Weekend Number One

Against all of your advice, I went and paid my ex a visit today for a bit of "fun" now I'm aware that we broke up many many weeks ago (I think I can't remember) but we have been busy since and it was only today we saw each other again.

So my emotions for him were gone and they didn't cause any problems for us today

So when I went into his house, things in a way seemed back to the old days, we had a good chat and played around on the laptop and just basically did what we used to, minus the hugs and kisses and the loving part.

So things move on and we have sex which went perfectly fine and nothing emotionally bad happened nor did I begin to feel attachment for him or anything like that, I just simply enjoyed it.

But it was after that where things became confusing for me. So we watched Brokeback Mountain (again, thank you Dixanadu) and we sat on the bed eating snacks and drinking 7UP whilst watching the movie, we didn't cuddle up or anything, just sat next to each other,

But he went under blanket because he was cold and to avoid being an awkward bastard by sitting on the blanket, I went under the blanket as well, he started to stretch and I could hear his body clicking, he turned to me and said “Oooo I need a massage” so I told him that I would give him one after the movie has finished, later he stretches again and this time he manages to perfectly position himself so that his legs are on top of mine and I felt really awkward but I just sat there and put up with it to make life easier.

So the movie finishes and I get up to put the DVD back in the box and he is lieing there topless ready for his massage, I had no problem giving him a back massage but afterwards he just seemed to act as if we were back together again.

We were lieing on the bed together and he kept kissing me and hugging me and cuddling me close telling me how he misses it, now I wouldn't have minded this so much if we were to have sex again but he didn't want that, he just wanted to be there cuddling and again I felt very very awkward and I was just frightened he was going to say “I love you”

Even after we were out of the bed the random kisses and cuddles continued and I'm beginning to think he may want me back but the truth is, I don't want him back, I established the reasons why I don't want him back in my blog about our break up, but now I have my own reasons.

I'm not ready for a relationship yet and am feeling fine just having the odd one off here and there and what's the point in us getting back together because I can just see us breaking up again, maybe because we are “friends” now he feels he can just freely kiss and cuddle me since we are having sex but I think this is just outside the circle of what we are, friends, thats it, not lovers anymore, just friends but I'm just too afraid to confront him about what he's doing.

Even when I was leaving, I said to him “Gimme a hug” and he puts his arms out and then tries to kiss me and I know for a fact that he is not the sort of person who gives kisses to anybody he hugs.

So it was a great day, I'm not in love with him anymore, and the fact that we managed to have sex with no emotional problems was great, but it was just him not being able to leave me alone, it was great that we hung out just like we used to, but the kisses and cuddling is just worrying me because sums are adding up in my head that maybe he wants me..........

I think I'll see how things go next time and maybe pluck up the courage to ask him.......

Oh, and today I got mistaken for a girl 3 times, thats a new record

Walking through town at 8:30PM and this guy is trying to hit on me, I informed him that I was male and he became very disgusted and hurled abuse at me.....

Even though he just randomly came over and started to hit on me.....DOUCHE!