. And I'm in no way asking you to leave. I actually want you to stay because I believe you have an incredible amount of potential and imagination. I just think you should put it towards the story rather than making and uber-special slig. All I'm asking is for you to listen to my critique. I've been in this RP for a fairly long amount of time too, but have left some time ago, so It's not like I'm some outsider coming in to have have a say. I actually still care about the direction this story goes. Anyway please don't take any word I say as an offense. That really wasn't my intention. And please don't just leave because of this. |
I believe I'll just take my leave. Perhaps.
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Ackro, one day or another... you'll have to realise that criticism doesn't equal hate or dislike. I know it's easy to get frustrated when other people talk you down, but you have to rise about it and understand what they're saying is actually for your benefit.
Basically, we like you... but are trying to help you out. |
I was gonna let this lie until it became an issue, but...
Age: Due to the testing done on him in the heart of the training facility, his life span has increased from the typical slig life expectancy of twenty years to an outstanding forty more years.. All depending on if he undergoes the experimental procedure that can double one's life span each time that said one undergoes it. (Pretty extreme, and somewhat above the technology of Oddworld.) The procedure consists of.. injecting the subject with a goop that strengthens the bones, heart and brain.. (Says he's stronger than a normal slig there) Personality: Ackro is a very hostile and sadistic slig.. he thinks of himself as superior to every other known slig and has very few fears aside from scrab. (Yeah, suggests he might get pretty violent.) General Zaddler, was one of the most ruthless sligs to ever walk Oddworld. (Again...) Nordering the troops to preform such extreme acts of evil that the facility collapsed in the riots.. Leaving him as the last living soldier of the Z.A.P. (So he's the last of an epic race of super-soldiers. And hyper-violent.) Also, don't double-post. I'm not asking you to leave, but your character is pretty powerful and important. And as Nexy said, why is he at Rupture Farms at all? You don't have to make your character superior to all others. |
Yeah, ok.. You made your point.. Goodbye.
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All we want is to help people out here, to create more realistic profile, and ultimately a fun, good story for people to participate in. |
Seriously Ackro, no one is asking you to leave! We want you to take part! But we just want you to tone down the awesomeness of your character a little. Right now he's a little too Master Chief for a small meatpacking factory on the borders of Mudos.
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You didn't look up what a Mary Sue was, did you? Now... seeing as we're together... oh, and I should be the next one to post, you did so last... I may just kill you. Weird blue Slig? I didn't even realise you were blue. Eek! A blue Slig with knives and uber-goggles? I think Tok may be a little untrustworthy. He may even knock Ackro on the back of the head and take him to Arnie.
So, this is my advice (and please don't leave, this is only a small thing really).
~I hope you consider this carefully, and don't leave. Enchilado EDIT: Wow, so many people posted while I was writing that. |
Mm.. i'll change a few things but I'm remaining blue..
Contrary to what that racist dude thinks. <_< But after I've changed my profile, a word of warning.. I'll leave then next time I'm called a "show off" when I've done nothing. |
Ooc: Mkay.. I changed it.. Anymore comments or suggestions?..
(That's a rhetorical question). |
ooc: I'm feeling so uncreative write now... sorry... :dead:
IC: Anni was peering into the shadows when she heard a yell, "Watch out, there's paramites!" Then the female mudokon she had met the day before came bursting through the shadows followed by an animal that Anni didn't quite take in. Behind Hembar and the meech came three more paramites, slightly perturbed at the unexpected fate of their packmates, but none-the-less pursuing their fleeing quarry. Anni recognised one of them and leapt forward, "Somi!" She cried out happily and hugged the animal. "Are you ok? A robot said it'd been shooting animals down here!" "Um," Said Somi, who happened to be a talking paramite (ooc: Long story), "We haven't had any trouble, but we heard industrials had been down here. Are these all your friends?" She asked of Hembar and Mars. Before Anni could answer, one of the other paramites hopped towards Somi and hissed at her. "There are sligs nearby, coming closer," Somi translated, "Someting's frozen our friends back there." -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Grace heard two yells in mudokon voices, the first of them containing the word 'paramites'. Cursing quietly to himself and wondering if there were animals down here, he hurried towards the cry, hoping the other sligs would take this as a signal and also home in on the sound. |
Hey, easy, man, relax. Seriously, just calm down. Everyone apologized, and gave you usefull tips. You've modified your profile accordingly and its a good thing. It proves that you're somewhat open to criticism .But calling someone racist is a bit... Too much, I think.
Now, I hope you'll have a good time rpging here. |