I has a religion question

Theistic Satanists or LaVeyan Satanists?

The former I have no idea, the latter is not an existential pseudoreligion.

I have no idea.

My guess is the Satanists believe that they have no chance of getting into heaven and so are better off being on Satan's good side (That seems logical right?)

Mmmmm. Wrong.

Land of psiballs from what i hear...

Theistic Satanism is the dumbest thing since Abrahamism.

There are theistic Satanists?

I know right

Satanism is fucking stupid in any form.

Worse than Wicca. At least that's a fucking religion.

Theistic Satanism is a religion, just an incoherently stupid one.

Too bad Nemo isn't here to give us some good arguments in defense of it.

That's LaVeyan Satanism, I refuse to acknowledge any doctrine involving psychic vampires, destroying people because you find them annoying and not understanding what a commandment fucking isn't.

I've never met a theistic Satanist. I'm tempted to believe that they don't exist.

Like Christianity, but the opposite

Satanism, to the best of my knowledge, simply tries to incorrectly indoctrinate the same ideas that Voodou and even Buddhism did the right way. The idea that your religion should focus around you, getting you what you want, and isn't some kind of cosmic test of your wormly submission to a higher power. Satanism just propagates self-serving behavior in all the wrong ways.

That's silly, too.

My brother believes that Theistic Satanism never existed and was just a lie created by the Catholic Church to scare people.

My brother also believes Judaism has multiple Gods and he wants to pay to legally change his name to Arnbrandr Karensson.

you has a lot of questions, hasn't you?

I do has many questions but I have enough self control not to start threads about each one. Anyway, it seems to me that if Theistic Satanists, if they share similar beliefs to christianity but worship the bad guy (cuz it's totally kewl) then they should believe in heaven and hell. And if that is true, they should realise that there's no chance of getting into hell as Satan's servants. Satan, as I understand it, wants souls, and to torment souls for eternity and doesn't really care much for who worshipped who. That's why I find Satanism fucking retarded. Atheistic Satanism seems even worse though. If people need to belong to a religion in order to, I quote, "feel free to satisfy their urges responsibly, exhibit kindness to their friends, and attack their enemies", then they are equally, Fucking Retarded.

Hell as all the cool people though.

And all the cool music too.

Like the guy from that highly informative video! Did you know he smokes cigarettes!? and listens to slayer!?

Who told you that Satan wants souls? I must have missed that part in the bible.