im fucking blogging

I haven't made a blog in a while, so I thought I'd do one because I know how much you loooove reading My blogs.

Basically I'm just writing this blog to vent. There's so much strange shit happening with me and I just don't know. It makes me panic.

I can't even be arsed writing this to be honest.
I feel like I've been.getting more paranoid recently, but I can't be sure. Like, just recently I've developed a fear of mirrors, or just My reflection in general. I think it's because I read that in dreams, your reflection either looks very blurry or horrifically frightening beyond what you can imagine. I just keep wondering 'what if I'm dreaming?'. I really don't want.to see that. It's not just that either, it's sleeping. I.don't want to, in case I have some horrible nightmare. What's weird is that I haven't had any particular night terrors in the past except from the time I had sleep paralysis. Hallucinations and shit.
I.know all this stuff is irrational, but I can't help thinking about it. The worst is that I keep wondering if this reality is just a fabrication and I'm locked up in a mental institution somewhere, it really scares me. Or if I'm unconscious and this is just a dream, and in reality I'm.being cut open or some shit and there's nothing I can do about it.

This is all such bullshit, but I'm not afraid of ghosts or any of that shit because I think logically and know that they don't exist, but this stuff really scares me because I think it.could be.possible. I haven't told My psychiatrist any of this shit because it's only been happening so recently and I haven't seen her in a while.

I.don't know.if.it's serious or it's just me being a stupid cunt but I want to find out. Sometimes i'll just sit or stand.in silence if.I hear something.

The worst thing though is that I talk to myself. I.don't just mean normally because everybody does it, but I have like full out conversations with myself and even arguments, most of.the time I think it's just because it comforts me. If anybody else was there I'd get anxious but when it's me alone.I get lonely, so it's nice to talk to myself and sometimes I don't.even realise it.

I also get these weird emotion flings, like i'll be.really angry at something but sometimes I can get really sad for no reason to the point of tears.
I thought My psychiatrist was supposed to help with this srt of dick but she's only concentrating on My anger issues, when I think that isn't the main problem. I only wanted her so I could get like a mental assessment to find.out if there's anything actually wrong with me and so far that hasn't happened. I mean, I've only had 2 or 3 sessions and I haven't spoken to her for a while due to the holidays but I want to.know.

Maybe I'm overreacting, but I can't be sure, I just want it to stop. Sometimes I get really lonely but I hate any social interaction. I mean, i'll do it if I have.to, like "thanks!" to the bus driver etc.

Also fuck people at My school. If there's one thing I've realised about society it's that they're fucking sheep. Hopping onto the next bandwagon when it arrives. Maybe that's part of the reason why I started producing. But yeah, fuck.people, only about 20% of the human race is actully important or worth something. And I guess by sitting in My room.all day doing nothing but surfing the web and wanking it makes me part of that 80%.

I kinda lost track of My point here but whatever. All this shit, is it normal? Am I just overreacting and is this just because I'm a fucking miserable teen?

Also, if you actually read.all that, thanks. Because holy twat I can ramble on.

I feel better getting all that out, maybe blogging isn't.bad. Holy shit I'm becoming a sheep