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Bastards

Posted 07-01-2012 at 03:06 AM by Phylum
Updated 08-11-2012 at 05:22 AM by Phylum
So my friends have all been in Sydney for the last week on a school orchestra trip winning some prestigious competition. I didn't even audition for the orchestra because I chose to be in a flute ensemble which rehearses the same night, although I doubt I would have gotten in anyway. Even if I did I'm just a fucking nuisance because of my performance nerves.

Meanwhile I had exam week. Although I only had exams on Monday and Tuesday I ended up going to school every day. We had a saxophone section for BigBand on Wednesday, although it was pointless because only 3/5 of us were there. Thursday I went in for a flute lesson, but my teacher had gone home, which really shows how poorly my playing is going right now. Friday I had to walk down to pickup my school report.

So everyone's back now, posting photos on Facebook and posting about how amazing everyone on that trip was. It's the same as the last school trip I didn't go on - a 2 week tour of Europe. While away everyone forms new/closer friendship groups that I'm left out of. I had a fairly dull social life before that trip, but ever since I've been overlooked by almost anyone. I feel like I've missed every chance to make friends. I feel like I've been cheated of them. Most people don't like me anyway, I need all the help I can get. I'm down to three people who actually seem to enjoy talking to me. I only feel like I can talk to one of those people about things and in lots of ways she's my best friend. She, on the other hand, has scores of close friends she's known for years. When her birthday rolled around and I didn't get invited to her party I actually cried.

So, yeah. Fuck everything. I feel so angry writing this. I fee like I can't breathe thinking about it. I feel scared that noone likes me. Am I really that shit?

I scored 89% in my maths exam. My school report consisted of 4 A's and a B- in English, which I don't give a shit about. School is seemingly the only thing I'm good at right now. That's probably because I do more work in class than everyone else by having noone to talk to.

I need to find a better way of dealing with this stuff than posting blogs on here.
Posted in Crappy Crap, Crap
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Total Comments 13

Comments
Phylum's Avatar
Oh, and I missed the part where I tried to start a conversation with one of those 3 people just before and she wouldn't respond with anything more than "yeah" to anything I said. It didn't take me long to get the idea. That bugs me more than anything else in this blog.
Posted 07-01-2012 at 03:08 AM by Phylum

JennyGenesis's Avatar
I chose to miss some gatherings like that by choice, I remember there was a school trip to Paris, which I was going to miss by choice, but at the last minute friends persuaded me to go, which I regret so much because it was the worst time of my life.

There was a skiing trip in Austria, which again, I chose not go, and this time I stuck to my guns, it really didn't bother me, people went out about how great it was, but this was before Facebook become really huge so it was also a social topic I could avoid.

Then the school prom, by this time Facebook was slowly becoming large, despite my friends and family pressuring me to go, I didn't, instead, me and a few of my friends that didn't go just spent the evening hanging out at my house, sure people were going on about it on Facebook, but to this day it still doesn't bother me I didn't go, I had no interest to begin with.

One of my friends has just finished his final year in school, and like me, he didn't want to go to his prom. His mum put on Facebook that she was upset that his prom ticket is sitting on the table but he didn't go. I simply commented saying that it's no big loss because I didn't go to mine either and there's nothing wrong with it. But I do sort of question why she is upset, obviously her son is not going by his own choice, so he must be happy with that, so I think she should be to. But I do question why a ticket was bought, perhaps he changed his mine.

Phew, I feel like that whole comment could have been a blog post right there.
Posted 07-01-2012 at 03:36 AM by JennyGenesis

RoryF's Avatar
I chose not to go on a few trips like that as well. We also had a skiing trip to Austria that I didn't go on. I didn't find the 24 hour coach drive and the hefty cost of it all that appealing, and I actually ended up going to Finland with my family instead. I don't regret not going with my friends because I feel like I had a lot more fun with my choice.

I'm no where near the most popular person in my year. I know everyone in my current class and to be honest, our class is probably the most friendly with each other. Unfortunately, next year we get split into different groups 'to meet other people and make new friends'. All it seems like is I'm losing contact with my old friends, I won't see them as often. I know a lot of people in the new class anyway, half of which are dickwads who dislike me without me doing anything so I end up only being with about 5 friends in a class of 30.

It's hard to decide on choices though, I think the one that had the biggest effect was when I had to choose between going to the not-so-good secondry school or a grammar school. At the time there was nearly no-one in my year that I wasn't friends with, but the choice was to either keep about 5 friends out of 100 people I knew in my year for a good education or keep them and get a lower education. It sucked really but since I was put into a decent class I didn't mind as much. I still had Facebook as well.

I guess it's down to tollerating those who are just idiots that you meet and keeping up even when you have to lose the people you know.

It sucks but if you make the right choices for yourself it should pay-off afterwards regardless of your popularity.
Posted 07-01-2012 at 03:48 AM by RoryF

STM's Avatar
You should read the political downfall of Trotsky, you can apply his mistakes which led to his eventual demise in the Politburo to social situations as well.

To be blunt, it seems like your manufacturing your own problems really. If you want people to like you, go out of your way to make new friends, join new clubs, just talk to people about things people have interest in, sports, TV, whatever. Don't be dependent on just three people.

I forget how old you are, but you must be at a point where you can go to parties or under 18 evenings at night clubs or something?

If all else fails, take up smoking. Smoking is for the cool kids.
Posted 07-01-2012 at 03:52 AM by STM

Phylum's Avatar
I don't have common interests with people, or when I do I'm just so shit at conversation that people just get sick of talking to me.

I'm hopelessly awkward socially. If I went somewhere not knowing anyone I would end up spending an evening alone.

I really do try. There are plenty of people I talk to at school, it's just that none of them seemingly like me or want me around.
Posted 07-01-2012 at 03:56 AM by Phylum

STM's Avatar
If you don't have common interests with people then you need to go and get some, you got music, I don't know what kind of scene that is but you got something in common with everyone you practice with, From there just talk about other things, 'fucking hell it's warm for winter right?', 'Did you catch any of the tennis at Wimbledon?', 'so you doing anything nice over the weekend'. Damn near everyone enjoys talking to people, shouldn't really matter who it is, unless your an absolute cunt towards people and treat them like doormats, you'll be fine.

The only possible way you can make friends is to talk to people, that's literally the only real solution, so if you want to start feeling better you're just going to have to bite the bullet and start talking.
Posted 07-01-2012 at 04:03 AM by STM

Ridg3's Avatar
Yay for being socially awkward. I'm a little like that as well and my conversation is shitty to say the least, but improving. Under study is my girlfriends dad, who is ridiculously well-known where he lives and then some.

Will produce paperwork on the subject in later weeks.

But honestly, you're still in school and most friends that you make there will probably not keep in contact, whether them or you become distant. University and jobs is were the real friends come from, because you will have common interests with people and shit like that. It will get better, trust me.
Posted 07-01-2012 at 04:06 AM by Ridg3

Manco's Avatar
On the other hand, being socially awkward and choosing to attend those trips isn’t a great combo.

When I was studying History at high school, we had a week-long trip to Berlin (we were studying WW2 and the Nazis). Through most of that week I was ignored or scorned, and I never bothered with any of the people on the trip again.

Also, what Ridg3 said. Stick with the good friends you have now and fuck everyone else. You’ll meet much better people in the future.
Posted 07-01-2012 at 05:14 AM by Manco

MeechMunchie's Avatar
Believe me when I say I understand your situation - and I wasn't even good at school work either.

I'm afraid I can't help, however. The only thing that got me out of that rut was sheer dumb luck. So hold out for that, I guess.
Posted 07-01-2012 at 08:20 AM by MeechMunchie

OddjobAbe's Avatar
:
Thursday I went in for a flute lesson, but my teacher had gone home, which really shows how poorly my playing is going right now
Bullshit, man. I can tell you that your teacher, who is paid a wage, did not leave because he/she thinks you play poorly. Didn't you say a while back that you managed to impress a fairly famous flautist?

I was almost a hermit when I was in school. I had friends, but I liked spending a lot of time alone, and eventually, I even stopped being invited to social functions because my preference for solitude was recognised.
In the end up, that led me to a similar situation as to what you're in now.

Scrabtrapman's right, though. You have to talk to people, even if you don't know them. Get to know them. I had a limited group of friends, and for a while, I felt that was all I needed, but when I hit a certain age, I realised that if I didn't broaden my horizons, I wasn't going to get any nookie, so I started making a better effort to relate to different people (and I understand it isn't that easy when you're not used to it - especially because I had some fucking eccentric interests). It might sound perverse, but just from trying to get my leg over, I got quite a few good friends, because of some of the groups I got involved with. Met a few dickheads as well, but that's inevitable.

Keep at it man, I bet you'll be fine when you get into the swing of things.
Posted 07-01-2012 at 09:16 AM by OddjobAbe

MA's Avatar
i'm shit at giving this sort of advice, so i'm going to agree with Oddjob. seriously, listen to the man. it's about getting out there and doing things with other people, eventually you make friends. that's why i did a shit-load of volunteer work; to meet other people and feel comfortable.
Posted 07-01-2012 at 12:42 PM by MA

Phylum's Avatar
Oh, I talk to other kids. As stupid and immature as the sporty kids can be I still have a laugh with them whenever I can. I get on better with them than most music kids do. I don't get on hugely well with them, though, so conversations are fleeting and few.
Posted 07-01-2012 at 04:17 PM by Phylum

mr.odd's Avatar
join some form of activity like a club or something. That's a nice way to meet people with same interests as you.
Posted 07-02-2012 at 12:04 PM by mr.odd

 

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