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Ugh

Posted 10-28-2011 at 10:56 PM by Phylum
Updated 08-11-2012 at 06:25 AM by Phylum
I feel horrible. I have no motivation to do anything lately and I just feel like shit all the time. No matter what I do I always end up sitting infront of my computer with Facebook open hoping someone will just talk to me.

I feel like I have no friends. Whenever I try talking to people that should be my friends outside of school I end up feeling like I'm pestering them. I rarely get invited to things and I get the impression lots of people outright dislike me.

I get the feeling this all springs from me being a shit person. I'm unfunny, boring and incapable of holding my own end in a conversation. I don't relate to anyone my own age and I'm falling into a spiral of self loathing.

I wish I had someone to talk to about these things, but I don't because I have no friends. The funny thing is that if I had friends I wouldn't have this problem. Isn't that fucking hilarious?

Anyway, this is a shit blog and I'm a worse person for posting it. I just want people to reassure me and tell me everything's going to be ok.
Posted in Crappy Crap, Crap
Comments 16 Email Blog Entry
Total Comments 16

Comments

StrangerEastwood's Avatar
You are not worse for posting, it helps to open up and reach out. Don't worry, shit gets better. Believe me, I've waded through tons of it.
Posted 10-28-2011 at 11:15 PM by StrangerEastwood

Nate's Avatar
If it makes you feel any better, I felt much the same way when I was in high school.

If you are roughly the same in person as you are online, you're definately not a shit person, nor unfunny and boring. You say that you have friends in school, so why would they be hanging out with you if you were shit?

Possibly they don't invite you to things because they don't know you want to be invited to things. I know it's difficult, but you have to force yourself to try and organise stuff with them. Possibly bring it up in conversation in person, at school; I imagine that would be easier than on the phone.

I'm assuming that you're a bit shy and socially awkward. It's tough, but the only way to get out from that is to bite the bullet and make a change.
Posted 10-29-2011 at 12:31 AM by Nate

StrangerEastwood's Avatar
I'm with Nate 100% on that. You just have to get out there.
Posted 10-29-2011 at 12:40 AM by StrangerEastwood

Mudokon_Master's Avatar
:
One day Solomon decided to humble Benaiah ben Yehoyada, his most trusted minister. He said to him, "Benaiah, there is a certain ring that I want you to bring to me. I wish to wear it for Sukkot which gives you six months to find it."

"If it exists anywhere on earth, your majesty," replied Benaiah, "I will find it and bring it to you, but what makes the ring so special?"

"It has magic powers," answered the king. "If a happy man looks at it, he becomes sad, and if a sad man looks at it, he becomes happy." Solomon knew that no such ring existed in the world, but he wished to give his minister a little taste of humility.

Spring passed and then summer, and still Benaiah had no idea where he could find the ring. On the night before Sukkot, he decided to take a walk in one of he poorest quarters of Jerusalem. He passed by a merchant who had begun to set out the day's wares on a shabby carpet. "Have you by any chance heard of a magic ring that makes the happy wearer forget his joy and the broken-hearted wearer forget his sorrows?" asked Benaiah.

He watched the grandfather take a plain gold ring from his carpet and engrave something on it. When Benaiah read the words on the ring, his face broke out in a wide smile.

That night the entire city welcomed in the holiday of Sukkot with great festivity. "Well, my friend," said Solomon, "have you found what I sent you after?" All the ministers laughed and Solomon himself smiled.

To everyone's surprise, Benaiah held up a small gold ring and declared, "Here it is, your majesty!" As soon as Solomon read the inscription, the smile vanished from his face. The jeweler had written three Hebrew letters on the gold band: _gimel, zayin, yud_, which began the words "_Gam zeh ya'avor_" -- "This too shall pass."

At that moment Solomon realized that all his wisdom and fabulous wealth and tremendous power were but fleeting things, for one day he would be nothing but dust.
Nothings lasts forever and that includes the shitty stage you're going through right now. It will pass. Even if you have to put in the effort to find new friends.
Posted 10-29-2011 at 12:52 AM by Mudokon_Master
Updated 10-29-2011 at 12:54 AM by Mudokon_Master

Nate's Avatar
Woah. I want to tell that story on Youtube as an 'It gets better' video.
Posted 10-29-2011 at 02:00 AM by Nate

StrangerEastwood's Avatar
Brilliant response, M_M.
Posted 10-29-2011 at 02:05 AM by StrangerEastwood

Dynamithix's Avatar
This blog seems quite sad.

You are funny and you're definitely not boring. Don't know what else to say, but just don't think like that.
Posted 10-29-2011 at 03:24 AM by Dynamithix

Mudokon_Master's Avatar
I don't know you that well but I think you're funny, and I've never been bored by your posts/when we're on Minecraft together.
Posted 10-29-2011 at 03:31 AM by Mudokon_Master

Dixanadu's Avatar
It's sad in the literal sense, but not sad in the 'fucking hell, this is sad' way.

You'd be surprised feeling like this now, but you always have people to call on. Generally making more of an effort helps.
Posted 10-29-2011 at 04:14 AM by Dixanadu

OddjobAbe's Avatar
I used to feel the same way about myself when I was a teenager. I used to sit there with no motivation, because I couldn't be bothered even to move since I felt so shit. Eventually, I decided that a lot of the problem was psychological and that I had to deal with it on my own terms. After a while, I got used to not giving a fuck about stuff on the basis that if I ever get any good feeling from any good thing, that's a bonus, but it was up to me to stop things from making me feel bad.

These kind of anecdotes seem like the most useless bullshit in the world, because they appear to blame your inability to cope more than anything else, but if you make a physical effort to not give a fuck after understanding your problem is mostly a psychological phenomenon, you might start to feel better.
Posted 10-29-2011 at 10:02 AM by OddjobAbe

enchilado's Avatar
I feel like this all the time. It's just psychological; people don't really dislike you. That's what I tell myself.

Of course, I then think I'm stupid for lying to myself to make me feel better.
Posted 10-30-2011 at 03:47 AM by enchilado

STM's Avatar
Yo Phylum, I was in a similar situation to you when I was a little younger and seriously, what everyone had said about getting out there is the only way to get over it. You have to show your friends you're a terrific bloke, so ask them if they want to meet up with you at the weekends, hang about in groups so you can get to know people quicker and stuff like that. I'm sure you're just going through a rough patch right now, so at least the only way things can go is up.
Posted 10-30-2011 at 04:35 AM by STM

Ridg3's Avatar
I get what Phylum means because that's how I feel now. It doesn't feel nice.
Posted 10-30-2011 at 08:14 AM by Ridg3

MeechMunchie's Avatar
Ditto until very recently. I don't why I stopped feeling so shit and I'm worried if I think about it too much I'll get depressed again. Anyway:

:
I feel horrible. I have no motivation to do anything lately and I just feel like shit all the time.
Been there many times. I bet you have too. You managed to cope the last time, right? It'll pass.

:
No matter what I do I always end up sitting infront of my computer with Facebook open hoping someone will just talk to me.
Replace 'Facebook' with 'OWF' and I'm there right now.

:
I feel like I have no friends. Whenever I try talking to people that should be my friends outside of school I end up feeling like I'm pestering them. I rarely get invited to things and I get the impression lots of people outright dislike me.

I get the feeling this all springs from me being a shit person. I'm unfunny, boring and incapable of holding my own end in a conversation.
... Lots of aquaintances and classmates, but no true friends, right? People treat you nice enough but you're always the guy who has to change seats so they can sit next to somebody they like more?

You're like me. You're taking friendship seriously, and if more people were like you this world would be significantly better. It hurts to point this out, especially when I realised it myself pretty recently, but no-one actually cares. At our age friends tend to just mob together and split apart as the situation dictates, it's not easy to find someone who'll stick to your side for the entire day.

You've just got to try and present yourself well. Show enough of an intrest in people's lives and eventually they'll let you in. Everyone has positive features, try let people see them more often. Once your friends remember you for something specific, you'll be on their mind more often, and hopefully on their schedule more often too. Even 'negatives' like cockiness or shyness can become these little bookmarks in the crowds of people everyone meets every day.

To put it simply, being known by your friends as 'The Mopey One' is better than having no distinguishing features whatsoever. Also, a little self-confidence will go a long way. You seem like a perfectly nice young man to me.

And never forget: Some people are just bastards. Don't waste your time on them.

:
I don't relate to anyone my own age
Erm, hellooo, this is the guy who got up four hours earlier than normal to play Portal 2 co-op with you speaking...

:
and I'm falling into a spiral of self loathing.
Please don't. Spirals are real buggers to get out of.

:
I wish I had someone to talk to about these things, but I don't because I have no friends. The funny thing is that if I had friends I wouldn't have this problem.
... I have friends and I still don't have anyone to talk about these things with. I'm afraid we just have to wait a bit longer to get those sort of dependable relationships.

:
Anyway, this is a shit blog
Agreed.

:
and I'm a worse person for posting it.
Objection, your honor! You're just going through some tough shit and you're looking for a place to vent. True, spilling your guts all over the net isn't the best way to deal with these things, but it's better than just letting it fester.

:
I just want people to reassure me and tell me everything's going to be ok.
That's not good enough. You should demand more. You should want people to honestly reassure you and tell you everything's going to be ok.

So here I am, doing that.

Everything really will be OK. Eventually. You just need to to hang in there, and for the love of Jehovah lighten up. You're young and talented, you don't have time to be depressed. You've got to clutch at every shred of enjoyment you can tear from life and hold it close.

Ultimately, I've been through worse and so have you. You can't give in now, you've invested too much in your life.

Sorry if I sound unsympathetic. I'm not very sympathetic to myself any more either. It's just that sympathy doesn't get you anywhere. A neutral appraisal of the facts will at least give you an estimate of how far you've got to go.

When all else fails, you've still got a few hours of unconsciousness every night to get away from it all.

EDIT: Oh FFS, I never used to do these rambling agony aunt things. What's going on?
Posted 10-30-2011 at 03:30 PM by MeechMunchie

STM's Avatar
Oh but you're verbose here. =3
Posted 10-30-2011 at 03:32 PM by STM

Phylum's Avatar
Wow. Thanks guys. It really means something to me that you posted this stuff.

I put more of an effort in today and was met with positive results. Best of all I know exactly what I have to do to keep it up.
Posted 10-31-2011 at 12:09 AM by Phylum

 

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