Don't you hate it when people post obnoxious text at the top of their blog and you have to scroll past it every time you want to read what they've posted? Man, I really hate that.
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Experimental MAN COOKING With Splat
Posted 05-16-2011 at 03:43 PM by Splat
Updated 05-17-2011 at 05:14 PM by Splat
Hello, fellow MEN! Today Splat's Productions brings you an epic documentary on Man Cooking, useful for when you're left alone in a house for a length of time greater than, say, 3 hours.
At times like these it becomes necessary to provide fuel for one's Manly activities, such as Zombie-Hunting, Plug-Wiring and Radiator-Painting (to name but a few). Since the better quality Man Fuel provided, the better the output of aforementioned Man Activities, this documentary aims to show a suitably Manly recipe discovered by an intrepid explorer of the Path of the Man (Me, hello.)
This recipe will provide enough fuel to provide for you for yourself and one or two of the following: 'buddies', 'the guys' or 'fellow geeks'.
Do as Follows...
1. Get some left-over swede! (This is not hard, as swedes are enormous and there will be some left over somewhere.)
2. Get a potato!
3. Get two breasts! (Chicken breasts! Getting the other kind is not Manly.)
4. Get a Chicken Stock Cube! (If you're like Vegan the Mug, a vegetable stock cube will suffice. Though what you'll do about the breasts, I've no idea.)
5. Get half an onion! (Its ok for Men to cry as long as they don't attribute this activity to their 'feminine side'. If you fear you are developing a 'femininine side', burn your wardrobe and go for a long walk; if symptoms persist, seek medical attention.)
6. Get a clove of garlic!
7. Slice the onion up small, and crush the garlic, in your fist if you feel this is necessary.
8. Cut about half of the total original mass of the swede into not-big chunks (as opposed to just 'chunks'); return the remaining swede to left-over purgatory.
9. Cut the potato into not-big chunks.
10. Slice up your breasts.
11. Be careful how you interpret direction 10.
12. Dissolve the cube in 1/2pint / 300ml of boiling water.
13. Fry the chicken in a pan with oil (why do all recipes specify the oil? I mean when you see the word 'fry' do you instinctively think 'hmm, maybe I should fry this in jelly!'?) until it's generally white-looking. Note that chicken is POISON, and while eating poison can be considered a Man activity, getting diarrhoea can't be.
14. Chuck the chicken, onion, garlic, swede and potato into a pan and fry for a couple of minutes.
15. Add the stock and simmer the result for 8-ish minutes.
16. Pour into a relevant number of bowls-per-eaters.
17. Eat.
18. If there is more than your bowls can handle, let it cool a bit and then transfer it to something with a lid and place it in either the fridge or freezer depending on whether you intend to have breakfast tomorrow.
19. Wash up. This may at first not seem like a man-activity, but its amazing how much more amazing you'll appear to females if you cook and wash up.
20. Enjoy the satisfaction of a job well done.
Ahhhhhhh.
Your Manliness has increased by 5. You went up a Man Level.
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