So it took this long?

For me to have a semi-real reason to bitch, that is. Making this the first *real* blog, out of 90.

Wow.

So right now, we're extremely tight on money. The car's gone to shit, and Mom's starting to panic.

So she calls up my dad at an insane hour of the morning, and what's the first thing out of her mouth?

"What would you think if I just packed up and left?"

It hit me like a fucking brick wall.

My mom is a runner. A coward. As soon as things get hairy, she finds a scapegoat and makes her escape.

More often then not, the scapegoat is my dad.

He mercifully held back all of the shit that he's gone through to feed the family, to make sure she didn't panic and end up hurting people.

So if he says anything about it now, she'll find a way to turn it on him by saying that he pulled it out of his ass at the last minute.

Having replayed a retrospective in my head, with a few blanks filled in by dad, I came to a not-so-startling conclusion.

My mom is a lazy, emotionally fucked up bitch who is one of the biggest actors and cowards I ever let near me, and now I feel like a total twat for not realizing it sooner.

So now it's down to crunch time. Dad is putting his foot down here, and it'll be her turn to shape up, or ship out.

I'm hoping to god she'll take off that metaphorical blindfold and take accountability for all the things she's fucked up, rather than pointing the finger and running the other way.

And up untill this point, I was able to ignore most of the crap that went on around me.

But this is heavy shit, man.

This is something I can't ignore, by drowning in humor and some other fantasy land.

I look at it, and it's making my eyes bleed.

I can feel my soul turning black.

I can feel the sterotypical bullshit sneaking up behind me.

I need to be able to walk away from this a completely normal person, and still make the flight to see my Aunt, in a week. I need to scrounge up some sembalance of social skills, and just retreating into myself is not an option if I want to avoid awkwardness. I need to be able to hold a conversation for more than five seconds.

The thing is, my Aunt is like a teenager in a 20-something year old's body. And she's had everything handed to her on a silver plattter. She's one of those stupid manager types, so If I try to explain the intricacies of time traveling in Legacy of Kain, and why vampires are not supposed to sparkle, the I'm afraid her head will explode.

I don't have a life to talk about.

*insert extreme panic attack with hyperventilation*





tl;dr version:



SOMEBODY PLEASE VERBALLY SMACK ME SO I DON'T TURN INTO AN EMOTIONAL BITCH!