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-   -   The NEW! Sex Thread (http://www.oddworldforums.net/showthread.php?t=20219)

Crashpunk 04-29-2011 12:19 PM

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Damn! I want one of those. Only to eat!

Of course only to eat. would you wear it as normal underwear?

give me £1000 I might.

JennyGenesis 04-29-2011 12:21 PM

Guys in thongs or G-Strings are not sexy.

Crashpunk 04-29-2011 12:22 PM

more Painfull.

Disgruntled Intern 04-29-2011 01:28 PM

Painal. The only kind of anal there is, as far as I'm concerned.

T-nex 04-29-2011 02:37 PM

No more spam, guys. You've been warned.

*pointy finger*

Dixanadu 04-29-2011 02:40 PM

We need more smut.

I can't think of anything else.

Jordan 04-30-2011 05:41 AM

Big sweaty man-clunge. That smutty enough for you?

Dixanadu 04-30-2011 07:12 AM

Now you're speaking my language.

What is clunge anyway?

Jordan 04-30-2011 08:18 AM

Clunge, aka minge, cunt, pussy, fanjita etc. I think I just livened this thread up.

MeechMunchie 04-30-2011 12:46 PM

Quim, Vagina, Ladygarden, Vajingo, Vajay-jay, La-la, Hole, Void, Gap, Snatch, Bush, Snartch, Lady cave etc.

Okay, fine. I'm going to post seriously once, and never again.

I like sex in showers, anal (as the penetrant) and, in the right mood, oral as either party.

Also elbows. I think it's a youth thing. If someone's elbows aren't wrinkly they must be pretty damn smooth.

Goresplatter 04-30-2011 05:23 PM

Had a medium-level Asian fetish. Going to Uni only exacerbated this. Knowing two that I'm pretty sure would get with me destroys my soul.

This would not be troublesome, were I not in a good, strong (>2 year) relationship. Thing is, it's not like I'd want to be any more than 'friends with benefits' to these Asian girls. They're nice and all, but to me... extra sex appeal. Unexplainable. If only society had developed so that sexual contact wasn't so intimately linked with... well... emotional intimacy.

So, go on. Someone think of a solution to this situation which does not make me a moral scoundrel, and you win a prize.

Dixanadu 04-30-2011 08:19 PM

An... Asian-esque girl I knew, I only kissed her but both her parents were from South Korea.

But DAYUM

I wanted to do more to her than just kiss. She was too timid which only made my desire more extreme. I decided not to act upon it for my own good.

:(

Alcar 05-01-2011 01:28 AM

I like sex.

Alcar...

STM 05-01-2011 11:53 AM

EDIT: Actually, this should never have been posted, even more retardation than normal.

JennyGenesis 05-01-2011 12:05 PM

Ummmm. Thank you. I will be bear that in mind just in case one day some random girl jumps on my lap..........

Havoc 05-01-2011 12:06 PM

Wait... ...

...

What?

Dixanadu 05-01-2011 12:35 PM

Aw. I wanted to see it.

JennyGenesis 05-01-2011 02:20 PM

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Ummmm. Thank you. I will be bear that in mind just in case one day some random girl jumps on my lap..........

Now that post looks stupid........

STM 05-01-2011 02:30 PM

Teehee ^_^

metroixer 05-01-2011 04:41 PM

I remember my sophomore year of high school I was invited to a halloween party. I was never invited to much, and since by that point I thought I was too cool for trick or treating I decided to go with a swanky burger king costume. The party was like any other, big rich kid and his mansion (private school!!!) with a DJ - who complimented me on my costume - and lights. Of course, when there's a mansion.... there are a lot of empty rooms.

For the first two hours or so of the party I was just hanging out with my own small group of friends. We did friend stuff, a little bit of old fashioned underage drinking (I didn't do much if at all, alcohol is gross to me), video games, and shooting at each other with marshmallow guns at the mansion's fucking huge backyard. It was all good times, until one of them said to me "Hey metroixer, look at that" I turn around and see a girl I recognize from one of my classes motioning me over to the dance floor.

It would be rude to reject, and it's not like a girl has ever shown interest to me before. Sure why not, let's try it. The DJ was playing something with a dirty spanish beat, and when I say kids were dancing, I ain't talkin about your grandpa's dancin. So this is the first time I'm doing this type of thing, and she could tell. "It's ok! Just grab my hips like that..." She told me, my long bony hands shook profusely as they were reaching for her skin, but once they took hold it was like holding onto a really big xbox controller.

"Nice, now just do what I do" I felt her bosom start to rub against my front, pants on, unexpected, but I liked it. My body moved with hers, when she went down, so did I. Also I guess I should explain that she looked perfect, long blonde hair, soft skin, decently sized tits, I would have preferred her to be a bit skinnier but damn beggars can't be choosers! So we go at this for a long time, reaaaally long, god knows how long but man was I enjoying every second of it.

Eventually she stopped and turned around to me, in the middle of this horny teenage craze she whispered in my ear "Wanna go to a room?" yes, YES, this is easily the best night of my life! I responded with a simple, low, as manly as I could conjure "Yeah...." My voice shook a little from all the nervousness but I think I pulled it off pretty well. She pulled me away from the dancing and we went upstairs, I could see my friends giving me a thumbs up on the way. I don't think Jennifer, her name was Jennifer by the way, really knew any of the room, cause she just opened the first one that was closest to us. We both rushed in and upon entering I noticed....

Warhammer figures, tons and tons of warhammer figures.... I think this is where I mention that the rich kid was also a giant dork and was openly so at school. The room has a bed, so I could only assume it was his, but holy shit all of the warhammer. I couldn't think about it for long, as soon as Jennifer shut the door we went mouth to mouth like two whirlpools trying to suck each other in. She pulled and threw me on the bed, got on top of me, and completely undressed in seconds. whoa.

I then decided it was time to take my stuff off, I did but kind of clumsily, I knocked a lamp and some lego star wars ship in the process but I was too horny to care. I moved Jennifer a bit so I could take my pants off and before I threw them out she stopped me. She took the pants from me and reached into one of my larger pockets, and took out the burger king mask I was wearing (It was latex or something like that so it was easy to stuff in).

"Wear this" She said, I was a bit confused but I couldn't complain. I happily put on the BK mask, finished undressing, put on the necessities for my you-know-what, and away was I transported to heaven. I guess it went as any normal virgin sex would, except after two minutes she stopped, went up, and picked up some warhammer figures. "Watch this" She said, and she got off, sat down on the other side of the bed, and started masturbating with the figurines in front of me. Those pokey plastic men were giving her the time of her life, she was screaming so loud that I was sure someone would walk in on us any second.

And I was just there, staring, with my burger king mask on. "You like that?" She said, I enthusiastically nod my head. "Alright then...." She got on top of me, and before we continued she gave me the figures "Stuff these in my mouth, just stuff em" So I did, and as more marines and orcs filled her mouth, her hips moved faster, her passionate moans louder, and she would say "STUFF MY FACE KING, STUFF MY FACE" I of course was also moaning and such, but it was nothing compared to her.

Eventually, the juices flowed, and we both tired out. Neither of us said anything, she spit out the figures on the floor, took my mask off to give me a little kiss, and walked out on me.

enchilado 05-01-2011 04:51 PM

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"Hey metroixer, look at that"

That's your real name!?

JennyGenesis 05-01-2011 05:06 PM

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QUOTE REMOVED TO SHORTEN POST SIZE

DUDE!? WTF!? Honestly that sounds like a night of hell for me. Maybe you enjoyed it because you were a virgin. I don't know, but goodness me if somebody wanted me to do that to them I'd be straight out of there. I find that a tad creepy and a total turn off.

Manco 05-01-2011 05:25 PM

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I remember my sophomore year of high school I was invited to a halloween party...

Close the thread.

Just... close it. No-one's topping that story.

Gwan-Thwei 05-01-2011 06:19 PM

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Close the thread.

Just... close it. No-one's topping that story.

True, probably true. Metroixer, that was fucked up as shit.

My mom discovered my stash man. Threatened to send me to a shrink. I was so fucking shakey, it's a miracle I was able to lie my way out of it.

Maybe I should explain a little more, I write rape fiction. And my mom found the notebook I use for rough-drafting. I'm just happy she didn't stumble upon the full blown fics in my folders...

Pilot 05-01-2011 06:32 PM

Not to worry, we can let those pants out.

Alcar 05-01-2011 10:55 PM

That story is awesome!

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That's your real name!?

It's common when referring to yourself on the internet to substitute with your user name - at least it's common where I frequent.

Alcar...

T-nex 05-02-2011 01:19 AM

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True, probably true. Metroixer, that was fucked up as shit.

My mom discovered my stash man. Threatened to send me to a shrink. I was so fucking shakey, it's a miracle I was able to lie my way out of it.

Maybe I should explain a little more, I write rape fiction. And my mom found the notebook I use for rough-drafting. I'm just happy she didn't stumble upon the full blown fics in my folders...

How the hell did you manage to lie yourself out of that?

STM 05-02-2011 03:47 AM

Get help now!

Majic 05-02-2011 03:59 AM

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The DJ was playing something with a dirty spanish beat

I knew that was going to be the start of something epic. But... damn. DAMN.

Manco 05-02-2011 06:03 AM

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True, probably true. Metroixer, that was fucked up as shit.

My mom discovered my stash man. Threatened to send me to a shrink. I was so fucking shakey, it's a miracle I was able to lie my way out of it.

Maybe I should explain a little more, I write rape fiction. And my mom found the notebook I use for rough-drafting. I'm just happy she didn't stumble upon the full blown fics in my folders...

Every single post you make reaffirms my opinion that you are a terrible person.

T-nex 05-02-2011 10:26 AM

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Every single post you make reaffirms my opinion that you are a terrible person.


This one actually confuses me. What in that post made her a terrible person?

OddjobAbe 05-02-2011 11:16 AM

I don't like to speak for OddHunter, but I think probably the fact that she writes rape fiction (as she did state in that post) "reaffirms [his] opinion that [she's] a terrible person". I think he's wrong though. I think she's more likely a mentally unstable person or a crazy fetishist (although it could be argued that those two things are somewhat synonymous).

Havoc 05-02-2011 11:19 AM

Hah, you should see some of the stuff I write.

OddjobAbe 05-02-2011 11:23 AM

I can say wholeheartedly that I would definitely prefer not to even consider the twisted things that linger in your imagination.

Havoc 05-02-2011 11:25 AM

Really? Not even a tiny tiny bit?

OddjobAbe 05-02-2011 11:28 AM

I can say wholeheartedly that I would definitely prefer not to even consider the twisted things that linger in your imagination.

Havoc 05-02-2011 11:36 AM

Really? Not even a tiny tiny bit?

Manco 05-02-2011 01:58 PM

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I don't like to speak for OddHunter, but I think probably the fact that she writes rape fiction (as she did state in that post) "reaffirms [his] opinion that [she's] a terrible person". I think he's wrong though. I think she's more likely a mentally unstable person or a crazy fetishist (although it could be argued that those two things are somewhat synonymous).

Yeah the whole "I write rape fic LOL" kind of bothers me, but it's how it adds on to all the crap he spews onto the forum all the time that really gets me.

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Hah, you should see some of the stuff I write.

It can't be worse than your forum posts!

Havoc 05-02-2011 02:24 PM

http://204.45.110.156/bin/6401703g69.gif

T-nex 05-02-2011 03:32 PM

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Yeah the whole "I write rape fic LOL" kind of bothers me, but it's how it adds on to all the crap he spews onto the forum all the time that really gets me.



I dunno... that's something I would never judge people on. Fiction and the fantasies of people is not what they should be judged on. I bet the majority of us have had fantasies of beating someone up or even committing worse actions to people we feel deserve it.
The mind is a playground. Writing fiction just helps one cope with the darker things.
But I can see what you mean. But I don't think writing rape-fic makes anyone a bad person. Just like Havoc isn't a bad person for writing strange things too. He's a bad person for the shit he spews out <.< !!