Well folks, the day finally fucking arrived, I got to see my boyfriend today, just for us to,
BREAK UP
Please don't sit here reading this feeling sorry for me, Strangely I feel a lot happier
So here's what happened
The plans was this
Wednesday- He goes from Slovenia to London
Thursday- He comes to Wales, both of us were to busy to meet
Friday- we meet again
So I phoned him yesterday to ask for the arangements for today, sadly it turned sour and he became very arsey with me when all I simply asked was what time were we meeting, he continues to get arsey and it ends with me telling him I love him just for him to say bye and hang up, this upset and the fact that we had hardly spoke at all over the summer was adding up to me feeling this urge to dump him and it was badly hurting me.
I phoned him today and he seemed a lot nicer and calmer so I just figured he must have been in a better mood, so I went and met him, and taking the new haircut out of the equation, he seemed different, now being that we are a gay couple we just want an easy life so when outside we do nothing more than a friendly hug, I hugged him and he seemed a little apprehensive.
We went into this house and whenever I tried to get close he tried to distract me with something, manily pictures and videos on the laptop of his summer holiday, there was a certain video he made which was a quick 3 minute comedy sketch about 3 guys in drag that go on a picnic and I found it quite funny, after we watched it I took him to his bed and sat down, I went to kiss him on the lips and just before I got there he turned and I ended up kissing him on the cheek.
The past 3 months, yesterdays phone call and what just happened were all adding up in my head of something being wrong. It was then he turned to me, and he said that he was kind of in a relationship with somebody back home, I struggled not to hold back the tears, I hugged him and of all fucking things to say he said "Awwww cmon Stephen I knew you'd be a drama queen like this" I said to him, "I fucking aint, don't you think I feel hurt to hear you say that!"
He said that he understood it would hurt me but he had to get it out.
What he said next truely blew my fuse, I asked him how long it has been going on, and he said it has been happening not long after he got home, I got pissed off because I told him that he could have told me this whilst he was away but he said that he didn't want to seem like a pussy and tell me it face to face, rather than through a Facebook message, I told him "I don't give a shit, you made me wait all this fucking time just to tell me now"
I asked him what he meant by a "kinda relationship" and I said to him that I was ok with him to have just sex with others as that was our agreement so why has he started a relationship with someone, I asked if he still loved me and if I had done anything wrong. It turns out that he actually meant was that he had a "fuckbuddy' but in the end what it came down to was that he just didn't want a relationship with me,
He said he felt he didn't feel ready for a relationship yet and that he wanted to be single and free
He went on to explain that he still loved me, but just strong love for a good friend, not "in love" and that he wanted to us to be "friends with benefits" basicly (another term)
I felt happy about this, when my ex dumped me he didn't want anything to do with me, he wouldn't even talk to me so knowing that Nejc still loved me as a friend enough to still want sex meant a lot to me.
We sat there awkwardly not really unsure what to say, he then said to me "Stevie, I'm really horny" I said to him "me to" and we had a nice dosage of fun.
So that was a surprising end to what frankly was hurtful to hear yet at the same time nice to know he still likes me a lot which is why I feel so happy, I also feel really happy because it feels as if somehow a weight has been lifted from my shoulders knowing that I'm single again.
So next weekend I'm off to his house to see him, I just hope that we won't feel awkward and nothing upsetting happens, but I feel as if I can easily go there next week for a bit of fun and he said that he would still be fine for us to hug and kiss when having sex, I still feel in love with him, its only today we have broken up, so It will take time.
As much as I am excited to go to his house next week I am hoping that my love will control itself and won"t cause any problems.
It truely is the greatest disappointment in my life so far and fucks me off big time that he had to wait till today to tell me this. I am greatful for the turnout though.
