Short autobiography. The blight, the pain and the fight.

Maybe you have mostly already known about this, I am traumatised by my extremely emotionally and physically abusive mother. Just imagine every kind of domestic abuse (exclude sexual and not hygienic) and that is my mother.

She divorced my father when I was 3, so I did not really have a father. And my mother is a step-mother in disguise, so I actually had no parents in the mental and emotional aspects.

I parented myself in a destructive fashion. And due to that I became extremely histrionic and narcisstic when I was with my mother. That was until the age of 17.

When I turned 17, I went to Germany. I immediately went to therapy, because I was having panic attacks and huge narcisstic periods. I was disgusted with myself. But the therapists helped greatly. I started talking to people and being open about myself. I became authentic (which is so scary, feels so vulnerable, until you get used to it). There I saw, that the entire world of people is nothing what the mother was brainwashing me about. And I flipped completely to the opposite kind of spectrum. That is how Xorlidyr was born. I actually became as altrustic in real life as I could. I was enjoying new experiences.

But my mother still was trying to control me. Now, a cleansed self started truly fighting back. And in 1 year I finally told my uncle, whom she financially parasited on, the detailed version of this story, and he supported me mentally to do what had to be done.

I blocked my mother and I am never coming back to her. For all the times I forgave her (which was every day), I take it back. Now I can see her with human justice (and not the justice I constructed to survive with her) and what she did was borderline criminal. She could easily be revoked her parentship. She HAS to be punished. I ceased all the narcisstic supply I was giving her. Now my world is truly cleansed. I have a job, I have a university, I have a house, I have connections and I have an important person in my life. I can do everything alone. A full circle.

I shall never forgive someone, who was devouring my humanity and trying to bribe my mind with material gifts.

And I... do not feel love towards my parents... I despise my father for being weak and I despise my mother for having traumatised her own child.

What I need now is to come to balance with my light and dark sides. And stop lying to myself, that what she did could ever be acceptable. A mother has the mission to make sure her children become people. My mother has practically made me into a monster. I was just lucky enough to escape.