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Everything's Fucked

Posted 06-03-2014 at 05:31 PM by Phylum
I'm withdrawing from performance extension, and being forced to withdraw from my mandatory ensemble. I'm getting my regular performance exam pushed back, but it looks like I'm going to have to drop out of that for this semester too. You need to complete semester 1 to do semester 2, so basically the key component of my course and the thing that I really love would be gone for the rest of the year.

Also my group in a dumb Arts subject we have to do presented without me yesterday, even though we had an extension because I'd missed so much. I think that was 20% of my grade. I don't know what to do to make it up. I can't do a fucking 10 min presentation alone. I was going to email the lecturer last night, but I was too angry.

Still no diagnosis. Going to see a new doctor on the 30th, but that's so far away. Still feel like shit most of the time. I'm essentially a vegetable most of the day.

Fuck everything.
Posted in Crappy Crap, Crap
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Total Comments 26


Phylum's Avatar
Correction, I'm not being "forced" to withdraw from the wind orchestra. I'm being recommended to withdraw and they've already found my replacement.
Posted 06-04-2014 at 03:38 AM by Phylum

Varrok's Avatar
Tell them to go fuck themselves and stay! Fuck them! They will not tell you what to do! Nobody will tell you what to do! So do it now!
Posted 06-04-2014 at 04:17 AM by Varrok

OANST's Avatar
Is it possible that the constant fatigue has anything to do with depression, or are you sure that it's a physical condition? I would look into antidepressant meds. I know that meds get over prescribed, but you are clearly incapable of living your life as things are right now.
Posted 06-04-2014 at 06:12 AM by OANST

Phylum's Avatar
When this has happened in the past it's been post glandular-fever-like-virus-turned-bronchitis, and in the middle of a stupidly stressful and busy year.

This time a fairly bad skin infection seemed set it off.

It's a possibility, but looks to be more like a physical thing. It's like I get run down and just don't bounce back. Where I go next really depends on what this next doctor says.
Posted 06-04-2014 at 03:55 PM by Phylum

Slog Bait's Avatar
How's your immune system looking?
Posted 06-04-2014 at 11:15 PM by Slog Bait

STM's Avatar
Yeh Phy, break out the microscope, you might have AIDS.
Posted 06-04-2014 at 11:21 PM by STM

Phylum's Avatar
I've had 2 blood tests, and both times they've looked at the microbiology or whatever. Nothing there, except for whatever it is that lets them know I had glandular fever forever ago. Vitamins and stuff are perfect. Kidney and liver function is good.

e: Unless from the wording that was meant to be a joke or something? In which case going fucking die.
Posted 06-05-2014 at 01:46 AM by Phylum

Dynamithix's Avatar
Fuck off STM
Posted 06-05-2014 at 02:00 AM by Dynamithix

Nate's Avatar
I think STM was meant to be mocking Slog Bait for asking an impossible/unknowable question.
Posted 06-05-2014 at 03:08 AM by Nate

Dynamithix's Avatar
Still pretty fucking tasteless
Posted 06-05-2014 at 03:55 AM by Dynamithix

Phylum's Avatar
I've been putting off sending an email to my teacher for the last hour saying that I don't have any studies prepared to play to her tomorrow, which we agreed would be the kill switch on my performance enrollment. I think I've actually missed enough that they can unenroll me without my consent at this point. If I do it myself I can at least try to get my money back on medical grounds.

Looks like I'm going half time next semester :/

I guess it won't really be that bad. I'll have time to fully recover, and get a bit fitter. I can devote lots of time to just working on my flute technique, rather than having to conform to performance deadlines. Next year I can come back and give it the start it should have had this year, without finding out that I've been playing wrong.

Also I should be able to get 101% in my theory work if that's all I'm doing. It's going to be boring as all fuck though.

It suck ass that getting fatigued like this can suddenly add an extra year onto my degree though. I don't know what it is. I don't know if it will happen again. I don't even know when I'm going to recover.

It's so fucking hard to send this email.
Posted 06-05-2014 at 05:06 AM by Phylum

OANST's Avatar
Dynamithix smoked pot, and turned into an overly sensitive cry baby. Don't smoke pot, guys. It makes you less fun, apparently.
Posted 06-05-2014 at 09:40 AM by OANST

Varrok's Avatar
I can name another person, who smokes pot and is less fun
Posted 06-05-2014 at 09:51 AM by Varrok

OANST's Avatar
Is it Kurt Cobain? I bet it's Kurt Cobain.
Posted 06-05-2014 at 09:53 AM by OANST

Varrok's Avatar
Nope. He doesn't smoke pot. He's dead.
Posted 06-05-2014 at 10:16 AM by Varrok

Manco's Avatar
Yeah I’m guessing your doctor is already looking into it, but could it be something to do with your immune system not working properly? Forgive the armchair medical advice, but if this fatigue lingers for a long time after you take ill with something else then that might be a sign that your immune system isn’t functioning properly.
Posted 06-05-2014 at 10:22 AM by Manco

Dynamithix's Avatar
Oh come on, OANST. You think what stm said was approriate or funny?
Posted 06-05-2014 at 12:02 PM by Dynamithix

OANST's Avatar
Funny is relative, and I can't remember the last time anyone on this forum really cared about "appropriate". It was kind of funny. If you can't laugh at your problems then there is something deeply wrong in your life. I've been to the place where I couldn't laugh at my problems, and I never want to be there again. But taking yourself too seriously is always your fault, and never the fault of the person trying to lighten the mood. Especially if it's obvious that person wasn't being a dick. At any rate, I've always been of the opinion that nothing is sacred, so no, I don't think it was inappropriate.
Posted 06-05-2014 at 12:57 PM by OANST

STM's Avatar
Oh come on, OANST. You think what stm said was approriate or funny?
Oh fuck off you whiny little pussy it was a sarcastic response to Slog Bait's comment, I've repeatedly checked in on Phylum's blogs to see how he's doing.

e: And in that vain, is there any way to defer your course for a year Phylum? If you were to do that I'd have thought you could run yourself some proper medical tests and as OANST said, maybe check for depression. Lethargy is a common symptom as far as I know.
Posted 06-05-2014 at 01:35 PM by STM
Updated 06-05-2014 at 01:37 PM by STM

Phylum's Avatar
I'll be going half time next semester. Hopefully I'll either have recovered enough to do that by then. Given that I'll only have to go in 3 days a week and do written work I should be fine. I could afford to get home from uni and crash out until my 5 day weekend, where I'll have more than enough time to be productive.

I might even be totally better by then, but you can't continue performance until you pass semester 1 :/

Also does depression-based lethargy cover things like being so weak that you're shaky on your feet and hardly able to walk? Aches and pains? It's not just being tired, there are actual physical symptoms that go with it. I ran to catch a train the other day and it almost killed me.
Posted 06-05-2014 at 05:05 PM by Phylum

Slog Bait's Avatar
Your heart and lungs are fine? Your spine is in alignment? Your immune system hasn't been compromised at all, not even as a long lasting effect of a seemingly minor illness at some point in your life? Your hormone levels are all where they should be? Your thyroid and/or adrenal gland are fine? What's your diet like?

You don't have to actually answer all these questions I'm just bouncing possibilities off you in case something may have been overlooked you can bring up next time you head over to the doctor.
Posted 06-05-2014 at 05:30 PM by Slog Bait

Slog Bait's Avatar
Also, did you ever have to take a prescribed medication that's super heavy duty? I had to take epilepsy medication for a few years around adolescence and that shit fucked me up so bad it's still effecting me today.

Stay away from epilepsy medication, kids. That shit's dangerous.
Posted 06-05-2014 at 05:33 PM by Slog Bait

Phylum's Avatar
I took minocycline for like 3 years. That shouldn't have lasting effects, but it's pretty fucked up.

Heart and lungs have both been looked at and are good. Spine has a little tiny kink that's nothing abnormal. No idea if they can test my immune system? I don't struggle every time I get sick, it's kind of a dice-roll. thyroid is one thing they particularly looked at, because it was low last year. I'm taking thyroxin supplements now and it's all good.

Diet is good. Lots of veg, good portions of meat. Could probably do with more fruit but it's all shit from the local shops.
Posted 06-05-2014 at 06:42 PM by Phylum

Phylum's Avatar
I can't get an extension on my exam because I haven't been to a lesson all term. lol.

Well if I wasn't dropping before.
Posted 06-05-2014 at 10:07 PM by Phylum

MA's Avatar
if you drop out, can you re-enroll at some point? i have no idea.

best of luck man, try to keep moving forward.
Posted 06-08-2014 at 01:51 PM by MA

Vyrien's Avatar
Well this fucking sucks.

Take care of yourself man, I really hope all this shit gets sorted soon.
Posted 06-09-2014 at 06:19 AM by Vyrien


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