So the bra says to the hat:
"You go on ahead, I'll give these two a lift"

Yuck yuck yuck.

Little timmy wakes to hear a strange noise.. Curious, he follows the sounds
to his parent's room.. His mother and father are having loud, rough sex.
Timmy, shocked, runs to his room. The father says "I'll go talk to him.."
The father gets to the boys room, opening the door and saying "Oh..My..God.."

Little Timmy is having hot rough sex with his grandma'.. he looked up at the dad
and with a smirk replied "Not much fun when it's your mother?"

NOW I see what MA meant about my jokes.

No matter how hard you push a paperclip, it’ll still be stationery.

An adventurer finds a sentient tree in the forest.
When asked why it only speaks in rhymes:

"I do not know, why dost thou not? Thy words seem plain, a mundane lot. Perhaps a poet's soul's in me... Does that make me a poet-tree?"

What do you get if you cross a sheep and a kangaroo?

A woolly jumper.

Why did Jesus cross the road?
Because he had to carry the cross over it to get to the hill.

HA

Here's a joke:

Fan Corner

I've got a better one:

Oddworld Discussion

Nah, the moderation of OD is hardly that funny a punchline in comparison.

Oh, is this about Mods? Then the punchline is always Hobo.

No, I'm just bitter.

This thread is a joke.

Uh.

Yep.

Strangely, Hobo is coming across as the most competent mod of the last week or so, for reasons that are probably best left unsaid.

You mysterious bastard, you.

A penguin was doing a cross-country trip on his Harley when suddenly he breaks down in a small isolated town. He walked his bike to the local mechanic who said to him; "It should be fixed in half an hour, maybe you should go and have some lunch and them come back to pick your bike up,".

So the penguin waddled to the local ice-cream parlour and started scoffing down some vanilla ice cream, making a big mess.

After glancing at his wrist watch the penguin realises his hour has almost elapsed, so he hurriedly waddled back to the mechanic, upon arrival the mechanic told him; "It appears that you have blown a seal!"

"Don't worry," said the penguin "It's just ice-cream!"

/approval

That's what plusrep is for, you stupid cunt.

Humpty Dumpty has been found dead. Next of Kinder have been informed.

Geddit? Kinder Egg? You all suck.

Americans wouldn't get it because they don't sell those here, unless you're a member of the ytp community where the pursuit of funny goes beyond nationality.

I hate those kinder surprises. Fucking foreign eggs barged their way into our stores and stole all the business from the yowies. NOW THEY DON'T SELL CADBURY YOWIES ANY MORE!

GOOD
we will conquer.

poor joke;

man goes to play the slot machine. friend says to him;
"you're addicted."

he replies;
"I'm not a dick, and my name's not Ted."

Kinder Surprises were on sale for years before Yowies. Leaving aside my disapproval of Cadburies cartoonifying a fearsome, man-eating creature into a cuddly ball of chocolatey goodness, the Yowie was only ever an imitation of said Surprise.

DI's Surrealism Generator is getting slowly more sexual towards me. It used to be normal stuff like asking me if I was a congealing brick, but it just told me 'Apparently Nik and Mr Spoon like to fit inside each other'.

ALSO FOR ONE NIGHT ONLY: The best way to annoy someone trying to tell you awful knock-knock jokes: Every time they say 'Knock Knock', say 'Come in...'

Having difficulty in Maths? Call 1-800-[(10x)(13i)^2]-[sin(xy)/2.362x]

I think my wife is a magician - last night she turned our car into a tree.

Two packets of crisps are walking down the road. Suddenly somone pulls up and offers them a lift, to which they reply...

NO THANKS, WE'RE WALKERS!

an old lady is holding up traffic with her incredibly slow mobility scooter.

OH THE IRONY