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The Awkward Turtle

Posted 03-29-2009 at 11:37 AM by Splat
Updated 12-07-2009 at 09:32 AM by Splat
You know those awkward situations you find yourself in in day to day life? Where you or someone else in the room says something and there's a long silence?
How do you deal with times like that?
Well now a solution has been found, a truly awesome solution to garauntee you never suffer the pangs of an awkward silence again!

Next time you find a painful silence in a conversation, fill it with the Awkward Turtle!
And never feel awkward again.

What to do:
Place your left hand on top of your right, with both hands palm-down.
Point your thumbs outwards and rotate them forwards (to form the turtle's flippers).
EXAMPLE

You may choose to, at this point, say nice and clearly, "Awkward turtle!"

By the time people have stopped giving you strange looks and you've explained the wonder of the Awkward Turtle, the awkward moment will be long since passed.

Should you need to use the awkward turtle amongst the same company again, it helps in a variety of ways,
1) Firstly, it lets everyone know that something awkward has been said or done, so no one needs to silently ask themselves "Did (s)he just do/say what I think (s)he did/said?"
2) It will relieve tension and create a feeling of humour that will allow the moment to pass by smoothly.
3) Everyone will think how cool you are for your timely deployment of the Awkward Turtle.

This health and safety article is a st- is brought to you by 'A Jar of Dead Fish Productions': if it's not 'A Jar of Dead Fish Productions', it's not lumber.
Posted in Everything
Comments 26 Email Blog Entry
Total Comments 26

Comments

T-nex's Avatar
I beg to differ.
Posted 03-29-2009 at 11:49 AM by T-nex

alf's brother's mate's Avatar
This tactical action has many times been deployed by the SAS in tight spots, and so should be used in day to day life as well.

Unlike T-nex, I deg to Biffer.

ABM
Posted 03-29-2009 at 11:58 AM by alf's brother's mate

Splat's Avatar
As abandoner of RPG and FC, your begging has no impact upon my cold and hardened heart.
Posted 03-29-2009 at 12:13 PM by Splat

shaman's Avatar
Thank you for this...
Posted 03-29-2009 at 01:03 PM by shaman

Munch's Master's Avatar
See that? Splat's cold now. He's become all institutionalised and shit. Probably can't live on the outside world.

I should probably have not just watched some Red Vs Blue...
Posted 03-29-2009 at 01:09 PM by Munch's Master

Wil's Avatar
I would like to point out that the gesture you have described is British Sign Language for turtle, and it’s one of my favourite signs. Except I would curl my fingers instead of leaving my hands flat.
Posted 03-29-2009 at 01:46 PM by Wil

alf's brother's mate's Avatar
Yeah, to represent the down-turned flippers.

Good thinking Batman.

ABM
Posted 03-29-2009 at 01:51 PM by alf's brother's mate

Wil's Avatar
Turtles don’t have flippers on their face, Darwin.
Posted 03-29-2009 at 01:59 PM by Wil

Splat's Avatar
*Tests*

Curled fingers make it look like some sort of aqua-van, or aqua-minibus, if you will.

Lotus Esprit, adapted for the Secret Agent finally facing up to the results of his numerous relationships; extra large for all of the offspring!
Posted 03-29-2009 at 02:19 PM by Splat

Fuzzle Guy's Avatar
:
I would like to point out that the gesture you have described is British Sign Language for turtle
Whoah, what? British Sign language... there's a sign language for different verbal languages?

Just to make things difficult...
Posted 03-29-2009 at 02:33 PM by Fuzzle Guy

used:)'s Avatar
This is old news for us in the Yoo Es. We've moved on to other methods of eschewing awkwardness, like the awkward umbrella.
Posted 03-29-2009 at 03:36 PM by used:)

Wil's Avatar
Yes, there are many different sign languages and dialects around the world, although it’s supposedly easier to pick up new ones through cultural exposure alone once you’re fluent in the one. Despite this, Gestuno (International Sign Language) has had some more success than proposed verbal international auxiliary languages. Possibly due in part to it catering to a smaller community, and in part to it being more a collection of vocabulary than a language defined by grammar.

Signs often have a kind of etymology, representing something or other, but you can’t come up with pictorial or pantomime signs: turtle is turtle no matter what it might look like, just as a crampons turn out not to be worth the childish giggling their name elicits. There’s a leniency in gestures, though, and turtle would probably mean the same thing hands flat or in a fist.

Not that you can’t attempt pantomime signs (and some clearly are, especially sports-related ones), and if you’re lucky you’ll get points for making an effort. But it’s generally not demonstrating fluency in the given sign language in the same way that expressions like ‘that green wavy thing sticking up and like woody and birds inside’ isn’t the classiest way to refer to a tree.

I was going to apologize for going off-topic with a topic I have a personal interest in, but I figured that after this there will be an awkward silence, and we can all do the Awkward Turtle together.
Posted 03-29-2009 at 03:53 PM by Wil

Mac Sirloin's Avatar
BRB, using it in every conversation
Posted 03-29-2009 at 04:33 PM by Mac Sirloin

Splat's Avatar
:
This is old news for us in the Yoo Es. We've moved on to other methods of eschewing awkwardness, like the awkward umbrella.
Or the Awkward Hacksaw!

And good job Max for sprinkling a little fertile soil over the desert of ignorance.
Posted 03-30-2009 at 01:39 AM by Splat

Wil's Avatar
I feel at this point the sign for Spring would be both appropriate and cute.
Posted 03-30-2009 at 04:23 AM by Wil

Wings of Fire's Avatar
Fun fact: The latest recorded language invented is the NSL (Nicaragua Sign Language) which started off among deaf children freed from the brutality of pre-revolution Nicaragua and relocated into one special orphanage, at which point they started developing their own comprehensive sign language and teaching it to new arrivals.
Posted 03-30-2009 at 04:42 AM by Wings of Fire

alf's brother's mate's Avatar
Why do different countries do this?

ABM
Posted 03-30-2009 at 07:50 AM by alf's brother's mate

shaman's Avatar
:
Fun fact: The latest recorded language invented is the NSL (Nicaragua Sign Language) which started off among deaf children freed from the brutality of pre-revolution Nicaragua and relocated into one special orphanage, at which point they started developing their own comprehensive sign language and teaching it to new arrivals.
Well obviously, that goes without saying doesn't it?
Posted 03-30-2009 at 07:59 AM by shaman

alf's brother's mate's Avatar
Not necessarily - The majority of cases where deaf children escape from brutality or a dictator do not lead to a new language being created.
Did every deaf child freed from Pol Pot and his regime go to the same orphanage and learn the same sign language?

Nay. Therefore what WoF said shouldn't really be treated as a "stating the obvious" post because I wouldn't have guessed that the NSL was developed like this.

ABM
Posted 03-30-2009 at 08:50 AM by alf's brother's mate

Wings of Fire's Avatar
I wasn't aware Pol Pot took prisoners....

This WAS a unique situation anyways.
Posted 03-30-2009 at 08:52 AM by Wings of Fire

alf's brother's mate's Avatar
Some of the few who were not exterminated were sent to Khao-I-Dang and forced to work, a lot of whom were deaf.

ABM
Posted 03-30-2009 at 09:00 AM by alf's brother's mate

Wil's Avatar
:
Why do different countries do this?
Brutality, revolution, or have their own languages?
Posted 03-30-2009 at 09:08 AM by Wil

alf's brother's mate's Avatar
Their own sign languages.

ABM
Posted 03-30-2009 at 09:10 AM by alf's brother's mate

Wings of Fire's Avatar
Because language acquisition is not controlled by a hive mind.
Posted 03-30-2009 at 09:16 AM by Wings of Fire

alf's brother's mate's Avatar
Very well.

ABM
Posted 03-30-2009 at 09:18 AM by alf's brother's mate

Wil's Avatar
Many of the same reasons they have their own languages. It’s been shown that some have arisen in complete isolation from others, while others probably diverge when isolated, like BSL and NZSL. There are also dialects within each language. Different signs are used in different parts of the U.K. My BSL teacher was from Scotland, so when it came to using it around Norfolk we found we had to relearn several words, such as those for ‘school’ and the drink ‘tea’.

p.s. Ooh, beaten to it.
Posted 03-30-2009 at 09:21 AM by Wil

 

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